Advice that Keeps YOU Single

[carcajada]

All men love *****es. I have two brothers and several male cousins...don't none of them want a itchy woman!

I think some males need *****y women or they'll walk all over them/get bored/look for more of a challenge. Not just women who stand up for themselves, but women who will rip them a new one on the spot. That advice pertains to extreme alpha males who need a chick to buck at every turn. Dh is like this and his friends told him that he'd met his match when we hooked up. Damn straight.

 

[Bmack]

Let him chase you. I am married, but you have to let a man know you want him too.

People need to say be careful not to do all the work. I know we like to be chased, but men want to know if they are getting somewhere.

 

[Kalani]

God will spend you a MAN when you are “ready” meaning gotten your Christian life in order.

No disrespect to those who dispense this advise but seriously I'm soooooo over this one! I understand the thought behind this but really..how many years does it take?
Meanwhile the happily married Christian women you know were a mess when they met and married their hubbies.

 

[Britt]

"Just work on yourself, he'll come." erplexed


I've been "working" on myself for the past 3 years and he ain't come yet. Unless I do or change something I'll remain single.

YESSSSS! I think all of this 'working on yourself' can sometimes hold us back. We will NEVER be perfect and will always be a work in progress. Barring anything too crazy and emotional, I really don't see why we can't do this while with someone. Also, if you do not have any crazy situations going on and your life is pretty orderly and 'normal' why should you not date or be w/someone b/c you are working on an issue?!?!? There will always be something that you are working on. I have never heard this advice being given towards men - unless it's relating to him getting his life on track such as, getting a job, finishing school, etc. But w/ women, it's as if we are supposed to be fully together emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc before we get involved w/ someone.

I'm not talking about someone going through a divorce, or a very rocky relationship that jumps right into the next relationship. I mean those of us who have it together and continuously told to 'work on yourself' as if you will be 'fully whole' by the time to you find your mate.

One piece of advice that kept me single is: It will happen when you stop searching.

That only kept me single for another 5-7 years! When I started to be active and look for a nice man, it happened within 3 months.

For some of us, doing NOTHING is the worst advice ever.

I agree... yes, I think we can meet men anywhere when you least expect it... but you can't rely on that alone.

 

[softblackcotton]

"Let the man make all the moves"

While I believe that advice, I misinterpreted as ignore him and don't say anything to him and let him come to you. Evidently that comes across as unapproachable...LoL

Let him chase you. I am married, but you have to let a man know you want him too.

People need to say be careful not to do all the work. I know we like to be chased, but men want to know if they are getting somewhere.

These two pieces of advice have kept me basically single all my 26 years. It's so ingrained into my persona that I automatically get cold whenever I sense a guy likes me., Too bad the ice cold approach doesn't work on guys who I am extremely non-attracted too. Those guys are like roaches and flies they just won't give up and go away.

 

[TrueToHair]

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[TrueToHair]

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[TrueToHair]

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[Bmack]

I think women generally know when they are not getting all that they deserve from a man, but I know how other women who do not follow their own advice, advise women incorrectly.

"He is not acting right, girl you need to leave him"

"Girl, you gonna put up with that humph!! If that was me..."

 

[TrueToHair]

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[Katherina]

THANK YOU for this distinction. I want to make it clear that the misinterpretation goes both ways. Either 1) Women think that they should be cold and withdrawn, or 2) They think they should charge after a man in a desperate way. BOTH will keep you single.

Sorry, I have a lot of male friends, and they ALL (without exception) have told me that men NEED the chase. (I'll post one analogy my good friend told me in a minute). But, you still need to hint that you are interested and available.

I just want to make it clear that women should NOT charge after men like a desperate antelope. Your job is to respond positively to his advances, encouraging him and making him feel that his "moves" have been successful. So there really is an art to flirting.

 

[TrueToHair]

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[darlingdiva]

Always believing your girlfriends when they say, "It's not you; it's him....You're not in a relationship because all of the men are intimidated by you."

Sometimes, it is us. Women need to take stock of their inventory just as men do. NEVER abandon your standards, but make sure you can match the demands that you require of your potential mate.

 

[Choclatcotton]

This is what I got before i was married, "girl let Jesus be your husband" LOL

 

[TrueToHair]

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[BEAUTYU2U]

This is what I got before i was married, "girl let Jesus be your husband" LOL

Huh? I don't understand this "reinvention" of God's role in single women's lives. HE is not our man, HE is our Heavenly Father. I've noticed this more and more. People talking about "falling in love" with Jesus and things like that. Creeps me out.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

ok...here are mine!

"Jesus" is all the man you will ever need.

It may not be meant for you to be married. God might have other plans for your life.

Just when you stop looking, he'll come.

I don't feel the need to comment on these lines...ya'll get it!

