NaijaTroll
New Member
See the kinda garbage these "I need no man superwomen" are teaching/raising?
Girlfriend Duties?
- Thread starter Menina Preta
- Start date
See the kinda garbage these "I need no man superwomen" are teaching/raising?
natural_one
Well-Known Member
I cook for my SO and he does the same for me, but there is no way I am cleaning his house!
Yep, the guy I know who was kinda like that, he had the single overbearing supermom. Said he wanted a woman just like her. But then will turn around in the next sentence and talk about how crazy/nosy she is. His house was rarely cleaned except for when his mother came over to clean it.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
Why cant they audition for husbandly duties?
Well if they want to!
And I'd think a man wanting to show a woman how much he cares for her would be more than willing to prove it. People are so concerned with equality and sameness, though, I didn't want to come right out and say that. *I think* it's the man's job to convince the woman that he's worthy of her commitment, though it's not the other way around. A woman simply being her wonderful self is not the same as doing all this extra stuff to get him to think that she's wonderful.
I've seen women in sticky situations who are asking everyone but their SO for help, and it's kind of like
nono: I would hope they would help where there's a need. They would at least do for you what a friend would, I would hope.
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Menina Preta
Well-Known Member
Like what though? He pays your cell phone bill?
I expect a boyfriend to help me fix things, but I don't expect a boyfriend to take out my trash every time he comes over. My thing is that I have no problems helping out now and again...straightening a couch...a bedroom, etc. It's just when a guy automatically expects that ish that I have an issue.
I know a few guy friends who have kept girls like this around who come to their place and cook, clean, sleep with them, and then go home when they tell them to. The girls are thinking they are auditioning for the "wife" role, heck some of them are just auditioning for the "girlfriend" role. 
The guys just use them and then when they find the one they really want, the old girl gets the boot. And please believe the new gf does not have to do all that crap.
A girlfriend is not a wife. Why would you give your all to a relationship that has no good faith promise of permanence? To me, when a man marries you he is telling you that he fully intends to be with you forever. While the relationship may or may not work out, the intent is there, which to me is the signal to go ahead and do whatever I can to keep him happy, and I expect the same from him. There is no way I would put myself out there like that for a boyfriend. If it works for you, so be it. But I just can't even fathom having the kind of relationship I have with my husband, with someone who was just my boyfriend. I really don't understand why anyone would do that.
erplexed
The guys just use them and then when they find the one they really want, the old girl gets the boot. And please believe the new gf does not have to do all that crap. A girlfriend is not a wife. Why would you give your all to a relationship that has no good faith promise of permanence? To me, when a man marries you he is telling you that he fully intends to be with you forever. While the relationship may or may not work out, the intent is there, which to me is the signal to go ahead and do whatever I can to keep him happy, and I expect the same from him. There is no way I would put myself out there like that for a boyfriend. If it works for you, so be it. But I just can't even fathom having the kind of relationship I have with my husband, with someone who was just my boyfriend. I really don't understand why anyone would do that.
erplexed
snillohsss
New Member
any chicks in this thread that regularly performed wifely duties that are now married, or engaged to be married? (divorced wimmezs need not answer)
Tolle
Team Fluid
Girl, I work for a cell phone company, I don't pay no cell phone bill. As to the other stuff, yes I expect him to take out the trash whenever he's over.(he has never hesitated to do it). When I had a pipe burst, he was my the person I called(not a plumber) and he took care of it. If I say I need to go get my matinence(spa, hair, nails) I expect him to fork over some funds.
If I were just dating a guy my expectations would be different, for me the dynamics change once we become serious, exclusive SO's.
This works for us, but I understand it may not for everyone.
Are we talking about regular bf/gf relationships? Cuz once you start getting into living together/having kids together and not being married, the dynamics change. IDK how I would expect a bf/gf to act in that kind of situation. That makes things a lot more complicated. Also whether you want to get married or not makes a difference in what you might expect of each other.
Lovelylife
New Member
As to the other stuff, yes I expect him to take out the trash whenever he's over.(he has never hesitated to do it). When I had a pipe burst, he was my the person I called(not a plumber) and he took care of it. If I say I need to go get my matinence(spa, hair, nails) I expect him to fork over some funds.
If I were just dating a guy my expectations would be different, for me the dynamics change once we become serious, exclusive SO's.
This works for us, but I understand it may not for everyone.
I get this also. A mutual exchange, so that no one is being taken advantage of.
~Sparklingflame~
New Member
Now that I think back on it, I never went to DHs place and leaned and washed his clothes ect when we were going out. He didnt come over and do any of that at my place although if I asked he would and vise versa.
curlycoquette
New Member
You know, some of us may be wrong in assuming that everyone here is interested in marriage. I'm starting to think that's not the goal for some? In that case putting the cart before the horse doesn't matter.
