Your Husband Decides To Quit His Job To Pursue His Dreams

K

kandake

Well-Known Member
What would you do/say if you husband decided to quit his job to pursue his life long dream.

Lets say he wants to start that business he's always talking about or pursue the acting or singing career he's dreamed of since childhood; what do you do, what do you say to that?

Do you discourage it because it will uproot/change your life or do you support him in pursuing his dream because he really wants to do it.

I'm interested in your thoughts.
 
I would support him as long as his plan is logical and if we are not in debt up to our eyeballs. I would stress not to quit his steady job, maybe he can go part-time.
 
Uhhh, naw booboo, not unless certain criteria is met. I'm all for following your dreams but if you have a family you might need to slow your roll just a bit.
 
My DH did this. It's a little different though. We were not married when he did this and kind of on a break. So, I really did'nt have a say in the direction his life was headed. He was very unhappy for a long time at the job he was at. He felt that he wanted to go back to school. One day he just could'nt take it anymore and quit. He did have savings and some 401k, but that would only last so long.

When he told me this I supported him emotionally, but told him that my way would have been to find something else and then move on. However, if he felt he could survive without that job than I wished him all the best.

Fast forward a bit to when we got back together and then engaged. He was and still is going to school and working, but at a job that doesn't pay nearly as much as his previous profession. I knew all of this and also knew that together we would'nt be where I would like for a couple of years yet.
Because I beleive in him, I chose to move forward in the relationship and take on most of the financial responsibility.

Since all that, he has received his Assoc. and is well on his way to a Bach. He does some freelance work and is slowly making his way in his new field. What's really great is that he is happy and working toward his dream. Not stuck in a job that he hates.
It's not easy, but I have no problem sacrificing for now so that our later will be better.
 
I say go for it. I can't tell another person how to live their life and be happy even if I am married to him. Go live your dreams because I would not want anyone to hold me back from mines.
 
This among other things was one of the downfalls of my marriage.
I have three friends going through major drama in their marriages for the same reason. Taking this sort of leap w/o really discussing it with their wives and not considering the financial impact on the family.

I tend to agree with the poster who said that maybe he could puruse it on the side or on the flip, at least hold down a part time job. This is assuming that you aren't financially able to live off of one income while he gets his dream off the ground. If you are, then fine.I am all for dreams and entrepreneurship (sp), but logic and planning needs to be in there somewhere.
 
When I hear stuff like this. It automatically sounds like someone looking for an escape from the responsibilities of family.
I mean pursue a dream sounds like chasing a childhood fantasy and very selfish.
Pursuing a goal sounds like something that I actually heard you talk about out loud and could be obtained with a plan and hard work with results that benefit the family.
 
Taliah said:
When I hear stuff like this. It automatically sounds like someone looking for an escape from the responsibilities of family.
I mean pursue a dream sounds like chasing a childhood fantasy and very selfish.
Pursuing a goal sounds like something that I actually heard you talk about out loud and could be obtained with a plan and hard work with results that benefit the family.
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I understand what you are saying here.

I will say, that I wonder why so often the decision to pursue "dreams" mainly happens after you have a wife and/or children depending on you. I guess the point could be argued that having a family makes a man want to run his own show so he can create a better life for them. But Taliah's point is very valid as well. Sometimes you wonder if its an escape mechanism, particularly if there is an unwillingness to do other things that would keep the family afloat (get a side job, save a year's worth of income, etc).
 
"Sweetie..luv of my life..man that I do support....um...do you have to venture out into the unknown right about now?? Economy..recession...anything ring a bell."

Support him yes, but bring him into the grim reality especially with rough patch that small businesses have been enduring. suggest maybe to postpone for another year or so to see how the economy is looking. More than likely the economy will affect the financial outlook of his venture. try and discuss it with him.
 
That's fine and dandy if there are no children involved. To me, once you have kids your hopes and dreams are secondary to children having food to eat and a roof over their heads.
 
