Baby Mama DRAMA

[ashmack]

Is there a court order for visitation? I'm always an advocate for the child, and I believe in doing whats best for the children. Where one parent is negligent(it sounds like thats what shes being) it's imperative that the other/family steps in for the sake of the child(ren). Excuses/"reasons" can not be tolerated and folks cant just throw in the towel. If there is ANYTHNG were fighting for...it's our children.

Does he have personal time available to take off? He can't be afraid of the courts - I can't tell you how many times I've gone to family court and represented myself. It may have taken hours of research - but I won each time. As I said, when you're fighting for your children, it's worth it.

UNLESS, as you eluded to - he just isnt ready to play a more active role than what hes doing now. If thats truly the case, he should just admit to that and stop putting 100% blame on the mom

I think you are misunderstanding. The idea of taking a less active role has only come up because of all the drama. He is not afraid of the court, he just cannot get to the court. Geographically it is out of the way, and financially its out of the way as well. It's not definite that he will not ever get the order enforced. Who knows, the next time he goes down there to see the kids maybe she will let him see them. Maybe she will start letting his parents see them again. There is no telling with her though.

 

[ashmack]

Dang girl you must really love that dude, lol. Cause his whole situation is just flucked up.

LOL I know! That's why I said it's not a cut and dry situation. There are many problems on many different levels! I wish it were just a simple as him going to see his kids and them having a cordial relationship for the kids. Everyone is right, it takes two to tango, and that is the situation here. Not everyone is "tangoing", someone else is trying to do a mexican hat dance. It's not working.

 

[Summer_Rain]

I was not going to bring this up because I did not want this to be a factor, but I think it is.... this girl is barely a U.S. citizen. She only got her citizenship when she had the kids over here because she was now the mother of two U.S. citizens. (She came over illegally from Mexico) That's why they did not deport her. She does not having a problem acting crazy because she is not afraid of the law. And in her defense, maybe she does not understand the law fully. I would venture to guess she has only been a citizen for like a year or so. I do believe there are things in her culture that have shaped her behavior.

Lord have mercy this is crazy!! But to your very last sentence - traditionally speaking - I've understood that the latin community is very close knit where family is concerned, especially moreso than our own. So for her, yes - it probably is very troubling and odd that he wont communicate with her, and wants very little to do with her or their children.

But this sounds like a whole bunch of drama for real!

 

[Much2much41]

Is there a court order for visitation? I'm always an advocate for the child, and I believe in doing whats best for the children. Where one parent is negligent(it sounds like thats what shes being) it's imperative that the other/family steps in for the sake of the child(ren). Excuses/"reasons" can not be tolerated and folks cant just throw in the towel. If there is ANYTHNG were fighting for...it's our children.

Does he have personal time available to take off? He can't be afraid of the courts - I can't tell you how many times I've gone to family court and represented myself. It may have taken hours of research - but I won each time. As I said, when you're fighting for your children, it's worth it.

UNLESS, as you eluded to - he just isnt ready to play a more active role than what hes doing now. If thats truly the case, he should just admit to that and stop putting 100% blame on the mom

She's stated that he has spent hours speaking with attorneys, has driven 6 hours at a time, many times, to see the kids, is in school, works full time to pay the child support, and barely has gas money. If he takes the personal time off, will he still be able to pay the child support? At what point between all of this does he have time to study the law? I don't think it's about not wanting to see his children; it sounds very much like he does. Also, it takes time to get to the point where you go to the "next step". Perhaps that is his next step, but he's only known about the children for about a year. If this were 5 or 6 years down the line, I would say he's being trife, but these things DO take time. And if he isn't ready to take an active part yet, he's still taking care of them, which is more than can be said for a lot of dads.

 

[Summer_Rain]

She's stated that he has spent hours speaking with attorneys, has driven 6 hours at a time, many times, to see the kids, is in school, works full time to pay the child support, and barely has gas money. If he takes the personal time off, will he still be able to pay the child support? At what point between all of this does he have time to study the law? I don't think it's about not wanting to see his children; it sounds very much like he does. Also, it takes time to get to the point where you go to the "next step". Perhaps that is his next step, but he's only known about the children for about a year. If this were 5 or 6 years down the line, I would say he's being trife, but these things DO take time. And if he isn't ready to take an active part yet, he's still taking care of them, which is more than can be said for a lot of dads.