Menina Preta
Well-Known Member
As to the other stuff, yes I expect him to take out the trash whenever he's over.(he has never hesitated to do it). When I had a pipe burst, he was my the person I called(not a plumber) and he took care of it. If I say I need to go get my matinence(spa, hair, nails) I expect him to fork over some funds.
If I were just dating a guy my expectations would be different, for me the dynamics change once we become serious, exclusive SO's.
This works for us, but I understand it may not for everyone.
LOL. Can you hook me up with my cell phone bill? LMAO.
Anyways, I feel you. That works for you two, so so be it. With my friend though, I know that dude would look at her cockeyed if she suggested that he pays for her hair, nails, or spa needs or give her money to shop for lingerie. Also, in my conversation with male friends and associates, they too expect food and some cleaning, but would scoff at the idea of paying for anything more than a date.
NaijaTroll
New Member
perhaps that's why most with common sense dont enter this arrangement without getting married first?
Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
So, I have been following htis thread since yesterday, love the responses. My two cents are: no I would not clean up some one's place, do their grocery shopping, laundry ect before we where in a type of relationship where I would be willing to depend on them in a similar manner. For me that would require a ring (with a diamond).
I will say in reflecting on my past I have done too much for a guy, I would wash dishes go to their place bring food and cook and do other things that were wifey. Which I regret honestly. A few years ago when I was new to dating (I got a late start) I didn't know that doing those things can blur the lines of a relationship and lead to "talking" about taking a relationship further but don't lead to "marriage." (I know for some it does/may but I believe that history will prove this to the be exception not the rule.)
I am older now and I have seen my "so in love" friends and my own sister jump into thie "wifey/marrigae role" and not realize (as another poster said) real relationships are work, or even a business (as an off topic there is a great book about the business of a family about finaces). I now know that this kind of wifey role isn't going to work for me in the long run so don't do it in the short run to win a guy.
All that being said, no I don't expect the man I am dating (and I mean dating exclusively not "going out") to do things like put money in my hand or gas up my car. Now I would be wary if he wouldn't help me fix something that was broken (if he could really do it) because that is more a reflection of character. All this to say just as I am self sufficent right now (at almost 30) and any one I'm dating I want to be the same. Not to say I won't help him or he won't help me if there is a situation, but cooking, cleaning, laundry, ect. I'm too old for those games.
I think of it htis wy. I have enough going on in my life that I don't want to adopted a 30 year old baby. You can do things if/when you like ot out of love but if it comes down to being a man's moma, I can be bad all by myself.
I will say in reflecting on my past I have done too much for a guy, I would wash dishes go to their place bring food and cook and do other things that were wifey. Which I regret honestly. A few years ago when I was new to dating (I got a late start) I didn't know that doing those things can blur the lines of a relationship and lead to "talking" about taking a relationship further but don't lead to "marriage." (I know for some it does/may but I believe that history will prove this to the be exception not the rule.)
I am older now and I have seen my "so in love" friends and my own sister jump into thie "wifey/marrigae role" and not realize (as another poster said) real relationships are work, or even a business (as an off topic there is a great book about the business of a family about finaces). I now know that this kind of wifey role isn't going to work for me in the long run so don't do it in the short run to win a guy.
All that being said, no I don't expect the man I am dating (and I mean dating exclusively not "going out") to do things like put money in my hand or gas up my car. Now I would be wary if he wouldn't help me fix something that was broken (if he could really do it) because that is more a reflection of character. All this to say just as I am self sufficent right now (at almost 30) and any one I'm dating I want to be the same. Not to say I won't help him or he won't help me if there is a situation, but cooking, cleaning, laundry, ect. I'm too old for those games.
I think of it htis wy. I have enough going on in my life that I don't want to adopted a 30 year old baby. You can do things if/when you like ot out of love but if it comes down to being a man's moma, I can be bad all by myself.
DarkVictory
Well-Known Member
Probably some of the unattached here are not looking to get married. But if you (not you personally, anybody) are the independent type who isn't looking for a permanent situation, why would you be cleaning some guy's house? That makes even less sense IMO.
vainღ♥♡jane
ღ♥♡honey chile♡♥ღ
i think he mistook 'girfriend' for 'maid'. i'd clock him upside the head with the yellowpages. ♥
vainღ♥♡jane
ღ♥♡honey chile♡♥ღ
Nixx22jam
New Member
Are you baiting the wives or do you really not know?
That's almost as silly as saying, "What's the difference between a mother and a babysitter except the mother has the stretch-marks?"
For real, though -- wives in the true sense of the word are few and far between. If you've never seen one, I guess you just don't know.
