Am I out of line? Ex bf drama

[fletches]

OP, I think ppl are calling you young b/c you seem to lack the ability to judge when a situation is not good, no matter what ppl say.

I don't understand why in your mind it was ok to even think about staying at your ex BF's house when he's in a relationship & you're engaged. It really doesn't matter who agreed to what, a mature, non naive mind would've known not to broach that subject to begin with.

I'm glad you changed your plans, but you can't blame the GF in this situation. Her agreeing does not give you a pass.

 

[FlowerHair]

Hey OP, I ran this by a friend just to get a male perspective and this is the response he sent me:-

He still has feelings for her. The new g/f is insecure and most likely not going to last with the relationship and probably the reason he agreed to it. He's pushing her to create a situation to dump her. He already knows he is going to leave her. The g/f's best course of action is to play it cool and befriend the girl. The girl going to NY at this point should get a hotel room or she will just create a bad weekend for everyone. The guy that lives in NY should just dump his g/f, cause he doesn't respect her concerns and is most likely trying to create drama. I do feel that the only reason people keep in contact with ex's is one of few reasons;

1. they still have feelings and or wanna still screw them
2. they owe them money or are owed money
3. they have kids together
4. they feel sorry for them

there may be more but its not coming to mind right now. I do have to stress that I don't know the people and this is based on my experiences and I could be wrong. I would never do this with an ex. I would consider it with a female friend, but not someone I had or ever thought to have sex with. My gf of course would have to know her and be cool with her before it was ever considered, cause I don't want to have my penis cut off in my sleep.

I agree 100% with this post.

His girlfriend was trying to play it cool, but she lost her cool in the last minute. I feel for her, she probably knows that her boyfriend doesn't respect her. So she sent Natasha an e-mail.

Natasha, there's something more to this and you know it. There are many ex-girlfriends that want to show their ex's new girlfriend "who was there first" in some kind of weird power struggle. And yes, even when they are engaged or even married to someone else.

I read about some man whose ex-wife tried to dictate that he couldn't change anything in his house when she was the one who left and re-married someone else!

All in all, it's just wrong and you know it Natasha, otherwise you wouldn't have posted your question here...

 

[Poohbear]

Is this really a trip for you and your sister, or is it a trip to rekindle with your ex-boyfriend? Why were you so adamant about staying with your ex for this trip? Why would you even want to? Whether he had a girlfriend or not, that is not cool at all because you are so-called engaged to be married to another man. And you do all this talk about living a "clean, straight-edge lifestyle", why did you want to stay with your ex? I was surprised you said that after reading your original post. I somewhat thought you were wild and loose. I agree with a lot of what the other ladies have expressed here. And I'm glad you have opt to get a separate hotel. But it seems like you're bummed about staying in a hotel instead of with the ex-boyfriend. And you're upset about the girlfriend changing her mind? I don't get it.

 

[firecracker]

Everyone is different. You should have emailed the girlfriend back and told her well you agreed in the beginning so don't get all stankadank now. LOL Tell your ex to give you some money on a room to smooth over the last minute I'm pissed change or just suck it up and get a room then avoid this dude for the rest of your life. You would be shocked at the last minute deals you could find.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

I'm not going to stay at his house. The whole point was if she had said something, then all of this wouldnt have happened.

I'm looking up places to stay for Saturday night, but I haven't found a solution yet (I'm going to have to pay my sister's way).I'm thinking of going for just the day.

I could kind of see where she was coming from before, but honestly, it's not worth all the drama, especially thinking that if she was thinking half the things some of you think, I'd be dead in my sleep

I don't care if I'm young, I hate when people say that like it's an insult. When someone calls someone else "young" it usually means they are old. And worse then just being old, also bitter. Yeah, I'll pass on that.[/QUOTE]

Please see my "siggie" below...it really isn't an age thing IMO!

 

[Natasha009]

Is this really a trip for you and your sister, or is it a trip to rekindle with your ex-boyfriend? Why were you so adamant about staying with your ex for this trip? Why would you even want to? Whether he had a girlfriend or not, that is not cool at all because you are so-called engaged to be married to another man. And you do all this talk about living a "clean, straight-edge lifestyle", why did you want to stay with your ex? I was surprised you said that after reading your original post. I somewhat thought you were wild and loose. I agree with a lot of what the other ladies have expressed here. And I'm glad you have opt to get a separate hotel. But it seems like you're bummed about staying in a hotel instead of with the ex-boyfriend. And you're upset about the girlfriend changing her mind? I don't get it.

