Beta Men

[LiftedUp]

A spinny, sort of, but what are you experiences with beta men?

Experience (direct or indirect) in terms or dating, long term relationship, marriage or even friendships and other types of relationships.


eta: What do you think are the characteristics of a "Beta Man"?

 

[Evolving78]

A spinny, sort of, but what are you experiences with beta men?

Experience (direct or indirect) in terms or dating, long term relationship, marriage or even friendships and other types of relationships.

eta: What do you think are the characteristics of a "Beta Man"?

I can't deal. Beta men come off to me as passive aggressive.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

SOME Beta men can actually be refreshing to deal with or be around, but I agree with the poster above me.... Sometimes it can be a bit annoying when a man doesn't have a lot of drive/ambition/confidence to stick his neck out and "beat on his chest" so to speak lol.

Plus, I find that usually Beta men like women to wear the pants in the relationship.......and I'm just not that type...I'm sorry. erplexed I prefer the MAN to wear the pants in a relationship, and I like being taken care of because I'm more on a feminine side and like to be the "woman" in the relationship. Idk why Beta men give me that vibe, but that's the vibe I've always gotten from them.

Idk....there are pros and cons to both (Alpha and Beta Men), but I think I'd rather take an Alpha male or a man somewhere in the middle.... erplexed

 

[barbiesocialite]

Alphas of any gender are rare.

I liken it to high school: The average person is a B/C student (betas). Then you have the top 10% straight As/highest test scores/leaders (alphas) and the bottom 10% dropouts and failures (omegas). Most people fall in the middle.

The average male is a beta.

That's why I think it's important to acknowledge the importance of gender roles and values and the affect they have on relationships.

 

[CaraWalker]

i have a lot of thoughts on this issue since i primarily prefer to date beta men rather than alpha men. i think the biggest problem is equating beta to "p-word" and it's hard because although the beta men are often p-words, not all of them are

pro: the beta characteristics that i prefer a man to have are mainly non-competitive and non-demanding. i suppose alpha men are very take charge and like to make orders/demands/requests and i'm not really here for the latter. i dont like being told what to do, and i prefer to do the telling. so beta men work for me because i need to have my way a lot, and it's not a battle with them.

con: the biggest irritant to me personally dating beta men? never picking what to eat. that's one area i don't mind taking the backseat to and i find a lot of the time you end up with a half hour conversation just trying to decide where to have dinner i have learned to tell them i dont care where we go and i am not picking so whatever you want that's what we'll have. then they'll pick something

pro: beta men are usually more intellectual types. there are lots of different theories on why this is but i would say in a nutshell it's related to alpha men being ladies men and being able to rely on charisma and beta men having to develop other positives to get women to date them. being more intellectual USUALLY (though not always) translates to high paying careers in specialized fields.

con: SOME beta men are contrarians. they like to argue both sides just because they can, and that can translate into a lack of original opinions. i think on the whole it's a consistent theme in beta men that they are indecisive, easily swayed, and more willing to bend to another person's opinions or desires.

pro: beta men are more considerate because they are used to getting praise by doing things for other people. this pro is a con too, because a lot of the time they do things for other people and don't feel like they deserve anything in return... which can mean they have low self worth. it's easy to see when it comes to sex life. i dated a guy who always made sure i came first and if/when i did, i couldnt do anything else, and i felt bad because he didnt finish... and he'd be like, it's alright. i also dated a guy that i wanted him to do something sexually and he refused because he "respected" me too much like dude im ASKING you to! i obviously wouldnt feel disrespected

when it comes to beta men, at worst you might have a guy with no self esteem and massive insecurities who refuses to accept that you would want to be with him. at best, you got yourself a considerate man willing to compromise and who wants to make sure he's keeping you happy. beta men exist on a spectrum, and i think the perception of beta men as "weak" just applies to continually dating those on the left end.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hmm....maybe the terms "Alpha Male" and "Beta Male" need to be defined....


I get completely different distinctions when I think of these two terms lol

 

[CaraWalker]

i will also add that im not sure what an alpha man is exactly because my understanding of the term is laden with a lot of negative traits that i dont want in a partner, so i may be ignorant of the finer distinctions.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Overall I don't have a problem with Beta males.

actually I prefer them.

Benzino from Love & Hip Hop is a Beta male. Stevie is also a Beta, however, he is closer to Alpha than Benzino. I'd strangle Stevie and fall in love with Benzino.

