Wwyd Man Selection Edition

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

What do you mean he would marry her in an instant?

I think knowing a person and being in a relationship with them are two different things, and stuff that you feel like are minor in nature may not be for her, and you have to respect her perspective. You seem a wee bit biased in favor of this guy too, maybe since you're friends with him? Ultimately she is the one who would have to be with him, and she is the one who needs to be comfortable with his flaws and all.

THIS. My ex on the outside was all those positive qualities you listed. To the outside world he was sweet charming and and all around "textbook nice guy." With me he was an emotional/verbal abuser; a straight textbook narcissist/sociopath.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Where was it said that she had a problem with him having a child?? I didn't see that anywhere.

"The not so good about him is that he has a child from a previous marriage..." I took this to mean the op was paraphrasing from the friend.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

"expects her to perform traditional home duties even though she works full time"

*record scratch*


and do all the child rearing too I'm guessing. She would be a tired resentful wife. She's right to move on imo,

 

[Farida]

It's personal preference. I do not care how fantastic a man is. If he expects me to work full time and do all the "womanly" chores that's a dealbreaker. Some people can suck it up but not me. If he wants me to do all of that I'd better be a SAHM.

 

[*CherryPie*]

She meant that was one of the things that wasn't good "on paper" about him. She didn't say that her friend had a problem with that.

"The not so good about him is that he has a child from a previous marriage..." I took this to mean the op was paraphrasing from the friend.

 

[Browndilocks]

Actually, I've known them both for several years and I'm kinda sad about this breakup. Obviously, you guys know nothing about this man at all, and I get that things from inside a relationship can be very different from what they appear. But this is not a bad guy at all...he's a very involved parent...educated...lives up to his commitments. His son is such a cutie pie.

But anyway, I was really hoping this could be a thread about what things you work on vs what things you throw them back for. Of course everyone gets to make up their own mind, for whatever reason. Let's just say this was a theoretical guy who's got the basics covered, educated, good looking, responsible...with no Charles Manson tendencies, lol. So no deal breakers like suspicious rashes or bodies in the basement. But maybe he's stubborn. Or maybe he needs reminders about work/life balance. Things like that.

This reminds me of the time my ex asked me if I wanted a Christmas tree. I said no and then he insisted I got one. I argued with him about not wanting a Christmas tree. He went and got one anyway then badgered me about decorating it non stop. I gave in, had to decorate it all by myself, take care of it and take the decorations down all by myself. Another drop in the nearly overflowing bucket of "I'm going to hate you one day".

A controlling man will drive you crazy no matter what he has, no matter how he looks.

 

[Britt]

Oh! I'm not mad at all.

I'm just adding my 2 cents. I'm aware that I could be a tad off base. The thing is, "abuse" doesn't have to be grand, so when I get a tiny little whiff I call it out anyway. The dog thing was in the very least rude, but could very well be a test of her boundaries... But yeah, just food for thought.

That's how I see it. Then he'd keep on doing other 'little' things w/o consulting with her .... it's just starting with the dog.

 

[C@ssandr@]

This reminds me of the time my ex asked me if I wanted a Christmas tree. I said no and then he insisted I got one. I argued with him about not wanting a Christmas tree. He went and got one anyway then badgered me about decorating it non stop. I gave in, had to decorate it all by myself, take care of it and take the decorations down all by myself. Another drop in the nearly overflowing bucket of "I'm going to hate you one day".

A controlling man will drive you crazy no matter what he has, no matter how he looks.

Right. The situation sounds innocuous since it's a silly ol' chirstmas tree, but let's read between the lines here. He's a jerk. Smh.

 

[lux10023]

this is my take away...

yes flaws are work-able..but how do you just expect me to do xyz....i think a huge communication issue needs to be resolved andddddd he seems a bit selfish---he also may lack being appreciative for all she does...she is just suppose dot do xyz....a good talk can salvage this but i also am not sure if they are the right fit

he is not a bad guy perse but does have some growing to do in regard to no I in TEAM....aka Union..aka Unity...

I would have left him too just from what you told us OP.

I plan to work full time until I have children. I have an advance degree that I want to actually use. So If I was with a man that had money and was generous, had a child from a previous relationship but expected me to do all the housework like I don't have my own responsibilities I would be out of there. I'm not the maid or the nanny.

