It was easier taking care of my hair when I was single...

[candy626]

I'm not sure what race your SO is, but if he's black, he should already know wassup with black women's hair at night. If he grew up with mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, or any female relatives, it wouldn't be the first time he's seen a headscarf, rollers, or whatever else. Tthough some black men will still fuss about it and pretend like they don't know most black women do this...most know it's part of the package.

If you can, try not to put a scarf on or put your hair into a protective style until after you guys have intimate time I guess. But, with my current and past SO, neither seemed to really care about my headscarf after awhile. I think my current SO hates my wigs more then my headscarf. If you explain to him about your hair goals, he should be okay with whatever you do to it at night.

 

[Raspberry]

Pin hair up and sleep on satin pillowcase. I'm wl and grew up wearing a scarf. My mom wore one and rollers to bed and my dad hated how it looked. He complained about this often. She looked beautiful in the morning though! I used to cringe. As soon as I could afford it I got satin pillowcases and started pinning up in a loose bun at night. No more scarves! I do sometimes use a mesh net to cover Bantu knots if I sleep in them. I've never let a SO see me in those but roommates have. It's not easy being fabulous all the time...

I agree. I stooped wearing a scarf daily because it rubbed my edges too much and i sleep rough. After going without it most nights and wearing either a bun, pin curls, or a high ponytail I discovered I didn't actually need a scarf for my hair to look good in the morning. The satin pillowcase is fine for retaining moisture too. I now only wear a scarf when I wrap my hair once in a while.

Just saying that even though bed scarves are traditional, they may not be necessary on a daily basis... try going without for a few days and see how it goes

 

[Lilmama1011]

I'm not sure what race your SO is, but if he's black, he should already know wassup with black women's hair at night. If he grew up with mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, or any female relatives, it wouldn't be the first time he's seen a headscarf, rollers, or whatever else. Tthough some black men will still fuss about it and pretend like they don't know most black women do this...most know it's part of the package.

If you can, try not to put a scarf on or put your hair into a protective style until after you guys have intimate time I guess. But, with my current and past SO, neither seemed to really care about my headscarf after awhile. I think my current SO hates my wigs more then my headscarf. If you explain to him about your hair goals, he should be okay with whatever you do to it at night.

The men probably think that it's just for their aunts and mom and grandma to walk around looking a mess but not their SO lol

 

[yorkpatties]

I have lived with my SO for years and I am pretty sure the least of his worries is my headscarf. Even before "sleepovers" he knew how I was about my hair, he knew I could be dressed well, and everything else is good, but if my hair is not on point it's a bad day, so anything that supports it's health and contributes to it looking good in the morning he is for 100%.

It's a simple question: would he prefer you go to sleep looking a tad messy or leave the house with him the next day looking a HOT *** mess? It's a simple question.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I had similar issues when I started my hair journey last year. I'm still not comfortable wearing the do-rag or plastic cap to bed but ...
1. I always have silk or satin pillowcases on my pillows and
2. I wear my hair in a high bun or ponytail (that I wrap into a bun before sleeping) or
3. I wear 2 indian braids or ponytails with my ends folded up.

I agree about the nice scarf. I tried that but haven't found one to stay on my head yet.

All of this is exactly what I do. Plus he supports everything I am trying to do with my hair so it makes it a heck of a lot easier to do.

 

[reeko43]

Never had this problem. But then again I never considered sending my representative before he got to meet the real deal. DH got the real deal up front. Even when we first started dating, I wasn't dolled up 24/7 because I am not that way anyway. DH reminds me to put on my scarf/bonnet/plastic cap or other hair preparation when I fall asleep w/out or even reminds me to make sure not to forget when packing. But then, my husband has a sister, mother and has been married before so maybe that helps too.

 

[MzSwift]

There are some great suggestions in this thread!

I sleep in my earrings as well. It helps me to feel feminine. They're usually small hoops or studs of some kind.

Sometimes I rock a bun headwrap. It looks good with the earrings. When I rock my extensions, I put them in a high bun and do a high headwrap. Hubby thinks it makes me look like a queen.

GL!

