Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marriage?

[anon123]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

I'm not emotionally attached to the man, so it's easy for me to say I would leave. It is unfair, caltron, to compare a married couple sticking with each other after one finds out they have a condition to the OP who is just dating this man. You want to give your life and your children's lives the best possible start. So if you have critical information from the beginning, why would that not factor into your decisions before you make a life-long commitment? I mean, PositivelyBeautiful, he basically told you that he thinks it's almost a guarantee that any child he has will have to undergo surgeries for their condition. Why would one (you or him) choose that? Love doesn't have to leave one devoid of reason.

But I know emotions do a number on people, which is probably why he wants his own children. The urge to procreate can be a powerful drive in people. And you may already be very attached. Good luck, OP, on whatever you decide.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

If he really seemed like "the one" i would not break it off with him but he would have to understand that we would not be able to have kids together. We would need to use a healthy donor for our babies AND he would need to agree to a vasectomy. If he can't understand that then you should move on.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

I hate reading posts like these. Everyone around you says oh you're so beautiful. You deserve a person who will love you flaws, disabilities, and all. Someone who is understanding. Someone who looks at things all angles of the box. Then I come into posts like this and see that the majority of people are like...HELL NAW I would bounce with a quickness.

Personally, it is not a life threatening disease so I wouldn't bounce if I knew that he was the one. I wouldn't want him to go that to me. Plus there is such thing as ex vitro fertilization where they fertilize a number of yalls eggs and sperm but only implant the ones that don't have the mutations in you. It's expensive though.

 

[runwaydream]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

I disagree with you that it's apples and oranges. Some people get their "for worse" at the beginning of a relationship. The only difference is the timing. I will give you that sometimes when you find out shortly after you meet someone, it prevents you from getting to know that person and falling in love with them. That's the only difference I see.

For instance, A good friend of mine from college was diagnosed with a very rare, severe and debilitating medical disorder shortly after she became engaged to be married. She was a model type and had won beauty pageants and was facing a future where she was in a few years going to physically disfigured and unable to have children. Her fiance stuck by her and married her anyway and they are still happily married now. Her disease went into remission shortly after they were married and they were able to have a child before the disease returned and she became totally disabled.

The uncomfortable question is, if that happened to you, would your spouse stick by you in the same way? Would you stick by your spouse or SO under the same circumstances? Would you rather be with the person that's going to stick by you, or the person that's going to bounce? What does that say about the quality of your love?

I'm not emotionally attached to the man, so it's easy for me to say I would leave. It is unfair, caltron, to compare a married couple sticking with each other after one finds out they have a condition to the OP who is just dating this man. You want to give your life and your children's lives the best possible start. So if you have critical information from the beginning, why would that not factor into your decisions before you make a life-long commitment? I mean, PositivelyBeautiful, he basically told you that he thinks it's almost a guarantee that any child he has will have to undergo surgeries for their condition. Why would one (you or him) choose that? Love doesn't have to leave one devoid of reason.

But I know emotions do a number on people, which is probably why he wants his own children. The urge to procreate can be a powerful drive in people. And you may already be very attached. Good luck, OP, on whatever you decide.

I came to respond to caltron but mwzedi basically said what i was going to say. there's no commitment, they're not in love, and they're basically just starting out in the relationship. why stay when you clearly see the iceberg ahead?

 

[Dak]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

SK, don't let this make you feel bad, OP sounds like she really likes this guy, but what troubles me about him is that he wants his own child, genetic disease and all. He does have a choice. He's not talking about ex vitro fertilization, (I think that would be a perfect solution.)

I don't think he's not around people with children. Raising a child is hard enough without painful million dollar medical procedures.

There was a time when people didn't know about these conditions, now that we have the knowledge, we can't hide our heads in the sand, I think we have to use that knowledge wisely.

 

[QueenFee]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

From my understanding and from a friend who has it, didn't know until just now...It's 1 in 17thousand... It has to be a scary thing knowing what you children might come out looking like but make sure you explore all the options before you just give up on him. Of course slow things down but research this disease and see what the odds are...If you feel like he could be the one then don't give up so easy. If not then I feel that it would be easier for the both of you if you let it go...Especially if there is no emotional thing going on between you two let it go now...You both deserve a chance to have someone who will love you no matter what and vice versa.

