Girlfriend Duties?

[Tolle]

Some of the responses in this thread are...hilarious. I like the exchange of different opinions but the subliminal judgemental comments are so unnecessary to get your point across. Thank you to the ladies who were able to refrain from doing so.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I don't think its bad, I think that certain things need to wait for a more serious/commited relationship and when marriage is more than just an idea in the back of YOUR mind. I only say this because I have seen that some people think that these "wifey/hubby" things make you more of a couple when done early in a relationship. It makes that person feel that way but it doesn't make it true.

An extreme but good comparison of this is coloring (sorry, I just lerned this term and love it now) early in a relationship can make the woman feel closer to the man but for the man it could be (and early on usually is) about getting some temporary pleasure from "some new". I know this comparison sounds extreme but I can't tell you the number of single women out there that think coloring with some one brings you closer together and the numerous men out there that don't agree.

In the end you should really do anything in a relationship b/c you want to but don't think that doing X (cleaning, washing, cooking, ect) is automoaticlly going to lead to a more serious relationship.

I getcha and totally agree.

My post was a bit facetious. My boyfriend and I haven't been dating for very long, but he already insists on helping me out around my apartment when he's over. I've told him a MILLION times he doesn't have to, but he says he enjoys helping out when and where he can. He's not doing it in the hopes that I'll see he's husband material, but because it's something he wants to do. Just like how I enjoy cooking dinner when he comes over. I love making a home cooked dinner for myself since cooking is one of my hobbies, so it's fun to do it for someone else as well and get their feedback. But that's in line with what you're saying - if you do something, it should be because it's something you want to do and enjoy doing.

 

[Makenzie]

Basically. For as long as I am a girlfriend, the man will get only a friend. Surely, you don't expect your friend to come clean up after you? To me, a girlfriend is just that: A girl who is a friend. As the #1 friend in his life (his "boys" do not come before me), I am supportive, cheerful, and fun to be around. I accept his devotion and lavish him with compliments as positive reinforcement. Being seen with me makes him look good and he rises in the esteem of others through association with me. My treatment of him, the deliciousness of my food on the occasions he may find some leftovers in my fridge, the spotlessness of my apartment when I allow him over, the way I handle my younger siblings, and my overall demeanor all tell him that I would make a fine wife. He respects my values and dignity, both of which prevent me from being his bedroom freak, maid, or chef before we have embarked on a life together ordained by God. He auditions for me, showing me that he is an excellent provider and protector, and will only get better with age, so that I may consider ceding over my health and almost a year per child to producing his offspring. It is not natural for women to audition and preen for men. Even animals know that.

Wow - well said.

All of my boyfriends have known to clean up before I arrive. The one time a fellow let me come over to see his dirty tub, I fetched him a sponge and all purpose cleaner from his cupboard. He apologized and proceed to clean. When he was done cleaning, I came to inspect, pointed out a few areas he missed, then took a shower when he had done a good job. I ended up dumping that guy because he kept trying me with shenanigans he had played with his ex. Now, he has a new gf who he runs ragged, but he still knows to straighten up and have my red wine ready on the rare occasion I come over (we are friends now).

I am consistent because my apartment is spotless when people come over (actually, spotless virtually all the time) and I would never let company do the cleaning. I am traditional in that I take having company very seriously and make sure to play a good hostess. Seeing how I lay out cutleries, serve take-out gracefully, pour wine, and ask about their comfort, the men I date know to treat me the same way. A man shouldn't ever get so comfortable with me during courtship that he forgets that having me over is a special occasion, and I don't ever forget that having him over is a special occasion too.

Again, well said.

I don't think its bad, I think that certain things need to wait for a more serious/commited relationship and when marriage is more than just an idea in the back of YOUR mind. I only say this because I have seen that some people think that these "wifey/hubby" things make you more of a couple when done early in a relationship. It makes that person feel that way but it doesn't make it true.

An extreme but good comparison of this is coloring (sorry, I just lerned this term and love it now) early in a relationship can make the woman feel closer to the man but for the man it could be (and early on usually is) about getting some temporary pleasure from "some new". I know this comparison sounds extreme but I can't tell you the number of single women out there that think coloring with some one brings you closer together and the numerous men out there that don't agree.

In the end you should really do anything in a relationship b/c you want to but don't think that doing X (cleaning, washing, cooking, ect) is automoaticlly going to lead to a more serious relationship.

I think the bold is really what it boils down to. Too many women seek a connection to their SO's by doing wifey things for them. However, a lot of times the men may be thankful, but still not feel that same connection the women do. Men and women think differently. Plain and simple. Marriage is that promise that the man will take care of me, promise his love to me, etc.. Before marriage, as stated before, he can look (as I am looking) and see what my character traits are, how I handle my finances, keep my home, deal with my health, treat my friends/family, treat his friends/family etc..

 

[DarkVictory]

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[cheetarah1980]

This thread is so timely. I was just having this discussion on a facebook status. It amazes me how many women think that a relationship is an "audition" for marriage. Beyond being supportive, honest, trustworthy, fun to be around, and a good genuinely friend a girlfriend doesn't have any "DUTIES" to a boyfriend. Not to say that a girlfriend can't cook and clean and sex her man if she wants to, but it's definitely NOT required.

 

[QueenFee]

Ladies dnt ever make the mistake of giving a man too much of yourself..In this day and age if we both work we can take turns tidy'n up each others apartments and cooking for each other if it's going to be an expectation...

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I need to bump this! Foolishness on FB has run a-damn-mok! Have women been brainwashed!? WTF?

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Thiends, can I quote you on FB, girl! Lawd, I need to print out this cheat sheet for the chicken heads, Father. My head is about to crack open from the extent of the foolywang to which I am exposing myself on someone's status and comments.

 

[DarkJoy]

........

 

[MissNigeria]

Cut your losses and move on... Life is not about serving someone it's about working as a team. If you want to be a second-class citizen, stay in the relationship. I don't know you but I know your worth a lot more.... Dump the dead weight and move on....

 

[*SkolarStar*]

The knowledge in this thread is awesome! I had to post-it Thiends' post.