Baby Mama DRAMA

[Summer_Rain]

Trust me, my bf and I have already discussed these possibilities. He knows how I feel about those kids. I will never be a step mom. I will just be their dad's wife. We know how we will handle the situation if something does happen to her. Trust me, this has been discussed more than anything. Our solutions does not require me to care for kids that are not mine. I do feel sorry for the kids, but it's not my responsibility to make sure that their parents are making the best decisions for them. That is up to my bf and her. That has nothing to do with me.

This is a really sad and telling statement right here Ash. When you say "Our solutions does not require me to care for kids that aren't mine..." What are those solutions? Would the kids stay with HIS parents? A relative? Like everyone else, I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but I can't stand and have ZERO respect for a man who puts another woman in front of his kids. And from the sounds of it, the "solutions" that you and BF have come up with - will do just that.

This entire statement makes it sound as if you do have some resentment and hostility towards the children and/or their mother...over and above the 'drama'.

Another thing, the woman in this situation sounds more like a woman scorned than a "one night stand" whom he never dated, and only had sex once with. I'm also confused as to why the courts have demanded that she have his number, I've never heard of that before, especially when the two were not married and didnt really know each other outside of a one night stand.

I dunno, after reading that comment, and digesting it all - I think there's more to the story - things that you may not even be aware of. I'm like Delp...men like to leave things out of the story, or paint a picture favorable to them to gain sympathy

 

[Summer_Rain]

And that BS excuse about her not letting him see them boys is JUST THAT...a BS excuse that men give when they don't really WANT to see their child. If there is a court order for joint legal custody and a COURT ORDERED visitation in place, ain't **** she can do to stop that. NATHAN....lest she want to lose HER rights.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

This is a really sad and telling statement right here Ash. When you say "Our solutions does not require me to care for kids that aren't mine..." What are those solutions? Would the kids stay with HIS parents? A relative? Like everyone else, I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but I can't stand and have ZERO respect for a man who puts another woman in front of his kids. And from the sounds of it, the "solutions" that you and BF have come up with - will do just that.

This entire statement makes it sound as if you do have some resentment and hostility towards the children and/or their mother...over and above the 'drama'.

Another thing, the woman in this situation sounds more like a woman scorned than a "one night stand" whom he never dated, and only had sex once with. I'm also confused as to why the courts have demanded that she have his number, I've never heard of that before, especially when the two were not married and didnt really know each other outside of a one night stand.

I dunno, after reading that comment, and digesting it all - I think there's more to the story - things that you may not even be aware of. I'm like Delp...men like to leave things out of the story, or paint a picture favorable to them to gain sympathy

I agree....whooaaa!! If a man puts a woman above his kids...It says a lot about his character...I don't even have the words....SMDH..Hopefully the OP's situation is different...

 

[MissYocairis]

This is a really sad and telling statement right here Ash. When you say "Our solutions does not require me to care for kids that aren't mine..." What are those solutions? Would the kids stay with HIS parents? A relative? Like everyone else, I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but I can't stand and have ZERO respect for a man who puts another woman in front of his kids. And from the sounds of it, the "solutions" that you and BF have come up with - will do just that.

This entire statement makes it sound as if you do have some resentment and hostility towards the children and/or their mother...over and above the 'drama'.

Another thing, the woman in this situation sounds more like a woman scorned than a "one night stand" whom he never dated, and only had sex once with. I'm also confused as to why the courts have demanded that she have his number, I've never heard of that before, especially when the two were not married and didnt really know each other outside of a one night stand.

I dunno, after reading that comment, and digesting it all - I think there's more to the story - things that you may not even be aware of. I'm like Delp...men like to leave things out of the story, or paint a picture favorable to them to gain sympathy

ITA!!!!!!!!!! Somebody is not telling the whole story here! A girl who barely knows a guy...even if she has kids with him from a one-night stand...would NOT be demanding that he call her to see how her day was! HELLO! That should be a red flag right there that he is not telling the entire story!

And, every post I've read about how he is responding has made me cringe...he made these babies and now it's an inconvenience? Pay his child support and just stay out of the picture? That's horrible for the boys. Not admirable at all.

 

[MissYocairis]

And that BS excuse about her not letting him see them boys is JUST THAT...a BS excuse that men give when they don't really WANT to see their child. If there is a court order for joint legal custody and a COURT ORDERED visitation in place, ain't **** she can do to stop that. NATHAN....lest she want to lose HER rights.

