Your man in the strip club...

[ChasingBliss]

Like someone else here said, this is not an issue for me because it doesnt interest either of us and it doesnt even come in our radar either...

If it did however, I dont think it would bother me too much because I feel like this, dont let just one person have all the fun. If you are gonna do you, let me do me son.

 

[mermaid]

Oh, I didn't mean the "lifestyle" in a negative way...I hate how you can't express tone over the net! I just meant as far as the dancer insustry. I was just curious about your experience, thanks

I hear ya, I have a tendancy to think people are talking in a negative way about dancers (usually they are) and I am quick to jump on the defense because I met some amazing people during that time (like the ones trying to go to school while working hard, some who are trying to get ther retirement years set up by buying properties to rent, some who were running from scary families and had no way to support themselves so came to dance all frightened and of course we mother hen them, one in particular who I got in a fight with and was headed to her to smash her face into the edge of the counter and then a month later I was defending her and laughing in the dressing room ) , some I am still friends with, so I run into from time to time and am genuinely happy to see them, some I miss terribly .

 

[breezy]

I hear ya, I have a tendancy to think people are talking in a negative way about dancers (usually they are) and I am quick to jump on the defense because I met some amazing people during that time (like the ones trying to go to school while working hard, some who are trying to get ther retirement years set up by buying properties to rent, some who were running from scary families and had no way to support themselves so came to dance all frightened and of course we mother hen them, one in particular who I got in a fight with and was headed to her to smash her face into the edge of the counter and then a month later I was defending her and laughing in the dressing room ) , some I am still friends with, so I run into from time to time and am genuinely happy to see them, some I miss terribly .

I feel you. The girls I know are the nicest people and they actually have morals and standards and are using it to move to a different phase of life.

 

[pattycake0701]

Nope you're not the only one. But we're just one or two, so irrelevant. Adding my thanks along with yours.

Nope, y'all aint the only ones. I personally don't see the point of my man being in a strip club. If its for socialization purposes, we can go to the movies, out to eat, out dancing (together, with each other), over friends' homes, plenty of other venues before the thought of 'lets go hang out at the strip club' can enter the conversation. If its for him to get his rocks off and spice things up a bit, well hell, that's my job, that's what he got me for. I honestly if I can't provide those things for him or he needs to look elsewhere to get him hot, we need to re-evaluate our relationship.

Oh well, at the end of the day, we have different things we value and tolerate in relationships and in mates. Good topic, though. I'll be bringing this up to some of the newlywed couples I know.

 

[mermaid]

Don't be sad!
I just want everyone to be aware, don't relax into a mindset that it will never happen. Give as much trust and love as you can, but never assume you're safe from infidelity. You probably ARE just don't assume that you are.
That's just my take on relationships.

 

[breezy]

Don't be sad!
I just want everyone to be aware, don't relax into a mindset that it will never happen. Give as much trust and love as you can, but never assume you're safe from infidelity. You probably ARE just don't assume that you are.
That's just my take on relationships.

It's actually a good stance, b/c it's sad but it's always the people who would say "Well I never would have thought..."

 

[mermaid]

I feel you. The girls I know are the nicest people and they actually have morals and standards and are using it to move to a different phase of life.

Good! Glad they are breaking down the stereotype.

 

[Ayeshia]

I hear ya, I have a tendancy to think people are talking in a negative way about dancers (usually they are) and I am quick to jump on the defense because I met some amazing people during that time (like the ones trying to go to school while working hard, some who are trying to get ther retirement years set up by buying properties to rent, some who were running from scary families and had no way to support themselves so came to dance all frightened and of course we mother hen them, one in particular who I got in a fight with and was headed to her to smash her face into the edge of the counter and then a month later I was defending her and laughing in the dressing room ) , some I am still friends with, so I run into from time to time and am genuinely happy to see them, some I miss terribly .

Wow I love all of your stories A lot of people think of all strip clubs as this cheap sleazy red neck of a town type places. But man the one that I passed through in Montreal (I didnt have on stilettos so I wasnt allowed in nor did I have the $50 entrance fee ) was top notch classy...kinda like a cabaret showcase sorta thing and the girls were gorgeous. I was truly amazed...that place was anything but "cheap".

 

[mermaid]

It's actually a good stance, b/c it's sad but it's always the people who would say "Well I never would have thought..."

Exactly. It doesn't take away the hurt, but I think it takes away that feeling of being blindsided and foolish that you didn't see it when it was right there.

 

[mermaid]

Wow I love all of your stories A lot of people think of all strip clubs as this cheap sleazy red neck of a town type places. But man the one that I passed through in Montreal (I didnt have on stilettos so I wasnt allowed in nor did I have the $50 entrance fee ) was top notch classy...kinda like a cabaret showcase sorta thing and the girls were gorgeous. I was truly amazed...that place was anything but "cheap".

