"Your husband should love u more than you love him"

[Zeal]

I totally agree.

My dh fell in love with me way before I fell in love with him. To this day....his love for me out weighs mine just a lil bit.
His love for God is much greater.

Ok! Now that is undertandable and that is cool. Bu, Ihave hard people say. He's a good man. Can't you learn to love him??

Love is not planned.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Ok! Now that is undertandable and that is cool. Bu, Ihave hard people say. He's a good man. Can't you learn to love him??

Love is not planned.

love is not instant either. I do believe love for people develope over time. If someone instantly fell in love with you without knowing you would you take them seriously or for a fool. You grow to love someone as time goes by, because they are then showing you their true self.


Love developes in my book..

ETA: but of course you do have to have that attraction. Don't confuse the two.

 

[Puddles]

Ok! Now that is undertandable and that is cool. Bu, Ihave hard people say. He's a good man. Can't you learn to love him??

Love is not planned.

I heard that too.

I don't feel true love is planned.(at least not by us)
He told me he fell in love with me after a month. With me it took like 6 or 7. Heck....I was young and I wasn't the type to fall for a man quick. After going to church with him and hanging around his family a lot....I fell in love. He asked me to marry him 10mo after we started dating.

 

[Radianthealth]

I agree.

When I started acting a tad bit indifferent about our relationship that's my DH started putting in even more effort. The other day he said "I want to be married forever!" I said something similar to "Ok. We'll see."

My DH is the same way, it works for us. It doesn't feel like we are playing games or anything...I bet it has something to do with the hunter/protector in Men

ETA: I also think this works because a woman is less likely to take advantage of a Man that loves her more than she does him.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hmm...my mom told me this a while ago, and at first I was skeptical. She was trying to get me to give this guy "a chance" who I was not in the LEAST bit attracted to, and who I couldn't even foresee myself having a relationship with. I want to love and be at least somewhat attracted to the guy I marry.

But now that some time has passed by, I DO agree with this statement...SOMEWHAT. I think that the loving feeling and attraction should definitely be MUTUAL between husband and wife, but that the woman shouldn't be bending over backwards (or, in other words loving her man more than he loves her) for the man and sacrificing her own needs for him all the time because then he'll lose respect for her.

I think that's basically what this quote is saying. Even if you DO love your SO or husband more than he loves you, you probably shouldn't ever show it! Just continue to carry yourself with respect and dignity, and you will always be put up on a pedestal by the RIGHT man, and you won't become his "doormat".

 

[CandiceC]

I heard that too.

I don't feel true love is planned.(at least not by us)
He told me he fell in love with me after a month. With me it took like 6 or 7. Heck....I was young and I wasn't the type to fall for a man quick. After going to church with him and hanging around his family a lot....I fell in love. He asked me to marry him 10mo after we started dating.

Same here. DH popped up with "I love you" in a letter about a month in. We were young so I'm thinking- Um. Yeah. That's nice. I really really liked him, but love? It took months for that. We even talked a couple times about how I didn't like him as much as he liked me. Maybe that made things interesting to him. Shoot. I was still trying to see other guys! He waited for me to let him know when we could be exclusive which was a few months later.

 

[Mortons]

Wow I guess I have a lot to learn I think there is a "one" for you there is a soulmate you are meant to be with. I also think that love is instant, but we dont recognize it until later on. However, the love is placed there instantly.

 

[calliope]

Absolutely. The only clause is he should love God more than you. I married by this rule and reinforce in my daughter life.

This is the absolute truth and it's worked for me . I mean, I love my husband with all of my heart, but it's like I just can't put my finger on it- I know he loves me way more than I love him and he only loves God more than me which is the way it should be. The relationships that I've seen where it's the women who loves more than the man have been nothing but disasterous.

 

[carcajada]

I also think this works because a woman is less likely to take advantage of a Man that loves her more than she does him.

I believe this 100%.

 

[Puddles]

Same here. DH popped up with "I love you" in a letter about a month in. We were young so I'm thinking- Um. Yeah. That's nice. I really really liked him, but love? It took months for that. We even talked a couple times about how I didn't like him as much as he liked me. Maybe that made things interesting to him. Shoot. I was still trying to see other guys! He waited for me to let him know when we could be exclusive which was a few months later.

Too funny. Girl if this ain't me and mine...I don't know what is. We would talk about that too. And the other people thing.....me too.

Funny how some people's lives are so alike.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Well I'm not married, and won't be for a long while, but I believe this as this is how I've seen the most successful relationships play out.

I believe that men and women love differently to an extent. Maybe this has something to do with it.

 

[shynessqueen]

If my SO and I was to ever part ways. I will be single for the rest of my life. There are to many rules to dating, getting and keeping a husband.
I don't believe I would be willing to do it all.

