**How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay? **
- Thread starter vivEz daNs lamouR
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PlatinumBronze
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Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Wow!!!! This is tough. Okay, are u sure she doesn't already know that he's bi-sexual? She has the right to know, however, I'm afraid once she finds out the shock will send her into pre-term labor and I'd hate for her to miscarry. However, if this guy is not being faithful to her and in engaging in risky relations w/ other males or females I'd hate for him to give her and the baby an STD.
All I can say is pray on it and God will lead you to do the right thing. He will not leave this young lady in the dark and what this guy has done will come to the light.
Wow!!!! This is tough. Okay, are u sure she doesn't already know that he's bi-sexual? She has the right to know, however, I'm afraid once she finds out the shock will send her into pre-term labor and I'd hate for her to miscarry. However, if this guy is not being faithful to her and in engaging in risky relations w/ other males or females I'd hate for him to give her and the baby an STD.
All I can say is pray on it and God will lead you to do the right thing. He will not leave this young lady in the dark and what this guy has done will come to the light.
phynestone
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
ITA!
Even if your friendship is lost, you can sleep at night knowing you did right by your friend telling her the truth. If I were in her shoes, I would want to know. Actually, she has a right to know.
This man needs to be honest about double-dipping.
Man, I am so sick todeath of reading stories like this.
OP, I'd tell her. I'm tired of folks' feelings/lives being played with by these azzholes like this ish is some kinda game.
ITA!
Even if your friendship is lost, you can sleep at night knowing you did right by your friend telling her the truth. If I were in her shoes, I would want to know. Actually, she has a right to know.
This man needs to be honest about double-dipping.
fattyfatfat
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
someone needs to tell her. I know she'd be hurt, sad and angry, but imaging the pain she would feel if everyone knew except for her? please tell her and help her remove this man from her life.
someone needs to tell her. I know she'd be hurt, sad and angry, but imaging the pain she would feel if everyone knew except for her? please tell her and help her remove this man from her life.
TCatt86
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
She needs to know, it would hurt her emotionally but it allows her to make decisions with full knowledge. She could very well already know and you are just telling her something she knows, but you have to tell her. I know I would want to know.
She needs to know, it would hurt her emotionally but it allows her to make decisions with full knowledge. She could very well already know and you are just telling her something she knows, but you have to tell her. I know I would want to know.
vivEz daNs lamouR
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
I doubt that he's bisexual. According to Henry, the one that dated him, he's a bottom (prefers to be penetrated) and is a "really big queen", I'm assuming that means that in the gay world he's very flamboyant.
I too am concerned about her finding out and having PT labor. I work on an L&D unit and so I know the types of things that can happen when a mother becomes very stressed, it could potentially put the baby's life in danger. But at the same time, as a woman, I can't imagine not knowing that my boyfriend and father of my child is gay.
I told everyone yesterday that if that ever happened to me I would want to know.
The FaceBook profile is hers and his. The picture of them is what prompted Henry to realize who he is.
I doubt that he's bisexual. According to Henry, the one that dated him, he's a bottom (prefers to be penetrated) and is a "really big queen", I'm assuming that means that in the gay world he's very flamboyant.
I too am concerned about her finding out and having PT labor. I work on an L&D unit and so I know the types of things that can happen when a mother becomes very stressed, it could potentially put the baby's life in danger. But at the same time, as a woman, I can't imagine not knowing that my boyfriend and father of my child is gay.
I told everyone yesterday that if that ever happened to me I would want to know.
The FaceBook profile is hers and his. The picture of them is what prompted Henry to realize who he is.
vivEz daNs lamouR
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
When I found out yesterday, tears came to my eyes.
I was a victim of a relationship where my boyfriend was DL, and although it was HS it was still very hurtful.
Man, I am so sick to
OP, I'd tell her. I'm tired of folks' feelings/lives being played with by these azzholes like this ish is some kinda game.
When I found out yesterday, tears came to my eyes.
I was a victim of a relationship where my boyfriend was DL, and although it was HS it was still very hurtful.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
For you guys that say proof hell let him dispel the myth/rumor/lie if he isn't gay is what I say. If a friend heard a rumor that my dude was gay I'd wanna know about it with or without the proof. Heck it ain't no real proof unless you bust him in the act. Ya'll remember deny deny deny until you get busted is what most men operate on.
