2012 Relationship Random Thoughts.... Part III

[A856]

A856, where are you going? I am going away with my dude too. I wish I could do a fresh rollerset tonight but am too busy with shaving, plucking , nails and packing.

What Korean body scrub? I love body scrubs!

Were going to San Diego, I'd like to do a braidout... Looks like i'll be riding down in braids, my hair won't be dry over night.

Jim jil bang(I think that's how it's spelled) aka Korean body scrub, get a few layers of dead skin scrubbed by the Korean ladies in their bra and panties! Lol! You feel brand knew, skin so soft, like a baby!
Google Korean spas to see what's in your area. It's not for the modest, you get scrubbed in an open area.

 

[kismettt]

firecracker my crush is my roommate's cousin that i started dating in july. the new guy is someone i met through okc and we've been talking since june, but only actually met/went out a couple of weeks ago when he finally moved here. i ended things with my crush since my interest was basically in his looks (i mean he was sweet/nice too but i always feel inclined to throw that in there, maybe to make myself seem less horrible idk ).

& new guy was just like, "i'm not going to date anyone else", and i decided that i won't either. so unofficially exclusive b/c jfc it's been a little over 2 weeks.

 

[firecracker]

Kismett thanks for answering my question. I thought it was two separate guys. Congrats on being exclusive with the really interesting guy. YAAAAAHOOOO! I love it!!! He sounds like a good match and you guys connection was on deck.

I swear I'm over here singing "just kickin it, kick off your shoes and relax your feet" !!!!
I truly am happy for you!!!!!

 

[Fine 4s]

I feel like crying!!!! I don't even want to see the dad before he leaves to go home. I feel betrayed....

 

[MrsMe]

Ugh, I'm starting to think that I'm a commitment-phobe...

Sent from my iPad using LHCF...if only it would stop correcting what I write.

 

[chronicity]

This is the lowest I've ever felt about myself. I almost feel like maybe I need a therapist to diagnose whatever is wrong with me that causes me not to have normal, healthy, emotionally satisfying relationships like it seems like everyone else manages to have so effortlessly.

Today I found out a guy--whom until this morning I considered a dear friend--has moved to my city without telling me. He was living in Seattle when we broke up a year ago after non-seriously seeing each other long-distance, and now apparently, I'm the last person on the planet to know that he is practically living in my backyard now.

I found out about this only because a mutual friend invited me to hang out with both of them next week, and included me on an email chain that contained a post from my "friend" announcing his newfound presence in DC. What hurts the most is that in this email he threw out the names of other mutual acquaintances living in the area that could be included in the invite to hang out, but he never mentioned me. It was only because our mutual pal piped up that I wasn't excluded.

I don't understand why he is pretending that I don't exist. For almost 3 years, we were friends and lovers. We took vacations together. We flew across the country to see each other. We last communicated less than 2 months ago and nothing was amiss. We haven't had any drama at all since we stopping being romantically involved. So what is the rationale for not telling me he's here? Why would he act like I don't exist at all? Especially when we know the same people?

I could pick up the phone and ask him to explain...but I'm so hurt, confused, and disillusioned that I have to wonder what the point of that would be. Nothing he can say will make me understand or ease away my bad feelings.

Am I overreacting? You'll just have to take my word that I didn't do anything crazy to drive him to act like this.

 

[Mortons]

Mortons the white individual??????

Yep, and good riddance.

Today is my day off from school, and oddly enough I have been daydreaming about getting married. I really need to stop this hopeless romantic bull

 

[LaBelleLL]

he comes tomorrow night for the weekend. yay!!!

 

[CarLiTa]

We had two really great dates. I hope this continues! Conversation is great; I'm super relaxed; we're both laughing a lot, talking about sooo much. I am trying to get him to go dancing with me, but he's reluctant. He says he has three left feet but he knows I like to dance, so I hope I can convince him... this weekend, ideally.

 

[kismettt]

i INHALED Communion The Female Search For Love by bell hooks. It was SO SO GOOD. i would highly recommend it.

she was quoting another author about what to look for in a partner and it is so true. these are the qualities i desire in a romantic partner, and the qualities i aim to have:

- commitment to personal growth

- emotional openness

- integrity

- maturity

- responsibility

- high self esteem

- positive attitude toward life

 

[firecracker]

chronicity if you guys just stopped talking 2 months ago did he ever mention moving there? If you guys were not a couple long distance officially and were just friends with benefits he really had no reason or obligation to tell you anything. There are certain risk and disappointment that comes with just screwing just like there are with real relationships. Maybe he wanted a clean and free slate upon coming to that city.
I am sorry you are feeling down and out. Maybe you should pass on hanging out in that circle til you can work out your feelings or come to terms with his slight.

