**How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay? **

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Just curious OP- when did you get the inkling that he was gay? (I'm assuming you must have had some curiosity since you thought to ask your gay guy friends)? Was this not something that could have been discussed with her before she conceived?

Wanna know something funny? I never actually even got to show Henry the picture of the guy I was questioning.

When you open FaceBook you know it has the News Feed of everything that everyone is doing? She had changed her picture on her profile to a picture of her and him and before I could even begin to type in MY suspect's name, he saw the picture of them and shouted "OMG! That's Don!" and started getting hysterical.

I've never met her boyfriend, but John, my best friend and the one who is closer to her, has. He told his partner that he had the inkling that the guy was gay, but now this is more convincing.

I don't think it should come from me myself, as I'm not as close with her as John is, but he definitely is, so I will talk to him and try to convince him to talk to her, or at least talk to her with me.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

ETA: It makes me feel some type of way when we automatically assume gay men are having unprotected anal sex, or having sex with someone else at all. Half of them cant stand anal. We don't assume that about anyone else, but I guess they cant control themselves for some mysterious reason for the ages.

I understand your notion, but I think at the same time, the reason why at this point in the game you have to sort of assume that gay men are having unprotected sex or being DL is because it's an issue that has in recent years become so prevalent, especially in the Black and Latino communities.

Scan CraigsList, I did last night, and you'll be surprised at some of the men on there who will blatantly tell you that they're Straight but curious to be with a man, or married with a wife and kids at home and will have the audacity to have a family picture up next to one of his genitals, or the ones who get off on doing it with someone who is on the DL.

Look at their pictures, I did, and I surely wouldn't guess that some of them were gay. But that's the problem, they hide it and then some naive woman goes and lays down with them because they know how to play both sides of the fence and next thing you know when the woman finds out, it's a heartbreak because not only was it something that could've been avoided, but he potentially could've put your life in danger.

For the record, I feel the same anger towards women who are DL lesbians.

 

[firecracker]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Me neither. It seems like they are both happy and I wouldn't want to be responsible for ruining the moment but at the same time, I'd want someone to tell me.

Being a parent aka having a baby aint no moment. Its a lifetime committment and job.

Amara where and when have these wild women around here agreed 100% on anything let alone not to tell on a cheating hetero hubby? LOL

 

[Your Cheeziness]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I would tell her without forcing her to make a decision. You guys can't make the decision for her to stick with him, but you can fill her in on the situation and let her make up her own mind. She'll definitely need the support since she's so young and naive. I just think that if she found out in another way and then that you guys knew about it, it'd be worse.

 

[Mena]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Please tell her. I would want someone to tell me. If she finds out on her own and knew that you knew beforehand and did not tell her....that maybe the end of your friendship.

 

[Caramela]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

ouch! I don't know. do what you feel is right and let us know what happens.

 

[amara11]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Wanna know something funny? I never actually even got to show Henry the picture of the guy I was questioning.

When you open FaceBook you know it has the News Feed of everything that everyone is doing? She had changed her picture on her profile to a picture of her and him and before I could even begin to type in MY suspect's name, he saw the picture of them and shouted "OMG! That's Don!" and started getting hysterical.

I've never met her boyfriend, but John, my best friend and the one who is closer to her, has. He told his partner that he had the inkling that the guy was gay, but now this is more convincing.

I don't think it should come from me myself, as I'm not as close with her as John is, but he definitely is, so I will talk to him and try to convince him to talk to her, or at least talk to her with me.

Yikes. I don't even have words. Thanks for explaining though- I was under the impression that you and the woman were closer and that you knew both her and they guy. I get it now though. Tough situation- but please convince your friend to speak up, but also remind him to be careful with how he does it. Again, a grieving mother can indeed cause stress on the fetus and can also possibly create birth defects. This is just a horrible horrible situation all around.

Amara where and when have these wild women around here agreed 100% on anything let alone not to tell on a cheating hetero hubby? LOL

LMAO. And you're right Firecracker .

 

[Ganjababy]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Whether he is bi, gay or straight, if he is deceiving her in any way I as her friend would feel uneasy in keeping it from her.

 

[Mis007]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I think the guy who is closest to her should tell her, as I think it would be better coming from him. But it goes back to the same old, same old..vet vet vet potential partners sexual histroy rap an all..demand to know everything if he is resistant say ta ta... (anyway imho to many men like anal for my liking.....)...​

It's a sensitive thing though, because as AnjelLuvsUBabe said, she is pregnant- and devastating news, and grief can make both mom and baby more susceptible to teratogens (i.e, the baby could develop birth defects.) It really does happen. Just something to keep in my as you consider how you deliver this news to her.