 

[winterinatl]

IMO there is no "one" for you. There are millions of people on this earth, you choose one and then call him the "one". The love you with all my heart is not something we should seek out it's actually a trap set by mother nature that fades after a while. The sole purpose of that feeling is to cause us to get sexually aroused and pregnant. True love is willing to sacrifice for the benefit of another. When it comes to men use the head not the heart. Men expect women to act a certain way with them and when we don't follow the "rules" they don't respect us. Hence, man problems.

I just love this post!!

 

[carcajada]

IMO there is no "one" for you. There are millions of people on this earth, you choose one and then call him the "one".

You make my beliefs sound hippy-ish!

 

[Choclatcotton]

So whats the secret to these women? They just feel like they dont need the man or they just have a lot of confidence and they could take or leave him? Or are they the stronger emotionally of the two. ( the man being weaker) Maybe dont give off desperate vibes?? I have also been advised to find someone who loves me more.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

The one that loves the least controls the relationship. Think about it...........

 

[dlewis]

I agree with most of the posters. My DH has always loved me more and it's been great. Recently I've been asking G-d to soften my heart towards my Dh and He has. Do ya'll remember the thread were DH stood me up on a lunch date and my feelings were hurt. Well, he never would have done that if I were the old me. 6 months ago if he had done that I would have cut him off emotionally. But I've noticed that once I cared more he changed. He still a great guy but he's done some odd things.

 

[Kiadodie]

I agree with most of the posters. My DH has always loved me more and it's been great. Recently I've been asking G-d to soften my heart towards my Dh and He has. Do ya'll remember the thread were DH stood me up on a lunch date and my feelings were hurt. Well, he never would have done that if I were the old me. 6 months ago if he had done that I would have cut him off emotionally. But I've noticed that once I cared more he changed. He still a great guy but he's done some odd things.

Delwis...I get your point, really I do BUT how can you control how much you love a person. Can you? You can control not to be a push over or not letting the guy take advantage but I don't think you can control your feelings for someone.

 

[dlewis]

Delwis...I get your point, really I do BUT how can you control how much you love a person. Can you? You can control not to be a push over or not letting the guy take advantage but I don't think you can control your feelings for someone.

My Dh says my love is like a light switch, I can turn it on and off at will.

Thats not true but I have learned to control what people see. I don't think you can control how much you love a person but you can control what they see in you. If that makes sense.

 

[Kiadodie]

My Dh says my love is like a light switch, I can turn it on and off at will.

Thats not true but I have learned to control what people see. I don't think you can control how much you love a person but you can control what they see in you. If that makes sense.

See...now that I can understand and makes sense to me. I agree w/ that.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

If my SO and I was to ever part ways. I will be single for the rest of my life. There are to many rules to dating, getting and keeping a husband.
I don't believe I would be willing to do it all.

Ya know! I think people think waaaay too hard when it comes to relationships. We just want to strategically place everything in a 'place' and make orders and rules based on these imaginary fantasies and expectations in our head. Then we wonder why things don't work out and/or we are shocked when the relaitonship goes down the tube. You are living someone else's relationship rules, neverminding the fact that YOU and YOUR man are two different people.

Too many women are 'doing' their relationship as if it is someone else's. I just do me. All the "rules" and "supposed to be's" are for the birds.

But if one wants to follow another woman's philosophy on a relationship, that's on her. Everything ain't for everyone. We preach this all day long on the hair board and it follows into ALL aspects of life. But I guess it is different when it comes to relationships...

I guess...

 

[dlewis]

Locks, you're right, everyone has to do what's best for them.

My aunt who was married to a man that own his own business would come home everynight and cook and clean while my aunt sat on her butt all day. My mother keep getting onto my aunt about it, saying that a man should not have to come home to a nasty house and cook for her every night. After a couple of years of this my aunt started to manage the house while her husband worked. About a year latter they divorced and she blamed my mother saying that their marraige was fine until she started to take my mothers advice. And to this day she blames my mother.

Point is, everyone has a brain and you have to think for yourself and determine what you need to do. You can listen but you don't have to take the advice.

 

[cocoberry10]

Yeah, I kind of agree. If you love him more, I think you will be chasing him.

 

[CoCoGirl821]

Ya know! I think people think waaaay too hard when it comes to relationships. We just want to strategically place everything in a 'place' and make orders and rules based on these imaginary fantasies and expectations in our head. Then we wonder why things don't work out and/or we are shocked when the relaitonship goes down the tube. You are living someone else's relationship rules, neverminding the fact that YOU and YOUR man are two different people.

Too many women are 'doing' their relationship as if it is someone else's. I just do me. All the "rules" and "supposed to be's" are for the birds.