I believe we were all responding at the same time, so more of the story came after my comment. Regardless, I still feel a certain way about fighting for our children. As more of the story is revealed, it seems that the mother is in a bad situation period - which means the children are as well. I'd be fighting for the safety of my children

 

[ashmack]

Lord have mercy this is crazy!! But to your very last sentence - traditionally speaking - I've understood that the latin community is very close knit where family is concerned, especially moreso than our own. So for her, yes - it probably is very troubling and odd that he wont communicate with her, and wants very little to do with her or their children.

But this sounds like a whole bunch of drama for real!

Yes girl, the Latin community is very close to their family, traditionally. But once again, she has to be the exception to this rule. Without going into too much detail, she lied and said her parents were dead. She was staying with her aunt and uncle over here and they kicked her out because she was acting crazy. She has a sister who lives in the same town as she lives in. Her sister kicked her out which is why she is living with her 'boyfriend' right now. Girl let me tell you, we all live in Texas and the problem with illegals is rampant. And they don't play by any of the traditional rules! "They" have a different mentality than other hispanics it seems. Even my hispanic friends (who are VERY close to their family) try to disassociate themselves from the hispanics that have just crossed the border. It's a different world here where we stay. I see immigration control more than I see police officerserplexed She is not about trying to have a family. She is very content with her child support payments being enough to support her family because it is a lot more money than she was getting in Mexico.

 

[spelmanlocks]

LOL I know! That's why I said it's not a cut and dry situation. There are many problems on many different levels! I wish it were just a simple as him going to see his kids and them having a cordial relationship for the kids. Everyone is right, it takes two to tango, and that is the situation here. Not everyone is "tangoing", someone else is trying to do a mexican hat dance. It's not working.

That situation is even more cause for you to worry. Because YES, the federal government will deport you even if your kids are citizens. He may very well end up having to be a full time daddy. And if you marry him, you are going to have to deal with those kids whether you like it or not.

 

[ashmack]

She's stated that he has spent hours speaking with attorneys, has driven 6 hours at a time, many times, to see the kids, is in school, works full time to pay the child support, and barely has gas money. If he takes the personal time off, will he still be able to pay the child support? At what point between all of this does he have time to study the law? I don't think it's about not wanting to see his children; it sounds very much like he does. Also, it takes time to get to the point where you go to the "next step". Perhaps that is his next step, but he's only known about the children for about a year. If this were 5 or 6 years down the line, I would say he's being trife, but these things DO take time. And if he isn't ready to take an active part yet, he's still taking care of them, which is more than can be said for a lot of dads.

Yeah he has done everything in his power right now. I think it's easier for some people to believe that he is the bad father and she is the good mother. That is usually the case, and before living this I would have thought that as well. This whole situation has made me think twice when I hear stories about deadbeat dads. Just like having a baby does not make him a man, having a baby does not make her a woman either. Thanks for taking the time to try to see the other side. I appreciate that.

 

[ashmack]

That situation is even more cause for you to worry. Because YES, the federal government will deport you even if your kids are citizens. He may very well end up having to be a full time daddy. And if you marry him, you are going to have to deal with those kids whether you like it or not.

She has her citizenship now, so she won't be deported anytime soon. However, I do not put it past her to hop across the border again, and even take the kids with her. I doubt she will do that though because she needs the money she is getting here in the US.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Yes girl, the Latin community is very close to their family, traditionally. But once again, she has to be the exception to this rule. Without going into too much detail, she lied and said her parents were dead. She was staying with her aunt and uncle over here and they kicked her out because she was acting crazy. She has a sister who lives in the same town as she lives in. Her sister kicked her out which is why she is living with her 'boyfriend' right now. Girl let me tell you, we all live in Texas and the problem with illegals is rampant. And they don't play by any of the traditional rules! "They" have a different mentality than other hispanics it seems. Even my hispanic friends (who are VERY close to their family) try to disassociate themselves from the hispanics that have just crossed the border. It's a different world here where we stay. I see immigration control more than I see police officerserplexed She is not about trying to have a family. She is very content with her child support payments being enough to support her family because it is a lot more money than she was getting in Mexico.

Now that he's filed a police report - whats his next step? To get her to really stop, he'd have to file an order of protection right? Is that the plan?

 

[ashmack]

Now that he's filed a police report - whats his next step? To get her to really stop, he'd have to file an order of protection right? Is that the plan?