Hmmmmm, okay. I think I agree with everyone. I'm so on the fence about this.

This situation involves my ex-dh and myself. We're trying to work things out. We've been through so much over the last two years and it has significantly changed/impacted both of our lives. I think he had some kind of epiphany about life and living it with no regrets. Even if he fails he wants to say that he at least tried. I completely understand and respect his desire to do this but I'm such a rational and logical person and lets not forget that I am one for stability. I'm trying my hardest to be supportive. I just don't know about this...

Oh and he's looking for flexible part-time work and this is something he has talked about since we met, 6 years ago.
 
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It depends. If I was in a position to financially support the family and knew that I wouldn't feel bitterness because of it, then sure, depending on the dream. If he was 50 and wanting to pursue a singing career, for example, I wouldn't support it because there's almost no chance he'd make it.
 
KEWLKAT103 said:
My DH did this. It's a little different though. We were not married when he did this and kind of on a break. So, I really did'nt have a say in the direction his life was headed. He was very unhappy for a long time at the job he was at. He felt that he wanted to go back to school. One day he just could'nt take it anymore and quit. He did have savings and some 401k, but that would only last so long.

When he told me this I supported him emotionally, but told him that my way would have been to find something else and then move on. However, if he felt he could survive without that job than I wished him all the best.

Fast forward a bit to when we got back together and then engaged. He was and still is going to school and working, but at a job that doesn't pay nearly as much as his previous profession. I knew all of this and also knew that together we would'nt be where I would like for a couple of years yet.
Because I beleive in him, I chose to move forward in the relationship and take on most of the financial responsibility.

Since all that, he has received his Assoc. and is well on his way to a Bach. He does some freelance work and is slowly making his way in his new field. What's really great is that he is happy and working toward his dream. Not stuck in a job that he hates.
It's not easy, but I have no problem sacrificing for now so that our later will be better.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing.

I think your situation is a bit different. I'm all for going to school. If he was quitting to go to grad school I would have no qualms at all. Like I mentioned before I'm a rational and logical person. I can process the outcome of school. But with my situation I can't process the outcome.
 
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**kandi** said:
Divorced. He's working but looking for part-time work. He has a couple of prospects.
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Ok. One more. Are you two thinking about moving back in together/remarring before he begins working part time? Just wondering if the part time work will begin after you two get back together.
 
sunnydaze said:
Ok. One more. Are you two thinking about moving back in together/remarring before he begins working part time? Just wondering if the part time work will begin after you two get back together.
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We're taking it slow. We don't plan on moving back in with one another anytime soon. The part-time work will probably begin by the new year. He has a few prospects.

I think I kinda get where you're going with this though. This is something he's going to do with or without me in the picture. Because of our situation I can do the emotional support but I'm not trying to support it financially. To be honest if we were actually married he would have been pissed off at me because I would have tried to discourage it.:ohwell:

But, I really didn't want this to be all about my situation. I just thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss.
 
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I'm all for pursuing a dream and supporting it....also along with reasoning and logic of course, I'm not married or have kids, but if I was and my husband expressed interest in pursuing a dream then I wouldn't discourage him at all, but help us figure out the best way to do it....if it meant us living on the streets to do it we'd have to come up with a new plan...if it meant moving from a bigger more expensive house to a smaller one or apt that or things in our lifestyle that we could do without I would be open to making those types of changes to make things easier

whoever said it could be looking for a reason to escape responsibilities makes a good point....alot of people follow the whole american dream and expect "happiness" from doing everything the "right" way and feel like they have been bamboozled if they don't experience fullfilment, they start to harbor resentments and bitterness for now HAVING to do something vs wanting to do something (and that includes marriage, kids, jobs) and bizarre behaviors start to surface in ways that affect them and the people close to them and can tear people and families apart if these deeper feelings and emotions aren't brought to surface, healed and worked on
 