He could still be hitting raw dog and exposing her further. I love that word raw dog
For you guys that say proof hell let him dispel the myth/rumor/lie if he isn't gay is what I say. If a friend heard a rumor that my dude was gay I'd wanna know about it with or without the proof. Heck it ain't no real proof unless you bust him in the act. Ya'll remember deny deny deny until you get busted is what most men operate on.
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suburbanbushbabe
New Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Let her have her baby in peace; knowing now could affect her health. She needs to know, but who is to say she doesn't already suspect?
Let her have her baby in peace; knowing now could affect her health. She needs to know, but who is to say she doesn't already suspect?
vivEz daNs lamouR
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Can I ask, for those who are saying to leave well enough alone.
If you were in the situation, are you saying that you would honestly want to be kept in the dark about your boyfriend having possibly unprotected anal sex with a man behind your back and coming home to you and then making love to you?
I'm leaning more on the notion of telling her, but aside from the potential risk to her baby, I can't understand keeping her in the dark.
Can I ask, for those who are saying to leave well enough alone.
If you were in the situation, are you saying that you would honestly want to be kept in the dark about your boyfriend having possibly unprotected anal sex with a man behind your back and coming home to you and then making love to you?
I'm leaning more on the notion of telling her, but aside from the potential risk to her baby, I can't understand keeping her in the dark.
Precious_1
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
PlatinumBronze
Living my life like its Platinum!
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Again this is a tricky situation. I'm concerned about her and the baby health. I wouldn't want something grave to happen to them. I got pregnant with my son whenever I was 18 yrs old and his father and his family had me stressed out. So stressed that at 4 months I started having early contractions. I left him alone for my own good. Anyway, after I gave birth, I found out that he was messing with another girl during my pregnancy and my bestfriend didn't tell me. At first I was upset with her but when she explained to me that she knew I was already under alot of stress and didn't want me to end up in the hospital or losing my baby I understood her reason.
HOWEVER, this situation is different. This girl needs to know. It's all about the approach you take. Tell her in person, at a private place. You may also want to give her mother a heads up if her mother is a cool person (if her mom is going to wild out don't tell her). Just tell her it's something that you've heard some different rumors about her guy. Now after you've done your part, if she continues to be with that dude, that's her.
Again this is a tricky situation. I'm concerned about her and the baby health. I wouldn't want something grave to happen to them. I got pregnant with my son whenever I was 18 yrs old and his father and his family had me stressed out. So stressed that at 4 months I started having early contractions. I left him alone for my own good. Anyway, after I gave birth, I found out that he was messing with another girl during my pregnancy and my bestfriend didn't tell me. At first I was upset with her but when she explained to me that she knew I was already under alot of stress and didn't want me to end up in the hospital or losing my baby I understood her reason.
HOWEVER, this situation is different. This girl needs to know. It's all about the approach you take. Tell her in person, at a private place. You may also want to give her mother a heads up if her mother is a cool person (if her mom is going to wild out don't tell her). Just tell her it's something that you've heard some different rumors about her guy. Now after you've done your part, if she continues to be with that dude, that's her.
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IntoMyhair
New Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Uck that i would want to know. If it was me i would try and et a pic right a note and send it in the mail. Or get them together in my house for a dinner date. The people that know him and the couple in question.
He likes being on the bottom so he ain't using NO protection at all.
Heres a thought say know one tells anything and she has the baby. You all later on find out the baby is HIV positive. What if she tests negative and the baby tests positive.
I don't even know if that can happen. But what if she has a good health system and the baby does not. What if she laster on finds out when she is further along and becomes so upset she goes in labor early and loses the baby or the baby is hurt from coming to early. I say tell her now so she can have a heads up. Who knows the next person that guy sleeps with will be positive.
If he still going to clubs he must still be looking.
Uck that i would want to know. If it was me i would try and et a pic right a note and send it in the mail. Or get them together in my house for a dinner date. The people that know him and the couple in question.
He likes being on the bottom so he ain't using NO protection at all.
Heres a thought say know one tells anything and she has the baby. You all later on find out the baby is HIV positive. What if she tests negative and the baby tests positive.
