Your man in the strip club...

[Candy_C]

I honestly dont think I could have said it better myself. And you are right....

My man self-esteem, ego, pride, and all of that is too high to be walking into a slut slum to watch girl do for him what I can do for FREE, at HOME, and he can get some real affection maybe after. His is a man of high standards almost to the point of what people see as self-love and arrogance. Its crazy what some women will allow to keep a man around.

But he know all 5foot, 100lbs of me aint having it and I aint afraid to kick his 6foot, 200lbs behind to the curb if he test the lines I draw. I do it all to keep his attention and sexual affections for me. Stay petite and tight, doing my squats to increase the booty, dressing from head to toe, growing my hair long, keeping my skin smooth and clear, being super intelligent and business oriented, THE WORKS!

I didnt do all this so you can go watch some two-cent hoe shake it on a pole. Shooooooot, I can go take some polerize and exotic moves classes if you want that kinda of action. Im down for whatever. But I've set my grounds just like he has set his. I dont disrespect his and he dont disrespect mine. PERIOD!

In the words of Beyonce, "Do think you're irreplaceable"!

woah i like that!

 

[poetist]

I agree with this here. Also, strippers don't do anything for me. In fact, I am of the strong opinion that most male strippers are gay. I prefer to see a man on his way to work...NOW THAT get's me going. What also gets me going is when he's paying the bills, taking care of me, and my man wears a uniform.....I REALLY like that. He's an Officer AND a Gentleman. I'm just lucky! Ahhhhhhhh...

You aint neva lied! Let the church say AMEN!!!!

 

[gabulldawg]

yep! I used to go with an ex all the time.

he even began dj'ing there...they wouldnt wanan bang him anyway he was ugly n broke, they like $$$$

besides, ur man will probabley be lying if he said he doesnt go, or didnt wanna go

i like to know everything..its me hes with to not some stripper

(its also good to go with him, esp if he invites you, you can make friends with the strippers and find out dirt! - thats what i did)

but my husband? thats a whole nother story

So you don't trust your man? Why would he need to lie about it if it wasn't a big deal? And are you agreeing that if you were in a committed relationship that would be off limits?

 

[growinstrong]

Being a married woman, I dont want my husband to go to the strip clubs at all. I've never been to one in my whole 27 years of living and wouldnt mind going just to get a peek . In saying that, I cant go round say that yeah, its ok for me to go and not you. So, I guess it wouldnt bother me if he went every once in a while (every once in a while meaning once every 5-10 years ). He said he's only been like 2-3 times and I believe him. I'm not generally insecure, but its just that those women are nasty sometimes. My husband doesn't get any thrills out of going nor does he give the gals any money, from what he told me . If this is the case, then its no different from him watching naked women on tv, just live, so I dont care.

 

[harrison]

DH doesn't like going to them... he says they're corneyerplexed But his barber is itching to go and asked him to go with him.. but he's been brushing him off talking about.. "I can't cause I'm watching my daughter that night" and stuff like that...

But I don't care... if he wants to go then he can. I used to like going with my girls back in the day.. it was real cheap entertainment!

 

[cocoaluv]

I went to a strip club with my girls when I was in college.....I didnt see what the big deal was ( filled with white guys dancing to techno music and fat white girls throwing money at them). Maybe if I went to a black club it may be different but seriously I'm not interested in a man shaking himself in my face (Thats what porno's are for).

As for my boyfriend he has been to a few before we dated and went once since we have been together after his birthday with his cousin. I dont have a problem with it at all because I trust him. But I wouldnt want to go with him or anything.

 

[GodivaChocolate]

I'm lucky that my husband thinks its demeaning.

So does mine, you're not alone.

 

[MissScarlett]

WHEW!! I've read through this whole thread. Very deep! Okay, now it's time for me to give my two cents.