tiara76 said:
I'm all for pursuing a dream and supporting it....also along with reasoning and logic of course, I'm not married or have kids, but if I was and my husband expressed interest in pursuing a dream then I wouldn't discourage him at all, but help us figure out the best way to do it....if it meant us living on the streets to do it we'd have to come up with a new plan...if it meant moving from a bigger more expensive house to a smaller one or apt that or things in our lifestyle that we could do without I would be open to making those types of changes to make things easier

whoever said it could be looking for a reason to escape responsibilities makes a good point....alot of people follow the whole american dream and expect "happiness" from doing everything the "right" way and feel like they have been bamboozled if they don't experience fullfilment, they start to harbor resentments and bitterness for now HAVING to do something vs wanting to do something (and that includes marriage, kids, jobs) and bizarre behaviors start to surface in ways that affect them and the people close to them and can tear people and families apart if these deeper feelings and emotions aren't brought to surface, healed and worked on
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So are you saying that escaping responsibilities is a kin to escaping the conventional "American dream" "right" way of living life. I'm just trying to understand the last half of your post.

ITA with people being regretful and resentful about not taking a certain path in life.
 
**kandi** said:
What would you do/say if you husband decided to quit his job to pursue his life long dream.

Lets say he wants to start that business he's always talking about or pursue the acting or singing career he's dreamed of since childhood; what do you do, what do you say to that?

Do you discourage it because it will uproot/change your life or do you support him in pursuing his dream because he really wants to do it.

I'm interested in your thoughts.
Click to expand...


How old is he? He might be approaching that crisis time. It's not uncommon. As long as he still has other options and doesn't burn all his bridges, support him. Of course, if you will be carrying the load whether or not you have children...dead on....NO!!!!!!!!!! Tell him to do his music and take care of you.

BTW, your hairstyle is way too cute. I love that.
 
He's young (27) so he's not having a mid life crisis. But now that you've mentioned it I think he's having a quarter life crisis.

Thanks for the complement on my hair!!!!!
 
**kandi** said:
So are you saying that escaping responsibilities is a kin to escaping the conventional "American dream" "right" way of living life. I'm just trying to understand the last half of your post.

ITA with people being regretful and resentful about not taking a certain path in life.
Click to expand...


There's nothing wrong with taking a risk. It depends upon whether it is viable or not. All businesses take risks. We take risks just driving to work. But how I plan on getting there is the problem. Will it work? Will there be minimal damage? How sound is my plan? I won't attach wings to a bike and jump of a bridge thinking I'll propell forward and avoid traffic jams. Is it long-term planned and intelligent in design? Risks are inevitable. Viability is the key. I wish you two the best.
 
**kandi** said:
So are you saying that escaping responsibilities is a kin to escaping the conventional "American dream" "right" way of living life. I'm just trying to understand the last half of your post.

ITA with people being regretful and resentful about not taking a certain path in life.
Click to expand...

well first let me say I don't condone the actions of folks wanting to escape and leave people hanging in situations that they were willing participants of but yes when a person subscribes to somebody else's dreams at the expense of their own dreams they are doing so because of the expected outome "happiness", and IF they don't get that... they get upset and alot of times they hold below surface level grudges that they start to take out on their spouses, kids, etc because now they feel "trapped".....when people feel trapped even if they are consciously playing the role, they subconsciously try to "escape" and these behaviors surface in ways that affect more than just the person involved...then comes into play even worse emotions that will surely lead to even more crumbling...guilt, manipulation, obligation...when somebody is sticking around due to those emotions those are not LOVE emotions and the expressed actions of that person will not come across as love if they stay in the picture....