It was genuinely a trip for me and my sister. I was never adament about staying with him - it just was a very convenient option for various reasons, and the girlfriend has known those reasons this whole time. I had no ulterior motives when I accepted the offer to stay with him, at the time it seemed a good idea. I thought everything was cool until yesterday.

I never had a problem with staying in a hotel room. If she had even said something last week then that would have been fine - even this week it would have been fine. It would have given me time to go up to NYC and look at different hotels, instead of committing to one over the internet that may not be what I was looking for. It also has forced me to change a bunch of other plans. Luckily I have found what appears to be an adequate room for my sister. I don't live that far from NYC, she knows the reasons the trip had to be planned weeks in advance.


Anyway, I'm off to pick up my sister, and thanks to all the people who actually gave real advice instead of just being judgemental.

 

[YankeeCandle]

Yay, I'm glad you found a room, Natasha!

My advice on how to interact with the g-friend (on page 1 of this thread) still stands.

But I hope you and your sister try to have some fun in spite of this potential/ mini-drama!

 

[ThickHair]

I am glad that you changed your mind about staying with him.

What I got out of all of this is that your ex is trying to break up with his current gf and that little "situation" was a perfect way to do it. I don't think they are going to last.

Have fun in NYC, I will be there in October for Comic Con.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Removed...............................................................................

 

[luckiestdestiny]

This changes absolutely nothing about the situation.

hotels.com
sidestep.com
orbits.com
cheaptickets.com

agreed! I'll put in priceline.com too and also travelocity.com

 

[song_of_serenity]

I live in N.Y...lots of fun to be had. Be safe and have fun.

 

[Ediese]

I don't get it. I don't see the big deal with you staying there. I believe that male/females can be great friends (even ex lovers).

My ex and I are almost best friends. When electricity in his area was out, he spent the night at my place. His girl lives in Atlanta, and although she wasn't happy about the situation, she trusted him enough to know that nothing would happen.

 

[SelahOco]

I don't get it. I don't see the big deal with you staying there. I believe that male/females can be great friends (even ex lovers).

My ex and I are almost best friends. When electricity in his area was out, he spent the night at my place. His girl lives in Atlanta, and although she wasn't happy about the situation, she trusted him enough to know that nothing would happen.

The bolded is my point.

I think people can handle situations like this with more maturity than others, but I don't understand why some folks are acting like it's out of the question for her to feel a way about this. It's weird to have your ex staying with you, IMO.

I don't like the way the girlfriend handled herself. But I do agree that there have to be boundaries in relationships - especially male/female ones.

I'm sure if OP had posted this two weeks ago, several of us would have predicted that the gf wouldn't be a happy camper about it. You can't normalize something thats not normal and expect people to just roll w/ it.

Emotions are real and human.

 

[NaturalPath]

My SO would kick my *** if I EVEN suggest the idea. I would kick his *** too if he suggested the same thing.

 

[Browndilocks]

Being a good girl for Foxee.....

:littleang

 

[LongTimeComing]

You taking a trip to NYC, but having problems coming up with $45 for Motel 8....

 

[NOEChic]

You taking a trip to NYC, but having problems coming up with $45 for Motel 8....

its not that simple...where is the hotel located, is it in a good or bad neighborhood? where is it in correlation to where she is going to be spending majority of her time? Do they have vacancies?

 

[tecourt]

When exactly did the new girlfriend agree to the OP staying with her man for the weekend? The OP states that she has never even spoken to the new girlfriend, she just CC'ed the emails to her about the visit. As soon as the ex-boyfriend let the OP know that his girfriend was upset, other plans should have been made.

The new girfriend may not be insecure, she may just have no interest in spending the weekend with her man's former live-in girlfriend.

He has a girlfriend he has been dating for about 6 months. He told me (this week) she is extra upset that I am visiting him and will be staying over, and to expect the side eye and the cold treatment basically. She is also upset that he planned a really nice weekend for me and my sister so we can get the most out of NYC. She is included in almost everything we're going to do, except activities she opted out of, and she most likely will be around almost the WHOLE time I am there, most likely even at night. Also another thing is that we have the same name but he calls me by a nickname most times, so he said she will be really upset to know she is the second.