I've come to terms with myself. My personality is very Alpha. I'm the bus driver. Two people can't drive this bus.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Dated a few in college, ran over em. They were generally kind of washy washy, no plan, very little initiative. I prefer alpha males, dh is one. Thing is, an alpha make can, say, compartmentalize (is that a word) his alpha-ness, tone it down when it isn't necessary, like at home. A beta is always a beta.

Edit- those were prolly deltas.

 

[CaraWalker]

so alphas can choose to turn off being alpha but betas have to stay only betas?

seems legit.

 

[barbiesocialite]

 

[Brwnbeauti]

so alphas can choose to turn off being alpha but betas have to stay only betas? seems legit.

My experience. Dh is a complete jerk at work, chews em up, gives orders, fires folks. He comes home and is pretty chill (personality wise) An average man is that, pretty average everywhere.

 

[Itsmytime]

Aren't Beta men yes men? My love is 80% alpha and 20% beta. The 20% beta is his willingness to adjust to some chivalrous virtues I've become accustomed to.

 

[CaraWalker]

to me the biggest difference in beta men and alpha men is that alpha men are less prone to insecurity and are more confident. all the positive traits in alpha men could be attributed to that, and all the negative traits in beta men could also be attributed to that.

all the other gendered traits about being more or less of a man are ideals not relevant to my world outlook, but more power to women that subscribe to them.

according to barbie's chart, it looks like most people think betas are deltas. if this is a spinoff from prissi's thread, her man is definitely a delta, not a beta.

 

[DarkJoy]

I will requote what I wrote on the 'dark side' of the beta male in another thread. In general, I have a lifetime of experience dealing with betas as being a type A and told by alphas that I'm 'too domininant' for them , so naturally, i attract the opposite.

It's not such big deal depending on the degree of beta. There's a spectrum of beta: pushover and listless to just short of alpha.

Anyway, the darker side:

Please, dont be fooled by the term "Beta Male". Betas come with their own issues. They are (generally) higher in cunning and are Masters of Manipulation and Mind Games than most alphas, I think because IME that is what they learned to develop as opposed to what alphas and Type As develop. They CAN be, not all (so no one gets up in arms about THEIR alpha male ). I put in red those things that stand out to me to be typical beta mind games bulls---t: guilt tripping to manipulate to get what they cant do as a personality trait.

That's the darkside of the beta.

The light side is that they can be very catering, sweet, gentle in ways that would befuddle an alpha, know the right 'sensitive' things to say and the right time to say it, and always show interest in whats going on in your life.

ETA: I agree with @bunnycolvin's addition of the delta or rather barbiesocialite's chart (sorry at work--skim reading). More ppl are delta than beta, but true alphas are kinda rare.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Dated a few in college, ran over em. They were generally kind of washy washy, no plan, very little initiative. I prefer alpha males, dh is one. Thing is, an alpha make can, say, compartmentalize (is that a word) his alpha-ness, tone it down when it isn't necessary, like at home. A beta is always a beta.

naw your DH sounds like a beta male.

Alphas are alphas through and through.

My pseudo-SO is a beta male that thinks he's an alpha. What he fails to realize is that the fact he likes me is a true sign that he's a beta. No alpha would ever go for me let alone chase me for 10 years. I don't follow rules. I make my own rules. Alphas are leaders, they are not about to share power with another person, male or female.

 

[CaraWalker]

naw your DH sounds like a beta male.

Alphas are alphas through and through.

My pseudo is a beta male that thinks he's an alpha. What he fails to realize is that the fact he likes me is a true sign that he's a beta. No alpha would ever go for me let alone chase me for 10 years. I don't follow rules. I make my own rules. Alphas are leaders, they are not about to share power with another person, male or female.

this! im an alpha and its why i dont want another alpha. i have to assume it works in the reverse as well. would an alpha man really want an alpha woman?

 

[Brwnbeauti]

naw your DH sounds like a beta male. Alphas are alphas through and through. My pseudo-SO is a beta male that thinks he's an alpha. What he fails to realize is that the fact he likes me is a true sign that he's a beta. No alpha would ever go for me let alone chase me for 10 years. I don't follow rules. I make my own rules. Alphas are leaders, they are not about to share power with another person, male or female.

He fits that alpha description on your chart to a T. He just can't dominate me.
He could be a combo.

 

[DarkJoy]

Actually, reading back on that descrip of the beta, it explains my assessment of their freaking mind games. They are psychologically dominant and do whatever it takes to gain the upper hand in that regard. Some are pathological with it though...

