Black Women Needing To Hit On White Men?

[L.Brown1114]

So a lot of times in social media I see a black woman screaming at the top of her lungs "I ONLY DATE BLACK MEN!" and of course there are a lot who speak for all of us for some reason and ignorantly says "Black women don't date white men." sooo due to that I hear a lot of white men (and men from other races as well) who will find us attractive but are terrified of being rejected due to this stigma.

So because of that, do you think it's okay to bend the dating rules and hit on white men? My ex fiance is white and in his last serious relationship before me she hit on him(she was also black). He hit on me. He was more manly, muscles, jawline for days, competitive type of guy.

So now I am talking to another white guy who is more of the nice guy type who seems as if he loves hard and prefers to be in relationships than sleep around. His last serious relationship was with a black woman almost 2 years ago. He asked me out on a first date and it was fun! He texted me the next day shortly (he works 2 jobs) and the next day after that he texted me again but I lost patience and asked him out next week. He said yes. So with all this being said I'm freaking out that I was too forward and I should have let him ask me, but another part of me is he may have needed that push because he wasn't sure if I was interested. (there was a moment when I could tell he was going to kiss me and I turned to get into my car...whoops)

thoughts? opinions? Especially from woman who have dated outside of their race

 

[RocStar]

When I was dating, I wouldn't ask any man of any race out. I don't think it is a good idea, but I know everyone's situation and circumstances are different.

 

[hopeful]

So a lot of times in social media I see a black woman screaming at the top of her lungs "I ONLY DATE BLACK MEN!" and of course there are a lot who speak for all of us for some reason and ignorantly says "Black women don't date white men." sooo due to that I hear a lot of white men (and men from other races as well) who will find us attractive but are terrified of being rejected due to this stigma.

So because of that, do you think it's okay to bend the dating rules and hit on white men? My ex fiance is white and in his last serious relationship before me she hit on him(she was also black). He hit on me. He was more manly, muscles, jawline for days, competitive type of guy.

So now I am talking to another white guy who is more of the nice guy type who seems as if he loves hard and prefers to be in relationships than sleep around. His last serious relationship was with a black woman almost 2 years ago. He asked me out on a first date and it was fun! He texted me the next day shortly (he works 2 jobs) and the next day after that he texted me again but I lost patience and asked him out next week. He said yes. So with all this being said I'm freaking out that I was too forward and I should have let him ask me, but another part of me is he may have needed that push because he wasn't sure if I was interested. (there was a moment when I could tell he was going to kiss me and I turned to get into my car...whoops)

thoughts? opinions? Especially from woman who have dated outside of their race

Why did you feel he needed a push when he had already asked you out on a 1st date? I think you just need to be open to ALL men regardless of race and ethnicity. But outside of that I like the lean in, lean back attitude. If he kept texting and not asking me out I would start leaning back. Nobody has time to be texting all of the time. Nothing beats voice to voice conversations and dates as far as getting to know a person IMO. But you asked him out so what’s done is done but I wouldn’t do it again.

 

[fluffyforever]

I would not say any woman needs to hit on any man. If a guy is interested in me and is too frail to ask me on a date for fear of rejection, that's not the type of man I'd want.

Some women might be unapproachable, but as long as you are showing interest, smiling, being pleasant, complimenting him and maybe even stroking his ego a bit there is no reason he wouldn't think you aren't into him. If he is too afraid to ask out a woman doing these things I would doubt his masculine energy to be strong.

You could even go so far as to tell him how you feel (I really enjoyed our first date and felt a connection with you, I felt so happy to have spent time with you and it was such a pleasure getting to know you, etc.) If he doesn't bite or takes too long to schedule the next date, he's not that interested or maybe isn't ready for the level of dating you are looking to have.

 

[L.Brown1114]

Why did you feel he needed a push when he had already asked you out on a 1st date? I think you just need to be open to ALL men regardless of race and ethnicity. But outside of that I like the lean in, lean back attitude. If he kept texting and not asking me out I would start leaning back. Nobody has time to be texting all of the time. Nothing beats voice to voice conversations and dates as far as getting to know a person IMO. But you asked him out so what’s done is done but I wouldn’t do it again.

yes after this date I for sure won't do it again. I tend to be VERY impatient which I know is bad. I'll def. use this next date to see where his head is at. I don't do the whole let's text for 5 years and nothing else crap either.

oh because on the date I don't know if I seemed interested or not. The last two dates I went on the men questioned if I was even interested in them. I'm very laid back and I don't "show my hand"

 

[hopeful]

yes after this date I for sure won't do it again. I tend to be VERY impatient which I know is bad. I'll def. use this next date to see where his head is at. I don't do the whole let's text for 5 years and nothing else crap either.

Keep us updated. As far as being impatient maybe look at it another way. You know never be more invested in another person than they are in you. You want him to be just as excited to see you again and take you out again. So being impatient can make it look like you are more interested in him than he is in you. Even if that isn’t so. It’s about energy. See how good it felt when he asked you out versus how it felt when you became impatient and asked him out? That’s the energy shifting and being off.