I've only been in one sleazy-ish club but it was okay. The last club in Washington that could sell alcohol.
No wait. There was one I visited in Portland that was GORGEOUS and a lot of money went into it, but it was sleazy in an atmosphere kind of way. I went there to see about working and left without talking to the manager because I couldn't see myself working in that environment.
I really wish I kept a journal while I was dancing. I have had some crazy experiences but I have forgot most of them over the years.

 

[candiel]

Well, I voted no. I don't feel like it's a place where my dh should be, and neither should I. I find it to be disrespectful when these married men go into these places and spend hundreds of dollars on these women but, find it so hard to spend the same amount of money on their own wives. My dh agrees with me too so we're good on this topic.

 

[mermaid]

Well, I voted no. I don't feel like it's a place where my dh should be, and neither should I. I find it to be disrespectful when these married men go into these places and spend hundreds of dollars on these women but, find it so hard to spend the same amount of money on their own wives. My dh agrees with me too so we're good on this topic.

OMG, look at how cute you are in your siggy!!! I don't think I ever saw your pic before!

 

[winterinatl]

I'm just going to say this as it jumps off my mind.

Everything has suddenly become relative. Commitment,Truth, lies, friendship, deception, derrogative words are no longer defined understandings but now a matter of interpretation.
' It's not cheating if the other mate agrees to what happens'
' It wasnt a lie, it was an omission. You didnt ask the right question'
' I didnt deceive you. You assumed.'
' I promised never to tell my best friend's secrets but she's not my best friend anymore so all bets are off'

It's funny how so much in life today keeps coming back to interpretations. Is it any wonder why so many of us feel few people stand for anything but only to themselves? Is self discipline that hard to maintain? What good is the promise made in a commited relationship if the sacrifices made are few and small.

Lets not romanticize the situation. A nude woman is dancing seductively in front of YOUR man. After her dance on stage, she walks over to YOUR man, smiles and then bends over, sits down on YOUR man's lap and rubs herself on YOUR man and lets YOUR man touch her unmentionables. Then YOUR man takes YOUR money and puts it down HER G string. Then the man YOU love with all of YOUR heart leaves the club, comes home to YOU, tells YOU he loves YOU and then wants to make love to YOU.
Hellllllllllllllllllll Nawwwwwwww

Now to the technicalities. It doesnt matter whether he touches her unmentionables or gets a lap dance or if she's nude or half nude or if he gives her money or not or if thats his money and you have your own or whatever technicalities anyone wants to call out in my example, the principal question is still the same. ... what in the hell is the father of YOUR children, your soulmate, the man you have sworn undying love doing there in the FIRST place? There is a HIGHER level of accountability and representation at the commited level of a relationship. I have heard some women say that men will be men but in THIS case that does not apply. It is NOT harmless for a man to be at the strip club, sippin sizzurp, playing dominos and coming home at 3am in the morning. If he wants that type of lifestyle, why be commited? It's essential that we uphold the esteem and respect held and exhibited for marriages and relationships, no matter how many fall short and we must go beyond the comfort zone of relativities and expect better from our partners.

Big cyber kiss to you !!

Now the question to you is: how many other men do you think feel this way deep down inside, but frequent the clubs anyway because we let them, because they can? In other words, would you say that many men know they really have no business there but go because they can?

 

[winterinatl]

Pebs, you call me? You rannnggggg, If any wives need classes..........

I teach Hula, Polynesian and Belly Dance... I have enough shimmies to put those 'women' out of business.

And for the record: It's all clean and tasteful. I don't 'hooch'...

ETA: My future plans are to have a woman's 'ministry' "For Wives Only". Did you know that wives and brides to be are actually going to strippers for 'lessons' to bring excitement into their marriages?

This is horrid. Especially since most of these women are in church. I cannot get over this.

There's a 'clean' way of doing this. Women don't need to go that far. Most of what a woman needs is already there within her. She doesn't need to go to a stripper. Somethings need to be taught with refinement and class, especially when it's a lady.

I Haven't read pages 18-23 yet, but I find these statements quite offensive.

There is nothing wrong with learning from a stripper how to do some dance moves.

Strippers are not dirty, and do not necessarily lack class and refinement.

Hell why didn't you just tap the ex-strippers we have here on the board and call them dirty classless hooches?! WTF?

 

[breezy]

I Haven't read pages 18-23 yet, but I find these statements quite offensive.

There is nothing wrong with learning from a stripper how to do some dance moves.

Strippers are not dirty, and do not necessarily lack class and refinement.

Hell why didn't you just tap the ex-strippers we have here on the board and call them dirty classless hooches?! WTF?

Oh she'll probably save that for her evening sermon

 

[Summer_Rain]

Shimmie what's the difference between the "lessons" you're offering, and those of an exotic dancer? Certainly they incorporate most of the same moves & gyrations and what not....so what makes recieving lessons from better or more "refined"? If it's all being done for their husbands - why does it matter who "taught" them?