I don't even know if that can happen. But what if she has a good health system and the baby does not. What if she laster on finds out when she is further along and becomes so upset she goes in labor early and loses the baby or the baby is hurt from coming to early. I say tell her now so she can have a heads up. Who knows the next person that guy sleeps with will be positive.
If he still going to clubs he must still be looking.
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TayMac
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
I say tell her, just present her with the facts and be supportive. She needs to know as that is a dangerous secret that he is hiding. They are probably still being intimate. All decisions about her and baby's future need to be made with ALL the facts. Also it's better to hear the news from friends then just any ol' person that doesn't care.
I think it's best for her and the baby for her to know now BEFORE the baby is born so she has time to get things in order and make some hard decisions. If you wait til the baby is born, she could become depressed on top of the stress of having a newborn.
I say tell her, just present her with the facts and be supportive. She needs to know as that is a dangerous secret that he is hiding. They are probably still being intimate. All decisions about her and baby's future need to be made with ALL the facts. Also it's better to hear the news from friends then just any ol' person that doesn't care.
I think it's best for her and the baby for her to know now BEFORE the baby is born so she has time to get things in order and make some hard decisions. If you wait til the baby is born, she could become depressed on top of the stress of having a newborn.
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
I'm not convinced that he is gay. He was at the club telling people he was having a baby. Obviously its with a chick.
If a guy goes to a female strip club he isn't necessarily having barebacked sex. IDK. All of its really hearsay.
I'm not convinced that he is gay. He was at the club telling people he was having a baby. Obviously its with a chick.
If a guy goes to a female strip club he isn't necessarily having barebacked sex. IDK. All of its really hearsay.
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
i feel like i want to come to tears......*clutchin ma pearls* this situation needs Divine Intervention.
i feel like i want to come to tears......*clutchin ma pearls* this situation needs Divine Intervention.
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
And if he is not telling this girl... that he has a more than heterosexual past and current tendencies (if any), he's guilty of lying and deceiving. Even if he isn't messing now, then why be out late when the only thing spread is legs and obviously he already got something locked up. Peoples' sexual history is their business UNTIL they want to sleep with someone else. Then they are obligated to know certain things - orientation, high risk behaviors, drug use, etc. (numbers, not so much!) - before they engage.
I'm sorry but if I'm knocked up with your baby... you have no business at any ole club, gay or straight.
And if he is not telling this girl... that he has a more than heterosexual past and current tendencies (if any), he's guilty of lying and deceiving. Even if he isn't messing now, then why be out late when the only thing spread is legs and obviously he already got something locked up. Peoples' sexual history is their business UNTIL they want to sleep with someone else. Then they are obligated to know certain things - orientation, high risk behaviors, drug use, etc. (numbers, not so much!) - before they engage.
SparklingFlame
New Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
This whle situation just angers me!!!
Ya'll seen Cover?
Oooooh this just pisses me off
If you gay, be gay. If you think you gay, say so!!! Dont be impregnating people if you are "confused"!
This whle situation just angers me!!!
Ya'll seen Cover?
Oooooh this just pisses me off
If you gay, be gay. If you think you gay, say so!!! Dont be impregnating people if you are "confused"!
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SparklingFlame
New Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Cover/70078377?trkid=188469
It came out in 07. Bill Duke directed it. It was good and it will piss you off to the highest pissitivity.
http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Cover/70078377?trkid=188469
spelmanlocks
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
I think you should tell also. This is too serious to keep to yourself.
I think you should tell also. This is too serious to keep to yourself.
vivEz daNs lamouR
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
What straight men do you know that regularly attend GAY clubs? We're not even talking about straight clubs, we're talking completely homosexual. I'm sorry, but I think trying to assume that this guy is just a straight man who enjoys the homosexual scene in a simple and non-effective manner is really stretching.
Aside from the fact that he dated my friend (the guy who identified him) and they've messed around, what more proof would you need?
What straight men do you know that regularly attend GAY clubs? We're not even talking about straight clubs, we're talking completely homosexual. I'm sorry, but I think trying to assume that this guy is just a straight man who enjoys the homosexual scene in a simple and non-effective manner is really stretching.
Aside from the fact that he dated my friend (the guy who identified him) and they've messed around, what more proof would you need?
coconow2007
New Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
She needs to get tested asap regardless how she is told she is in a dangerous relationship.
She needs to get tested asap regardless how she is told she is in a dangerous relationship.