Exactly. He was thinking the police report would scare some sense into her, but apparently not. He told me last night that he does not even think that hte protection order will do anything to her. This girl is not scared of anything I tell you! He is mainly just doing this so that he will at least have some kind of court record of her behavior so when he goes to family court he can show her behavior and she cannot claim that she is the victim.

 

[MissYocairis]

Lord have mercy this is crazy!! But to your very last sentence - traditionally speaking - I've understood that the latin community is very close knit where family is concerned, especially moreso than our own. So for her, yes - it probably is very troubling and odd that he wont communicate with her, and wants very little to do with her or their children.

But this sounds like a whole bunch of drama for real!

I was thinking this exact same thing....they have an entirely different orientation about family and parenthood. She's probably absolutely appalled. Also, if she's an illegal immigrant, then why would expect her to be working a job? I don't get that part?

 

[MissYocairis]

That situation is even more cause for you to worry. Because YES, the federal government will deport you even if your kids are citizens. He may very well end up having to be a full time daddy. And if you marry him, you are going to have to deal with those kids whether you like it or not.

ITA with Spelman....and TRUST me....as the woman in his life....you WILL be impacted by the needs of those children and your relationship will as well. If she is deported, there is going to be NO WAY around it....he'll be raising his boys.

And if she's not deported she won't take the boys and go on her own....these people that immigrate here from Mexico are serious about theirs...they are NOT entertaining moving back because "things aren't working out"...she will do whatever she has to to stay here so I hope you don't think she'll possibly take the boys and go back and it will all go away.

Those boys have an American parent and they were born here so their citizenship isn't compromised in any way even though hers might be. She wouldn't jeopardize their chance to grow up here just to go back to familiar surroundings so, if she's deported...she won't take them with her...guarantee that.


ETA: Okay, I'm just now seeing she has citizenship. I'm LATE!

 

[ashmack]

ETA: Okay, I'm just now seeing she has citizenship. I'm LATE!

Its ok. I wasn't going to say anything. I know it's confusing and complicated. Heck, I'm confused too!

 

[ultrasuede]

I think at some point in the future the two parents involved need to sit down with with a professional mediator if possible and get some resolution to this problem for the children's sake. Family courts usually provide this service. They sound as if they need counseling to cope with this situation. I really hope he is able to play an active role in his children's life because as they get older they will not entertain the excuse that their father never spent time with them because he couldn't get along with their mother. Even if it is true.They will just feel hat he didn't care enough to fight for them.

 

[ThickHair]

If she is a US citizen now, naturalized she will not get deported and no one is going across the border INTO Mexico. All of you, kids included are in a bad situation.

 

[lisana]

I seent it Lisana! If he doesn't want to deal with the mama, seemingly doesn't want to deal with the kids, and we'll fill in the blanks and assume that if the mama were to fall off the face of the earth tomorrow - they'd send the kids to a relative....well.... erplexed

thanks

 

[lisana]

This situation is about a lot more than the child and his coming first. The mother is a real, certified psycho and she is using that child in her crazy game with the father. I do think the father needs to have one plan and then go about executing it. So, does he want to terminate his rights, obtain full custody, partial custody, enforce the existing custody or leave you and go be with the crazy chic??!!! I don't think I have ever heard such a crazy, baby mama drama story in my life!!! Another important reason why he NEEDS to DO something NOW is because the older the son gets, the WORSE it will get and by then, the mother has poisoned the son against the dad.

 

[SouthernJewel]

Ashmack,



I agree with the senitments of the other ladies, bf could be doing more. But honestly, I can understand why he isnt. Crazy is crazy, no matter how nice,sweet or cordial a person is. Ole girl needs a reality check and quick.fast.in.a.hurry!

If your SO wanted to see those kids bad enough,he would! Paying child support and making excuses for not going to see the kids, is not going to make them go away.

I've been in a similiar situation and past it.I already knew that for the relationship to work, I would have to take him and all his baggage (baby mama,child support) but I was willing to do that. You have a choice, either stick it out with SO or move along. Because honestly, it might not get any better.

Also, I dont think its a bad idea for you to interact with this chick. Hell, she is apart of your life and SO life . Trust me, any $$ coming out of this house, hmmpphh! Im going to have some say. Plus, she may be with your SO because he let's her. Shoot, maybe if you checked her she would ack right! Sometimes you have to cure crazy with crazy. Just saying.Maybe, like I said if she is truly crazy....

If marriage is you guys future, ya'll are going to need to get it together! For real!