I hope he picks up the ball from here and keeps things moving forward. If he doesn’t that’s fine because there are plenty fish in the sea.

Men are men regardless of race and ethnicity.

 

[L.Brown1114]

Keep us updated. As far as being impatient maybe look at it another way. You know never be more invested in another person than they are in you. You want him to be just as excited to see you again and take you out again. So being impatient can make it look like you are more interested in him than he is in you. Even if that isn’t so. It’s about energy. See how good it felt when he asked to out versus how it felt when you became impatient and asked him out? That’s the energy shifting and being off.

I hope he picks up the ball from here and keeps things moving forward. If he doesn’t that’s fine because there are plenty fish in the sea.

Men are men regardless of race and ethnicity.

I will!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Ordinarily I’d say let him lead but you inadvertently fumbling that first kiss might have made him think y’all were in the friend zone.

If the second date goes well and he follows up tell him that he should ask you out more often. The ball will then be firmly in his court and he will either act accordingly or he won’t.

 

[kblc06]

When I was dating, I wouldn't ask any man of any race out. I don't think it is a good idea, but I know everyone's situation and circumstances are different.

This /endthread

 

[beingofserenity]

I think you're fine, girl.

Not all rules are written in stone.

Sounds like he likes you.

Good luck

 

[Transformer]

I think it’s fine to be forward.

Question....if he was Black would you have asked him out?

If the answer is yes, you’re on the right track of treating him as a relationship not a race.

 

[greight]

TBH I do agree that certain men of other races do need a push or cue. Typically just comes when they get to know you, but countless times I have gotten the "I thought you only date black men." And sometimes also from black men

 

[L.Brown1114]

I think it’s fine to be forward.

Question....if he was Black would you have asked him out?

If the answer is yes, you’re on the right track of treating him as a relationship not a race.

Yeah I've hit on a black guy before. he just wanted sex it turned out

 

[L.Brown1114]

Ordinarily I’d say let him lead but you inadvertently fumbling that first kiss might have made him think y’all were in the friend zone.

If the second date goes well and he follows up tell him that he should ask you out more often. The ball will then be firmly in his court and he will either act accordingly or he won’t.

this is what I was thinking!!

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I need men to stop being such pansies and finding excuses to stop doing the heavy lifting in dating. /rant

Good luck, OP!

 

[Theresamonet]

I think the usual flirting, smiling, etc. works for all men. No need to throw conventional wisdom out the window because you’re dating interracially. The man should be doing the pursuing and the courting, IMO.

If he asked you out the first time, I don’t see why you think his race or yours had anything to do with him not asking you on a second date. I think not asking you, especially if the reason was because you didn’t kiss him, is a bit of a red flag. I’d have left the ball in his court.

 

[Transformer]

Men are timid creatures.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Don't hit on no dude.

The way men of other groups flirt/show interest may be more subtle, so certainly do pay attention but do not hit on them. Positioning yourself close, making eye contact, smiling, laughing at his jokes, a quick, light touch on the arm etc. should be enough.

 

[chassiecrane]

Maybe the men are extra aggressive in my city or something but black white red blue and orange men (and lately an alarming number of women ) have no issue approaching me even to the point of inconveniencing me to get my number. I actually have a friend who only gets approached by white man like she’s got a beacon over her head or something. Men like beautiful women.

I think the only difference I can think of in the approach isn’t that they don’t hit on black women, it’s that sometimes they approach in the weirdest or most drawn out freaking ways OR sometimes we just don’t get that all the build up some dudes do is leading to the ask. On one hand it’s like “aw it’s cute how you’re gassing me up” On the other it’s like “boy I gotta go get this train what do you WANT???”

I don’t think you have to change your approach with ole dude if you like him. Just make it clear that his interest is reciprocated if it is. Some dudes of all colors will waste your time and patience playing “shy” with women and some will go after what they want just like they do in any other aspect of their lives. And if he is shy in every aspect of his life girl runnnnnn. If not, enjoy your date!

 

[Transformer]

Folks can say anything but fear of rejection ranks in the top of men's fears. Also, you know all this wealthy nerds married the women that signaled their interest in them. If he's the outgoing type but shy with you.....he sees you as Black. Be honest, ask him about it upfront....clear the waters. But don't hang around just because YOU want to test the waters with a white guy. Respect yourself.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Personally, I don't think a woman has to chase a man. Signal, yes. Chase, never.

If you believe a barrier exists between yourself and men of other races then there will be one. Change your mindset and change your outcomes. Think to yourself "men of all races are open to dating me! Men of all races are clamoring to get to know me. High value men of all races are always coming towards me." Maybe soour mindset to me men have fears of approaching BW but you will filter those men out as you change your mindset to attract the ones who approach you.