Beta Men

[barbiesocialite]

I'm the first born, first grand child, first everything. That's in my personal life. In every group I've been in I've risen to the leader. This started from pre-school or even before then. For example at age 4, at our graduation, I had the most solos and for our sports I was the leader of my group.

It can exhausting and maybe monotonous.

In my romantic relationships, I prefer the guy to take the lead role. Make the decisions, don't need any massive cheer leading and encouragement and basically take care of me. Takes care of me while I go out and conquer the world lol. I would be a good submissive wife I think, which is interesting given my innate personality.

I'm all of those things as well.

Submission starts at home and in the here & now.

Submit. submit in your friendships, family relationships and romantic relationship. I submit. I submit so I can have the power. I play the victim so I can be the puppetmaster.

Not sure if you've ever seen me in an e-debate, but I submit so I can win.

On the flipside, as an alpha I don't need my ego stroked. I stroke my own. Betas do. Being with an alpha, you will get no brownie points for being submissive because nothing you can do personally will sincerely affect the quality of their life (in their minds). Either they are already happy or not.

 

[RegaLady]

i have a dude in my life that is a gamma. UNF. i want him soooooooooooo bad. i mean, ive already had him - repeatedly - but its not enough I WANT IT ALLLLLL

but i dont have a lot of experience with them. i think gammas are pretty uncommon too. ideally i might be a better match with a gamma.

Gammas are a rare breed I tell ya. I also know one. He makes his own rules. He is not a leader or a follower. His intellect is on point! He challenges the status quo. I mean, sigh... Very interesting!

I know of a true alpha. I couldn't deal. In theory they seem like what everyone wants, but in practice, I dunno.

 

[CaraWalker]

i dont think there is a right or wrong either, particularly for people who want different things out of a relationship. i dont see anything attractive about the scenario you described because thats not what i want (or need) in my romantic relationships.

i also think theres just no getting around that for my personality type, an alpha would be redundant. i think barbie is completely correct when she says you cant bring any value to an alpha because their happiness, or lack thereof, is determined internally. a relationship can certainly bring many pleasant things into my life but it's not going to affect how i feel about myself (and therefore my daily outlook) at its core. knowing that about myself, i dont want a partner who feels the same way. what would we be bringing to each other? a man's confidence doesnt enrich my life; i have my own. what do i care about yours? how does that benefit me or affect my feelings? idk i feel like the traits women want in alphas are just too redundant to have any value to me. been there, done that. you say you want a man to focus on you... i already focus on me nonstop

the more i think about this the more i see how, like, i already meet most, if not all, of my core needs. and i dont mean like money or wanting material things, i mean emotionally. so i need a man to bring something else. something else that interests me. something else that occupies me. i dont believe opposites attract but it is interesting to think that in a relationship i need a complement instead of a similar temperament. it's as if i've already maxed out the "me" bar and i need a man to bring a different approach. idk, i cant really explain it.

 

[RegaLady]

Edited: I was in a bad mood. Lol!

 

[ladysaraii]

Gammas are a rare breed I tell ya. I also know one. He makes his own rules. He is not a leader or a follower. His intellect is on point! He challenges the status quo. I mean, sigh... Very interesting!

I know of a true alpha. I couldn't deal. In theory they seem like what everyone wants, but in practice, I dunno.

Looking at the chart, that's the one that sticks out most to me.

As long as he'll do what I say.
And put me in line.

I think I might have problems

 

[FlowerHair]

I'm very Alpha myself, so I prefer a Beta man. My SO is very laid back and kindhearted, that's what I love about him. He has a strong core and will not be bullied or pushed around. He loves taking care of our son and was a stay at home dad for a while.

ETA: Now that I looked at that chart, I would guess that we are both Gammas, but I am more dominant, a mix of Gamma and Alpha. I have only heard it as Alphas and Betas before, never heard of the others...

 

[drappedup]

many of the traits i used to associate with "beta men", according to that chart, actually seem to belong to delta people. so it is delta men then that i cannot stand! i like men with drive, confidence, and who are unafraid to be behind the steering wheel. i am more gamma according to that chart. i do not like leading particularly, but i also am not much of a follower. i like to do my own thing and i like my individuality/independence. however, i am not very aggressive or demanding, especially around other aggressive types. i am more behind the scenes, thinker type who assesses, analyzes, and does things without a big show about it, underhanded type lol.

i think i work best with a beta. i like alphas, but i don't like being bossed intentionally. if that makes sense lol. if i feel like someone is calling all the shots or feeling like he is in total control, that is when i become contradicting, fickle, and extra independent. i think beta men provide a balance. thinking back to all of the guys i have been involved with, the few who i meshed the best with seemed to be fairly assertive, confident, but not overly so....still allowing room for a caring side and recognition of me as an individual. that fits the beta category best.

again this is going by this chart. but it totally makes sense! i am literally identifying why i have disliked certain men who have asked me out in the past......much of them, for example, had the traits described in the delta category. just passive and content with average.....men who would never stick up for you, or never care to assert themselves as any kind of leader in any situation. that irks me so much.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Betas seem to get a bad rap when people are really talking about deltas. Most men are actually beta or some mix of beta and alpha. Men who are 100% alpha are real jerks and hard to get along with. I don't think anyone really wants to be married to someone like that.

DH is primarily alpha, but with enough beta to still be a good husband and father.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Okay so I'm a Gamma according to barbiesocialite's list. I always say I like to lead myself. Not that I can't lead, because I will take the lead if need be but I'd prefer to do my own thing and do it well. And I don't like being bossed around but I'm not a fan of ordering others around either. Again if I'm working on something I will lead if I have to but I am not a fan of just running around saying did you do xyz? Dude do your job, I'm not your momma. I want to do my job, have you do yours, and we're all happy campers. I will tend to fire those who don't work this way (who won't do their job without someone running after them) and/or not work with these types on projects. Also I think outside the box a lot.

