• ⏰ Welcome, Guest! You are viewing only 2 out of 27 total forums. Register today to view more, then Subscribe to view all forums, submit posts, reply to posts, create new threads, view photos, access private messages, change your avatar, create a photo album, customize your profile, and possibly be selected as our next Feature of the Month.

It was easier taking care of my hair when I was single...

⏳ Limited Access:

Register today to view all forum posts.

Register Log in
KurlyNinja

KurlyNinja

New Member
When I first started my HHJ, almost 2 years ago, I was single. I didn't mind wearing a shower cap to bed to DC or baggy. I didn't mind the granny bonnet. I definitely didn't care about tossing my wig off as soon as I walked in the door and showing off my ceily braids for the world to see.

Now that Im dating somebody. Which I will say is still in the beginning stages for the most part. I just don't want him to see me looking like a crazy crackhead by the head. Especially since we sleep over each others places more often now. But on the other hand I have goals I need to reach and I'm not trying to lose progress either. Has anybody else come across these "problems" while dating? How were you able to balance your stay cute factor while still keeping your hair healthy?


I know it sounds funny but seriously.
 
beginning stages and y'all are already sleeping over? Oh, that's not what you asked about is it? :look: But I will say that maybe if y'all weren't in the beginning stages and sleeping over you'd feel more like you could be yourself.Of course you'd still be stylish and cute when out on dates or elsewhere, but at home you should be able to relax and be yourself.

I still kept my HHJ up once I started sleeping over with my SO, because we were married and had a lengthy courtship before that and I was comfortable enough with him to get my hair "chill" on.
 
How do u feel abt ditching the wigs and getting a sew in so that the hair stays on Ur head until u have planned some time to remove it when he is far far far away...
 
Supergirl said:
beginning stages and y'all are already sleeping over? Oh, that's not what you asked about is it? :look: But I will say that maybe if y'all weren't in the beginning stages and sleeping over you'd feel more like you could be yourself.Of course you'd still be stylish and cute when out on dates or elsewhere, but at home you should be able to relax and be yourself.

I still kept my HHJ up once I started sleeping over with my SO, because we were married and had a lengthy courtship before that and I was comfortable enough with him to get my hair "chill" on.
Click to expand...
Well we've been dating for almost 8 months now. So I wouldn't say beginning but I would say we are still in the new stage? Can't really explain. I know that he doesn't mind that much because he does know about my hair obsession but I would still like to come off as a little sexy to him. Lol.

honeybearmommy32 said:
How do u feel abt ditching the wigs and getting a sew in so that the hair stays on Ur head until u have planned some time to remove it when he is far far far away...
Click to expand...

I was also thinking about this as well. I just have no real knowledge of sewins since I've never had one.
 
Okay, well 8 months is a nice length of time in the dating world.

Once you feel comfortable enough, let him know that you're really into hair care and taking care of your hair. Chances are he'll be very supportive like most of the men connected with the women here. In the mean time, you might have to suck it up and keep the wig on for extended periods. Try a scarf instead of a bonnet. They tend to look less countrified, especially if you have a scarf with a nice stylish print or one in a neutral, contemporary color like a chocolate or beige, something that compliments your skin tone.
 
He's gonna have to see the scarf sometime. For now I would find a cute silk scarf and use that when you're going to bed
 
I had similar issues when I started my hair journey last year. I'm still not comfortable wearing the do-rag or plastic cap to bed but ...
1. I always have silk or satin pillowcases on my pillows and
2. I wear my hair in a high bun or ponytail (that I wrap into a bun before sleeping) or
3. I wear 2 indian braids or ponytails with my ends folded up.

I agree about the nice scarf. I tried that but haven't found one to stay on my head yet.
 
With my SO I can't wear a scarf to bed with him either. When he sleeps at my house if my natural hair is out I wear a high bun and I have satin pillow cases. At his house I just flat twist the front and put the rest in a bun. I've talked him into getting satin pillowcases as well. I'm wearing a weave now and I just twist it or wear it in a bun. My hair does fine. I wear a scarf when I get into a shower and my hair seems to reset itself during that time. Plus I always have some type of hair product with me.
 
you will eventually get to a point where you don't care.

My SO got the real deal when we spent 10 consecutive days together when we went away. I didn't do my hair at all. He saw the worst of the worst. And was quite terrified actually. LOL. I surely wasn't gonna fake this "my hair always looks good all the time" around him for much longer. So after that hump, he got used to it. Sometimes will say "babe u need to do something with that''. I don't mind. it is what it is
 
Been dating the same guy on and off for 5 years. He has obviously seen me in the scarf I sleep in. But recently I started wearing a wig and I didn't mention it to him. (It was cut and styled to look exactly like my real hair. My Mom couldn't even tell). Anyway, I left it on during coloring because I didn't want him to see me with my wig cap. He almost moved in with me and I was wondering about giving up overnight baggie oil prepoos. So, yes I'm not in the beginning stages and I have those same concerns.
 
