"Your husband should love u more than you love him"

[shynessqueen]

My husbands is the one because I choose for him to be the one not because of a tingly feeling like what was suggested. The feeling that people talk about generally changes over time. For most it evolves from a lust and an excitement into an intimate feeling of comfort, passion and concern for the wellbeing of the person. I am not suggesting there is no love in my marriage I'm merely saying that I love and need my husband but he loves and needs me more.

I understand what your saying but what I am saying is Yes for me there was a feeling of he is the ONE. I was 17 when this feeling started and I'm 28 now and guess what, that same feeling is still there. It hasn't changed over time. It was still there when I was going to brake up with him and when I was not in love with him. It was times when I wish i didn't feel it.
You can't help the way you feel. Who's to say that it's not meant to be.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

ITA: I have also seen women with really good men but they are to busy playing games that they loose these men and then years later when they are married to a man who was just there, They still talk about the one they let get away.

Exactly.

We all HATE for a man to play games with us yet we do it to them. My SO's friends talk about it ALL the time. We don't know it, but guys aren't stupid and all these rules and regulations men just see as games.

 

[sexyeyes3616]

Women love unconditionally anyway. Women are emotional and are always constantly changing. So a man needs to be able to wholeheartedly(spelling) love that women for the women to always feel emotionally supported and loved by him. So yes.

 

[shynessqueen]

Women love unconditionally anyway. Women are emotional and are always constantly changing. So a man needs to be able to wholeheartedly(spelling) love that women for the women to always feel emotionally supported and loved by him. So yes.

Are you saying men don't change only women. From your post women sound really unusable.

 

[seraphinelle]

Exactly.

We all HATE for a man to play games with us yet we do it to them. My SO's friends talk about it ALL the time. We don't know it, but guys aren't stupid and all these rules and regulations men just see as games.

I agree.

 

[seraphinelle]

I agree. I really do.

The logic behind "man should love women more" sounds good, but ONCE again it is placing most of the responsibilities on a man and basically saying that the man is the one who dictates the relationship-if he doesn't love a certain way then it is doomed. I think people are getting the notion that a man must love more versus a man loving a woman hard mixed up. I am all for BOTH parties loving hard, not just a man. The man is not the supreme being in the relationship (well atleast in my opinion). We BOTH are.

I am not saying that a man shouldn't love his woman with all his heart, I just don't understand after years and years of relationship books, counselors, articles, statistics, etc, we can't seem to grasp that there isn't one magic formula for a relationship. I just am not one to buy that a man should love you with all his heart soul (and wallet ) yet you are allowed to half-ass on the love portion. We women keep getting pulled into the okey doke with this stuff.

But once again, that's my opinion.

OKKAAAAAYYYYYY

 

[MrsHouston]

My aunt, who has been married over thirty years says that in order to have a successful marriage, you have to marry a man who loves you more than you love him.

You agree?

It's a very sad concept...but unfortunately I AGREE with it I love being QUEEN of "his" world.

 

[MrsHouston]

No, you could love his dirty drawls, but he needs to love yours more.

very funny sunnydaze

 

[Nightingale]

My great-grandmother said the very same thing.

 

[Kiadodie]

I guess I'm not getting this concept. Actually, now I'm confused . I love to be pampered and loved but I love to love in return and fully at that.

 

[seraphinelle]

Is there some kind of measuring system for this?
I really don't understand this concept. I'd hope that I loved someone as much as they loved me.

If I didn't, why am I with them?

 

[Crysdon]

Is there some kind of measuring system for this?
I really don't understand this concept. I'd hope that I loved someone as much as they loved me.

If I didn't, why am I with them?

Good question. In my aunt's case, it's around 60/40. He'll do anything for her, she'll do some things for him.

 

[shynessqueen]

Good question. In my aunt's case, it's around 60/40. He'll do anything for her, she'll do some things for him.

I think you are talking about the understanding they have with each other. I could be wrong though. My SO and I have an understanding of the role we play in each other lives. They are not always equal but there is an understanding. If he is weak at something I'm stronger at I have to play lead in the role and vice verse. But the love we share is always equal. I know when to step in and take over and so does he..


Can I ask you a question? If your aunt's husband wasn't able to do all the things he does for her and he needed her to step up and do all the things he use to do for her to him. Do you really think your aunt wouldn't?

 

[tapioca_pudding]

Yep. I want to marry someone who loves God more than he loves me, and loves me more than he loves himself.

ETA - The above statement is just my general response but its gets a bit deeper, Ill try to explain. For women typically we are emotional, we get attached easily, we love HARD and we are nuturers. Men are more physical, logical, analytical. So in order to be evenly yoked, a man must truly adore his wife. I cant quite put into words what Im trying to say but I hope the point somehow got across.