 

[kware27]

Hi Ashmack,

Im going through a similar situation. When me and my bf got together I found out that he was expecting a child from a previous relationship. I have no kids and this is my bf first child. At the time I thought that I would be cool with everything...but it has suddenly all changed. During the pregnancy he was not allowed any input on names, doctors appt., shopping for nursery or anything. They didnt even call him when she went into delivery, he didnt know his daughter was born until the next day.His daughters mother is 27 with one child already who does not work, dropped out of high school and lives at home with her parents, who dont work also. While my boyfriend is in his last year of college and works full time. She has basically told him that she cant wait to collect the child support checks because he has a good job. At first I had some resentment towards the child and the mother. But then I had to realize that it wasnt just the mother who got herself pregnant. My boyfriend was also apart of this and knew the type of women she was when he slept with her. Now he can only go visit his daughter maybe once and week, and he cant leave the house with her. Along with also paying child support, he helps her with her rent and pays for her cell phone so she can call if something is wrong with the baby. This really pisses me off. She needs to get a JOB! She wants to get back with him, and has already told him that she doesnt want me around the baby. Which is perfectly fine with me. My boyfriend and I get into it all the time about the stupid things his daughters mother does. He really loves his daughter and wants to be apart of her live and this has made him really depressed, which has caused problems for us. I love him and want to eventually marry also, but Im not sure I can deal with this drama, and I dont really like the thought of being Stepmom. So Im really feeling confused just like you. Sorry that I couldnt really give you any advice, but I really wanted to tell someone my story since you were going through a some what similar situation.

 

[fmnnity]

Ashmack,



I agree with the senitments of the other ladies, bf could be doing more. But honestly, I can understand why he isnt. Crazy is crazy, no matter how nice,sweet or cordial a person is. Ole girl needs a reality check and quick.fast.in.a.hurry!

If your SO wanted to see those kids bad enough,he would! Paying child support and making excuses for not going to see the kids, is not going to make them go away.

I've been in a similiar situation and past it.I already knew that for the relationship to work, I would have to take him and all his baggage (baby mama,child support) but I was willing to do that. You have a choice, either stick it out with SO or move along. Because honestly, it might not get any better.

Also, I dont think its a bad idea for you to interact with this chick. Hell, she is apart of your life and SO life . Trust me, any $$ coming out of this house, hmmpphh! Im going to have some say. Plus, she may be with your SO because he let's her. Shoot, maybe if you checked her she would ack right! Sometimes you have to cure crazy with crazy. Just saying.Maybe, like I said if she is truly crazy....

If marriage is you guys future, ya'll are going to need to get it together! For real!

OKAY YOU OUTTA MY HEAD . . . RIGHT NOW. . . JUST GO ON

I was thinking this but . . . I don't play that crap. He crazy, she crazy. . . naw I can show you crazy for real. And when I finish with her *** trust and believe she would send up smoke signals before she'd pick up the phone to call him or send a damn text message. She'd have no feeling in her fingers cuz I'd break her d^mn arm at the elbow. I don't play the victim for nobody.

 

[tatiana]

I was not going to bring this up because I did not want this to be a factor, but I think it is.... this girl is barely a U.S. citizen. She only got her citizenship when she had the kids over here because she was now the mother of two U.S. citizens. (She came over illegally from Mexico) That's why they did not deport her. She does not having a problem acting crazy because she is not afraid of the law. And in her defense, maybe she does not understand the law fully. I would venture to guess she has only been a citizen for like a year or so. I do believe there are things in her culture that have shaped her behavior.

Having a child in the US DOES NOT make somebody a US citizen if they are illegal. Citizenship is granted if she applied or her parent applied which takes about 15 years, or she MARRIES a US citizen which still takes about a few years, or she goes to IRAQ and fight. She may have a visa but I don't think she has her citizenship. You may need to also understand the law fully.

Even though the US is less likely to deport her but they still can and if they do, those children will go to your boyfriend's care which will make you a stepmommy.

When you started this thread, I knew there was more to this story because I immediately thought that your boyfriend had more than a "one night stand" with this girl for her to get so crazy.

Did your boyfriend promise her anything like marriage? Did he tell her that he loved her? Was she a virgin? These things can make a woman crazy regardless of culture.

Culture may be playing a big part in her behavior. SHe comes from a culture where the men rule, where the men own the women. She may look upon as tainted goods by her own because she had children and was not married. Her black children may make things worst for her.