I'm just assuming here....but if these are brothas yall are dating then dammit they should know about a black woman and her headscarf. Just like they rock du rags.

If they're of another persuasion...enlighten them!
 
Mom always said,"Don't start what you can't finish." LOL With that said, I broke mine in early. He is used to du-rags, silk scarves, wigs, wig caps, my lil' pony, etc. :lol:
 
Supergirl said:
beginning stages and y'all are already sleeping over? Oh, that's not what you asked about is it? :look: But I will say that maybe if y'all weren't in the beginning stages and sleeping over you'd feel more like you could be yourself.Of course you'd still be stylish and cute when out on dates or elsewhere, but at home you should be able to relax and be yourself.

I still kept my HHJ up once I started sleeping over with my SO, because we were married and had a lengthy courtship before that and I was comfortable enough with him to get my hair "chill" on.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry, I just had to speak directly to this. You could have made your point without being so preachy and judgmental. She didn't ask if you were married or how long your courtship was. You can spend time at someone's house and simply want to remove your wig, I've done this on just a movie night date. I had been wearing my wig all day and really just wanted to take it off since I was "in the house." So your suggestion could have simply been to just allow yourself to be comfortable around your new boo, plus...did she say anything at all about having sleepovers? :ohwell: I didn't think so.

OP, I agree with the point she was trying to make though. Most men, whether black or used to dating black women, know about us wrapping our hair and other rituals. I usually braid my hair in two big cornrows so that when I remove my wig my hair doesn't look CRAZY. I understand wanting to "keep it sexy." I have a couple of deluxe animal print hair bonnets with some matching PJ's and usually just tuck my hair under for protection so that if by chance I do wanna let it whip I can just remove the bonnet.

You can find the bonnets I own here (they are by Annie found near the center of the page) but there is a new small business owner that sells some really cute ones (http://bonbonscheveux.com/). With some cute PJ's or lounge wear, I think you can still look cute and avoid the "granny" effect. :yep:
 
Like Nayna, I have satin sheets at my house and I bought satin pillowcases for my boo's house. We don't live in the same city and so when he's missing me he'll say "I'm sleeping on your pillowcase tonight." I actually wear a bonnet along with the pillowcases but in case I'm otherwise occupied, its covered. Great suggestion!
 
You can find the bonnets I own here (they are by Annie found near the center of the page) but there is a new small business owner that sells some really cute ones (http://bonbonscheveux.com/). With some cute PJ's or lounge wear, I think you can still look cute and avoid the "granny" effect. :yep:
Click to expand...

The bonboncheveux website has some really CUTE ones!!! I'm think I'm going to buy my sister some. She's married, but everytime I go to her house she has the same plain black granny looking bonnet on. I'm sure my brother in law would appreciate a change in her looks. Thanx for the post!
 
I also use a black mesh wrap, it has a velcro tie. This looks like I am not wearing anything, the mesh lets my hair breathe and keeps it protected. Feels good too. When I first started wearing this to bed, you should have seen the look on my ex's face; You would have thought the angels were singing or he saw a vision of mother mary. So it does matter to them, even if they do not say anything.

Lol, I feel u. If you watch project runway, the scarf the brotha wore to bed in episode two was a hot and sexy silk. Make sure your scarf is neat, have your hair neat underneath your wig, and look good, girl!
 
No it is not silly at all, I asked a question like this before and I got answers like satin sheets and pillow cases and tie it in the back which I do and it's still not cute, the satin pillows someone said made them sweat so it's like you going to hear good and bad things about their solutions. And my man one time admitted he felt a certain why trying to get physical and I got a scarf on and they someone said their man don't care and suggest them wearing the scarf so it can look right in the morning and someone said men don't cate. But one girl agreed her and her man are visual just like my man and I and you should turn on the charm because they do notice just don't say nothing. I still haven't found a solution
 
I always slept with satin scarfs and don't believe it's really the material that makes you appealing or not it's the fact that it's a scarf, we are going to look either like a "hood rat " or someone's grandmother, I think wearing studs dresses it up a bit tho
 
I wear wigs with corn rows underneath and have no intention of going to bed in a wig. When my SO isn't around, I wear in a round the world style with all the ends away which is what works best for me albeit not very attractive. When he's around, i wear the cornrows all woven back with all my ends out which I don't like but I guess it's some sort of compromise. I sleep on regular cotton pillowcases and so far my hair seems fine but just to be on the safe side, I'm going to get satin pillowcases. My SO doesn't mind as long as I don't try to put on a scarf or hair net. I explained the situation about PSing, going natural and growing out hair to him when I started the journey in 2009 around the time we met so he's pretty used to it all by now. He'll get on board and support me on any hair health quest as long as I don't try to wear a scarf or hair net in bed:lachen:.
 