She emailed me today (our first ever communication) telling me among other things I am "out of line" for staying with him the entire weekend. I didn't even respond b/c I will see her tomorrow. I think she was trying to get me to cancel the trip, but it's too late, it's already planned and tickets to various things bought.

.

 

[newbiemom]

Everybody's trippin in this scenario. You are for thinking it would be a good idea as an engaged female ti stay at an exes house. I don't know which way to go on your fiancee either he is so sweet and trusting or sticking his head in the sand. Your sister for not vetoing this fool idea once it came from your mouth that is what she is there for to squash the stupid that comes from too many sangria. The Ex for coming out his face and asking you to stay, saying yes to you staying that is so rude and disrespectful to his gf and their relationship. Be honest with yourself is this a last horah before you walk down the aisle or are you testing the waters or is an ego snack that hes obviously willing to jeopardize his relationship to entertain you and your sis nookie free. but something is definitely amiss and I hope you figure it out prior to saying "i do
"

 

[SexySin985]

I wish my SO would try to fix his mouth to even tell me that his EX GF is coming to town to SEE HIM AND spend the night at HIS PLACE. He wouldn't even get the oppurtunity to finish without my size 8 foot being down his throat

Ohhhh, just thinking about it now is just burning me up!

OP, You AND your triflin ex is COMPLETETLY out of line!!! I find it really hard to believe that this thread was even created. Like you really had no idea that you were out of lineperplexed

And how in the world is YOUR FIANCE' okay with this? erplexed

I'm sorry but I don't see how you and the few other posters in here could be calling the girlfriend insecure...... I see nothing wrong with that email at all. She was basically letting you know that you are getting ready to step in a whole lot of sh!t. That was a warning!

 

[itismehmmkay]

OP: I know ppl like you who can be friends with an ex for years. So I don't necessarily feel that you're trying to start anything. And his intentions could be harmless as well.

But, I think this will be a lesson in having foresight in preventing drama. Most things that seem okay aren't always okay. And just because someone gave you their permission or the okay, doesn't mean you need to take their offer.

And I tell you, the fact that yall didn't have sex actually makes it worse. And you're younger and have this great friendship.... naw.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Whew... I am so glad that Natasha was wise enough to this drama coming straight for her face. Good thing the GF said something now instead of putting Nair in her conditioner bottle or something.

I'm kinda on the fence here... I can see how the GF is out of line, and I do think that Exes have the right to be friends. I think it's really sweet how the fiance trusts her around her ex... the only one with the prob is the GF. At the same time.... if my DH tried to pull this mess he wouldn't get but a few words in before the side-eye of death came at him and possibly some household furniture too!

Sometimes in life things sound so great in theory but get all effed up in the execution.

ETA: @ the Southwest ad on the side of the screen! This situation must sound ghetto indeed

 

[BGT]

OP, you didn't just cross a line. You picked it up and threw it across the ocean.

 

[Lucie]

Um, so if you got along so well why isn't he still your man? You are one daring woman and it seems you are making up for all the lack of sex, drugs, alcohol and meat. It's one thing if you don't see an issue with this but your sister doesn't as well? WOW! I could not imagine anyone telling me their plan and me co-signing. I am not trying to be funny but I just read a thread about two twin girls that stabbed their mother. If people can kill their parents, then................

I am not saying this woman will touch a hair on your head but you are literally about to walk into a lion's den.

 

[Butterfly08]

Everyone is different. You should have emailed the girlfriend back and told her well you agreed in the beginning so don't get all stankadank now. LOL Tell your ex to give you some money on a room to smooth over the last minute I'm pissed change or just suck it up and get a room then avoid this dude for the rest of your life. You would be shocked at the last minute deals you could find.

If I was GF I'd be mad about him giving OP money to stay somewhere else too. Who knows what she was telling the ex verbally during the past couple weeks, and as someone else suggested, perhaps she wasn't getting through to him so she elevated her concerns directly to OP.