^AGREED!

 

[AmyInAtl]

This HARD Ashmack! Keep your class about yourself. Those are his sons and he's gotta take some measures to be a part of their lives. You cannot pass judgment on her just yet because the BEST thing for those boys is that THEIR PARENTS get along and work together in raising them. Yeah she's acting a fool but put yourself in HER shoes.....the single mom of twins? That's gotta be hard as hell! She's not going anywhere and neither are the boys. You hold a very unique position because you can encourage him to make things right by letting him know you are in his CORNER....even if he had full custody.....you will be by his side to help him raise them. AND encourage him to pay her support. Whether she's working or not does not absolve him HIS responsibility. We gotta help our men be better fathers. I'm not making excuses for her bad behavior but neither of you can control her behavior....meanwhile, those poor boys suffer. Put them first. I hope it gets better sweetie.

Very, very well said. I will also add, that he may find, that if he treats her with respect, kindness and empathy. She would act alot better towards him. How easy is it to say kind words, to someone, especially, someone whose had twins for him (I'm pro-choice, she could have aborted). She has the rest of her life to raise his sons, and if he continues to to not even acknowledge her then, shame on him. I mean after all, at one point in time, he was nice enough to give her twins.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Very, very well said. I will also add, that he may find, that if he treats her with respect, kindness and empathy. She would act alot better towards him. How easy is it to say kind words, to someone, especially, someone whose had twins for him (I'm pro-choice, she could have aborted). She has the rest of her life to raise his sons, and if he continues to to not even acknowledge her then, shame on him. I mean after all, at one point in time, he was nice enough to give her twins.

MMhmmm...if she was good enough to lay up with unprotected, call the woman and say "Hello Woman. How are you? How was your day? How are my boys?"

ya'll got me feeling hot on this Friday morning. I cant STAND a negro who likes to switch it up talkin about "I'll never speak to or see her again". Thats just some real ignant ****

 

[MissYocairis]

Very, very well said. I will also add, that he may find, that if he treats her with respect, kindness and empathy. She would act alot better towards him. How easy is it to say kind words, to someone, especially, someone whose had twins for him (I'm pro-choice, she could have aborted). She has the rest of her life to raise his sons, and if he continues to to not even acknowledge her then, shame on him. I mean after all, at one point in time, he was nice enough to give her twins.

WOW! Excellent points.

 

[MissYocairis]

MMhmmm...if she was good enough to lay up with unprotected, call the woman and say "Hello Woman. How are you? How was your day? How are my boys?"

ya'll got me feeling hot on this Friday morning. I cant STAND a negro who likes to switch it up talkin about "I'll never speak to or see her again". Thats just some real ignant ****

SUMMMMMMMERRRRRRRRRR!!!! Girl, I am sitting here....at the office....literally about to jump up SCREAMING! You wanna talk about WORKED UP!?!?!?! THANK YOU!!!!!!!

 

[Much2much41]

In all fairness, who is to say he HASN'T been cordial to this woman? There are some women out there, no matter how nice, kind, and considerate you are to them, that are simply , and no amount of coddling will change that. Some people just don't understand healthy boundaries. It's not required to have a 24 hour conversation every day just because she's the mother of his children. He may have everything that's been suggested initially, but after being harassed for so long, he could have gotten tired of it. Anybody in their right mind would.

 

[spelmanlocks]

He still should make more of an effort to see his kids. Two times a year is kind of lazy to me even if the girl is crazy, his sons need him.

 

[Summer_Rain]

In all fairness, who is to say he HASN'T been cordial to this woman? There are some women out there, no matter how nice, kind, and considerate you are to them, that are simply , and no amount of coddling will change that. Some people just don't understand healthy boundaries. It's not required to have a 24 hour conversation every day just because she's the mother of his children. He may have everything that's been suggested initially, but after being harassed for so long, he could have gotten tired of it. Anybody in their right mind would.

You have a point, I came to my conclusion based on the OP's comments. The whole "don't talk to me unless its about my kids" stance is destructive to any parenting relationship. While it isn't required to have a 24 hour convo, there does come a time where parents need to set aside their differences and be "friendly" for the sake of the children.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not excusing homegirls behavior - I'm just not buying the innocent boyfriends victim of a one night stand story either. How does it go, it takes two to tango.