 

[frida1980]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

Ok. I looked it up. This is what I can tell you.

If you marry this man and have children with him, it's unlikely that this disease will show up in any of your children unless you are a carrier of this disease yourself. Genetically, your sons would escape the disease, since you provide the X chromosome for the boys, and his Y chromosome would be unaffected. Your girls however, would become carriers of the disease, but never have the disease themselves. Unfortunately, that means there is a 25% chance that a child of theirs will have the disease. This is the deal with most male line hereditary diseases.

If this was a disease like Tay Saks or something that I knew was hereditary and would result in the death of my children, I couldn't do it. Anything else, I think would a case by case thing. Such as, I couldn't be with a hemophilic, not because my kids would get it, (they can't) but I couldn't handle my man so close to death all the time. It's a stress thing.

 

[princessnad]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

If it is the disease that was discussed above, hypohidrotic ectodermal dysplasia, it is thought to have an x-linked recessive pattern of inheritance. That means that he will not pass it on to his son (because only the mother gives her x chromosome to the son) and your daughter will not get the disease, only the trait.

If you are really interested in him, you should do genetic testing to make sure you do not have the trait and to get more information on the pattern of inheritance.

http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/hypohidrotic-ectodermal-dysplasia

 

[princessnad]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

Ok. I looked it up. This is what I can tell you.

If you marry this man and have children with him, it's unlikely that this disease will show up in any of your children unless you are a carrier of this disease yourself. Genetically, your sons would escape the disease, since you provide the X chromosome for the boys, and his Y chromosome would be unaffected. Your girls however, would become carriers of the disease, but never have the disease themselves. Unfortunately, that means there is a 25% chance that a child of theirs will have the disease. This is the deal with most male line hereditary diseases.

If this was a disease like Tay Saks or something that I knew was hereditary and would result in the death of my children, I couldn't do it. Anything else, I think would a case by case thing. Such as, I couldn't be with a hemophilic, not because my kids would get it, (they can't) but I couldn't handle my man so close to death all the time. It's a stress thing.

Sorry, I didn't see this post before mine.

 

[diadall]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

If I liked him, I would date him and if I fell in love with him and married him and I would stay with him in sickness and in health.

As far as children, I would investigate if he would be opposed to other methods of having children. I see no reason to not have a relationship with him because he has a condition, especially if he has great qualities.

 

[Shinka]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

This is an important question to ask, because even if you are "PC" and say genetics don't matter Love overrides all...


You have to decided if you think you both can financially afford all these procedures or the debt that may come from them. In addition to the emotional capacity needed to take care of a child with an illness or recovering from multiple procedures. what happenes if you don't stay together? Could you be a single mother to a sick child.

i offer these questions as things to think about. Parents do it every day successfully and many fall apart. I personally don't know if I could willingly do it. it's tough with people deal with this unexpectedly.

nothing is guaranteed. You can pass him by, and your next relationship, God forbid, could produce a child with a genetic defect or environmental caused disability.

Be honest with him that you are concerned how this would affect you, and potential offspring. maybe after learning more about it, you can decided. All in all, follow your heart and your gut. You alone have to live with this decision.

 

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Re: Would you date someone with a hereditary genetic condition with a view to a marri

Wow, thank you for all the great replies ladies! I guess I have a lot to think about.

I spoke to him and he said that he wants to have his own kids because although his life has had ups and downs he's led a full life with his condition and he doesn't see why his children wouldn't do the same. He's a military man and has travelled the world with his condition so he doesn't think that what he has is so serious that he shouldn't have children.

It's still early days but I'm not totally through with thinking about the impact this may have on our potential future children. It's great to hear that any kids we may have won't have the full condition but it still worries me a bit. I guess a genetic mutation could happen with a healthy partner anyway. I guess if we really feel that there's potential for a serious relationship it's a decision I'll have to make.