I never thought I was a true Alpha because I don't like bullying people into getting my way but I'm not a Beta too because I'm not a follower type. I really just want to be left to do my own thing but I definitely have ambition and can self manage and work from home. I don't need anyone standing over me nor am I moved by what others are doing. I'm also super artsy and innovative.

With that said....not sure what I'd prefer though...a gamma? Not sure if I can take a true beta and definitely not the others on the list. Maybe a beta with strong alpha qualities would be alright too. I like guys who will let me do my own thing, but not a pushover and can actually self motivate because again, I don't want to be someone's mother.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Looking at the chart, I'd say I'm a mix of Gamma and Alpha but I lean more Gamma. I tend to draw Betas and it never works because I like someone more aggressive. So I'd like either a mix Alpha/Beta or Alpha/Gamma like me.

 

[ladysaraii]

I have a typing question. On the chart it says that really the difference between an alpha and beta is the social opportunities. so why would that make them any different in other ways?

Meaning why would a beta male maybe be a better father and husband than an alpha male if they are both psychologically dominant?

I hope that made sense.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I have a typing question. On the chart it says that really the difference between an alpha and beta is the social opportunities. so why would that make them any different in other ways?

Meaning why would a beta male maybe be a better father and husband than an alpha male if they are both psychologically dominant?

I hope that made sense.

ladysaraii

There is always a leader of the pack.

You have the King = alphas
then you have his friends/right hands = betas
the opposing outlier w/o a crew = gammas
minions/wannabes = deltas
then you have the social rejects = omegas

The King is rarely the best father or husband. He's too busy, too self-absorbed and too inflexible to be such. And to be frank, he simply doesnt have the time (social dominance). He's the rockstar. He enters the room and his dominance is felt. When he says 'jump' you better say 'how high.' Access to the King/alpha even by his wife and children is usually done through his Beta right hand men. Unless he's (alpha) reaching to you, most times you have to go through them (betas) to get to him. A man that doesnt care what people thinks of him doesnt what he wants and isnt pulled by emotions or needs of others. Sounds very impersonal, distant and cold doesnt it......

eta: btw it takes a lot for an alpha to settle down. Remember he's the guy w/all the hot chicks that other men want to be like. It's very rare to find one that married and settled down early (before 30). If he does, he's usually a compulsive cheater.

 

[CaraWalker]

i think the social thing is all the difference between alphas and betas. alphas being socially dominant and psychologically dominant is what causes the type to be put at the top of the food chain because they do not lack in either of these areas - most people have insecurities in one or both of these areas. thats not to say that alpha types have no insecurities, just that decisions and choices arent driven by insecurities. imo most, like 98% most, of the motivation behind choices and decisions is internal.

whereas with a beta, that lack of confidence and room for external influence humbles you. it makes you a nicer person and in turn you treat people nicer. for both alphas and betas, the differences in these traits will keep spiraling out into other areas of their personalities until you get to micro places like "alphas will ignore you" and "betas want to make you happy." the core foundations are different, and it ripples out til it affects all areas of behavior.

i know that may have been abstract as all get out but i tried

 

[ladysaraii]

No that makes sense, it just seems like a beta would be the same being psychologically dominant, esp if they only kowtow to the alpha. So maybe it's not having that top spot gives them time or forces them to develop some additional and more desirable personality traits that would make them be less of an arse.

I might be over thinking this

 

[ladysaraii]

i think the social thing is all the difference between alphas and betas. alphas being socially dominant and psychologically dominant is what causes the type to be put at the top of the food chain because they do not lack in either of these areas - most people have insecurities in one or both of these areas. thats not to say that alpha types have no insecurities, just that decisions and choices arent driven by insecurities. imo most, like 98% most, of the motivation behind choices and decisions is internal.

whereas with a beta, that lack of confidence and room for external influence humbles you. it makes you a nicer person and in turn you treat people nicer. for both alphas and betas, the differences in these traits will keep spiraling out into other areas of their personalities until you get to micro places like "alphas will ignore you" and "betas want to make you happy." the core foundations are different, and it ripples out til it affects all areas of behavior.

i know that may have been abstract as all get out but i tried

I saw this after I posted my reply to Barbie

I think this makes a lot of sense. So the difference btwn Alpha and Beta is opportunities AND confidence/influence. B/c it makes sense that there would be something internal that was really driving the divide b/c if not it would seem that a Beta would be an Alpha who's merely waiting on his opportunity to be in charge.

Thanks!

 

[barbiesocialite]

i think the social thing is all the difference between alphas and betas. alphas being socially dominant and psychologically dominant is what causes the type to be put at the top of the food chain because they do not lack in either of these areas - most people have insecurities in one or both of these areas. thats not to say that alpha types have no insecurities, just that decisions and choices arent driven by insecurities. imo most, like 98% most, of the motivation behind choices and decisions is internal.

whereas with a beta, that lack of confidence and room for external influence humbles you. it makes you a nicer person and in turn you treat people nicer. for both alphas and betas, the differences in these traits will keep spiraling out into other areas of their personalities until you get to micro places like "alphas will ignore you" and "betas want to make you happy." the core foundations are different, and it ripples out til it affects all areas of behavior.

i know that may have been abstract as all get out but i tried

This is the true identifier of an alpha.

Most decisions are based on intrinsic motivation and not fear or need based.