 

[ashmack]

I understand what all of you women are saying. It really is a sad situation. My bf has tried to see his boys but you can't MAKE someone show up to the designated meeting points. He can't MAKE someone stay in town even when you drive over 6 hours to get there. He only has the weekend and holidays to see the kids considering that he is a full time student and works full time as well. I know my bf gets frustrated when he saves his money up so that he can make that trip and when he gets down there and she stops answering her phone and sends him messages like "Leave us alone" and "Get out of our lives", then once he leaves, she sends messages saying she was sorry and going through things. It's a lot more complicated than I can put into words, but my bf is the kindest person I have ever met. Have you, he has only known that he has kids for about a year or so now. In that time, she has NEVER complied to her court order. It's a little silly to think that just because there is an order is will automatically comply. There are some people in this world who do not follow the law and who really are not afraid of the consequences. She is one. BF just told me that she has been calling all morning, despite the police report he filed on her yesterday and despite the cop calling her to tell her that my BF will be pressing formal charges if it continues. She doesnt care. With that said, you can simplify the situation if you choose. It's really not that cut and dry.

I know my viewpoint on what role I will or will not take in those kids lives is a view that most people will agree not with. I will not elaborate on that any further, but please, trust me when I say, my bf and I have completely thought about what we would do if something did happen to the mother. We have not overlooked that situation.

 

[Summer_Rain]

He still should make more of an effort to see his kids. Two times a year is kind of lazy to me even if the girl is crazy, his sons need him.

Exactly. Crazy, delusional or not....to have only seen your flesh and blood children, your LEGACY on 3 occassions in their entire time in this world is SAD. Period.

I'd be crazy acting too

 

[lisana]

So everyone is going to act like they didn't see me asking about terminating parental rights? The question is still on the table?

 

[Summer_Rain]

I understand what all of you women are saying. It really is a sad situation. My bf has tried to see his boys but you can't MAKE someone show up to the designated meeting points. He can't MAKE someone stay in town even when you drive over 6 hours to get there. He only has the weekend and holidays to see the kids considering that he is a full time student and works full time as well. I know my bf gets frustrated when he saves his money up so that he can make that trip and when he gets down there and she stops answering her phone and sends him messages like "Leave us alone" and "Get out of our lives", then once he leaves, she sends messages saying she was sorry and going through things. It's a lot more complicated than I can put into words, but my bf is the kindest person I have ever met. Have you, he has only known that he has kids for about a year or so now. In that time, she has NEVER complied to her court order. It's a little silly to think that just because there is an order is will automatically comply. There are some people in this world who do not follow the law and who really are not afraid of the consequences. She is one. BF just told me that she has been calling all morning, despite the police report he filed on her yesterday and despite the cop calling her to tell her that my BF will be pressing formal charges if it continues. She doesnt care. With that said, you can simplify the situation if you choose. It's really not that cut and dry.

I know my viewpoint on what role I will or will not take in those kids lives is a view that most people will agree not with. I will not elaborate on that any further, but please, trust me when I say, my bf and I have completely thought about what we would do if something did happen to the mother. We have not overlooked that situation.

If I come off harsh, I apologize...this topic is something Im very passionate about. You said she lives in his hometown, I'll assume - close to his parents. How are the parents involved? Why can't she drop the boys off over there?

I'm just very intolerant of excuses when it comes to parents being active in their cihldrens lives.

 

[Summer_Rain]

So everyone is going to act like they didn't see me asking about terminating parental rights? The question is still on the table?

I seent it Lisana! If he doesn't want to deal with the mama, seemingly doesn't want to deal with the kids, and we'll fill in the blanks and assume that if the mama were to fall off the face of the earth tomorrow - they'd send the kids to a relative....well.... erplexed

 

[ashmack]

Exactly. Crazy, delusional or not....to have only seen your flesh and blood children, your LEGACY on 3 occassions in their entire time in this world is SAD. Period.

