Girlfriend Duties?

[HairBarbie]

I am mad?

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

EVERYTHING is a relationship forum dicusssion round here!

My DH/SO gets on my nerves!!! --------> Moved to RF
I needs to get some -----------> moved to RF
Why are men and women at odds ALL the time?? -----> moved to RF
I wonder if cheating is a sign of weakness -----> moved to RF


ect ect ect.....

 

[cocosweet]

alot of women always think they can do better and pass on amazing men it reminds of this

Men do the same thing. It is the reason many of them don't want to seal the the deal with their girlfriends. They aren't going to tell you, "Baby, I think you're great, but I wonder if I can get somebody just a little bit better."

 

[Kimgirl50]

I am mad?

so its ok to stereotype men but not women.....alrighty boss lady.

 

[ThickHair]

Men do the same thing. It is the reason many of them don't want to seal the the deal with their girlfriends. They aren't going to tell you, "Baby, I think you're great, but I wonder if I can get somebody just a little bit better."

Women shouldn't always leave the decision up to the men. That might be the problem. A woman should realize that she can get some one better and roll out. Especially if he has already proven himself unworthy of her.

 

[HairBarbie]

so its ok to stereotype men but not women.....alrighty boss lady.

I said this? Where?

 

[Kimgirl50]

Men do the same thing. It is the reason many of them don't want to seal the the deal with their girlfriends. They aren't going to tell you, "Baby, I think you're great, but I wonder if I can get somebody just a little bit better."

yea,
men or some are usually a bit upfront with that mess, They either cheat or just play an open field in no relationship

 

[Kimgirl50]

I said this? Where?

whatever

 

[WhipEffectz1]

EVERYTHING is a relationship forum dicusssion round here!

My DH/SO gets on my nerves!!! --------> Moved to RF
I needs to get some -----------> moved to RF
Why are men and women at odds ALL the time?? -----> moved to RF
I wonder if cheating is a sign of weakness -----> moved to RF


ect ect ect.....

Yeah, that's getting really really annoying.

 

[cocosweet]

Women shouldn't always leave the decision up to the men. That might be the problem. A woman should realize that she can get some one better and roll out. Especially if he has already proven himself unworthy of her.

...Yup. yup. Collectively, we concede too much power in relationships. I think its rooted in not recognizing one's worth.

 

[aribell]

Not Ja'quon! Why we gon let go of Ja'quon? I agree with you, Nappystorm. A lot has to do with mindset too. When I was looking for me who would commit to me, when I knew full well I didn't plan to commit to anyone, players-in-sheeps' clothing were popping out at me left and right. I was mad about it too, even though I was a player myself. Now that I am ready to get serious, it seems all I am meeting are serious men. Women are not supposed to want to play the field, so a lot of us are in denial about just not yet being ready to be with one person for the rest of our lives. I think when we are ready, most of us will align our steps accordingly and find our way.

ITA...I've dealt a lot with this. I think it can scare women to let the clock just keep ticking. It's also not perceived as being very womanly to not have marriage/kids as your no.1 priority. But I love the author Elina Furman for addressing this issue in women directly. Basically, we choose--consciously or unconsciously--the people and types of relationships that align with our inner selves. If a woman keeps getting tangled up with players, Miss Furman would definitely say she probably doesn't really want something serious--for whatever reason, could be fear, etc. Denial about this is real, though.

 

[Menina Preta]

wasn't this thread in off topic?!

It was. I thought it went poof originally. Honestly, I think of relationship forum as a place to ask about your own personal relationship and its dramas.

Whatevs...

 

[Tolle]

Soooo, I know my opinion is not agreed on by most here but do you all really expect nothing more but support and companionship from a SO? Serious question.

