Why won't he tell me he loves me?

Because he doesn't love you?

What are his actions that are telling you that he loves you?
 
I would not say it first. Period.

And if it continues to bother you, you may want to take a closer look at the relationship and make sure he is emotionally available. JMHO.
 
He may not say he loves you because he's not in love with you and don't want to give you mixed signals.

Some guys can use the term "I Love You" so loosely.

At least he's not leading you on.
 
Because he doesn't love you.

If a man loves a woman - SHE HEARS IT - point blank.

And you do not have to ask him!!!!

Also, if you love him, that does not mean he feels the same for you. You don't have to make excuses for loving him either. If you do - YOU DO.

But, you cannot expect him to feel the same, and you should not gauge your own feelings based on his.

You have to decide if you want to continue cultivating your love for a man when he does not feel the same for you, especially after all this time.

Sometimes loving on a man does not mean it is good to stick with him.

I do believe that in 4 years, he needs to be able to tell you he loves you - if he DOES FEEL THAT WAY. In this time, I think it is safe to say that he is not in love with you.

But, that does not mean that he does not care for you and realizes that he enjoys having you in his life. Just "in love", he is not.

Girl, take it from me - BEEN THERE.
 
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HoneyDew said:
Because he doesn't love you.

If a man loves a woman - SHE HEARS IT - point blank.

And you do not have to ask him!!!!

Also, if you love him, that does not mean he feels the same for you. You don't have to make excuses for loving him either. If you do - YOU DO.

But, you cannot expect him to feel the same, and you should not gauge your own feelings based on his.

You have to decide if you want to continue cultivating your love for a man when he does not feel the same for you, especially after all this time.

Sometimes loving on a man does not mean it is good to stick with him.

I do believe that in 4 years, he needs to be able to tell you he loves you - if he DOES FEEL THAT WAY. In this time, I think it is safe to say that he is not in love with you.

But, that does not mean that he does not care for you and realizes that he enjoys having you in his life. Just "in love", he is not.

Girl, take it from me - BEEN THERE.
Click to expand...

I totally agree. If he loves you he would of said it or he would of at least answered you when you asked.
 
I just re-read your post.

So you have known him for 4 years and been dating for 6 months.

6 months is not enough time, imho, to decide you are in love with someone.

I guess I don't take love lightly. I can meet a lot of people and learn a lot about them in 6 little quick months. But love?

nah. That takes time. For me anyway.

Girl, please please please don't base your own feelings on what a man is feeling. I am begging you.

You are putting his feelings over your own. You need to love when you feel it and let it flow naturally. Don't make excuses for your feelings either.

I don't think you love him. You love the idea of it and, as you said, you WANT to love him.

Give yourself some time. Give him some time. Sit LOVE on the shelf for later use and let the relationship grow. You will know when you love him, and you will definitely know if he loves you.

Just don't let his lack of showing your love go for years and years if you want more for your life. Sometimes we can love all we want, but that does not make a relationship work-out the way we want.
 
letitgrow0702 said:
I totally agree. If he loves you he would of said it or he would of at least answered you when you asked.
Click to expand...

Hmmm... he should have answered me if he did.
Ok so what do I do now?

A part of me sees longevity in this relationship. He tells me that he is happy being with me, without me asking. He also says things like he's glad that he got to like me for who I am. We could have gotten together when we first met but he said that he didn't want to get with me just for the sake of it because the chances are we wouldn't be talking now. He is the main reason why we waited 3 years. He saw a good thing and didn't want to ruin in by jumping straight into it.
He has also implied marriage a few times, jokingly though. I think. He told a friend of mine that he and I were going to get married.
He tells me that he really likes me and I know that his feelings for me are growing but why is he not in love?

I have had guys approach me since being with my BF, one even said that he loves me. :blush: So I'm like why the h*** am I with someone who doesn't!
 
Known one another for 4 years....been together 6 months.

I hate to sound like a jerk but....he doesn't love you. IMO
 
HoneyDew said:
I just re-read your post.

So you have known him for 4 years and been dating for 6 months.

6 months is not enough time, imho, to decide you are in love with someone.

I guess I don't take love lightly. I can meet a lot of people and learn a lot about them in 6 little quick months. But love?

nah. That takes time. For me anyway.