I'd be crazy acting too

ITA with you ladies. I"m not saying that's right AT ALL. I think it's horrible. So does my bf who has spent time talking to pro bono attorneys in order to figure out his options. He does not live in he same city, he lives over 6 hours away. The kids were actually born in a different city, which now has jurisdiction over the case, and that city is 8 hours away. When the two of them got pregnant, he was already enrolled full time in school and came back to school not knowing that she was even having kids. I know it's easy to put this story into a cookie cuter case of him not wanting to see his kids, but all I can say is that my bf and I have spent 2 weekends together in over a year of being together. WHy is that? He has to work full time to pay the child support. He is taking care of that responsibility. If he does get the weekend off he is making a drive down there to see the kids. I have lost count how many times he has driven to see the kids and she will not allow him to see them. He is not able to go to court until after he graduates and gets a job so that he can afford to go and fight for his kids. I actually don't even know if he can afford the gas money at this point to drive the 8 hours it takes to get to the court. This does not even include the time and money it takes to prepare for court, but oh well.

It's not an excuse, it's really reasons. I have so many examples it's crazy. I guess that's not coming across and that's ok too. Everyone is entitled to believe what they want to believe.

 

[ashmack]

If I come off harsh, I apologize...this topic is something Im very passionate about. You said she lives in his hometown, I'll assume - close to his parents. How are the parents involved? Why can't she drop the boys off over there?

I'm just very intolerant of excuses when it comes to parents being active in their cihldrens lives.

His parents are involved and used to be very involved until some other situations with her happened. In the beginning, his parents kept the kids every weekend. Well she left the kids with the parents at one point and then went and moved in with another strange man, in another city. When the his parents told her they did not want their grandkids living with different men every couple of months she got mad and has yet to bring them back.

 

[MzLady78]

This is a really sad and telling statement right here Ash. When you say "Our solutions does not require me to care for kids that aren't mine..." What are those solutions? Would the kids stay with HIS parents? A relative? Like everyone else, I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but I can't stand and have ZERO respect for a man who puts another woman in front of his kids. And from the sounds of it, the "solutions" that you and BF have come up with - will do just that.

This entire statement makes it sound as if you do have some resentment and hostility towards the children and/or their mother...over and above the 'drama'.

Another thing, the woman in this situation sounds more like a woman scorned than a "one night stand" whom he never dated, and only had sex once with.I'm also confused as to why the courts have demanded that she have his number, I've never heard of that before, especially when the two were not married and didnt really know each other outside of a one night stand.

I dunno, after reading that comment, and digesting it all - I think there's more to the story - things that you may not even be aware of. I'm like Delp...men like to leave things out of the story, or paint a picture favorable to them to gain sympathy

I agree.

I find it really hard to believe that he had "his first time" with a girl he "wasn't even really dating".

And yes- if you do marry him, you will a step-mother whether you want to be or not.

 

[Summer_Rain]

ITA with you ladies. I"m not saying that's right AT ALL. I think it's horrible. So does my bf who has spent time talking to pro bono attorneys in order to figure out his options. He does not live in he same city, he lives over 6 hours away. The kids were actually born in a different city, which now has jurisdiction over the case, and that city is 8 hours away. When the two of them got pregnant, he was already enrolled full time in school and came back to school not knowing that she was even having kids. I know it's easy to put this story into a cookie cuter case of him not wanting to see his kids, but all I can say is that my bf and I have spent 2 weekends together in over a year of being together. WHy is that? He has to work full time to pay the child support. He is taking care of that responsibility. If he does get the weekend off he is making a drive down there to see the kids. I have lost count how many times he has driven to see the kids and she will not allow him to see them. He is not able to go to court until after he graduates and gets a job so that he can afford to go and fight for his kids. I actually don't even know if he can afford the gas money at this point to drive the 8 hours it takes to get to the court. This does not even include the time and money it takes to prepare for court, but oh well.

It's not an excuse, it's really reasons. I have so many examples it's crazy. I guess that's not coming across and that's ok too. Everyone is entitled to believe what they want to believe.

What role do his parents play in this? Are they closer in proximity to the kids?

 

[ashmack]

So everyone is going to act like they didn't see me asking about terminating parental rights? The question is still on the table?

This is definintely something he has considered. The attorney he talked to said the court may or may not grant this, its a case by case basis. Basically he has the best chance of doing this if there is another male that is willing to take over rights to the kids. The courts are less likely to do this when the parents are just not getting along. And yes, I did initially read over your question. I'm sorry. It was not intentional.

 

[ashmack]

What role do his parents play in this? Are they closer in proximity to the kids?