 

[aribell]

^^I agree 100% with Thiends that an SO is essentially a friend, the #1 friend. For me, if we're "together," that means we're seeing if a permanent commitment is going to be made. But that doesn't take cooking and cleaning. Those are regular household duties, and I wouldn't do that for him any more than I'd expect him to contribute to my cell phone bill or give me gas money. His willingness to pay for outings, IMO, reflects on how intersted he is in me--at least it does for traditional men. That's more about his sense of significance and self-respect than it is about me. I think men talking about "wifey" duties are trying to get over. There's a big diff b/w observing someone's character and making them audition for you.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

^^I agree 100% with Thiends that an SO is essentially a friend, the #1 friend. For me, if we're "together," that means we're seeing if a permanent commitment is going to be made. But that doesn't take cooking and cleaning. Those are regular household duties, and I wouldn't do that for him any more than I'd expect him to contribute to my cell phone bill or give me gas money. His willingness to pay for outings, IMO, reflects on how intersted he is in me--at least it does for traditional men. That's more about his sense of significance and self-respect than it is about me. I think men talking about "wifey" duties are trying to get over. There's a big diff b/w observing someone's character and making them audition for you.

Why cant they audition for husbandly duties?

 

[Kimgirl50]

rotflamo. Its kinda weird that in a relationship forum you don't really hear people expressing love, romantic feelings,lust, anything..its all business...yet people crying over hair.


Also how long did ya'll wait to get married?

 

[Imani]

..............................

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Actually, studies show that men benefit more from marriage. Nowadays women are expected to contribute 1/2 of the income, and 100% of the household chores.

Not only that but men 'need' marriage more than women. Ideally, it's the way they get children and single men don't live as long as married men. Another thread touches more on this. Studies also show that egalitarian marriages (where both spouses contribute income and share tasks like cooking/cleaning,) are less likely to fail.

 

[MD_Lady]

Please watch out for self-titled "nice guys". "Nice guys" (aka passive-aggressive betas) are like "students of life" (negros who didn't go to college), "sanitation engineers" (negros who are garbage men), and those who are perpetually "between jobs" (broke-@$$ negros). All are charlatans who aren't being upfront about who they really are.

I agree, but there are some nice guys out there who are not pseudo-nice guys. Oh, self titled nice guys are a no go. If you have to say you are a nice guy then you get the serious sideeye. I equate that with people who are always saying, "I am so humble". Humble people do not say they are humble. Diddy always kills me when he talks about how humble he is, NEGRO PUH-PLEZE.

^^This is exactly what I am talking about. I know men who are professional victims and always reinterpreting situations, in which they are terribly wrong, to portray themselves as the wronged ones. All of these men, without exception, refer to themselves as "nice guys". They're doing women a favor, really, because a smart woman knows to haul @$$ fast enough to outpace even a juiced-up Marion Jones when a guy pulls out the "nice guy" badge and affixes it to his own chest proudly.

Yes!!! Yes!! A THOUSAND times YES!!! If you ladies aren't speaking the TRUTH. :kneel: If only I'd known this 10 years ago, my life would have been very different.

 

[ebonylocs]

So what exactly is a girlfriends job; should she start cooking and cleaning on the wedding night? What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife except the ring?

I don't think a girlfriend has a "job" in the man's house. They are together because they enjoy each other's company and, if they are sexually active. like making love together. Of course if he is spending some time at your place, or you are at his, there is nothing wrong with helping each other out with chores or preparing a meal. But to go to his house and clean on a regular basis. No way. I don't see how that can become a "duty".

This reminds me of what a past boyfriend said. He kept his house very clean, and when I came over, he would prepare food for me (after all, he was the host, that's what one would expect). He told me how a couple of his past girlfriends would actually COMPLAIN that he was so competent in his housework. One of them told him he made her feel useless. His view was that would only be true if he had chosen her for her maid services, which of course he had not. I couldn't even imagine how a woman would think that way. My presence, my love, those are valuable things.

also marriage rubs alot of men the wrong way in general because usually all the benefits of getting married go to the woman, men usually get screwed over

Actually, studies show that men benefit more from marriage. Nowadays women are expected to contribute 1/2 of the income, and 100% of the household chores.

Exactly. Plus married men live longer than single men, but married women live shorter than single women.

 

[Lovelylife]

It's not good for a women to give too much of herself in the girlfriend stage. Once you start acting as wife, the emotional bonds because very strong. IF they break up the woman can be devastated for a very long period of time. It can also make her cynical towards the love of her life. That wouldn't be fair for her future man. I think that women should also prevent herself from being used.
I would only be cooking and cleaning if we were engaged and he was basically paying my way through life. The chances of that is low because men are very selfish these days.

 

[Lovelylife]

rotflamo. Its kinda weird that in a relationship forum you don't really hear people expressing love, romantic feelings,lust, anything..its all business...yet people crying over hair.