 

[MissYocairis]

Having a child in the US DOES NOT make somebody a US citizen if they are illegal. Citizenship is granted if she applied or her parent applied which takes about 15 years, or she MARRIES a US citizen which still takes about a few years, or she goes to IRAQ and fight. She may have a visa but I don't think she has her citizenship. You may need to also understand the law fully.

Even though the US is less likely to deport her but they still can and if they do, those children will go to your boyfriend's care which will make you a stepmommy.

When you started this thread, I knew there was more to this story because I immediately thought that your boyfriend had more than a "one night stand" with this girl for her to get so crazy.

Did your boyfriend promise her anything like marriage? Did he tell her that he loved her? Was she a virgin? These things can make a woman crazy regardless of culture.

Culture may be playing a big part in her behavior. SHe comes from a culture where the men rule, where the men own the women. She may look upon as tainted goods by her own because she had children and was not married. Her black children may make things worst for her.

EXCELLENT INPUT!

 

[winterinatl]

Another thing, the woman in this situation sounds more like a woman scorned than a "one night stand" whom he never dated, and only had sex once with. I'm also confused as to why the courts have demanded that she have his number, I've never heard of that before, especially when the two were not married and didnt really know each other outside of a one night stand.

I dunno, after reading that comment, and digesting it all - I think there's more to the story - things that you may not even be aware of. I'm like Delp...men like to leave things out of the story, or paint a picture favorable to them to gain sympathy

Yes, I agree to the above bolded...this story is fishy. If I believe all the men I have dated, then a full 90% of us black women were born crazy and unstable. Since I know that is not true, that must mean someone is LYING about something.

My ex recently told a lie like this. We had recently began to be on speaking terms again and his 'ex' had broken into his voicemail and put the outgoing message saying she was "Mrs. Exboyfriend". Now if everything were as he said they were she wouldn't have felt the need to do that...and as a matter of fact one week after that she had their brand new baby boy .

Lies.

 

[The Girl]

Dang girl that's a mess. It really is his issue to resolve, he got himself into it by fathering kids with her and now he needs to handle it. If you do marry him, then the baby mama issues will always apart of your life unless she decides to growup or loses custody of her kids. I'd stay away from her though cause she sounds scorned and might do something crazy.

heck she may not stop then. I feel your pain ashmack as I am distancing myself from a very similar situation.

 

[The Girl]

Secondly, I know this is going to open a can of worms, but he does not really want to have custody of the kids. He has never really seen them, and her actions and behavior have completely pushed him away. Basically at this point he just wants her to leave him alone and let him just pay his child suppport.

deep sigh...yeah I have heard that as well. "I just wish she woudl act right and leave me the f alone"...unfortunately, that is highly unlikely. FOr whatever reason she has latched onto your dude and is not going to let go. Its not entrirely personal, I'm sure but whoever takes him from her. Has his parents seens the babies since they are in the same town? Maybe they could file using grandparents rights.

 

[The Girl]

I totally believe she would try to do something to me. Luckily my bf and I are about 6+ hours away from her and I have never seen her. He plans on never seeing her again and so do I. I don't even want her knowing what I look like. She will probably go to prision one of these days for doing something to somebody. I would have never believed that someone could be this unstable.

You could only hope huh?

 

[winterinatl]

Whoopsy I posted before I was all caught up - but now I agree with Tatiana. The different culture adds a whole nother layer onto this mess.

 

[The Girl]

Trust me, my bf and I have already discussed these possibilities. He knows how I feel about those kids. I will never be a step mom. I will just be their dad's wife. We know how we will handle the situation if something does happen to her. Trust me, this has been discussed more than anything. Our solutions does not require me to care for kids that are not mine. I do feel sorry for the kids, but it's not my responsibility to make sure that their parents are making the best decisions for them. That is up to my bf and her. That has nothing to do with me.

yeah I hear that but it is NOT that easy..unless he terminates his rights. More than likely he will still have to pay support, especially if she doesn't work. There is something not being said here. I am not sure what it is but she acts that way for a reason. No him leading her on or anything but she feels entitled to him. Maybe she grew up where you marry your childrens father and this is ruining all she knows. I dont know but I know something is off, trust me.

 

[The Girl]

I think you should take a break from this man and let him get his stuff together. All of that is unnecessary.

sadly I agree with this. Not just b/c I did it BUT b/c I see that even breaking up/moving out doesn't stop the craziness. My loony bird has taken it to a whole "nuber" level.