Your Husband Decides To Quit His Job To Pursue His Dreams

[BrownBetty]

well first let me say I don't condone the actions of folks wanting to escape and leave people hanging in situations that they were willing participants of but yes when a person subscribes to somebody else's dreams at the expense of their own dreams they are doing so because of the expected outome "happiness", and IF they don't get that... they get upset and alot of times they hold below surface level grudges that they start to take out on their spouses, kids, etc because now they feel "trapped".....when people feel trapped even if they are consciously playing the role, they subconsciously try to "escape" and these behaviors surface in ways that affect more than just the person involved...then comes into play even worse emotions that will surely lead to even more crumbling...guilt, manipulation, obligation...when somebody is sticking around due to those emotions those are not LOVE emotions and the expressed actions of that person will not come across as love if they stay in the picture....

to keep a relationship thriving and growing on love we must be willing to work with our partner in whatever capacity to help them get to a place of inner happiness and contentment so that we don't have to MAKE them do n e thing, that they do things on their own accord....even the things that we think people are supposed to/have to/need to be doing....because the unfortunate truth is

people don't HAVE to do anything they don't really want to....now that speaks for the type of person they are or their character if they choose to operate from a place of negativity and affect negatively those around them because of simmering, unresolved issues they choose to bury, but still there is a difference and a very distinct dynamic and feel of being in a relationship with somebody who is choosing and wanting to be doing and taking care of and handling their business vs somebody who doesn't want to be doing it and is "trying" to do it

If my husband was truly unhappy and expressing it I would do my best to help him get to a better place and if that meant less money being made, or lifestyle changes etc and we were still able to maintain the necessities in life then I would support him and urge him to make moves towards his dreams....the imagination is our greatest creative tool we have and we can create and bring dreams to life, esp with the encouragement, love and faith of others...

now if he was just complaining about hating his job and his life and just wanted to quit and sulk and blame everything and everybody for his misery then I would have to let him go......I will go up with you, I won't stay down with you

I like this... I am not married but I lived in a household where my mom worked and pops went to school for a while. It was the worst because there was no clear plan..... if I was in the situation I agree with tiara... lets get a plan in motion....

 

[kandake]

Precisely.

I'd support him - assuming that things were in line. DH dreams of opening his own restaurant, and even knowing the success rates of restaurants, I support him 100%.

However.

a) This isn't some new booty idea he came up with last week and wants to quit his job over tomorrow.
b) I am fully involved in all planning and financing of this, to insure that our stability as a family will not be risked.
c) He is reasonable and logical, and is doing all of the footwork/preparations now, while working a full time job, so that when things fall into place, the transition can be smooth.

I think people, in general, would be happier and more satisfied in their life if they had the opportunity to follow their dreams - and I see nothing wrong with following a dream, as long as you plan well and are rooted in reality as you do so.

I'd ask to see his business plan and his financials, in your situation, Kandi. If he doesn't have either lined up - I can't support a pipedream. If a financial institution is willing to support you with their loot (aka a business loan), I'm much more inclined to offer my emotional support, as well.

I agree that people would be much happier if they followed their dreams. I guess thats why I don't want to discourage him even though I don't necessarily agree with it.

And yes seeing/knowing/be involved in the plan is a must.

Okay so my ex husband was like that. This was after he went to college, got a degree and started a great job. I tried to be supportative at first but I think his quest to pursue his dreams was just because he didn't want to work and was more than happy to let me do it. I feel he should have kept his job while following his dreams (ie: start a new business) then once the business picked up and became lucrative he could have quit his current job. All of this mess started when he was about 25 or 26. Now he's 35, mooching off some other woman and trying to start some label with that ol rapper Candyman.

Oh wow. This is actually kind of sad but I couldn't help but laugh at the last part.

 

[cmperez]

I agree that people would be much happier if they followed their dreams. I guess thats why I don't want to discourage him even though I don't necessarily agree with it.

And yes seeing/knowing/be involved in the plan is a must.



Oh wow. This is actually kind of sad but I couldn't help but laugh at the last part.

Sadder is that he's white! Which isn't that big of a deal in itself but the fact that he's that old and trying to do this hip hop thing. My mom is always asking me "How do you not laugh in his face?"

 

[Evolving78]

stand by your man. this is why you gotta be secure with who you marry and what road they wanna take you down! if you believe, then you need to be a praying wife! God is going to bless your family no matter what. tell him to bring a plan to the table and where do you and everybody else fit into all of this.

 

[tiara76]

I agree that people would be much happier if they followed their dreams. I guess thats why I don't want to discourage him even though I don't necessarily agree with it.

And yes seeing/knowing/be involved in the plan is a must.