 

[carcajada]

Another one:
Enjoy being single (uh...so what do you think they are doing now? NOT enjoying life?)

 

[Love Always]

Huh? I don't understand this "reinvention" of God's role in single women's lives. HE is not our man, HE is our Heavenly Father. I've noticed this more and more. People talking about "falling in love" with Jesus and things like that. Creeps me out.

I agree and people really need to stop saying that. I shared this before on the board but one Bishop said that women need to stop saying Jesus is your husband because he's not going to climb in the bed with you every night LOL.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[nik83]

"You'll find him when you stop looking." Of course I will, because I won't be looking after I find him, LOL!

 

[Glib Gurl]

It may not be meant for you to be married. God might have other plans for your life.

See that's what kills me about this advice. How comes it seems that the only people for whom God has "given the gift of singleness" or "has other plans for" tend to be BLACK Christian women? Bump that!

Not to be funny, but recently I went to a Christian singles conference where it was 95% women - and not to be funny, but these sisters were BUTT UGLY. Like one was straight looking like Wanda (Jamie Foxx), talm'bout, "I'm just waiting on the Lord . . . " Well, honey, you might want to visit an orthodontist and a hair stylist in the meantime . . . just sayin'

(sorry y'all I'm feeling some kinda way )

 

[Raspberry]

See that's what kills me about this advice. How comes it seems that the only people for whom God has "given the gift of singleness" or "has other plans for" tend to be BLACK Christian women? Bump that!

Not to be funny, but recently I went to a Christian singles conference where it was 95% women - and not to be funny, but these sisters were BUTT UGLY. Like one was straight looking like Wanda (Jamie Foxx), talm'bout, "I'm just waiting on the Lord . . . " Well, honey, you might want to visit an orthodontist and a hair stylist in the meantime . . . just sayin'

(sorry y'all I'm feeling some kinda way )

Girl I hear you.. I really do. As a Christian woman one of the best things we can do is stop hanging out solely with women, and I would never go to a Christian singles event (I know I sound judgmental, maybe there's some great singles event out there I'm unaware of), at some point there's nothing more to say about the subject, especially not surrounded by lonely single women lol. It's ok to do interesting things that aren't directly church related, if I was a Christian man I'd be terribly bored with a lot of these churchy women.

 

[VelvetRain]

See that's what kills me about this advice. How comes it seems that the only people for whom God has "given the gift of singleness" or "has other plans for" tend to be BLACK Christian women? Bump that!

Not to be funny, but recently I went to a Christian singles conference where it was 95% women - and not to be funny, but these sisters were BUTT UGLY. Like one was straight looking like Wanda (Jamie Foxx), talm'bout, "I'm just waiting on the Lord . . . " Well, honey, you might want to visit an orthodontist and a hair stylist in the meantime . . . just sayin'

(sorry y'all I'm feeling some kinda way )

Very true Glib. Sometimes it's a matter of truly getting yourself together physically in addition to emotionally and spiritually.

 

[Valerie]

Girl I hear you.. I really do. As a Christian woman one of the best things we can do is stop hanging out solely with women, and I would never go to a Christian singles event (I know I sound judgmental, maybe there's some great singles event out there I'm unaware of), at some point there's nothing more to say about the subject, especially not surrounded by lonely single women lol. It's ok to do interesting things that aren't directly church related, if I was a Christian man I'd be terribly bored with a lot of these churchy women.

I don't go either, I think people need to be practical, so you want a husband, I say pray and take action, make yourself look attractive men are visual characters and Christian men are everywhere not just in church. Go to nice places and open yourself to a love a good man and stop saying that there are no good man around and don't listen to people to say that either. The biggest thing is keep away for people who have never married, especially single Christian women.

 

[Love Always]

Valerie, that was some good advice and I will be ascribing to that . I do think that alot of times us Christian women limit ourselves. Some really do think all you have to do is pray and wait on the Lord and this can go on for years .

 

[Britt]

I think some males need *****y women or they'll walk all over them/get bored/look for more of a challenge. Not just women who stand up for themselves, but women who will rip them a new one on the spot. That advice pertains to extreme alpha males who need a chick to buck at every turn. Dh is like this and his friends told him that he'd met his match when we hooked up. Damn straight.

Ohhh absolutely!
Given the alpha type of male that I am attracted to, this is most def in order !

 

[SuchMagnificent]

My BFF:
"You should just go out just to have fun, you shouldnt go out to try and meet men."

Oh..okay then..So if I want a new job, I should go to the job fair just to go, right? Not give anyone my resume or try to network? Not fill out any applications either? So when I go out socially as a single woman, I should just talk to women, even though I like men, and would eventually like to be in a relationship again? So if we go out together I should just be up under you all night.