 

[chronicity]

We were friends, not **** buddies. Of course he doesn't "owe" me the courtesy of telling me he lives here. Technically, no one does, not even my twin sister. It just hurts that he would carry on like I'm person non grata when common sense would dictate i would eventually learn the truth. If he was afraid of awkwardness before, his actions have only made that awkwardness more likely and ten times worse.

And no he did not tell me that he was moving here when we talked two months ago. That's the point. I found out yesterday.

 

[firecracker]

We were friends, not **** buddies. Of course he doesn't "owe" me the courtesy of telling me he lives here. Technically, no one does, not even my twin sister. It just hurts that he would carry on like I'm person non grata when common sense would dictate i would eventually learn the truth. If he was afraid of awkwardness before, his actions have only made that awkwardness more likely and ten times worse.

And no he did not tell me that he was moving here when we talked two months ago. That's the point. I found out yesterday.

For almost 3 years, we were friends and lovers. We took vacations together. We flew across the country to see each other.
^^^^From your og post. chronicity Ok call it would you'd like if it makes you feel better but you were UCFK buddies because friends DONT UCFK. It blurs the lines on too many levels which is why your feelings are hurt. As I said prior he obviously didn't want that kind of entanglement or tie to you while in the same city. For three years he was just doing something to pass away the time because it doesn't look like he is planning some big reveal surprise for you dear friend. I don't no everything but I damn sure would know when I've been dissed or put on ignore unceremoniously. We've all been thru some tough lessons and didn't die. Hurt feelings and bruised egos do heal. Take this a some kind of lesson. Do you sweetie and I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Fine 4s]

I can't stand when people pretend to be in a relationship when they know darn well they have no intentions to commit. They use gifts, family introductions, sex and all the trappings to pretend.

My whole twenties was with those type of men.

 

[Fine 4s]

i INHALED Communion The Female Search For Love by bell hooks. It was SO SO GOOD. i would highly recommend it.

she was quoting another author about what to look for in a partner and it is so true. these are the qualities i desire in a romantic partner, and the qualities i aim to have:

- commitment to personal growth

- emotional openness

- integrity

- maturity

- responsibility

- high self esteem

- positive attitude toward life

Read that book and LOVED it!

 

[Tamster]

Were going to San Diego, I'd like to do a braidout... Looks like i'll be riding down in braids, my hair won't be dry over night.

Jim jil bang(I think that's how it's spelled) aka Korean body scrub, get a few layers of dead skin scrubbed by the Korean ladies in their bra and panties! Lol! You feel brand knew, skin so soft, like a baby!
Google Korean spas to see what's in your area. It's not for the modest, you get scrubbed in an open area.

Korean body scrubs are my new favorite thing in life. I just want to live at the Korean spa. You pretty much can too. Lawd.

 

[chronicity]

For almost 3 years, we were friends and lovers. We took vacations together. We flew across the country to see each other.
^^^^From your og post. @chronicity Ok call it would you'd like if it makes you feel better but you were UCFK buddies because friends DONT UCFK. It blurs the lines on too many levels which is why your feelings are hurt.

Thanks for telling me why I'm hurt based on a five-word phrase, but you don't know enough about the situation to do so with any credibility.

 

[MotionThickness]

chronicity

I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt. I believe that firecracker responded based on what you said which did make it seem as if you were only buddies. Perhaps you could clarify?

Please understand that the ladies here can only respond based on the information you provided.

I hope things get better for you.

(((hugs)))

Thanks for telling me why I'm hurt based on a five-word phrase, but you don't know enough about the situation to do so with any credibility.

 

[chronicity]

I don't know why it's necessary that I clarify, to be honest. Lol. I thought this thread was for venting only, and in a thread like this (in which 20% of the posts are borderline stream-of-consciousness anyway) it's rather rude to jump to conclusions about a stranger's relationship (and the basis of their feelings) based on a superficial reading of a post. But I'll humor yall anyway.