 

[CaraWalker]

i have a dude in my life that is a gamma. UNF. i want him soooooooooooo bad. i mean, ive already had him - repeatedly - but its not enough I WANT IT ALLLLLL

but i dont have a lot of experience with them. i think gammas are pretty uncommon too. ideally i might be a better match with a gamma.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Actually, reading back on that descrip of the beta, it explains my assessment of their freaking mind games. They are psychologically dominant and do whatever it takes to gain the upper hand in that regard. Some are pathological with it though...

Exactly.

This is why I said the average person, particularly the average male is beta.

 

[LiftedUp]

if this is a spinoff from prissi's thread, her man is definitely a delta, not a beta.

Not entirely. I met a beta about a month ago and I'm not entirely taking him on given his weak approach. I'm alpha-ish and he's moving too slow for me. I like men who lean towards the alpha side as well. I see, I want, I conquer.

People bringing up the beta quality in Prissi's thread reminded me of this. I wondered if I was missing out on something .

 

[CaraWalker]

well im glad you learned something from this thread that took you beyond the opinions you already held. its good to grow!

 

[LiftedUp]

I still want an alpha .

I like being the leader and I like being the non-leader at least in one sphere of my life.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I still want an alpha .

I like being the leader and I like being the non-leader at least in one sphere of my life.

but what does that mean?

I don't argue in my personal life.

My SO makes more money than your average American male.

He makes most of our date night decisions--event, time and place.

He takes care of the household and bills. Even used to help me with my bills back in the day.

At the end of the day, just like I said he's a beta that thinks he's an alpha, I'm an alpha masquerading as a beta.

But at the end, I think because he's a beta is why we've been friends so long. I have security with him. I can trust him. I don't worry about him cheating.

I'm an alpha. Not so sure he can say the same about me

 

[Live.Laugh.Love]

Betas have their pros and cons, like alot of people have mentioned in this thread.

What I find annoying about beta males is they HATE Confrontation, and especially with an alpha male/female. They cower down like nobodies business. And that will make you lose respect for a man, any man.

Most betas males are with women who wear the pants, not because they want too, but because they HAVE too.

I know of a couple right now, the husband is very beta, and works in a very beta occupation and makes a ton of money. But their son is an Alpha Male (his moms personality), and the son is completely out of control, but beta dad hates confrontation and can't get a handle on him. really looks like the dad is completely intimidated by his alpha son. Son is in college mid twenties (should have finished a few years ago), but has been out of control since he was about 15.

This is a dynamic I wish more people talk Beta Dads with Alpha Sons.

 

[CaraWalker]

what are the positive traits of an alpha male anyway jw? all those women who think they are with alpha men, please chime in now. i already listed confidence.

 

[barbiesocialite]

what are the positive traits of an alpha male anyway jw? all those women who think they are with alpha men, please chime in now. i already listed confidence.

Power.

Social or Professional.

it's sexy.

Other than that, all alphas are arseholes.

The man that will keep a mistress or abandon you leaving your arse high n dry w/o a penny even though he's fat n happy--dem be da alphas.

 

[LiftedUp]

but what does that mean?

I don't argue in my personal life.

I'm the first born, first grand child, first everything. That's in my personal life. In every group I've been in I've risen to the leader. This started from pre-school or even before then. For example at age 4, at our graduation, I had the most solos and for our sports I was the leader of my group.

It can exhausting and maybe monotonous.

In my romantic relationships, I prefer the guy to take the lead role. Make the decisions, don't need any massive cheer leading and encouragement and basically take care of me. Takes care of me while I go out and conquer the world lol. I would be a good submissive wife I think, which is interesting given my innate personality.

 

[LiftedUp]

what are the positive traits of an alpha male anyway jw? all those women who think they are with alpha men, please chime in now. i already listed confidence.

It's sense of security I felt. He was confident in all aspects of his life. Overly confident in the relationship aspect obviously . This man didn't need me telling him that he can do it 10000 times, he decided that he can and did and became a successful entrepreneur. He took care of me and took care of business, I didn't want for anything, all I had to focus on was me and doing what I needed to do in life. I felt like we were a power couple when we went out etc. Oh and it wasn't arrogance masquerading as confidence. He has gone from a 10 to a 20 since we broke up.

This beta friend of mine, still trying to get me to go out with him, I had to play cheerleader the other day and encourage him to apply from an internal promotion, keeps telling me all his life accomplishments (I assume to get me to go out with him). It's really annoying. I have a younger sibling already, I don't need another one. I'm feeling like I'm in a mothering role and I need to get out of it.

I don't think there is necessarily a right or wrong though.