I asked because as far as I am aware a girlfriend is supposed to provide all the things listed girlfriend duties for a man as well as cooking and cleaning . I don't expect the responsibility of the latter to be solely on the girlfriend but surely all the things listed in the criteria for a wife and a girlfriend, a girlfriend should b able to provide. They way you guys are making it look like a girlfriend is not supposed to do anything like cooking and cleaning because the man will never marry her because he has it all, and YES he should be able to provide that for himself but a girlfriend should be able to do so also. Surely she is not going to start cooking and cleaning on the wedding night. The marriage should be the legalization and the proclamation in front of God of the relationship you already have. Things are going to not up and change cos u got a ring. If im in a relationship im off the market if the man is being a prick or taking advantage then im bouncing simple as. A couple of women on here has mentioned that they don't like cooking and the men they have gone out with loved cooking. So if that's the kind of man they are looking for what's to say that men are not doing the same.
Nixx22jam
New Member
I soooo needed to read this thread. The second bolded used to be me. NEVER AGAIN(like what? am i yo momma or something?), etc. And had me feeling like I was a bad person/horrible girlfriend if I wasn't doing enough of these things.
This was my first real relationship and I had no set guidelines on how a relationship should progress . I was just going along with the pace and guidelines he set. But now I know better and the first bolded will be how I define "girlfriend" from now on.
Girl I have been in this exact situation and I understand where you are coming from totally, and for my next relationship where there were no demands of me I can do wtf i want. So if I wanna clean i clean if i wanna cook i cook and i really like cooking so i will do that anyway. You shouldnt really be making demands of each other in your relationship. The OP's friends man's demands are ridiculous like who are you really. You should know your boundaries and what your not gonna stand for and if the lines get crossed you bounce. Know what you want and what ur willing to take. This thread should be what are your boundaries as a girlfriend.
vainღ♥♡jane
ღ♥♡honey chile♡♥ღ
seems to me like men get all the benefits of the marriage, and women (sometimes) get the benefits of divorce. ♥
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
And this is why I want to know what qualifies as a "benefit" when it comes to what men versus women receive from a marriage. In past conversations I've had, most of these benefits were intangible and subjective (i.e. status) and/or relied on gender stereotypes (every woman wants to get married and every man wants to remain single) while research on the topic always suggested that there were benefits to both genders (income), that men did benefit (married men as healthier than single men), and/or that women did get the short end of the stick in some instances (the responsibility of bringing income into the home is shared, but the responsibility for doing chores inside the home generally is not-- and falls on the woman).
poookie
Well-Known Member
Duties? oh no! Not until there's a ring on my finger & my last name is changed!
I'd NEVER clean up my boyfriend's place if he kept it a mess. That's HIS place, HE should maintain its cleanliness! However, I do keep my place tidy when he comes by. I also love to cook, so I don't mind serving him feasts. When I fix his plate, or fill up his glass, I don't think twice about it, because I love him, and he loves me, & everything I do for him, he reciprocates. It's all about compromise, and as nobody's being taken advantage of, or forced to do anything, I think it's fine.
But ooh, let him TELL me to fix him something to eat, or TELL me to clean something up! NOPE! I will never be TOLD what to do!
I'd NEVER clean up my boyfriend's place if he kept it a mess. That's HIS place, HE should maintain its cleanliness! However, I do keep my place tidy when he comes by. I also love to cook, so I don't mind serving him feasts. When I fix his plate, or fill up his glass, I don't think twice about it, because I love him, and he loves me, & everything I do for him, he reciprocates. It's all about compromise, and as nobody's being taken advantage of, or forced to do anything, I think it's fine.
But ooh, let him TELL me to fix him something to eat, or TELL me to clean something up! NOPE! I will never be TOLD what to do!
cutiebe2
Well-Known Member
printing.....
Missi
New Member
PretteePlease
#fakeworkouts
metro_qt
Well-Known Member
That's great, i can do that, but i want to know what i'm getting in a husband, so I will then expect him to drop a few bills... stuff 3 or 4 hundred in my wallet every now and again.. just so that I know he's a provider...
(and yes. i expect this to happen *before* i randomly touch his dirty plates.)
NYLegalNewbie
New Member
What if he's just your boyfriend and he cooks, cleans and fixes things at your place? Is that so bad? 
Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
What if he's just your boyfriend and he cooks, cleans and fixes things at your place? Is that so bad?
I don't think its bad, I think that certain things need to wait for a more serious/commited relationship and when marriage is more than just an idea in the back of YOUR mind. I only say this because I have seen that some people think that these "wifey/hubby" things make you more of a couple when done early in a relationship. It makes that person feel that way but it doesn't make it true.
An extreme but good comparison of this is coloring (sorry, I just lerned this term and love it now) early in a relationship can make the woman feel closer to the man but for the man it could be (and early on usually is) about getting some temporary pleasure from "some new". I know this comparison sounds extreme but I can't tell you the number of single women out there that think coloring with some one brings you closer together and the numerous men out there that don't agree.
In the end you should really do anything in a relationship b/c you want to but don't think that doing X (cleaning, washing, cooking, ect) is automoaticlly going to lead to a more serious relationship.
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