It seems to me like a lot of women are allowing their men to frequent strip clubs because they are not strong enough to stand up to them, or fear that by putting their foot down their man may do them wrong. Many of you who allow your men to frequent strip clubs want to bring up the fact that us women who won’t allow our men to go have issues with self esteem. Well, I won’t disagree with you on that. My self esteem is TOO HIGH to allow (I know I can’t always control it) my man to lust after another NAKED woman!!! MY opinion is that I look TOO good for him to be looking at any other woman. The only naked woman he should be looking at is ME. i go through a lot to try and look good for him - exercising, avoiding yummy food, getting my hair done, etc. I know you ladies may not want to hear this, but it’s the truth – IF YOUR MAN FREQUENTS A STRIP CLUB HE IS NOT PHYSICALLY HAPPY WITH YOU!!!! It doesn’t get any clearer than this! And i know that's not what a relationship is all about. He’s also disrespecting you. For those that allow your man to frequent strip clubs, what else do you allow them to do?? It seems to me that many are equating trust with naivety. Since you TRUST your man to go to the strip club, do you TRUST him to go on dates with other women? Do you TRUST him to intimately communicate with other women?

I don’t think that my man likes to go to the strip club. I also do not go out of RESPECT for my man. He’s already told me he wouldn’t like it, so I think it’s just mutual respect that we both just don’t go. I went when I was single once. It wasn’t for me anyway. I feel that if you are in a committed relationship (ESPECIALLY marriage) that is a SACRIFICE that you have to make. Anything else is just an excuse to hold on to the SINGLE life. It hasn’t come up in the three years we’ve been together. He hasn’t mentioned his friends wanting to go. He told me that his dad took him for his 18th birthday (or maybe 21st) and he didn’t talk much about it. If I did find out that he was regularly going behind my back I would leave the relationship! THAT'S how serious it is to me. I do think him and his friends have too high of egos to go anywhere to have to PAY for a women to do anything for them. I know that some of you may have seen my recent post about dancing for my man. I do that for FREE. But I will take some tips, though!

I will also agree with those that say OF COURSE men will justify going to a strip club! Are you THAT naïve???

I'm laughing so hard at your whole post but thanks for your POV

I don't know about anyone else, but I run the show at my house and I dh would never and has never disrespected me in any way. In that, Its not disrespecting me if he goes to the strip club. I think that if a man goes ocassionaly with friends, no biggie. If it were a thing like he had to have it, or going 3x a week or once a month, it might be a problem but its not that serious t me. Everyone has a level of personal respect that they adhere to and make others meet, so my level of personal respect is not being compromised if dh goes to a strip club. Its a personal thing, so you can't blanketly say that allowing your man to go to a strip club means that you're weak, stupid or being walked all over.

As far as saying that if your man is in the club, he is not physically attracted to you...ummm....I know for a fact I look as good or better than a stripper cause a sistah keeps her ish together. I'm high on self-esteem and confidence so its not that serious to me.

IMO....part of going to a strip club is a part of escapism of sorts or just comardarie, the same thing when women get together and see a male revue. Nothing beats whats at home but its just a way to get out and 'hang out' be silly, etc.

Tis all....

 

[MissScarlett]

To add, its threads like these that the have the ring of superiority..... when people get indignant and say "I would'nt let my man do that and if you do you're dumb/disrespected/stupid/a pushoever/passive or whatever" but that's how YOU would feel.

It takes a condescinding and authorative tone and you immediatly come off as I'm the better person, your relationship is bad....what you expect and want is personal to you and your relationship.

Women like me and others that said they didn't care if their dh goes to a strip club aren't saying it b/c we genuinely dont' want them to go and are scared to stand up...please...perhaps its just not affecting our level of comfort or respect. Perhaps we like it. Also to those who say people like myself are saying they are insecure because they dont' allow their so/dh to go to a strip club, well then don't feel as if I'm passive or not taking a stand in our relationships.

Everyone has different feelings towards sexuality and what they like or want and just because you don't agree with something doesn't mean another's relationship is lacking. I could say yours is lacking b/c you don't do something....so its the same arguement. Do what you do for you and what you are comfortable with. Saying dh goes to a strip club ocassionally, bachelor parties, etc is not at all an indication of how strong or respectful a person's relationship or marriage is

 

[Mortons]

I understand everyones point of view really. Do you. But I must point out that getting together for a round of drinks with the guys and getting together for a round of drinks and naked women is different. Drinking at the bar is a guys time to hang out and chill with his buddies shoot the breeze yadda yadda...but getting together at the strip club, putting money in a ladies garter, and lusting after the nice round booty shaking in your face is completely different.

