Am I out of line? Ex bf drama

[jdvzmommy]

He asked her a few weeks ago if it would be alright, and she said yes. I don't know why, maybe she was just trying to please him, but all the same she said yes. It wasn't until this week she flipped out and said how she really felt. She has had my email all these weeks (I copy her in every email to him about what we all should do). If she had said no I would have of course respected her situation. Like I said, I can understand a little where she coming from, and I genuinely don't want her man! I was hoping when she met me and saw us together she would realize it's really just a friendship, but that email set everything in a new direction.

If she said she's ok with it, you should continue with your plans.
If she had a problem with it, she should have said something when she was asked.
I can't stand when people want to try to act different at the last minute, especially when money has already been spent and plans have already been made.

After reading the OP, I thought he just invited you without saying anything to her, but she had the opportunity to speak her mind and decided to pretend that it was all good.

If she hadn't said that she was ok with it, I would have advised you to stay somewhere else.

ETA: If you end up going, you and your sis should take turns sleeping.

 

[SelahOco]

I feel like I should clear something up, we never had sex. I lived the straight- edge lifestyle when I was younger (no drugs or alcohol or cafeine, no sex, no meat, no anything bad for you lol).

Does she know that yall never had sex? So you two lived together like brother and sister?

 

[kmn1980]

I feel like I should clear something up, we never had sex. I lived the straight- edge lifestyle when I was younger (no drugs or alcohol or cafeine, no sex, no meat, no anything bad for you lol).

Okay. Intimacy does not necessarily mean sex. You had an intimate relationship with him on one level or another. You were living with him. He's seen you naked. You've seen him naked. This isn't calculus.

 

[Bachelorette]

Natasha what race are you?

All my knowledge of the Straight Edge life, never knew of any black person live it lol

 

[Natasha009]

you lived together for 5 months of your 2 year relationship and NEVER had sex?

Yes. And I take offense to that and the person who said it's unbelievable. Why is it okay for someone to be Christian and saving themself for marriage, but if they're anything else / believe in abstinence for any other reason, it's unbelievable??

Anyway, I think at this point I might just cancel the trip. My intention was NEVER to get in the middle of anyone's relationship, I have my own, which is why I emailed her about everything I wanted to do and asked him to get her permission, which she gave. But judging from the responses which say I might just break the relationship up, which I have no plans to do, I might have to stay home. It also sucks b/c my sister paid her money to go.

Honestly, to me it seems really dumb that a guy can't ever be friends with his ex, b/c his new woman might be sooooo insecure that any other woman he crosses paths with is a threat to him

 

[kmn1980]

Natasha what race are you?

All my knowledge of the Straight Edge life, never knew of any black person live it lol

LMAO! I lived "straight-edge" before I got married (although I didn't know it was called that) but I loves me some ribeye steaks so minus 1 point for me.

Bump that, if she was shackin' wun't no "straight edge" nothing.

 

[jada1111]

This changes absolutely nothing about the situation.

hotels.com
sidestep.com
orbits.com
cheaptickets.com

 

[foxee]

I wish I could stay at a hotel now, but at this point it's kind of impractical since the trip is tomorrow. I could either cancel and lose all my money or pay a bunch of money for a last minute hotel reservation. It just has me in an awkward situation since she waited until today to email me. Speaking of awkward, imagine how awkward this is for her.

My ex bf has stayed in my spare bedroom during this past christmas season for 2 days, with me and my fiancee. My fiancee had NO problem with it (and if he did I would have respected that), he knows he's the only man i'm checking for. I think maybe men understand better that sometimes two people date who should have only been friends, but that thats no reason to throw away a genuine friendship. That's nice, but not everyone is as trusting as your fiancee.

He asked her a few weeks ago if it would be alright, and she said yes. I don't know why, maybe she was just trying to please him, but all the same she said yes. It wasn't until this week she flipped out and said how she really felt. She has had my email all these weeks (I copy her in every email to him about what we all should do). If she had said no I would have of course respected her situation. Like I said, I can understand a little where she coming from, and I genuinely don't want her man! I was hoping when she met me and saw us together she would realize it's really just a friendship, but that email set everything in a new direction.

In this young lady's defense she was probably okay with it in the beginning, but since has had time to mull it over. I know I've agreed to things in the past and then come to my senses later.

It's not my place to send him the email. I'm already in the drama, and I'm not trying to create more.

Good call.

Also, while I'm sleeping over, his gf will be sleeping over as well, so she KNOWS nothing will be happening. The only time she won't be with us during the whole weekend is when me, him and my sister are doing a citywide bike ride.