MizzBrown
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Added that right to my netflix queue!
I read that 'Down Low' book by J.L. King years back and it had me so shook too...so did those E.Lynn Harris books but sometimes you gotta read and watch these things to always know what folks are capable of.
Added that right to my netflix queue!
I read that 'Down Low' book by J.L. King years back and it had me so shook too...so did those E.Lynn Harris books but sometimes you gotta read and watch these things to always know what folks are capable of.
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Every second/minute/hour/day that passes is a wasted opportunity to tell your friend. Evidence or no evidence. Be prepared to support her or even be shunned by her but do the right thing and tell her. She needs to get tested and is probably still sleeping with him, unprotected.
Every second/minute/hour/day that passes is a wasted opportunity to tell your friend. Evidence or no evidence. Be prepared to support her or even be shunned by her but do the right thing and tell her. She needs to get tested and is probably still sleeping with him, unprotected.
SparklingFlame
New Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
I read it and took it back to the store.
I was too disgusted.
I read it too and started looking at DH like........
I read it and took it back to the store.
I was too disgusted.
Lenee925
Well-Known Member
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
Me neither. It seems like they are both happy and I wouldn't want to be responsible for ruining the moment but at the same time, I'd want someone to tell me.
Me neither. It seems like they are both happy and I wouldn't want to be responsible for ruining the moment but at the same time, I'd want someone to tell me.
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
I love how everyone wants to tell cuz the man is on the DL- but when we have threads about telling if the man is cheating with another woman, it's
Interesting
AIDS is a homo-AND heterosexual epidemic, I'm just not getting the logic that it's okay ot tell for DL dudes, but not okay if it's a hetero man cheating. (I'm referring to a specific thread with the EXACT same storyline, but the woman had already had the baby, and her husband was cheating with a woman-.)
I dunno, I'm an advocate for telling- especially if it's someone you consider a friend. There are lives at stake the mother's and the unborn child.
It's a sensitive thing though, because as AnjelLuvsUBabe said, she is pregnant- and devastating news, and grief can make both mom and baby more susceptible to teratogens (i.e, the baby could develop birth defects.) It really does happen. Just something to keep in my as you consider how you deliver this news to her.
This secrecy, don't ask don't tell, mind your own business, and look the other way stuff is destroying our community.
Just curious OP- when did you get the inkling that he was gay? (I'm assuming you must have had some curiosity since you thought to ask your gay guy friends)? Was this not something that could have been discussed with her before she conceived?
This whole thing is just so sad. My heart aches for her.
I love how everyone wants to tell cuz the man is on the DL- but when we have threads about telling if the man is cheating with another woman, it's
Interesting
AIDS is a homo-AND heterosexual epidemic, I'm just not getting the logic that it's okay ot tell for DL dudes, but not okay if it's a hetero man cheating. (I'm referring to a specific thread with the EXACT same storyline, but the woman had already had the baby, and her husband was cheating with a woman-.)
I dunno, I'm an advocate for telling- especially if it's someone you consider a friend. There are lives at stake the mother's and the unborn child.
It's a sensitive thing though, because as AnjelLuvsUBabe said, she is pregnant- and devastating news, and grief can make both mom and baby more susceptible to teratogens (i.e, the baby could develop birth defects.) It really does happen. Just something to keep in my as you consider how you deliver this news to her.
This secrecy, don't ask don't tell, mind your own business, and look the other way stuff is destroying our community.
Just curious OP- when did you get the inkling that he was gay? (I'm assuming you must have had some curiosity since you thought to ask your gay guy friends)? Was this not something that could have been discussed with her before she conceived?
This whole thing is just so sad. My heart aches for her.
Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay
It seems like you already have your mind made up and strong feelings about this. So good luck in telling her.
ETA: It makes me feel some type of way when we automatically assume gay men are having unprotected anal sex, or having sex with someone else at all. Half of them cant stand anal. We don't assume that about anyone else, but I guess they cant control themselves for some mysterious reason for the ages.
It seems like you already have your mind made up and strong feelings about this. So good luck in telling her.
ETA: It makes me feel some type of way when we automatically assume gay men are having unprotected anal sex, or having sex with someone else at all. Half of them cant stand anal. We don't assume that about anyone else, but I guess they cant control themselves for some mysterious reason for the ages.
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