 

[daniemoy]

One of my clients goes there with her SO all the time .... She even gets lap dances and lets the girl give her a shot from her mouth... I think she likes it more than he does.... She is yt though so I don't know.. They seem to be more open to this

 

[gabulldawg]

I understand everyones point of view really. Do you. But I must point out that getting together for a round of drinks with the guys and getting together for a round of drinks and naked women is different. Drinking at the bar is a guys time to hang out and chill with his buddies shoot the breeze yadda yadda...but getting together at the strip club, putting money in a ladies garter, and lusting after the nice round booty shaking in your face is completely different.

Agree with you 100%. That's why it's... odd... for women to agree to allow their men to go to the strip club to "hang out." If it's comeraderie (sp?) they're looking for, whatever happened to hanging at a bar or a friend's house?? My man spends plenty of time with his friends -- at the GYM or at their HOUSE or even at a regular club.

 

[MrsBurns82]

My SO isn't really into strip clubs and I think it's more so because he just thinks it's dumb to pay for something that you can get ten fold at home. He'll go if he's hanging out with some of his friend but he never stays long so I don't mind it. Plus I think he enjoys the attention when I pretend to be upset.

But I've gone before and nothing for nothing a lot of those darn girls are talented. My so loves my body and my booty but some of the things that they do I can't begin to figure out and trust me I've tried. And if you go to a good one not just a hole in a wall I must admit it's pretty entertaining to watch.

 

[MrsBurns82]

I don't care, unless he's sketchy about it...
like going on the regular...
or GOD forbid IN THE DAYTIME!!!
that's whack!!!

That's funny

 

[Mejayt]

I don't see an issue with this if it is something occassional like a bachelor type celebration. If he is going everyday after work and making it rain on her then that is problematic. If he wants to spend some money on a naked chick then that naked chick is going to be me.

 

[shelly25]

I'm against it. I would not want him going to strip clubs.

 

[graCeful_89]

Since we're not yet married, I'm okay with it. I've gone to the male revue with my girls and he was livid. You know how they get all up on you..so considering I went to place where you can do everything but have intercourse, I wouldn't mind him going to a strip club once or twice, to see what its like or w/e. (He doesn't get the concept of the strib club though...thinks its tacky)

 

[lurkersincejan]

Since we're not yet married, I'm okay with it. I've gone to the male revue with my girls and he was livid. You know how they get all up on you..so considering I went to place where you can do everything but have intercourse, I wouldn't mind him going to a strip club once or twice, to see what its like or w/e. (He doesn't get the concept of the strib club though...thinks its tacky)

My SO doesnt go to strips clubs but once every 2 years or something when someone asks him to go. I dont have a problem with it, i would rather go to see females strip than males. Atleast the female actually perform, at a male review they are RAW. They always grinding all over the woman and grabbing woman to hump them . It makes me feel uncomfortable, I stay away erplexed. I think it depends on your situation and your man, if you know you have issues with him cheating then no it would be a good idea. I dont worry about that so I dont mind when and if he decides to go.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I know what goes on in strip clubs, and personally, I don't really care. For whatever reason, most of the guys that I date don't particularly care for strip clubs and a lot of times, when they do go, it's generally because of a bachelor party or because it was my idea to go.

Strippers are there to make money, not to steal boyfriends/husbands. A lot of times, they view their customers as either lame or pathetic. Or, they may think their customers are cool, but don't see anything beyond the money.

As far as sexual favors, do they go on in strip clubs? Sure, of course they do. If you have enough money, you can get what you want. But the way I see it, if a guy wants to sleep with another woman, he's going to sleep with another woman. And quite honestly, it's a whole hell of a lot easier to sleep with some random chick off MySpace or Facebook for free than it is to shell out the dough to get a stripper to put out in the VIP room.

I would only be concerned if my boyfriend or husband was making a regular habit out of it. That's a sign of a deeper problem, quite possibly sexual addiction/compulsion.

My only "requirement" so to speak is that he not be dishonest about his activities. As I said before, I don't care if he hits up a strip club for some fun out with his boys, but when I ask him what's he been up to for the evening, he'd better not lie.