I don't think she has a problem because he will try to do something to/with you, but it's a matter of respect. If you value your ex's current relationship you wouldn't put it in jeopardy. Travelocity has some great deals on last minute hotel rooms. I know you may not budgeted for it, but it's definitely worth it.

My answers in bold.

 

[jada1111]

If she said she's ok with it, you should continue with your plans.
If she had a problem with it, she should have said something when she was asked.
I can't stand when people want to try to act different at the last minute, especially when money has already been spent and plans have already been made.

After reading the OP, I thought he just invited you without saying anything to her, but she had the opportunity to speak her mind and decided to pretend that it was all good.

If she hadn't said that she was ok with it, I would have advised you to stay somewhere else.

ETA: If you end up going, you and your sis should take turns sleeping.

YOU STOOOPPPIIIIDD!!!!

After all that "she said it was alright in the beginning" talk...

 

[Natasha009]

Natasha what race are you?

All my knowledge of the Straight Edge life, never knew of any black person live it lol

I'm black.


Should I start a new thread about straight edge???


It's basically a lifestyle of clean living. It's like being vegan, or a raw foodist, or whatever. There's a million different names for the same thing.

It's also hard to believe you don't know any black people who don't believe in drinking, smoking, sex, or meat...

 

[Bachelorette]

Honestly, to me it seems really dumb that a guy can't ever be friends with his ex, b/c his new woman might be sooooo insecure that any other woman he crosses paths with is a threat to him

It's not about being friends, its about respect and boundaries.

Hotel/Motels can be found. No need to be overly dramatic and cancel the entire trip

 

[kmn1980]

I'm black.


Should I start a new thread about straight edge???


It's basically a lifestyle of clean living. It's like being vegan, or a raw foodist, or whatever. There's a million different names for the same thing.

It's also hard to believe you don't know any black people who don't believe in drinking, smoking, sex, or meat...

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Don't go it. Go to Priceline.com and bid on a hotel room. You'd be surprised at the great prices you can find last minute. Out of respect for his relationship (and yours) - and to avoid any possible drama this weekend and into the future. Your fiance WILL bring it up ... get a hotel.

 

[Bachelorette]

I'm black.


Should I start a new thread about straight edge???


It's basically a lifestyle of clean living. It's like being vegan, or a raw foodist, or whatever. There's a million different names for the same thing.

It's also hard to believe you don't know any black people who don't believe in drinking, smoking, sex, or meat...

Its more than that.

 

[jada1111]

Yes. And I take offense to that and the person who said it's unbelievable. Why is it okay for someone to be Christian and saving themself for marriage, but if they're anything else / believe in abstinence for any other reason, it's unbelievable??

Chile please!

You so naive. Nobody would believe that story no matter how hard you would try to convince them otherwise, even if it is true. If you say it is, then I believe you.

But... if you and my man tried to run that story down to me, I'd slap him just for even thinking I'd be stupid enough to believe that mess.

Anyway, I think at this point I might just cancel the trip. My intention was NEVER to get in the middle of anyone's relationship, I have my own, which is why I emailed her about everything I wanted to do and asked him to get her permission, which she gave. But judging from the responses which say I might just break the relationship up, which I have no plans to do, I might have to stay home. It also sucks b/c my sister paid her money to go.

Did you speak to her personally when she so-called gave this "permission"? Even if she did, she was probably under the impression you'd be staying at a hotel NOT at his apartment.

Honestly, to me it seems really dumb that a guy can't ever be friends with his ex, b/c his new woman might be sooooo insecure that any other woman he crosses paths with is a threat to him

Again, you so naive.

 

[Bachelorette]

Dhe said the info about the setup and events were discussed in email with her on CC..jada

she should have said something

but like I said she probably didnt wanna look somehow to him and from what I see its not like dude would have cared

 

[jada1111]

Dhe said the info about the setup and events were discussed in email with her on CC..jada

she should have said something

but like I said she probably didnt wanna look somehow to him and from what I see its not like dude would have cared

Yeah, he's slime.

It's always women trying their best to be "understanding" and following the information in those "relationship" books by not being too pushy, overbearing, assertive, etc., thereby giving slimebuckets like this one the right to act the complete fool.

If she lets him get away with this, then who knows what else he'll want.

Bastid.

 

[Whimsy]

Hey, OP, how old are you?

 

[kmn1980]

Chile please!

You so naive. Nobody would believe that story no matter how hard you would try to convince them otherwise, even if it is true. If you say it is, then I believe you.

But... if you and my man tried to run that story down to me, I'd slap him just for even thinking I'd be stupid enough to believe that mess.



Did you speak to her personally when she so-called gave this "permission"? Even if she did, she was probably under the impression you'd be staying at a hotel NOT at his apartment.