We started out as platonic friends (through work) and then we dated for 2 years. After our fellowship ended, I moved to DC and he moved to Seattle. For a year we continued to see each other long distance but we soon accepted this setup wasn't sustainable because we lived on opposite coasts and neither of us really wanted to move. So we were not exclusive to one another during this time. I dated other people, he dated other people. And yet we still had the kind of relationship in which we would visit each other, take vacations together, share rooms together at conferences, mail each other gifts, and confide in about all of our family medical drama or work-related gripes. We "broke up" when I told him I wanted to more seriously concentrate on someone local. We reverted back to being platonic friends.

So now I find out he has moved here and has hidden this from me in the clumsiest way imaginable. Maybe he is concerned about me trying to start something with him when he's not interested, but that concern is unwarranted and he should know that since I've told him that I'm seeming someone right now.

Is it really that crazy that I would find this behavior hurtful and perplexing? I guess it is. Reason # 1342 why I need therapy, and why I shouldn't have opened up about it here.

 

[kismettt]

chronicity i understand where you are coming from. relationships are not always "he's your SO or he's not. your feelings are invalid". there are friendships that may have become romantic or physical and then gone back to friendships. Whether or not the two people are able to maintain a friendship after crossing that line is up for debate. your feelings are always valid. but the reality is obviously he isn't interested in doing what he needs to in order to maintain your friendship. which sucks and is hurtful. but in all relationships (friendships, romantic, etc), i don't believe in trying if they aren't. there's no point. but mourning the loss/end of your friendship is okay and when people do things that you see as out of character, it can be hard to not hold onto what you thought you had and harder to accept that clearly it's no longer that way.

i do think this thread is more stream of consciousness rather than advice. sometimes you just want to feel heard.

 

[FelaShrine]

Broke up with my SO because they could figure out what was important til it was too late. They left money in my account for me to hold, and their phone is coming to my house because it was closer to ship to me. I guess I'm gonna be good and give it back to them. This time...

should have gotten enough for your dream apt before letting them go. Expect harassment on twitter for the full details missy

 

[chronicity]

Thanks for your words, kismett! Yes, sometimes all we want is to feel understood.

 

[kismettt]

THREE T'S Y'ALL!!





i never get mentions or know when people are talking to me.

i'm kidding

kinda

 

[firecracker]

I don't know why it's necessary that I clarify, to be honest. Lol. I thought this thread was for venting only, and in a thread like this (in which 20% of the posts are borderline stream-of-consciousness anyway) it's rather rude to jump to conclusions about a stranger's relationship (and the basis of their feelings) based on a superficial reading of a post. But I'll humor yall anyway.

We started out as platonic friends (through work) and then we dated for 2 years. After our fellowship ended, I moved to DC and he moved to Seattle. For a year we continued to see each other long distance but we soon accepted this setup wasn't sustainable because we lived on opposite coasts and neither of us really wanted to move. So we were not exclusive to one another during this time. I dated other people, he dated other people. And yet we still had the kind of relationship in which we would visit each other, take vacations together, share rooms together at conferences, mail each other gifts, and confide in about all of our family medical drama or work-related gripes. We "broke up" when I told him I wanted to more seriously concentrate on someone local. We reverted back to being platonic friends.

So now I find out he has moved here and has hidden this from me in the clumsiest way imaginable. Maybe he is concerned about me trying to start something with him when he's not interested, but that concern is unwarranted and he should know that since I've told him that I'm seeming someone right now.

Is it really that crazy that I would find this behavior hurtful and perplexing? I guess it is. Reason # 1342 why I need therapy, and why I shouldn't have opened up about it here.

chronicity keep you story to yoself and off the innanet. If you want to vent only, journal my dear watson. This is no different than IRL. If you voice your half arsed story or opinion on a subject folk will and can comment on what you provided. You asked a question in your first post it started off like "why am I going thru this or some bs". Well hell I told you why. You also stated maybe you need therapy for a conclusion. Yeah yo arse should seek some therapy and get you arse off the innanet with attitude because you posted a lil bit of a story.

Miss me and the rest of us with that bs I only posted 5 lines, characters or wtheva now folks are making assumptions. Girl bye dude ain't trying to get with you right now and WTH is your feelings so hurt for if you supposedly quit him. Well maybe he didn't like your wishy washy arse in the first place. Bye bye birdy!!!!

freakin silly arse getting in a huff after you dumped some convoluted poo in the air about some ninja that moved along like he should have................