Nonetheless, I understand the discomfort that a lot of women would have with regard to strip clubs. I'm not one of those women who's like, "Well, since I'M cool with it, then other women should be too. If they're not, then they're uptight." Strip clubs can be, ahem...let's just say they're interesting at times. I think it's fine for a woman who isn't okay with strip clubs to put her foot down and let a guy know that she doesn't like it when he goes to strip clubs and tells him not to do it. The problem I see with putting your "foot" down so to speak with strip clubs is that you may run the risk of encouraging him to lie in order to avoid making you uncomfortable. Lots of guys go to strip clubs and lie about it to their women - not because they are actually doing anything wrong at the club, but because they're afraid of how their girlfriend will react to them being there.

So, for those who don't like the situation, I think the best way to handle it is to let a guy know that it makes you very uncomfortable and unhappy, but don't be like "You better NOT go to one of those places!"

 

[filthyfresh]

I know what goes on in strip clubs, and personally, I don't really care. For whatever reason, most of the guys that I date don't particularly care for strip clubs and a lot of times, when they do go, it's generally because of a bachelor party or because it was my idea to go.

Strippers are there to make money, not to steal boyfriends/husbands. A lot of times, they view their customers as either lame or pathetic. Or, they may think their customers are cool, but don't see anything beyond the money.

As far as sexual favors, do they go on in strip clubs? Sure, of course they do. If you have enough money, you can get what you want. But the way I see it, if a guy wants to sleep with another woman, he's going to sleep with another woman. And quite honestly, it's a whole hell of a lot easier to sleep with some random chick off MySpace or Facebook for free than it is to shell out the dough to get a stripper to put out in the VIP room.

I would only be concerned if my boyfriend or husband was making a regular habit out of it. That's a sign of a deeper problem, quite possibly sexual addiction/compulsion.

My only "requirement" so to speak is that he not be dishonest about his activities. As I said before, I don't care if he hits up a strip club for some fun out with his boys, but when I ask him what's he been up to for the evening, he'd better not lie.

Nonetheless, I understand the discomfort that a lot of women would have with regard to strip clubs. I'm not one of those women who's like, "Well, since I'M cool with it, then other women should be too. If they're not, then they're uptight." Strip clubs can be, ahem...let's just say they're interesting at times. I think it's fine for a woman who isn't okay with strip clubs to put her foot down and let a guy know that she doesn't like it when he goes to strip clubs and tells him not to do it. The problem I see with putting your "foot" down so to speak with strip clubs is that you may run the risk of encouraging him to lie in order to avoid making you uncomfortable. Lots of guys go to strip clubs and lie about it to their women - not because they are actually doing anything wrong at the club, but because they're afraid of how their girlfriend will react to them being there.

So, for those who don't like the situation, I think the best way to handle it is to let a guy know that it makes you very uncomfortable and unhappy, but don't be like "You better NOT go to one of those places!"

I TOTALLY & COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THIS ANSWER.
My SO has never been to a strip club and I have, so I don't see anything wrong with him going.
It doesn't interest him a lot because he doesn't feel like paying for something he can get at home.
Which is one of the perks of me losing weight.
Please believe, I will drop it like it's hot while he makes it rain.

 

[blkbeauty]

The point of him wanting to go is demeaning in itself. No, not every "good man" will be led to the darkside when going to a strip club...lol But by his thoughts being fixated to the point that he wants to see up close and in person a half naked woman when he has a woman at home only invites him to be promiscuous.

 

[gabulldawg]

The point of him wanting to go is demeaning in itself. No, not every "good man" will be led to the darkside when going to a strip club...lol But by his thoughts being fixated to the point that he wants to see up close and in person a half naked woman when he has a woman at home only invites him to be promiscuous.

My point EXACTLY. I don't see anything good from a man visiting a strip club, especially on a regular basis.

 

[MD_Lady]

How do you feel about that? Are you okay w/ it or do you consider it a form of cheating. Is it something you wouldn't mind him doing every once in a while, or are you completely against it?

To each their own, but my husband and I have had a "no strip club" policy within our relationship ever since we first became exclusive.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

The point of him wanting to go is demeaning in itself. No, not every "good man" will be led to the darkside when going to a strip club...lol But by his thoughts being fixated to the point that he wants to see up close and in person a half naked woman when he has a woman at home only invites him to be promiscuous.

I can't say that this is "fact" per se, but based on various experiences that I've had with guys as well as what has been shared with me with male friends, here are my observations.