Also how long did ya'll wait to get married?

Many of these women have loved their entire lives just to be taken advantage of. It's dangerous to be naive and blinded by love. Now these women are determined to not make the same mistakes and think about the business behind the relationship. I haven't been in a relationship, therefore I am learning from these ladies so that hateful, selfish men will not be beguile me.

 

[Lovelylife]

^^This is exactly what I am talking about. I know men who are professional victims and always reinterpreting situations, in which they are terribly wrong, to portray themselves as the wronged ones. All of these men, without exception, refer to themselves as "nice guys". They're doing women a favor, really, because a smart woman knows to haul @$$ fast enough to outpace even a juiced-up Marion Jones when a guy pulls out the "nice guy" badge and affixes it to his own chest proudly.

I ******* learned about the professional victim type of guy. I let him use me emotionally while my dumb a$$ tried to save him. Then he turned on me and played victim to others against me. I will never forgive myself, never.

 

[Lovelylife]

also marriage rubs alot of men the wrong way in general because usually all the benefits of getting married go to the woman, men usually get screwed over

Where have you been? Married men are usually happier and healthier. They also need women more.
Once a women is divorce, she is affected financially much more than men and she bears most of the burden of raising children. Women get beat, cheated on, controlled.
If women benefited from marriage the most, I would be married right now.

 

[Menina Preta]

Soooo, I know my opinion is not agreed on by most here but do you all really expect nothing more but support and companionship from a SO? Serious question.

Only thing more I expect is for him to pay for most of the dates and to receive gifts on Christmas and my birthday and perhaps Valentine's Day. That's it.

And honestly with the way some dudes are out here, girls are happy that their man even deign to get them something on a holiday. New thing out on the streets are women saying that they would accept a RingPop if the man could only propose with that. I've also had friends who have been sexing and laying up with dudes telling me that they "agreed" on not exchanging birthday presents. Riggghhht. What kind of backwards agreement is that?

 

[curlycoquette]

rotflamo. Its kinda weird that in a relationship forum you don't really hear people expressing love, romantic feelings,lust, anything..its all business...yet people crying over hair.


Also how long did ya'll wait to get married?

When you're a little less wet behind the ears you'll learn. Those things are a given. They open the door, but the door doesn't stay open with just that.

Love, romantic feelings, and lust don't sustain a long term marriage. The number one cause of divorce has nothing to do with love. Talk to people who have been happily married for several years and they will tell you. It is work. It is not always fun. It is not like a googley eyed romantic comedy. Wise couples know that they need to get other ducks in a row before moving on to that next step, and some of those "other ducks" are what these ladies are trying to explain.

 

[zzirvingj]

Basically. For as long as I am a girlfriend, the man will get only a friend. Surely, you don't expect your friend to come clean up after you? To me, a girlfriend is just that: A girl who is a friend. As the #1 friend in his life (his "boys" do not come before me), I am supportive, cheerful, and fun to be around. I accept his devotion and lavish him with compliments as positive reinforcement. Being seen with me makes him look good and he rises in the esteem of others through association with me. My treatment of him, the deliciousness of my food on the occasions he may find some leftovers in my fridge, the spotlessness of my apartment when I allow him over, the way I handle my younger siblings, and my overall demeanor all tell him that I would make a fine wife. He respects my values and dignity, both of which prevent me from being his bedroom freak, maid, or chef before we have embarked on a life together ordained by God. He auditions for me, showing me that he is an excellent provider and protector, and will only get better with age, so that I may consider ceding over my health and almost a year per child to producing his offspring. It is not natural for women to audition and preen for men. Even animals know that.

hot DAMN

this is worthy of going in webster's under the definition of 'girlfriend'

 

[Tolle]

Well I guess that's the big difference. If you are MY man you WILL make financial contributions to my life and do the "manly" things like fixing things and dirty jobs.

 

[awhyley]

Well dang, if this thread ain't all but talked out. That guy is a piece of work though.

 

[MD_Lady]

also marriage rubs alot of men the wrong way in general because usually all the benefits of getting married go to the woman, men usually get screwed over

Benefits like what? I'm married and I feel (as does my husband) that both of us have benefited from it, but I'm curious to know what you're talking about here.