But if one wants to follow another woman's philosophy on a relationship, that's on her. Everything ain't for everyone. We preach this all day long on the hair board and it follows into ALL aspects of life. But I guess it is different when it comes to relationships...

I guess...

Very well said...

 

[Kiadodie]

Ya know! I think people think waaaay too hard when it comes to relationships. We just want to strategically place everything in a 'place' and make orders and rules based on these imaginary fantasies and expectations in our head. Then we wonder why things don't work out and/or we are shocked when the relaitonship goes down the tube. You are living someone else's relationship rules, neverminding the fact that YOU and YOUR man are two different people.

Too many women are 'doing' their relationship as if it is someone else's. I just do me. All the "rules" and "supposed to be's" are for the birds.

But if one wants to follow another woman's philosophy on a relationship, that's on her. Everything ain't for everyone. We preach this all day long on the hair board and it follows into ALL aspects of life. But I guess it is different when it comes to relationships...


I guess...

Amen!!!

 

[EbonyHairedPrincess]

I respect your view but I have to disagree. I have been with my SO for 12 years and to this day I know he is the ONE for me that felling has never fade even when I was not in love with him at one time. I'm not sure how much I can add to this topic but I can say that I love and respect my SO as much as he loves and respects me. I know when he needs me and he knows when I need him.

My husbands is the one because I choose for him to be the one not because of a tingly feeling like what was suggested. The feeling that people talk about generally changes over time. For most it evolves from a lust and an excitement into an intimate feeling of comfort, passion and concern for the wellbeing of the person. I am not suggesting there is no love in my marriage I'm merely saying that I love and need my husband but he loves and needs me more.

 

[camellia]

Ya know! I think people think waaaay too hard when it comes to relationships. We just want to strategically place everything in a 'place' and make orders and rules based on these imaginary fantasies and expectations in our head. Then we wonder why things don't work out and/or we are shocked when the relaitonship goes down the tube. You are living someone else's relationship rules, neverminding the fact that YOU and YOUR man are two different people.

Too many women are 'doing' their relationship as if it is someone else's. I just do me. All the "rules" and "supposed to be's" are for the birds.

But if one wants to follow another woman's philosophy on a relationship, that's on her. Everything ain't for everyone. We preach this all day long on the hair board and it follows into ALL aspects of life. But I guess it is different when it comes to relationships...

I guess...

Best advice in the thread!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Locks, you're right, everyone has to do what's best for them.

My aunt who was married to a man that own his own business would come home everynight and cook and clean while my aunt sat on her butt all day. My mother keep getting onto my aunt about it, saying that a man should not have to come home to a nasty house and cook for her every night. After a couple of years of this my aunt started to manage the house while her husband worked. About a year latter they divorced and she blamed my mother saying that their marraige was fine until she started to take my mothers advice. And to this day she blames my mother.

Point is, everyone has a brain and you have to think for yourself and determine what you need to do. You can listen but you don't have to take the advice.

I agree. I really do.

The logic behind "man should love women more" sounds good, but ONCE again it is placing most of the responsibilities on a man and basically saying that the man is the one who dictates the relationship-if he doesn't love a certain way then it is doomed. I think people are getting the notion that a man must love more versus a man loving a woman hard mixed up. I am all for BOTH parties loving hard, not just a man. The man is not the supreme being in the relationship (well atleast in my opinion). We BOTH are.

I am not saying that a man shouldn't love his woman with all his heart, I just don't understand after years and years of relationship books, counselors, articles, statistics, etc, we can't seem to grasp that there isn't one magic formula for a relationship. I just am not one to buy that a man should love you with all his heart soul (and wallet ) yet you are allowed to half-ass on the love portion. We women keep getting pulled into the okey doke with this stuff.

But once again, that's my opinion.

 

[rabs77]

Wow, great thread. Thanks y'all for your perspectives and experiences. This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me.

 

[shynessqueen]

I agree. I really do.

The logic behind "man should love women more" sounds good, but ONCE again it is placing most of the responsibilities on a man and basically saying that the man is the one who dictates the relationship-if he doesn't love a certain way then it is doomed. I think people are getting the notion that a man must love more versus a man loving a woman hard mixed up. I am all for BOTH parties loving hard, not just a man. The man is not the supreme being in the relationship (well atleast in my opinion). We BOTH are.

I am not saying that a man shouldn't love his woman with all his heart, I just don't understand after years and years of relationship books, counselors, articles, statistics, etc, we can't seem to grasp that there isn't one magic formula for a relationship. I just am not one to buy that a man should love you with all his heart soul (and wallet ) yet you are allowed to half-ass on the love portion. We women keep getting pulled into the okey doke with this stuff.

But once again, that's my opinion.

ITA: I have also seen women with really good men but they are to busy playing games that they loose these men and then years later when they are married to a man who was just there, They still talk about the one they let get away.