Men, no matter whether or not they are single or attached, old or young, LOVE looking at beautiful women. They are exceedingly visual creatures and enjoy being stimulated. The evidence that men enjoy looking at women just for the sake of drinking in their beauty and sexuality is pretty evident - just look at who subscribes to magazines featuring nudity.

However, here's the kicker. Just because a guy enjoys looking at other women, does not mean that he thinks any less of the woman he is with. Nor does it mean that he wants to leave the woman he is with. But women tend to take it as meaning that they are not "enough."

I can definitely understand why we women would feel threatened by this. Obviously, if a guy finds a woman physically appealing, then he is also sexually attracted to her at some level. And if there is a sexual attraction, then there is always that chance that there will be an attempt to pursue that sexual attraction. And of course, our culture is rife with the acceptance of acting on your sexual impulses. So why in the hell should we even LET guys be presented with that opportunity?

But, for many good guys, they just enjoy a good look with no intention of it going any further than enjoying the view - whether it be in a strip club or on the street as a lovely lady walks by (and they do notice, by the way, no matter what they tell you).

I'm not saying you should be like, "Oh go ahead honey, enjoy the booty shakers!" But, basically, if you're with a good guy, if he enjoys a night out with the boys every once in a while at the strip club, chances are, he's just enjoying some time with the boys and the chance to observe attractive women with no intent of it being more. This isn't something he should be reprimanded for.

As I said before, I don't think the strip club outing is anything to be concerned about as long as it is not occurring with regularity. In my opinion, it's not the fact of going to the strip club that you should worry about, but the frequency.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Addition to the post about the visual observation of women...

Of course there is always the issue of objectification, and I personally believe that some strip clubs are far more respectful and erotic than some which I find really raunchy and debasing. But that's a discussion with regard to feminist notions regarding female sexual autonomy, display and availability. If anyone wants to chat about this, I'd be more than happy to start a thread.

 

[hunnybunny81]

I can't say that this is "fact" per se, but based on various experiences that I've had with guys as well as what has been shared with me with male friends, here are my observations.

Men, no matter whether or not they are single or attached, old or young, LOVE looking at beautiful women. They are exceedingly visual creatures and enjoy being stimulated. The evidence that men enjoy looking at women just for the sake of drinking in their beauty and sexuality is pretty evident - just look at who subscribes to magazines featuring nudity.

However, here's the kicker. Just because a guy enjoys looking at other women, does not mean that he thinks any less of the woman he is with. Nor does it mean that he wants to leave the woman he is with. But women tend to take it as meaning that they are not "enough."

I can definitely understand why we women would feel threatened by this. Obviously, if a guy finds a woman physically appealing, then he is also sexually attracted to her at some level. And if there is a sexual attraction, then there is always that chance that there will be an attempt to pursue that sexual attraction. And of course, our culture is rife with the acceptance of acting on your sexual impulses. So why in the hell should we even LET guys be presented with that opportunity?

But, for many good guys, they just enjoy a good look with no intention of it going any further than enjoying the view - whether it be in a strip club or on the street as a lovely lady walks by (and they do notice, by the way, no matter what they tell you).

I'm not saying you should be like, "Oh go ahead honey, enjoy the booty shakers!" But, basically, if you're with a good guy, if he enjoys a night out with the boys every once in a while at the strip club, chances are, he's just enjoying some time with the boys and the chance to observe attractive women with no intent of it being more. This isn't something he should be reprimanded for.

As I said before, I don't think the strip club outing is anything to be concerned about as long as it is not occurring with regularity. In my opinion, it's not the fact of going to the strip club that you should worry about, but the frequency.

ITA! Very, Very well put.

 

[Nola Darling]

At the time this thread started my boyfriend and I went to a couple of strip clubs together. The other day we were thinking WTH did we frequent them like we did. LOL, I guess it was a couple phase.

 

[gabulldawg]

At the time this thread started my boyfriend and I went to a couple of strip clubs together. The other day we were thinking WTH did we frequent them like we did. LOL, I guess it was a couple phase.

I appreciate you sharing this. I wonder if any other women would change what they have said in the past about their men going to strip clubs.

 

[Cinda2503]

I say go with your man to strip club...buy him a lap dance, (and/or yourself one if that's your thing) then go home and have fun!

 

[Valerie]

I feel very uncomfortable about that, plus I don't like and wouldn't go to strip clubs for women either.