 

[winterinatl]

I've only been in one sleazy-ish club but it was okay. The last club in Washington that could sell alcohol.
No wait. There was one I visited in Portland that was GORGEOUS and a lot of money went into it, but it was sleazy in an atmosphere kind of way. I went there to see about working and left without talking to the manager because I couldn't see myself working in that environment.
I really wish I kept a journal while I was dancing. I have had some crazy experiences but I have forgot most of them over the years.

i wish you could have too. It would have been very revealing to many women, I bet.

 

[Ayeshia]

Shimmie what's the difference between the "lessons" you're offering, and those of an exotic dancer? Certainly they incorporate most of the same moves & gyrations and what not....so what makes recieving lessons from better or more "refined"? If it's all being done for their husbands - why does it matter who "taught" them?

exactly....now if a lady in the church was teaching her the same moves the stripper was, I bet one would question her past in a minute "Where did Sister Fannybell them moves from?"

 

[SugarBaby]

Lets be respectful of everyones' stance. I have learned from this thread and I am enjoying the posts. Please be positive to everyone.

 

[locabouthair]

Don't be sad!
I just want everyone to be aware, don't relax into a mindset that it will never happen. Give as much trust and love as you can, but never assume you're safe from infidelity. You probably ARE just don't assume that you are.
That's just my take on relationships.

I agree. In relationships you have to take it one day at a time.

 

[mermaid]

I Haven't read pages 18-23 yet, but I find these statements quite offensive.

There is nothing wrong with learning from a stripper how to do some dance moves.

Strippers are not dirty, and do not necessarily lack class and refinement.

Hell why didn't you just tap the ex-strippers we have here on the board and call them dirty classless hooches?! WTF?

Yeah, well we are just filthy drippy-coochy scum.
Who use the same moves as belly dancers (I took belly dancing class), hula, tribal dancers.....

 

[Curlee_lurker]

I've gone with just girls and I've gone in a mixed group. IMO, the girls got more attention than the males. The strippers offered me more dances than the guys sitting next to me. As they were giving lap dances (this one place had a stage where the patrons sat so the guards could watch) to the males, if they even looked like they were going to touch them they'd be escorted off the stage. And the majority of dancers I've talked to weren't even into men.

As long as he's not choosing to go to a club instead of be with me, and he's not spending up all our money, I'm fine with it on occasion.

The cheating thing means nothing to me because I think most affairs start at work. I've also been approached more times than I'd like to admit by married men in very "normal" circumstances, the bank, the gym, in line at the cleaners.

 

[SweetCaramel1]

How do you feel about that? Are you okay w/ it or do you consider it a form of cheating. Is it something you wouldn't mind him doing every once in a while, or are you completely against it?

my hubby doesn't like to go! thank goodness!!!

i'm not sure how i would feel if he was a regular visitor. i think it's a form of cheating if you have a woman at home and you go several times a week and spend a considerable amount of money there.

 

[Southernbella.]

Oh she'll probably save that for her evening sermon

 

[Dee-Licious]

Since nobody messes with you and your angels, I won't sit and let someone mess with mine

Whooooo!!!

Go DG!!!

 

[Aubergold]

Oh she'll probably save that for her evening sermon

I wanna laugh at this SO BADLY but I don't want Shimmie's angels to come and strike me. :::: sulks away

 

[Dee-Licious]

I wanna laugh at this SO BADLY but I don't want Shimmie's angels to come and strike me. :::: sulks away

Just for you RIG!!!

 

[Aubergold]

Just for you RIG!!!

THank you girl!!!
Whew I needed that.

 

[SweetCaramel1]

Well, all I can do is offer food for thought and some insight nto that world.
I have always said that just because someone is a stripper doesn't mean they are out for your man (but they are after his money.
*sigh* Sorry so long. I've held a lot of friends while they cried over this. I have done it myself (no one from the clubs, though, which is weird). I have read posts on THIS board about ladies who's men have done it and posts from ladies who have done it as well.

thanks your very honest post MM. all the more reason to keep your man at home. some women just cant imagine what goes on in the clubs. i'm glad you were very honest with us.

the post about "luxury" clubs was also very interesting. there was one soft porn/topless only club here but they shut it down with the quickness. the other clubs are across state and they are "extremely" raunchy. any and everything goes on there. not pretty. i went with my friends for a bachelorette party and the strippers gave a group "birthday blow job". i'm sure his wife/girl would not have approved of that

 

[calliope]

Why would he go when he can get it at home for free? I don't keep 4 inch heels and pasties and garters for nuthin- I'm also saving up for one of those collapsible stripper poles- keep it fresh ladies, especially you married ones! He can stuff all the dollars he wants right into my g-string! The Carmen Electra dvd also helps a lot if you don't know where to begin