This secrecy, don't ask don't tell, mind your own business, and look the other way stuff is destroying our community.

Yep sure is.....
​

This whole thing is just so sad. My heart aches for her.

I'm sorry but if I'm knocked up with your baby... you have no business at any ole club, gay or straight.

And if he is not telling this girl... that he has a more than heterosexual past and current tendencies (if any), he's guilty of lying and deceiving. Even if he isn't messing now, then why be out late when the only thing spread is legs and obviously he already got something locked up. Peoples' sexual history is their business UNTIL they want to sleep with someone else. Then they are obligated to know certain things - orientation, high risk behaviors, drug use, etc. (numbers, not so much!) - before they engage.

Ita, no business what so ever...​

 

[FluffyRed]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I normally don't advocate forcing someone to see what they may not want to see, but AIDS is too rampant among black women. She needs at least the CHANCE to protect herself. She may choose to stay with him, but you have an opportunity to possibly save her life. That takes precedence over the friendship, IMO.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I dated a gay dude for two years unknowingly and I really wish someone would've outed his fudge chasing behind.

ETA: since she's preggo maybe you should just wait til she gives birth.

 

[firecracker]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I dated a gay dude for two years unknowingly and I really wish someone would've outed his fudge chasing behind.

ETA: since she's preggo maybe you should just wait til she gives birth.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

For the record, I read JL Kings book AND rented Cover this weekend....

YOU NEED TO TELL HER... like for real.

 

[justNikki]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

If a pregnant woman's mate is cheating with anyone, male or female, she needs to know asap because that also endangers her fetus.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I read it too and started looking at DH like........

I read it and took it back to the store.

I was too disgusted.

Totally off topic, but SparklinFlame I love you. You are too damn funny and I want to be your new BFF. Please don't ever change.

(Sorry for the hijack!)

 

[Encore]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

If yall too scared gimme her number ill tell her my damn self.

People who sit back and watch this pisses me off.
HIV is very real and the mental trauma after will be hell especially
knowing your friends knew but kept quiet. Tell her and let her make her own decisions you are already making one for her by not telling her.

 

[sky_blu]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Well....I know for a fact she has had an HIV test already because they test you when you become pregnant. So if her results are negative or postitive she should know already depending how far along she is. I'm torn on this. I really feel that she should know. If he isn't man enough to tell her then someone should be. I think it should come from John the friend. Since she is closer to him. I would hope someone tells me if I was in this scenario. Hurt or not I want to live!!!!

True enough! But the testing doesn't get done until you go to the doc and I believe the third visit or so.

 

[Belle Creole]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

What if anything, happened with this? Any Updates?

 

[HappyHairDreams]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

1) He's not gay, he's bi-sexual
2) I really hope someone told her, he should have been the one to tell her, she needs to know.

 

[Browndilocks]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

This is such a shame.

OP - I believe the fact that you arent very close to her is even more grounds for you to be the one to tell her. She would have less suspicions of you and in a sense, you'd be coming from an unbiased standpoint. IMO this is the perfect set up for you to be extremely straight with her. Because you two aren't closely bonded, its a tough job to say it but it may not play as much on yours or her feelings when you do say something. You have to do the right thing and this is just too serious of a situation to not say anything.

 

[BlondeByDesire]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Well, this is a very unfortunate situation. I know if I were her I would want to know. Not only are there health ramifications but mental ones as well. He may be on the DL. It's true you get tested for HIV during your pregnancy, but that test could come back a false negative. She should continue to be tested for the next year. Plus if no one tells her and she continue to have relations with this guy, that just puts her more at risk.

She may be hurt once you tell her, but in the long run it could save her and her unborn child's life. I think she would appreciate that, if nothing else.

 

[Precious_1]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

1) He's not gay, he's bi-sexual
2) I really hope someone told her, he should have been the one to tell her, she needs to know.

ohwell:

 

[LiberianGirl]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

So disgusting. I hope someone told this young lady.

 

[filthyfresh]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Dropkick me Jesus.
IDK girl.
Perhaps she already knows?
She can't be that naive.
I hope she's not.
I really can't say.
This is a hard topic.
Sheesh.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Send a very detailed anyomous letter..........

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

UPDATE:

She was told, not by me, but by her best friend. She confronted him, he denied it of course, and then deleted his FaceBook. She dumped him.

Apparently she's taking it in stride considering the situation at hand.