Girl, please please please don't base your own feelings on what a man is feeling. I am begging you.

You are putting his feelings over your own. You need to love when you feel it and let it flow naturally. Don't make excuses for your feelings either.

I don't think you love him. You love the idea of it and, as you said, you WANT to love him.

Give yourself some time. Give him some time. Sit LOVE on the shelf for later use and let the relationship grow. You will know when you love him, and you will definitely know if he loves you.

Just don't let his lack of showing your love go for years and years if you want more for your life. Sometimes we can love all we want, but that does not make a relationship work-out the way we want.[/quote]

Thank you HoneyDew. This is great advise. We have a really good relationship even without the 'L' word being used on a regular basis. I know he sees me as a serious potential wife and I think that is the important thing for him although he is not ready to get married yet. I think he is of the opinion that you can marry someone without loving them and that the love can and will come later. Compatability rather than love is what makes a relationship work and suceed.
Click to expand...
 
Penspringz said:
Thank you HoneyDew. This is great advise. We have a really good relationship even without the 'L' word being used on a regular basis. I know he sees me as a serious potential wife and I think that is the important thing for him although he is not ready to get married yet. I think he is of the opinion that you can marry someone without loving them and that the love can and will come later. Compatability rather than love is what makes a relationship work and suceed.
Click to expand...

Pens, don't ask him if he loves you.

Believe me when I tell you, when a man loves you - YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STOP HIM FROM LETTING YOU KNOW.

Don't ask him anymore.

And sidenote - I don't think you should marry someone unless you love them. What is the point? I guess I am a romantic. I am not going to take myself off the market unless there is LOVE - DEEP LOVE - in the mix.
 
You're going to have to give him some time. If you press him into it and he says "Yes. I love you. Ok?" you'll be back here asking us if he really means it or not. Lol.
Give him some time.
 
anti-babymama said:
simple answer: because he doesn't.
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Not all the time . . I think some people like him including me have a hard time expressing emotion and or are not sure of them so they keep them in until they are very sure of them.

I don't know about you but I would much rather him show me that he loved me instead of those type of guys who say things but their actions don't back it up . . but hey we are different people :drunk:

but if it bothers you should talk about it. Because if you are very expressive and need that constant reassurance then you need to discuss it with him and find a middle ground.
 
Penspringz said:
I'm in a relationship with a guy who I have known for about 4 years. We have been together for 6 months and I am not sure if I am in love. I want to be in love with him but I just don't know and I don't think I will know until he tells me that he loves me.
I have asked him "do you love me?" twice and he has failed to give me an answer. I also asked him, what would you do if i said I loved you? He challenged me by asking what kind of question is that?
His actions would lead me to think that he does love me but then why won't he tell me?!

Ladies, what should I do? Should I take a risk and tell him I love him and hope for the best or just continue the agonising wait.
Knowing him, part of me thinks that he doesn't want to tell me until he's 100% sure and that he may not even say those words I so long to hear until he proposes. We are no where near marriage by the way.

Has anyone else felt that they can't know they are in love until he tells you first?
Click to expand...

I am going to go against the grain here. It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. It may imply a type of COMMITMENT he isn't ready to make. Some men feel once they SAY it, it takes the relationship to a different level than he is willing to take it AT THIS POINT. Also, maybe he has never loved anyone before and is completely uncomfortable expressing it. If you two have been fritzing around for years as friends and it has taken this long to even become a COUPLE, what makes you think he is going to turn into Mr. Speedy and be gushing love notes? He seems like he needs a little time. BUT - also keep in mind, on the other hand, that he may not have said it because he truly doesn't! You know him better than we do and you will be the best one to decide which scenario is correct.
 
excellent responses, as i have read all of them.

for what it is worth, here is my opinion.

love yourself first. second, whether it is 6 months or 6 days, if a man truly loves you, he will tell you. if you are questioning it, then it does not exist. it doesn't have anything to do with him having a hard time expressing himself, etc. and why would you base your feelings for him based on his response towards you? to me, that doesn't make sense. in my opinion, asking a man if he loves you shows a sign of uncertainy and insecurity. if he told you no, would you continue to date him?

love is a very strong word and not to be taken lightly. love yourself first. don't worry....there is someone out there whose feelings will be sincere, and you will know because he will tell you.

otherwise, take it from me...NEVA TELL A MAN YOU LOVE HIM FIRST!!


sidebar - i was on a trip this past weekend, and i heard a man truly express his feelings to this woman on the phone. he was so sincere and could tell it came from his heart. he just put it out there. so see, when a man is feeling it, there are no holds barred...he will definitely let you know. they have feelings too.
 
