Why Would a Supposedly Gay Man Tell A Woman That He is Straight?

[lady_godiva]

A man who is rumored to be gay and has effeminate mannerisms at times. He can also act "straight". He holds a sandwich with both pinkies out. He sometimes talks in a high pitched voice. He can sometimes sway when he walks. A friend of mine works with him and she said that a gay friend of hers told her that the man is gay. Well, the man told her that he isn't. He has also flirted with her on occasion and has alluded that he would marry her one day. But nothing has happened since then. She thinks that he hasn't approached her because they work together. He is her immediate supervisor. He is strongly against dating on the job.

She has pretty much fallen head over heels with him, but doesn't know how to tell him this. She also does not know what to do and I don't know what to tell her. He has mentioned having a girlfriend who never shows up for anything on the job. Someone who used to work with him has also seen his then girlfriends. What to tell her please? I say that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it must be one. LOL She wants to believe that he is a metrosexual or has changed. Other women on her job like him as well.

 

[newbiemom]

It is situations like this that confirm my belief letting everyone live their life. H e probably is gay but trying his best to hide it. Possibly even from himself. She should run from this man in a romantic way but he might need a non judgmental friend to help hi m come out.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Oh boy. Where there is smoke there is fire. He is trying to recruit a beard. Your friend needs to leave him be.

 

[lady_godiva]

He also doesn't want children. And he has told all of his close friends abouty her.

 

[Filmatic]

He is not ready to come out. Coming out takes time, thought, and courage. He may not be ready so he is still pretending until he stops being in denial. I would tell your friend to run.

 

[NaturalPath]

Because the social stigma against the gay label has not reached a point yet where it is majority accepted.

Perhaps he does not know for sure what he identifies with and is probably experimenting.

Maybe he is bisexual. From what I have heard bisexual men do not classify themselves as gay.

My advice: I would tell her that office romances are not appropriate especially with him being her supervisor. I wouldnt even bring up the fact that some assume him to be gay because labeling someone without facts can start a whole lot of drama.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Well men on the downlow don't consider themselves gay. So it could be denial too.

 

[Ashleescheveux]

Down low?
Bisexual?

 

[Jazala]

A man who is rumored to be gay and has effeminate mannerisms at times. He can also act "straight". He holds a sandwich with both pinkies out. He sometimes talks in a high pitched voice. He can sometimes sway when he walks. A friend of mine works with him and she said that a gay friend of hers told her that the man is gay. Well, the man told her that he isn't. He has also flirted with her on occasion and has alluded that he would marry her one day. But nothing has happened since then. She thinks that he hasn't approached her because they work together. He is her immediate supervisor. He is strongly against dating on the job.

She has pretty much fallen head over heels with him, but doesn't know how to tell him this. She also does not know what to do and I don't know what to tell her. He has mentioned having a girlfriend who never shows up for anything on the job. Someone who used to work with him has also seen his then girlfriends. What to tell her please? I say that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it must be one. LOL She wants to believe that he is a metrosexual or has changed. Other women on her job like him as well.

I would tell her to move on and forget about this dude for several reasons:

1) He mentioned having a girlfriend already?! Why does she even want to get involved with this guy at this point?

2) Ok so he flirted with her in the past but in the grand scheme of things this means nothing. He probably flirts with all the women on the job because it makes them easier to deal with when they feel flattered by him.

3) He is not making any moves toward her. The last thing she should be doing is chasing him period! HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! Is she wanting to start some drama?

4) He is "strongly against dating on the job." This is huge. He wants all these women on the job to like him but all the while he has ZERO intentions of dating ANY of them (see #1).

5) Then there's the gay issue... We don't even need to talk about this one any further because of 1 - 4! LOL!

Just my opinion...

 

[GeorginaSparks]

There is a very very gay man at my job who is married....with grandkids. All our gay friends have confirmed that he's gay and he is always checking out hot guys like fanning himself and running over to go talk to them. We figured that he decided to stop living the gay lifestyle and go straight like many gay, black guys end up doing here in the South.

 

[QueenTiffany]

I say that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it must be one. LOL She wants to believe that he is a metrosexual or has changed.

I'm agree with you. And as for what to tell her - she seems to be stuck on silly with this situation. As one of my friends says: Clues are on sale at Target this weekend, she needs to go buy a few.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Tell her to RUN GIRL RUN!!!

Don't sugarcoat that stuff. He is gay and is afraid of coming out. He is the type of man I heavily despise because he is not above using a woman to present a front, all while potentially putting her life in danger.

 

[aribell]

I cosign Jazala's post. There are multiple reasons for this woman to forget about him that have nothing to do with whether or not he's gay. If he wer, without a doubt, straight, this would still be a case for moving on.

 

[ThickHair]

My advice: I would tell her that office romances are not appropriate especially with him being her supervisor. I wouldnt even bring up the fact that some assume him to be gay because labeling someone without facts can start a whole lot of drama.

^^^ That alone is enough to turn me off. Your friend seems very thirsty. Out of all the men in her city she is caught up on her supervisor. For real, For real?

 

[ArrrBeee]

Seeing him eating a sandwich with both pinkies held out should be enough for her to be convinced. She should look at the way he holds his cellphone. That is another dead giveaway.

 

[belldandy]

a tortured soul.

 

[JustKiya]

He could be straight, and very effeminate.
He could be bisexual, and not want to be out at work.
He could be gay, and not want to be out at work.

Whatever his orientation actually is, your girl is stuck of silly for chasing him - he's her super AND he doesn't approve of workplace romances? She trying to get fired? She trying to get a harassment suit? WTF?

If she wants to date him that bad, and is that silly, tell her to quit. That way, she can express her feelings for him.

*snort*