 

[lalablossoms]

The irony that this topic just came up since I went shopping for pretty scarves last night inspired me to respond. I started getting tired of all the wrapping etc. and I am single haha. I am close to my mid 30s and have a goal to feel more sophisticated and sexy. Even how I maintain my hairstyle I want to feel confident. I just don't feel comfortable with head coverings at night and don't like the look either. I agree with the poster who said you may be surprised by how resilient your hair is with less. I know some like all the backup protection if they are on a challenge, and I admire that dedication, but I truly think for the most part minimal works too.

I am natural and wear a flat ironed bob which I pin curl or bantu knot at night. I pin it up in a way that kind of looks like a cute updo. My style holds very well secured with the bobby pins and do not see much difference in my take downs with or without a covering. I am concerned about my hair keeping its shine, preventing breakage, and keeping my edges smooth. I have decided to just wrap the edges headband style with some pretty long scarves and invest in satiny pillowcases and sheets. I know synthetic material can get hot so I am going to save up for a good quality sateen or silk. I think it is sexy to have silky sheets anyway so win win for me.

My next mission is to figure out the shower situation. My hair does not really revert alot because of the serum I use but I do sometimes get a little halo frizz from the steam and wet edges. I may try a scarf. Shower caps always kind of feel irritating around the edges to me, plus do not seem to fully protect the hairline from moisture. I also considered a cute old school swim cap if the scarf does not work.

Don't feel silly for being self conscious about this. I understand it is a cultural norm, but that does not mean you have to feel wrong for feeling awkward.

 

[geejay]

Men are visual, but not necessarily shallow. So be yourself. If they really like you, they can be very sweet about all kinds of beauty rituals.

 

[lalablossoms]

There are some great suggestions in this thread!

I sleep in my earrings as well. It helps me to feel feminine. They're usually small hoops or studs of some kind.

Sometimes I rock a bun headwrap. It looks good with the earrings. When I rock my extensions, I put them in a high bun and do a high headwrap. Hubby thinks it makes me look like a queen.

GL!

I love this approach. I think if you do opt for a full head covering going the regal hair wrap route is a beautiful option. Think Badu style. Much more femme than a bonnet and it looks exotic haha. I considered this too and would totally do it if my scalp did not sweat so bad while I sleep. This may be a good idea for the shower though...hmmm.

 

[Lilmama1011]

There are some great suggestions in this thread!

I sleep in my earrings as well. It helps me to feel feminine. They're usually small hoops or studs of some kind.

Sometimes I rock a bun headwrap. It looks good with the earrings. When I rock my extensions, I put them in a high bun and do a high headwrap. Hubby thinks it makes me look like a queen.

GL!

Yes earrings do wonders, it gives you that extra shine

 

[Lilmama1011]

The irony that this topic just came up since I went shopping for pretty scarves last night inspired me to respond. I started getting tired of all the wrapping etc. and I am single haha. I am close to my mid 30s and have a goal to feel more sophisticated and sexy. Even how I maintain my hairstyle I want to feel confident. I just don't feel comfortable with head coverings at night and don't like the look either. I agree with the poster who said you may be surprised by how resilient your hair is with less. I know some like all the backup protection if they are on a challenge, and I admire that dedication, but I truly think for the most part minimal works too.

I am natural and wear a flat ironed bob which I pin curl or bantu knot at night. I pin it up in a way that kind of looks like a cute updo. My style holds very well secured with the bobby pins and do not see much difference in my take downs with or without a covering. I am concerned about my hair keeping its shine, preventing breakage, and keeping my edges smooth. I have decided to just wrap the edges headband style with some pretty long scarves and invest in satiny pillowcases and sheets. I know synthetic material can get hot so I am going to save up for a good quality sateen or silk. I think it is sexy to have silky sheets anyway so win win for me.

My next mission is to figure out the shower situation. My hair does not really revert alot because of the serum I use but I do sometimes get a little halo frizz from the steam and wet edges. I may try a scarf. Shower caps always kind of feel irritating around the edges to me, plus do not seem to fully protect the hairline from moisture. I also considered a cute old school swim cap if the scarf does not work.

Don't feel silly for being self conscious about this. I understand it is a cultural norm, but that does not mean you have to feel wrong for feeling awkward.