 

[Crysdon]

I think you are talking about the understanding they have with each other. I could be wrong though. My SO and I have an understanding of the role we play in each other lives. They are not always equal but there is an understanding. If he is weak at something I'm stronger at I have to play lead in the role and vice verse. But the love we share is always equal. I know when to step in and take over and so does he..


Can I ask you a question? If your aunt's husband wasn't able to do all the things he does for her and he needed her to step up and do all the things he use to do for her to him. Do you really think your aunt wouldn't?

No, I'm not talking about an understanding. What I typed was just an example. My aunt's husband really does love her more than she loves him. It shows with just about everything they say and do. When she's sick, he takes care of her. When he's sick, she avoids him. He buys thoughtful gifts for their anniversary, she purchases the first thing that catches her eye. He constantly shows and tells her how much he loves her, she is very non-chalant when it comes to the love thing.

 

[shynessqueen]

No, I'm not talking about an understanding. What I typed was just an example. My aunt's husband really does love her more than she loves him. It shows with just about everything they say and do. When she's sick, he takes care of her. When he's sick, she avoids him. He buys thoughtful gifts for their anniversary, she purchases the first thing that catches her eye. He constantly shows and tells her how much he loves her, she is very non-chalant when it comes to the love thing.

I still think that's the understand they have. I believe she love him as much as he loves her but she show her love for him in a different way. She may not be the take care of you when you are sick type. It probable things she does do for him that no one else sees that he knows when she is showing her love. I still could be wrong. We show our love for each other in different ways.

 

[Mortons]

No, I'm not talking about an understanding. What I typed was just an example. My aunt's husband really does love her more than she loves him. It shows with just about everything they say and do. When she's sick, he takes care of her. When he's sick, she avoids him. He buys thoughtful gifts for their anniversary, she purchases the first thing that catches her eye. He constantly shows and tells her how much he loves her, she is very non-chalant when it comes to the love thing.

I hate to judge other peoples lives, cause I'm not in their shoes but I can honestly say, thats definately not what I want and not what I would give to my future husband.

 

[Dare~to~Dream]

The logic behind "man should love women more" sounds good, but ONCE again it is placing most of the responsibilities on a man and basically saying that the man is the one who dictates the relationship-if he doesn't love a certain way then it is doomed. I think people are getting the notion that a man must love more versus a man loving a woman hard mixed up. I am all for BOTH parties loving hard, not just a man. The man is not the supreme being in the relationship (well atleast in my opinion). We BOTH are.

I am not saying that a man shouldn't love his woman with all his heart, I just don't understand after years and years of relationship books, counselors, articles, statistics, etc, we can't seem to grasp that there isn't one magic formula for a relationship. I just am not one to buy that a man should love you with all his heart soul (and wallet ) yet you are allowed to half-ass on the love portion. We women keep getting pulled into the okey doke with this stuff.

But once again, that's my opinion.

I just love your opinion on this topic...co-signing with everything you said.

 

[Crysdon]

I still think that's the understand they have. I believe she love him as much as he loves her but she show her love for him in a different way. She may not be the take care of you when you are sick type. It probable things she does do for him that no one else sees that he knows when she is showing her love. I still could be wrong. We show our love for each other in different ways.

I wish I could say it's just an understanding they have. She even says herself that she doesn't love him as much as he loves her.

I just remembered something else she told me. We were discussing "types" and she said that a woman will most likely never marry her type.

 

[TJD3]

That's what I've been told. . . seems that all of the successful marriages I've seen, this was the formula. I believe we are at our best when we are being loved and being made to feel special. So that makes us want to give our all.[/quote]

Exactly! Thats exactly why it works .

 

[PinkPeony]

Well even tough I never heard of this before I followed it.
I dated(!) guys I liked alot but they were just crazy into me.
After a time i just lost respect for them because they seemed so desperate to me.

Some men love to be loved less,yes.
Just the question is who guarantees that you aren't swept of your feet by someone you love with ALL of your heart

 

[Choclatcotton]

to me it seems like we are dealing with the nature of SOME men, Its kinda like they have to have someone they practically worship, arm candy, on a pedestal, their queen, in order to really and truely commit. SOmeone they would die for. That why it seems youll see some women who has lived with a man for years and later on when "The ONe" comes along they will be married in a month, so to speak. A woman has to be the prize the conquest and they will pretty much die for this kind of woman. The question is how to become the prize???

 

[Divine Inspiration]

The question is how to become the prize???

By being the best you you can be. One man's trash in another man's treasure. The secret is the unique and fabulous YOU.

 

[shynessqueen]

By being the best you you can be. One man's trash in another man's treasure. The secret is the unique and fabulous YOU.

But how are you being the best you can be by making yourself love the man less?

 

[shynessqueen]

That's what I've been told. . . seems that all of the successful marriages I've seen, this was the formula. I believe we are at our best when we are being loved and being made to feel special. So that makes us want to give our all.[/quote]

Exactly! Thats exactly why it works .

