Wife Duties? (Girlfriend Duties spinoff)

[luckiestdestiny]

This is for everyone: wives, and single/engaged women alike. Okay so there was a thread about "girlfriend duties" and what that entails.

What are wifely duties, and how will you contribute to a marriage...

So when I think of wifely duties I have a more...modern view. I think there has to be a balance...what about you? Are you going to do it all? Will you share responsibilities...just what are wifely duties to you?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Wow. No one? I was sure the wives would be all over this. I'd really like to know what everyone's views are on this subject. I will add this is w/o judgement. I'm just wondering if views are evolving are pretty much the same.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Or for the wives...what duties have you taken on...and do you like them? Do you wish the dynamic were different? What would you change (or have you changed)? What are your ideas of wifely duties.

 

[Syrah]

Me being single (read: not married) its hard for me to define my role because I think the roles two people take on once married should be unique to that couple. A prescriptive set of "one size fits all" doesn't work IMO. Roles, duties, whatever-you-want-to-call-them should be based on the emotional, financial, spiritual and sexual needs of the 2 people in question.

But I do believe that the range of what I am willing and ready to do will definitely widen. Am I going to suck down my pride and do things that I might not otherwise do, to maintain or strengthen my marriage? Absolutely. Will there be things that I'm presented with that when not married I would've said "hell no, I would NEVER" that I might consider or even willingly agree to do to maintain or strengthen my marriage? Absolutely.

I'm not married but one of the things that I've noticed about successful couples is that their roles are clearly established. I think ambiguity leads to confusion and competition and its that ambiguity that causes things to falter (note: I'm not talking about marriages that struggle due to infidelity).

 

[Ladybelle]

I am currently going through a divorce, while I was with my dh- I did everything. I cooked, cleaned, worked & contributed to the finances, primary caregiver/disciplinarian to the kids and if I were to ever get married again, I would not create or allow that dynamic to take root. I agree with OP- there must be a balance.

If i work- he must help out around the house. If I don't work, then I wouldn't mind doing all the household duties. Or, if I do the inside work- he must do the outside work.

Ultimately, I think there has to be a genuine respect for the other. And, out of that respect one helps the other as much as needed or wanted.

 

[MD_Lady]

This is for everyone: wives, and single/engaged women alike. Okay so there was a thread about "girlfriend duties" and what that entails.

What are wifely duties, and how will you contribute to a marriage...

So when I think of wifely duties I have a more...modern view. I think there has to be a balance...what about you? Are you going to do it all? Will you share responsibilities...just what are wifely duties to you?

I agree 100%. DH and I share the responsibility of bringing income into the household and we share the responsibility of keeping the household running by splitting chores both in and outside of the home. We're also on equal footing when it comes to making decisions... neither of us is a slave to having the "final word". We work as a team- sometimes the final verdict is a reflection of what he wants, sometimes it's a reflection of what I want, and sometimes, we both shrug and say "whatever you want".We don't have children yet, but when we do, both of us fully intend to continue splitting duties. The only thing I can do that he can't is bear and deliver a baby. Other than that, we're both committed to making parenthood a team effort!

 

[kamille8]

Each marriage is different and it kind of depends on what both your ideals are. I feel if both are working than house work should be shared equally. I don't think it's such a black and white issue it just depends on the man and woman.

 

[Lovelylife]

I hope that if I'm working we split 50/50 or if he is the primary financial provider I'll do 100% of household.

 

[hopeful]

Wifely duties:
*Create a peaceful, happy home
*Support his career and dreams (within reason)
*Look as beautiful as possible as often as possible
*Be a strong partner
*Be a woman he can be proud of
*Be sweet and sexy
*Keep him on his toes
*Rock his body, heart & soul
*Be the best I can be and continue to pursue my goals always
*Be forgiving and understanding
*Be appreciative of everything he does for me
*Place no one above him

 

[hopeful]

And I agree that the dynamic is unique to each couple. Respect and compassion is key. While I do most of the cleaning (with the help of a housekeeper), cooking, grocery shopping, etc., dh cooks too sometimes, washes dishes sometimes, helps with disciplining the kids, backs me up with them, takes the kids to the library to get books for reports, etc. We help each other where needed. And when things feel unbalanced they must be put back into balance. He works full-time, I don't work a job outside the home, but we discuss just about everything. No one is THE boss. Sometimes he gets his way. Sometimes I get mine. Most of the time we both get our way because we are in agreement on most things. And sometimes someone has to make a sacrafice, that to me is the hardest part of marriage. I think marriage is the hardest/most challenging and most rewarding/satisfying/beautiful relationship there is. It is truly not for the faint of heart.

 

[DarkVictory]

Each marriage is different and it kind of depends on what both your ideals are. I feel if both are working than house work should be shared equally. I don't think it's such a black and white issue it just depends on the man and woman.

ITA. Each couple has to work it out to fit their situation. I like OP's term "contribute."

Had a whole lot to say, but Hopeful said it better.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Wifely duties:
*Create a peaceful, happy home
*Support his career and dreams (within reason)
*Look as beautiful as possible as often as possible
*Be a strong partner
*Be a woman he can be proud of
*Be sweet and sexy
*Keep him on his toes
*Rock his body, heart & soul
*Be the best I can be and continue to pursue my goals always
*Be forgiving and understanding
*Be appreciative of everything he does for me*

 

[luckiestdestiny]

For the wives...do you find yourself compromising more times than not or do you feel like it's equal.

 

[hopeful]

I used to do more of the compromising when I was younger. Not anymore. Now it's pretty equal. Live and learn.

 

[LongTimeComing]

I am not married so this my intent.

If I am working I would want a 70/30 split for me maintaining the home. All outdoor chores are his, but cooking, bill paying, cleaning, and laundry I can mostly manage.

If I am not working outside the home I will maintain it myself.

 

[MD_Lady]

For the wives...do you find yourself compromising more times than not or do you feel like it's equal.

The end result is equal, but that doesn't mean everything is 50/50 all the time. Some situations are 40/60 while others are 80/20, 55/45, etc.