I wish I would let you make me skip a few days into a week and turn this good ole Friday into a Tell Yo Arse Sunday. Again

 

[firecracker]

Kismett you ain't lived long enough to have experienced too much so I'm leave that bs alone. As for folks thinking folks don't end a REAL relationship and go back to friends yeah yeah yeah again keep living. Oh for the record a long distance relationship is nothing like being a True relationship where you are in the same city dealing with day to day, moment by moment issues up close and personal. I know that bs too from experience living in NYC and LA being free to be in both cities at any given moment since I have been working for the same damn employer back and forth for over 20plus years w/8 yr left to retire.

Imma let you story/text book advice and no real true life experience enjoy yourself but prior to silly nilly coming up in here folks took advice quite well up in herre. You no experience having gizmo's won't ever runaway the older seasoned folks! So keep on posted cuz this ole *****lump gon keep on commenting to your post weather you like it or not. You lookin for "oh po me's 24/7" take that mess to pm land. You ain't the first nor the last to have gone thru some bs.

We can all post what we please within the forum rules. You went there and I went right back with ya. Come on gimme some mo! LOL

 

[LaBelleLL]

well damn!

 

[kismettt]

i feel you dropped the extra t to spite me.

if age = wisdom, half of the issues people have wouldn't exist b/c they'd know better since they are older.

 

[firecracker]

i feel you dropped the extra t to spite me.

if age = wisdom, half of the issues people have wouldn't exist b/c they'd know better since they are older.

Kismett I didn't do anything to spite you. I'm just speaking the truth and you know it.

No age doesn't mean wisdom but you are only 22 and a LITTLE GIRL. You know the difference between ignorant and ignant. I'm the latter you are the first. You ain't lived that damn long to experience a damn thang outside of a campus. Which is by far not real life nor does it prepare you for real life situations.

Textbook bs that cannot even be applied outside of group project.
I'm not being mean you have no real life experience or knowledge on half the mess you talk about here. Experience and living a long life trumps the bs you continually give advice on. As you continue to live you will also find out that folks have a varied amount of maturity on different levels, subjects etc. Imma say it again keep living young buck because you have a long way to go.

You don't come off as hardheaded just ignorant to the facts called life. I can damn near guarantee you will change half your textbook views once you live long enough.

I'm going to try to allow this thread to get back on course because from what I recall you got a new and exciting love thang to put energy into instead of my ole crazy arse.

eta: mentioned older folks/poster upthread because alot of the older members here feel shut out and don't want to voice their much needed wealth of life experience that can help some of you too big for your britches children.
Yeah I said it, because I tell mine shut yo arse up and listen cuz you really don't know **** til you live some mo!

 

[firecracker]

Korean body scrubs are my new favorite thing in life. I just want to live at the Korean spa. You pretty much can too. Lawd.

I'm going to have to check out the Korean Spa scrubs that you guys speakd of. I hope they don't have that infamous sign and give happy endings like loads of massage/spa's in L.A does.

 

[kismettt]

Kismett I didn't do anything to spite you. I'm just speaking the truth and you know it.

No age doesn't mean wisdom but you are only 22 and a LITTLE GIRL. You know the difference between ignorant and ignant. I'm the latter you are the first. You ain't lived that damn long to experience a damn thang outside of a campus. Which is by far not real life nor does it prepare you for real life situations.

Textbook bs that cannot even be applied outside of group project.
I'm not being mean you have no real life experience or knowledge on half the mess you talk about here. Experience and living a long life trumps the bs you continually give advice on. As you continue to live you will also find out that folks have a varied amount of maturity on different levels, subjects etc. Imma say it again keep living young buck because you have a long way to go.

You don't come off as hardheaded just ignorant to the facts called life. I can damn near guarantee you will change half your textbook views once you live long enough.

I'm going to try to allow this thread to get back on course because from what I recall you got a new and exciting love thang to put energy into instead of my ole crazy arse.

eta: mentioned older folks/poster upthread because alot of the older members here feel shut out and don't want to voice their much needed wealth of life experience that can help some of you too big for your britches children.
Yeah I said it, because I tell mine shut yo arse up and listen cuz you really don't know **** til you live some mo!

it was a joke.

i graduated 2 years ago. my views on life are always evolving and changing. i only speak what i know and believe is true at the time. my opinions on things even a year ago were different. i never said otherwise. dismissing my opinion because you think my age = X amount of experience isn't really necessary (or true as you see. last time i went to a college campus was to hire).

and i'm a woman.