When I take a shower I have a scarf on and a shower cap to prevent it from getting wet and yeah it's the norm to wear scarfs but people still do feel awkward

 

[KurlyNinja]

I would like to thank everybody for their input on this. And no the guy I'm with is not that shallow that he wouldn't mind me having a scarf on. (Even though he has expressed how much he hates bonnets). But I just wanted to have an option that was good for my hair AND cute. Why does it always have to be one or the other? Why can't we have both? Thats the only thing that bothers me. But Thanks for all your input you guys. There were a lot of helpful responses.

 

[Blairx0]

Thanks for making this topic. It took me a year to introduce my boyfriend to my scarf and I am still happy that he can't tell the difference between my wigs and my hair all the time. I have to admit that may of his date night plans interfere with my deep conditioning desires or styling plans, but as I am new on my journey his support is truly helpful. Like other have said the time will come when there is a full merge, but I have tried to lessen the blow with prettier scarfs unlike mine with the old oil stains and satin pillowcase for night time.

I while he is still not seen my under wig prison cornrows, I like to think my hair, myself, and he are happy so its all good. But good bless him if we ever move in together. I'm gonna need my own room with a lock and key to detangle

 

[EbonyHairedPrincess]

My husband brings me my head scarf. Just put it on like ain't nothing wrong and he won't say a word. Look on YouTube for some cute ways to tie large silk scarves. The sooner you let him see you in it the better.

 

[sonychari]

Never had this problem. But then again I never considered sending my representative before he got to meet the real deal. DH got the real deal up front. Even when we first started dating, I wasn't dolled up 24/7 because I am not that way anyway. DH reminds me to put on my scarf/bonnet/plastic cap or other hair preparation when I fall asleep w/out or even reminds me to make sure not to forget when packing. But then, my husband has a sister, mother and has been married before so maybe that helps too.

I second that. My SO be like, "Babe, where's your scarf?" when I'm feeling lazy and try to go to bed without it. He wants my hair to be long and strong as much as I do. He doesn't like me to neglect it or treat it too roughly. I was detangling after washing it last night and he was like, "You're combing it too much, stop please." You would think HE taught ME about healthy hair practices instead of the other way around

 

[ksimmi82]

My SO realizes its a nesseesary evil...he loves that I'm passionate about my hair, and he loves the fact that it is also WL and healthy. He doesn't complain that I wear my head scarf to bed...and he still finds me attractive...Thank God for that man..lol

 

[My Friend]

My Dh hates when I wear wigs. So I did a length check for him and told him that I could stay ------- here or I could continue to wear my wig for another year and my hair would be __________ here He wanted to do this but he was trying to play it cool and was like "I guess the wig ain't that bad"

 

[kellistarr]

Since it's been 8 months, it's time he got to know the real you and your hair.
I think you're going to have to cuten up what's underneath your wig. Get some cute, braided hair designs and no more celie's all over the place. Invest in some high-end scarves and the cutest bonnets you can find. Buy satin pillow cases for his place as well as yours. And keep your night wear sexy.

It is true that men are visual and that doesn't end once you get married. They are still looking for Sexy! But they have to be realistic. You don't go to sleep with your make-up on, do you? I explain to my man that I can't be cute tomorrow if I sleep with my make-up on tonight. Same with my hair. If I leave my hair out, later I put it up.

 

[lux10023]

i have a dh and healthy hair practices are still tricky so to speak--yes hes seen me looking every which way but i still like to keep my appearances up for him..thats just who i am...so no he wont see my braids underneath that wig but i have gotten real creative with the scarves..and etc

going to bed or just lounging around the house i still want him to look appealing and im sure he does for me as well...smell good..look good...just wanna be able to give him the look or he give me the look and its on ya know lol
and i was that way even when we were dating he saw me on my off days--but its one thing to have some off days its another to go to bed or come home to someone who always look...homely or etc

 

[Raspberry]

I second that. My SO be like, "Babe, where's your scarf?" when I'm feeling lazy and try to go to bed without it. He wants my hair to be long and strong as much as I do. He doesn't like me to neglect it or treat it too roughly. I was detangling after washing it last night and he was like, "You're combing it too much, stop please." You would think HE taught ME about healthy hair practices instead of the other way around

 

[Evolving78]

i told my SO that i had some hair goals i am trying to achieve. he doesn't mind as long as i don't cut my hair or wear a weave.