I'm glad OP changed her plans, they were wrong in the first place. erplexed

 

[Theo]

Hey OP, I ran this by a friend just to get a male perspective and this is the response he sent me:-

He still has feelings for her. The new g/f is insecure and most likely not going to last with the relationship and probably the reason he agreed to it. He's pushing her to create a situation to dump her. He already knows he is going to leave her. The g/f's best course of action is to play it cool and befriend the girl. The girl going to NY at this point should get a hotel room or she will just create a bad weekend for everyone. The guy that lives in NY should just dump his g/f, cause he doesn't respect her concerns and is most likely trying to create drama. I do feel that the only reason people keep in contact with ex's is one of few reasons;

1. they still have feelings and or wanna still screw them
2. they owe them money or are owed money
3. they have kids together
4. they feel sorry for them

there may be more but its not coming to mind right now. I do have to stress that I don't know the people and this is based on my experiences and I could be wrong. I would never do this with an ex. I would consider it with a female friend, but not someone I had or ever thought to have sex with. My gf of course would have to know her and be cool with her before it was ever considered, cause I don't want to have my penis cut off in my sleep.

I think the above post makes the most sense, the only thing I would change is when he said that the g/f best move is play it cool. The g/f best move is to leave the relationship. Clearly the dude don't care about her lol. He knows his g/f was upset and he's going along with the plan anyways lol. She probably took it to him and she didn't care and her last ditch effort was to try to go to OP. I think she should break up with dude, and try to salvage whatever shreds of dignity she has left.

People are getting mad at the OP, but I know people who are quite naive (or play naive) about male intentions. There have been many times I let myself believe that a friendship was truly platonic and the guy liked me for me only to find out dude had a different idea, so I'm not gonna just assume the OP had ulterior motives based off the story.

She's going with her sister. Maybe if it was just me, but if I had some shady stuff planned with my ex I wouldn't take my sis and I wouldn't go on a weekend that his current GF is there.

I also think its unnecessary to make slick comments about the OPs financial status. Like really?

 

[GeorginaSparks]

If i were the gf, i would just leave him

 

[Shontel]

Natasha what race are you?

All my knowledge of the Straight Edge life, never knew of any black person live it lol

Completely off-topic: I'm black. I was straight-edge from middle school til my first year in college. And I still don't eat meat. Black people can be into other subcultures too.

On topic: Co-signing with everyone who said this is a bad idea...and I'm younger than the OP....So glad you're not staying at his place...

Have fun...

 

[ellebelle88]

I've never understood why people ask for advice then when they don't get the answer they are looking for they get all hissy - going as far as calling people old and bitter. Did you want people to rally around you and encourage nonsensical behaviour? Life is too short to sit around and lie to each other. You know you are in the wrong and the fact that you changing your plans proves this.

P.S. I'm not old or bitter; but you my friend are immature.

Wow....there is no indication whatsoever that the OP did any of what you said. I think that she posted the situation, you all gave her advice (some of you all attacked her), but she strongly took into consideration what everyone was saying. She wasn't trying to start any drama and when she finally realized that she might, she grudgingly made changes but only because of the money she feels that she may lose. That's the only hint of anger that I got from the OP.

*talking to myself* OK. Apparently she didn't read my first post that gave her "advice". She forgets that she started in with the "old and bitter". Not me. I feel that we all were very nice to her but oh well...

Yeah, you gave her "advice" coupled with a negative attitude. And I don't understand how you want to keep going back and forth with an "immature" girl but are too haughty to have an intelligent discussion about that picture in your siggy. But I digress, this is a hair board and you didn't know her in real-life, it really isn't your situation so there was no need to act all hostile. Just say what you have to say but don't get all defensive because you don't have to live with the decision.

On another note, I know many people who are judge and assess situations MUCH differently than I would. I don't think they're necessarily immature, they just have an entirely different way of seeing things. No need for the name-calling of immature, young.

Completely off-topic: I'm black. I was straight-edge from middle school til my first year in college. And I still don't eat meat. Black people can be into other subcultures too.

On topic: Co-signing with everyone who said this is a bad idea...and I'm younger than the OP....So glad you're not staying at his place...

Have fun...

This and the comment posted by lafani (and a couple of others) were actually constructive. Some of yall said some slick ish to this girl...wow. OP, I'm glad that you saw that this was a bad idea. Maybe I'm the jealous type because I would have been mad from the get-go that my boyfriend would ask me if a former ex could stay with him. I wouldn't have taken it up with you though, I would have stoned him. I really hope you find a moderately priced hotel.

 

[ThickHair]

So how was the weekend Natasha? Did you hang out with him? His girlfriend? Did you get to do everything that you wanted to do?