to keep a relationship thriving and growing on love we must be willing to work with our partner in whatever capacity to help them get to a place of inner happiness and contentment so that we don't have to MAKE them do n e thing, that they do things on their own accord....even the things that we think people are supposed to/have to/need to be doing....because the unfortunate truth is

people don't HAVE to do anything they don't really want to....now that speaks for the type of person they are or their character if they choose to operate from a place of negativity and affect negatively those around them because of simmering, unresolved issues they choose to bury, but still there is a difference and a very distinct dynamic and feel of being in a relationship with somebody who is choosing and wanting to be doing and taking care of and handling their business vs somebody who doesn't want to be doing it and is "trying" to do it

If my husband was truly unhappy and expressing it I would do my best to help him get to a better place and if that meant less money being made, or lifestyle changes etc and we were still able to maintain the necessities in life then I would support him and urge him to make moves towards his dreams....the imagination is our greatest creative tool we have and we can create and bring dreams to life, esp with the encouragement, love and faith of others...

now if he was just complaining about hating his job and his life and just wanted to quit and sulk and blame everything and everybody for his misery then I would have to let him go......I will go up with you, I won't stay down with you
 
When you have debt and bills to pay, following your dreams is a DISTANT second to getting your house in order. If he wanted to dabble in his dream on the weekends, I'd be all for it. However, I'm not going to risk financial ruin so he can follow his dreams. :nono:
 
If that were my husband, I'd lt him know he had plenty of time to pursue his dream when he was single and/or didn't have kids. :nono:

Nope, wrong answer. What he's proposing sounds so selfish to me. And in the end, resentful feelings may end up driving you apart.
 
I would support him in every way, knowing he'd do the same for me and knowing the kind of man he is. Knowing DH, he would ONLY make that decision or want to do that if it would NOT put the pressure of supporting us on me. He's a very forward-thinking man, so he'd make sure that we would be able to continue the life we live whether he succeeded or not at said venture. He doesn't involve himself in anything until he figures out every possible outcome and has a solution for pretty much 90% of the possible "what ifs." Decision making is a long, laborous process in his world. lol
 
As long as we don't have any children or debt, he can pursue any dream he wants to as long as he has common sense, a plan, and his own resources. Depending on what the 'dream' is, if it was that important he should've worked on pursueing it before getting married.
 
Okay so my ex husband was like that. This was after he went to college, got a degree and started a great job. I tried to be supportative at first but I think his quest to pursue his dreams was just because he didn't want to work and was more than happy to let me do it. I feel he should have kept his job while following his dreams (ie: start a new business) then once the business picked up and became lucrative he could have quit his current job. All of this mess started when he was about 25 or 26. Now he's 35, mooching off some other woman and trying to start some label with that ol rapper Candyman. :nono:
 
hwiseman said:
There's nothing wrong with taking a risk. It depends upon whether it is viable or not. All businesses take risks. We take risks just driving to work. But how I plan on getting there is the problem. Will it work? Will there be minimal damage? How sound is my plan? I won't attach wings to a bike and jump of a bridge thinking I'll propell forward and avoid traffic jams. Is it long-term planned and intelligent in design? Risks are inevitable. Viability is the key. I wish you two the best.
Click to expand...

Precisely.

I'd support him - assuming that things were in line. DH dreams of opening his own restaurant, and even knowing the success rates of restaurants, I support him 100%.

However.

a) This isn't some new booty idea he came up with last week and wants to quit his job over tomorrow.
b) I am fully involved in all planning and financing of this, to insure that our stability as a family will not be risked.
c) He is reasonable and logical, and is doing all of the footwork/preparations now, while working a full time job, so that when things fall into place, the transition can be smooth.

I think people, in general, would be happier and more satisfied in their life if they had the opportunity to follow their dreams - and I see nothing wrong with following a dream, as long as you plan well and are rooted in reality as you do so.

I'd ask to see his business plan and his financials, in your situation, Kandi. If he doesn't have either lined up - I can't support a pipedream. :lol: If a financial institution is willing to support you with their loot (aka a business loan), I'm much more inclined to offer my emotional support, as well.
 
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