Each situation is different and each person is different....there are plenty of people who attempt to support somebody who says they really really want to do something and then that person doesn't do anything, and if you say something they try to make it seem like you have a problem, ummm hello, this is supposedly what you want, not what I want and you want to act like I'm wrong if Im doing more than I have to do in order to help you out and get mad if I point that out....I can't want it more than you do and I can't do it all for you....

and one can disagree with something a person wants or is doing and still be supportive and then of course there is the "reality" truthful aspects that come into play....imo nothing is just impossible in life and I don't like to talk in terms of impossibilities to anybody about n e thing buuutttt.....there are times when your honest opinion and disagreeing with something needs to be a factor and if you are married and feel your well being may be put on the line with the course your other wants to take it can get complicated....if you can't manage to hold a note even when its glued and stapled to your hands and want to be the next luther or celine....and want us to spend all of our money on studio time and demos then we have to have a talk and think about other options that can tie into this....maybe writing or promoting or something where your love of music plays a factor in what you are doing that isn't exactly singing it because thats not your strongest suit

 

[kandake]

stand by your man. this is why you gotta be secure with who you marry and what road they wanna take you down! if you believe, then you need to be a praying wife! God is going to bless your family no matter what. tell him to bring a plan to the table and where do you and everybody else fit into all of this.

Funny I should read this at this moment. I'm leaving work in a few minutes and I'm going to prayer and bible study. This is the first thing on my list of things to pray for.

 

[kandake]

Each situation is different and each person is different....there are plenty of people who attempt to support somebody who says they really really want to do something and then that person doesn't do anything, and if you say something they try to make it seem like you have a problem, ummm hello, this is supposedly what you want, not what I want and you want to act like I'm wrong if Im doing more than I have to do in order to help you out and get mad if I point that out....I can't want it more than you do and I can't do it all for you....

and one can disagree with something a person wants or is doing and still be supportive and then of course there is the "reality" truthful aspects that come into play....imo nothing is just impossible in life and I don't like to talk in terms of impossibilities to anybody about n e thing buuutttt.....there are times when your honest opinion and disagreeing with something needs to be a factor and if you are married and feel your well being may be put on the line with the course your other wants to take it can get complicated....if you can't manage to hold a note even when its glued and stapled to your hands and want to be the next luther or celine....and want us to spend all of our money on studio time and demos then we have to have a talk and think about other options that can tie into this....maybe writing or promoting or something where your love of music plays a factor in what you are doing that isn't exactly singing it because thats not your strongest suit

Re: the first bolded statement that is where I am now.

The second bolded I think I am the voice of reason that he needs.

 

[Blossssom]

Y'all going to be on the TV show Divorce Court! I've seen this "episode" too many times!

 

[kandake]

Y'all going to be on the TV show Divorce Court! I've seen this "episode" too many times!

I saw your name as the last post and I was like "oh dear, what does she have to say"

But don't wish divorce on me.

 

[envybeauty]

i'm skeptical only because you two are divorced. if you could part ways before over presumably a different issue, then wouldn't your skepticism somewhat hinder any true reconnection? that was my first thought.

it's not to say that you shouldn't support him. it's to ask, would you be supporting him as a wife/sweetheart (i don't know what to call it) or simply as a friend?

 

[kandake]

i'm skeptical only because you two are divorced. if you could part ways before over presumably a different issue, then wouldn't your skepticism somewhat hinder any true reconnection? that was my first thought.

it's not to say that you shouldn't support him. it's to ask, would you be supporting him as a wife/sweetheart (i don't know what to call it) or simply as a friend?

Valid points!

Here are my thoughts.

My skepticism could in fact hinder a true reconnection/reconciliation if I allow it to. Thats why we're moving slowly. I want to make sure we're doing the right thing. And this is somewhat of an added "bonus" that I have to consider when making a decision. We still have other issues to work out as well.

So, even though we're still working things out. I'm still supporting him as if he were still my husband. If I was supporting him simply as a friend this whole thing would be a non-issue for me. I really wouldn't care what he did with his life.

 

[sunnydaze]

Envy is saying what I was trying to before.

Since you two are divorced, he should be able to do this and support himself now, not once you two reconcile and your financial support is really necessary.

Even if you guys are working things out, I personally think you should take it really, really slow while he pursues this.yes being supportive..but moreso with your words than your dollars. Sorry if that sounds crazy, just been there done that.

 

[kandake]

Envy is saying what I was trying to before.

Since you two are divorced, he should be able to do this and support himself now, not once you two reconcile and your financial support is really necessary.

Even if you guys are working things out, I personally think you should take it really, really slow while he pursues this.yes being supportive..but moreso with your words than your dollars. Sorry if that sounds crazy, just been there done that.

Doesn't sound crazy at all. Its exactly what I'm doing.

Update...

So I decided against reconciliation for reasons unrelated to this topic. Just thought I would let you all know just in case you cared or were nosey. LOL