I had this problem with my ex. We were together almost 3 years and it never really got too much better. Met a new man, he has locs and has a certain 'understanding' about hair care! I probably wouldn't have made it otherwise.
 
chickory_bee said:
I had this problem with my ex. We were together almost 3 years and it never really got too much better. Met a new man, he has locs and has a certain 'understanding' about hair care! I probably wouldn't have made it otherwise.
Click to expand...

But they don't understand either go to bed sexy and wake up a mess or go to bed not so sexy and wake up with sexy hair but I do understand though I don't feel attractive going to sleep with a satin scarf but o well, until I find a solution , then he must deal with it
 
EbonyCPrincess said:
I'm sorry, I just had to speak directly to this. You could have made your point without being so preachy and judgmental. She didn't ask if you were married or how long your courtship was. You can spend time at someone's house and simply want to remove your wig, I've done this on just a movie night date. I had been wearing my wig all day and really just wanted to take it off since I was "in the house." So your suggestion could have simply been to just allow yourself to be comfortable around your new boo, plus...did she say anything at all about having sleepovers? :ohwell: I didn't think so.

OP, I agree with the point she was trying to make though. Most men, whether black or used to dating black women, know about us wrapping our hair and other rituals. I usually braid my hair in two big cornrows so that when I remove my wig my hair doesn't look CRAZY. I understand wanting to "keep it sexy." I have a couple of deluxe animal print hair bonnets with some matching PJ's and usually just tuck my hair under for protection so that if by chance I do wanna let it whip I can just remove the bonnet.

You can find the bonnets I own here (they are by Annie found near the center of the page) but there is a new small business owner that sells some really cute ones (http://bonbonscheveux.com/). With some cute PJ's or lounge wear, I think you can still look cute and avoid the "granny" effect. :yep:
Click to expand...

:yep:
Just clicking the Thanks button wasn't enough.
 
Bublin said:
:yep:
Just clicking the Thanks button wasn't enough.
Click to expand...

I was agreeing with the not being so judgmental think too but I'm the type to avoid confrontations because usually don't end up good lol
 
Eventually he's gonna have to see the REAL...sooner rather than later! See what he's made of...the beginning stages are when y'all need to get these things out the way! Does he have a problem with braids? Your scarf? Occasional overnight DC's? How he think you got that lovely head of hair to begin with? Let that ninja know UPFRONT how you feel about your hair...he may be your biggest supporter yet!
 
Pin hair up and sleep on satin pillowcase. I'm wl and grew up wearing a scarf. My mom wore one and rollers to bed and my dad hated how it looked. He complained about this often. She looked beautiful in the morning though! I used to cringe. As soon as I could afford it I got satin pillowcases and started pinning up in a loose bun at night. No more scarves! I do sometimes use a mesh net to cover Bantu knots if I sleep in them. I've never let a SO see me in those but roommates have. It's not easy being fabulous all the time...
 
Seamonster said:
I also use a black mesh wrap, it has a velcro tie. This looks like I am not wearing anything, the mesh lets my hair breathe and keeps it protected. Feels good too. When I first started wearing this to bed, you should have seen the look on my ex's face; You would have thought the angels were singing or he saw a vision of mother mary. So it does matter to them, even if they do not say anything.

Lol, I feel u. If you watch project runway, the scarf the brotha wore to bed in episode two was a hot and sexy silk. Make sure your scarf is neat, have your hair neat underneath your wig, and look good, girl!
Click to expand...

I have one of those mesh wraps! I almost forgot about it. Good idea!


And I'm sorry, but men are visual. It does matter what you look like when you go to bed. Especially when you're dating and not married yet.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

DominicanBrazilian82
I Knew My Hair Was Growing When...
2 3 4
Replies
99
Views
20K
ajargon02
ajargon02
I
I LOVE taking care of my own hair!!
2
Replies
31
Views
3K
Barbara
Barbara
silenttullip
When I was 17... *Hair Edition*
2 3
Replies
84
Views
9K
cinnamin316
cinnamin316
CandiceC
Does anyone actually enjoy taking care of their hair?
2 3
Replies
89
Views
9K
Isis
Isis
Spidergul
It was my Hair...!!
2 3 4
Replies
96
Views
13K
oglorious1
oglorious1
Back
Top