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think we as women put to much of our self in to our men. I'm at my best when I love my self. My relationship with my SO is just a part of me. It doesn't make me who I am. Only I can truly make me happy and when I'm happy I'm a great wife and mother. MY SO and kids can't give me the happiness I can give to myself. I won't put my happiness in someone else's hands. It's all up to me to make me happy.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

But how are you being the best you can be by making yourself love the man less?

Well, I don't believe you can "make" anyone love you more or less nor can you "make" yourself love a man more or less. However, it's possible to have a man eating out of your hand without trying, and from my observations, women who are completely confident in who they are are the ones who achieve this. It's not about conforming to anyone's standards but your own.

Love is a verb that results from an element inside of us...I don't believe we can mold and wield at our whim. If we could, we'd overcome heartbreak much faster. Unfortunately, we're not left with that choice once we're invested.

Besides all of that, I don't think being the best you you can be has anything to do with loving a man...it starts with YOU. A man does not complete a woman...he should be the accessory to the outfit, not the foundation. The question posed was how to become a woman that a man will prize, and the answer is to be the very best you possible - by developing yourself as a person, setting and achieving goals, living each day to the fullest, and learning to be complete and happy all by yourself. Only then will you really have anything offer a man in the first place. But beyond that, those are the women who I've seen men go after with abandon...and the women who are the most fulfilled and satisfied with their relationships, regardless of who loves who more.

 

[shynessqueen]

Well, I don't believe you can "make" anyone love you more or less nor can you "make" yourself love a man more or less. However, it's possible to have a man eating out of your hand without trying, and from my observations, women who are completely confident in who they are are the ones who achieve this. It's not about conforming to anyone's standards but your own.

Love is a verb that results from an element inside of us...I don't believe we can mold and wield at our whim. If we could, we'd overcome heartbreak much faster. Unfortunately, we're not left with that choice once we're invested.

Besides all of that, I don't think being the best you you can be has anything to do with loving a man...it starts with YOU. A man does not complete a woman...he should be the accessory to the outfit, not the foundation. The question posed was how to become a woman that a man will prize, and the answer is to be the very best you possible - by developing yourself as a person, setting and achieving goals, living each day to the fullest, and learning to be complete and happy all by yourself. Only then will you really have anything offer a man in the first place. But beyond that, those are the women who I've seen men go after with abandon...and the women who are the most fulfilled and satisfied with their relationships, regardless of who loves who more.

ITA; But that is not what is being said in this thread. I think you and I are on the same page.

 

[Puddles]

Well, I don't believe you can "make" anyone love you more or less nor can you "make" yourself love a man more or less. However, it's possible to have a man eating out of your hand without trying, and from my observations, women who are completely confident in who they are are the ones who achieve this. It's not about conforming to anyone's standards but your own.

Love is a verb that results from an element inside of us...I don't believe we can mold and wield at our whim. If we could, we'd overcome heartbreak much faster. Unfortunately, we're not left with that choice once we're invested.

Besides all of that, I don't think being the best you you can be has anything to do with loving a man...it starts with YOU. A man does not complete a woman...he should be the accessory to the outfit, not the foundation. The question posed was how to become a woman that a man will prize, and the answer is to be the very best you possible - by developing yourself as a person, setting and achieving goals, living each day to the fullest, and learning to be complete and happy all by yourself. Only then will you really have anything offer a man in the first place. But beyond that, those are the women who I've seen men go after with abandon...and the women who are the most fulfilled and satisfied with their relationships, regardless of who loves who more.

Very well said.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

ITA; But that is not what is being said in this thread. I think you and I are on the same page.

Well, I haven't ready every post, but from what I gathered, they're not saying you have love him less. I think you're equating a man loving you more with you loving him less...which doesn't have to be the case. Let's say your love for him is at a 9 right now and his is at a 9...this time next year, his love for you could grow significantly for whatever reason and his love could be at a 12...that doesn't mean yours has to be less than a 9 (which is your "best")...it just means that his love, in his way, is greater than yours in some (or many) ways.

However, I wouldn't make long term relationship decisions on something like that because as LoL mentioned, there's no magic structure or formula for the perfect relationship. There are so many variables in people and relationships that each woman is better off living her life according to her standards and allowing her intuition, her common sense, her heart, and her Higher Power to be her guide. I think we trust ourselves less than we should.

 

[Puddles]

ITA; But that is not what is being said in this thread. I think you and I are on the same page.

I can't speak for the other posters.
I don't necessarily agree with the topic (even though I said I did) But my relationship just happened that way. The love between my husband and I is not that big of a difference....but we both agree he does love me a lil more. It is working for us and we both find it's not that big of a deal.

Divine Inspiration said exactly how my and a lot of other relationships are/work. I couldn't have said it any better.