I answered your question on the other page. His parents do want to be involved and have even considered fighting for their rights to see the kids. (Grandparents rights)

 

[ashmack]

I agree.

I find it really hard to believe that he had "his first time" with a girl he "wasn't even really dating".

And yes- if you do marry him, you will a step-mother whether you want to be or not.

She even admits they were not dating and that they only slept together that one time. It's not just his story.

 

[Much2much41]

If I come off harsh, I apologize...this topic is something Im very passionate about. You said she lives in his hometown, I'll assume - close to his parents. How are the parents involved? Why can't she drop the boys off over there?

I'm just very intolerant of excuses when it comes to parents being active in their cihldrens lives.

That's a good question. Judging by what the OP said though, she pulls disappearing acts when she knows he's up there. I'd be pissed too if I drove 6 hours and then she starts sending text messages talking about "Leave us alone" erplexed. He sounds like he's done everything with the exception of asking for the child support order to be enforced, which he needs to do if he really wants to see the kids. But I can understand his frustation at even having to do so. There are so many men out here that won't pay child support or make any effort at all to see their children, and here is this lunatic not letting him see the kids, when some women would kill for even a little interest from the dads. Isn't it strange how the crazy women and trifling men never hook up with each other?

 

[Summer_Rain]

His parents are involved and used to be very involved until some other situations with her happened. In the beginning, his parents kept the kids every weekend. Well she left the kids with the parents at one point and then went and moved in with another strange man, in another city. When the his parents told her they did not want their grandkids living with different men every couple of months she got mad and has yet to bring them back.

Is there a court order for visitation? I'm always an advocate for the child, and I believe in doing whats best for the children. Where one parent is negligent(it sounds like thats what shes being) it's imperative that the other/family steps in for the sake of the child(ren). Excuses/"reasons" can not be tolerated and folks cant just throw in the towel. If there is ANYTHNG were fighting for...it's our children.

Does he have personal time available to take off? He can't be afraid of the courts - I can't tell you how many times I've gone to family court and represented myself. It may have taken hours of research - but I won each time. As I said, when you're fighting for your children, it's worth it.

UNLESS, as you eluded to - he just isnt ready to play a more active role than what hes doing now. If thats truly the case, he should just admit to that and stop putting 100% blame on the mom

 

[MzLady78]

She even admits they were not dating and that they only slept together that one time. It's not just his story.

Oh, okay.

Statement retracted-LOL.

,

 

[ashmack]

I was not going to bring this up because I did not want this to be a factor, but I think it is.... this girl is barely a U.S. citizen. She only got her citizenship when she had the kids over here because she was now the mother of two U.S. citizens. (She came over illegally from Mexico) That's why they did not deport her. She does not having a problem acting crazy because she is not afraid of the law. And in her defense, maybe she does not understand the law fully. I would venture to guess she has only been a citizen for like a year or so. I do believe there are things in her culture that have shaped her behavior.

 

[Summer_Rain]

That's a good question. Judging by what the OP said though, she pulls disappearing acts when she knows he's up there. I'd be pissed too if I drove 6 hours and then she starts sending text messages talking about "Leave us alone" erplexed. He sounds like he's done everything with the exception of asking for the child support order to be enforced, which he needs to do if he really wants to see the kids. But I can understand his frustation at even having to do so. There are so many men out here that won't pay child support or make any effort at all to see their children, and here is this lunatic not letting him see the kids, when some women would kill for even a little interest from the dads. Isn't it strange how the crazy women and trifling men never hook up with each other?

The entire situation just sounds messy and real ugly with both parents holding equal blame. Who stands up for the kids though? if we want to paint the mama as being crazy, then who cares enough to step in for the sake of the children?

 

[spelmanlocks]

I was not going to bring this up because I did not want this to be a factor, but I think it is.... this girl is barely a U.S. citizen. She only got her citizenship when she had the kids over here because she was now the mother of two U.S. citizens. (She came over illegally from Mexico) That's why they did not deport her. She does not having a problem acting crazy because she is not afraid of the law. And in her defense, maybe she does not understand the law fully. I would venture to guess she has only been a citizen for like a year or so. I do believe there are things in her culture that have shaped her behavior.

Dang girl you must really love that dude, lol. Cause his whole situation is just flucked up.