You mentioned this dog and that made me think of the child. If he expects her to care for the dog I'm sure he expects her to do a lot of womanly parenting too. So essentially this is a man that is asking this 26 year old woman to be a mother and wife and caregiver and they aren't even married yet because he helped her afford a bmw...... Naw son.

Its like he dosnt care about what she wants at all. A dog is a huge responsibility, I do think it was a test or just very careless and inconsiderate on his part. What if he decided he wants another kid next week...

 

[Mai Tai]

First he dumps the dog on her then his child. He was testing her for sure. NEXT!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

He's not a perfectly good guy though. It reads like he's controlling, selfish and inconsiderate. Not marriage material no matter his bank account.

I know someone who just broke up with her bf and it made me go hmm...so I thought I'd ask you good ladies what your thoughts were.

The man - is tall, good looking and fit, makes really good $$, loves this chick, and is loyal...not a cheating dirtbag. She's driving around in a beemer that she could have never afforded without his money. The not so good about him is that he has a child from a previous marriage, and he's kind of a traditional man's man...likes to make the decisions, expects her to perform traditional home duties even though she works full time, isn't very receptive to input from his woman, etc. For example, he brought a dog home with no notice or permission from his SO, and then she's expected to care for it. Essentially, though, he's a really good guy. They were together for a few years and he'd marry her in an instant.

So, as I said, this chick breaks up with this guy, saying she loves him but doesn't seem a future with him. She is 26 if that matters. I'm thinking that this guy has all the major attributes that one could hope for in a partner, but he's flawed, like we all are. I think she should have stayed with this guy and learned to deal with the not so good aspects of his personality because no one out there is perfect.

I'm wondering what you guys think...do you think it's smart to throw away a perfectly good guy because he's not perfect? Would you dump this guy and hope Mr. Perfect is out there? Hmm...

 

[Browndilocks]

I know someone who just broke up with her bf and it made me go hmm...so I thought I'd ask you good ladies what your thoughts were.

The man - is tall, good looking and fit, makes really good $$, loves this chick, and is loyal...not a cheating dirtbag. She's driving around in a beemer that she could have never afforded without his money. The not so good about him is that he has a child from a previous marriage, and he's kind of a traditional man's man...likes to make the decisions, expects her to perform traditional home duties even though she works full time, isn't very receptive to input from his woman, etc. For example, he brought a dog home with no notice or permission from his SO, and then she's expected to care for it. Essentially, though, he's a really good guy. They were together for a few years and he'd marry her in an instant.

So, as I said, this chick breaks up with this guy, saying she loves him but doesn't seem a future with him. She is 26 if that matters. I'm thinking that this guy has all the major attributes that one could hope for in a partner, but he's flawed, like we all are. I think she should have stayed with this guy and learned to deal with the not so good aspects of his personality because no one out there is perfect.

I'm wondering what you guys think...do you think it's smart to throw away a perfectly good guy because he's not perfect? Would you dump this guy and hope Mr. Perfect is out there? Hmm...

I had to come back and read this again. Yeah, this is a no brainer.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Aside from his physical attributes, the positives you associate with this guy are requirements IMO. He should really love her, not cheat and make good money. I'm not hearing that they enjoy being together, he supports her in her dreams and complements her life in ways other than money. Quite the contrary, he's controlling, expects her to cater to him and he doesn't do any of the reverse it seems. I'm not into men with rigid expectations of what they see as a woman's role. Having said that, the most disturbing part is how he doesn't want any input from his girlfriend on anything. That is deal breaker material. Being traditional is not a deal breaker. I'm the product of a traditional marriage. But a husband or boyfriend should always be receptive to his wife or girlfriend's input. Him randomly bringing a dog home and expecting her to care for it in addition to everything else she has going on in her life is beyond inconsiderate.

But even if I was a traditional woman no way would I cook and clean (let alone take care of his dog) for a man I'm not married to yet. But then again I also wouldn't allow him to buy me an expensive car either.

This guy honestly sounds like one who is great on paper but not so great in actually being in a relationship. I don't blame your friend one bit for breaking up with him.