Again, you so naive.

I agree. She's either very young or very naive. I think age and life experience teaches you to be able to judge people and judge situations. I don't care if his girlfriend had a Kool-Aid grin while serving her a short stack when she agreed. Common sense and life experience would tell me that this is not okay.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Honestly, to me it seems really dumb that a guy can't ever be friends with his ex, b/c his new woman might be sooooo insecure that any other woman he crosses paths with is a threat to him

You stated that all four of you will practically be together 24/7, so I don't see where she's insecure. To me it sounds like she doesn't like being disrespected. If my husband had the audacity to even fix his mouth to ask can his ex stay at our crib I would give the side eye so hard....I might go cross eyed or something. I can't stand for a chick to step on my toes, and essentially thats what you are doing to her.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Dhe said the info about the setup and events were discussed in email with her on CC..jada

she should have said something

but like I said she probably didnt wanna look somehow to him and from what I see its not like dude would have cared

See that's a shame. It's sad that the gf didn't have the balls to speak up from the beginning.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Yeah, he's slime.

It's always women trying their best to be "understanding" and following the information in those "relationship" books by not being too pushy, overbearing, assertive, etc., thereby giving slimebuckets like this one the right to act the complete fool.

If she lets him get away with this, then who knows what else he'll want.

Bastid.

Yup reltionship books written by men or women who are cool being doormats

 

[Natasha009]

I'm 24. Him and I dated when I was 19-21, and he was 21-24. We both lived the straightedge lifestyle, had seperate bedrooms and everything. It was a college romance. We moved in together b/c I was transferring schools after the spring semester and didn't want to renew my lease for the year, and his roommate happened to move out at the same time. We were friends for a year before dating. We were like the only few black kids at our respective colleges, so of course we dated.

Him and his gf are 27.

I just feel like she knew I was staying over for all that time, and if she could write me an email saying she didn't want me to come the night before, she could have done that anytime in the past few weeks!

I was just hoping once we met each other she would see how things are - I can understand her POV but at the same time we were young. She also had the option of coming to visit for a few days during christmas when he came, but she decided not to.

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

I don't think you should even stay at a hotel. You are out of line in every way IMO. Forgetting about how you have probably helped to ruin their relationship...How can you go off and stay with some man when you are engaged?

 

[Whimsy]

Why do you want to hold on to this friendship so much?
I think most adults move past exes and realize that some ties can/should just be severed.
How "friendly" are you? Do you talk on the phone every day? week? Does he ask you for advice with his gf and do you do the same?

I'm only asking because the whole staying with an ex is just so foreign to me.

Is it your goal to be bff with both him and his new girl?
Do you really not see where the gf is coming from? (despite her saying yes before)

This whole situation sounds just very, young and short sighted.

 

[Natasha009]

Maybe I am naive, b/c I didn't think that it would be a problem, mainly b/c she said it wouldn't be. If she had just said YES, IT'S A PROBLEM, I wouldn't have made the plans I did!

 

[kmn1980]

You know Natasha?

Do me a favor and print this thread out. Put it in an envelope and when you get to his house, give the envelope to him and his girlfriend and tell them to read it together. They both need to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting about this alleged relationship.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

Maybe she does not want to be friends with YOU his ex...and you may think her position is insecure and stupid right now..but life has a way of showing you things.... and one day you might be the one wearing the shoes that she is wearing now and you'll see exactly where she is coming from. Just my two cents.

I'm 24. Him and I dated when I was 19-21, and he was 21-24. We both lived the straightedge lifestyle, had seperate bedrooms and everything. It was a college romance. We moved in together b/c I was transferring schools after the spring semester and didn't want to renew my lease for the year, and his roommate happened to move out at the same time. We were friends for a year before dating. We were like the only few black kids at our respective colleges, so of course we dated.

Him and his gf are 27.

I just feel like she knew I was staying over for all that time, and if she could write me an email saying she didn't want me to come the night before, she could have done that anytime in the past few weeks!

I was just hoping once we met each other she would see how things are - I can understand her POV but at the same time we were young. She also had the option of coming to visit for a few days during christmas when he came, but she decided not to.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

Not just that...print it out and save it...read it 10 years from now when you've had some more life experiences

You know Natasha?

Do me a favor and print this thread out. Put it in an envelope and when you get to his house, give the envelope to him and his girlfriend and tell them to read it together. They both need to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting about this alleged relationship.

 

[Whimsy]

Maybe I am naive, b/c I didn't think that it would be a problem, mainly b/c she said it wouldn't be. If she had just said YES, IT'S A PROBLEM, I wouldn't have made the plans I did!

And now that you know that it is a problem, what are you going to do about it?