I wouldn't be worried about what he says or doesn't say...I'd be more concerned with how he treats me....that speaks volumes. Take it easy, enjoy each other, get to really know each other....if he really loves you and if you really love him saying I love you would just come naturally. Take it from Luther Vandross...

I used to say I love you every day
To make you really know
To trust in the things I say
But look at me now and you can clearly see
The love I feel for you
You don't need words from me

--Because It's Love

He, he!!
 
Penspringz said:
I'm in a relationship with a guy who I have known for about 4 years. We have been together for 6 months and I am not sure if I am in love. I want to be in love with him but I just don't know and I don't think I will know until he tells me that he loves me.
I have asked him "do you love me?" twice and he has failed to give me an answer. I also asked him, what would you do if i said I loved you? He challenged me by asking what kind of question is that?
His actions would lead me to think that he does love me but then why won't he tell me?!

Ladies, what should I do? Should I take a risk and tell him I love him and hope for the best or just continue the agonising wait.
Knowing him, part of me thinks that he doesn't want to tell me until he's 100% sure and that he may not even say those words I so long to hear until he proposes. We are no where near marriage by the way.

Has anyone else felt that they can't know they are in love until he tells you first?
Click to expand...

I can see why men get frustrated. Why are you forcing love? Let things happen naturally. There is nothing worse than forcing something before time unfolds only to realize it is NOT what you thought. Just relax and get to know each other. If you are feeling vulnerable because you guys have been "coloring" (I don't know I'm just suggesting), then, maybe it's getting too emotional for you and you need to step back and slow down. This is usually how the forcing thing happens with women. And, believe me, nothing will make a man retreat faster than a woman who is trying to force the relationship to progress to different levels.
 
OP, I agree with those who say that you should NOT say you love him first, and DEFINITELY don't ever pose that question to him again. I can definitely understand your frustration, as 4 years knowing someone and 6 months dating seems like a long time for those emotions to develop, and if the frustration you're experiencing overpowers your feelings for him, then you should definitely consider pursuing other options as that probably means you are not in love with him, at least not yet. Whether you want to give those emotions some more time to develop without the knowledge of whether he feels the same way or not is up to you.

It sounds like the two of you have a pretty good relationship going on right now, with a lot of respect and affection for each other. You should definitely just try to enjoy the fun and anticipation of reaching the point of being in full-blown love before you start getting impatient and angry. It sounds like he moves very slowly, and I agree with another poster who suggested that he might not ever have been in love before, so he is taking time to examine both himself, and your relationship to decide if love is what’s happening to him right now. But as I said before, if you really feel in your heart that you have given him ample time to express his love for you and you are becoming unhappy, then you should walk.

I don't really think the whole, not saying you love someone until you are proposing thing happens in real life, and if it does happen like that after years of knowing each other and dating, it's bullsh*t because, not trying to stereotype, but for the most part, we women are verbal creatures. He could do everything he possibly could that would communicate that he loves you, but if he never says it, or keeps you waiting around forever before he says it, odds are you would still be frustrated and doubtful.

If I were in your situation though, I would at least give the guy another six months to come out and say it.
 
Well, you've only been together for 6 months so I wouldn't stress it.
I wouldn't say I love you first, wait a little longer and see...

If you feel in your gut that he's not into you like that, it's better to move on.
Good luck! :)
 
Lboogie said:
Known one another for 4 years....been together 6 months.

I hate to sound like a jerk but....he doesn't love you. IMO
Click to expand...

It's harsh, but I totally agree. When a man loves you, you will know it without a doubt and even without him having to say it.

Also, I know true love takes time to build and grow, but if he doesn't have strong feelings for you now, what happens as time goes on and the relationship is not quite as new? I would not wait for him to answer the question and just move on. If he really did love you, he will definitely do whatever it takes to get you back. Guys are content to stay with Ms. Good Enough for years until his Ms. Right comes along.
 
:thud: huh???????:lachen:

He does not love you.

Penspringz said:
I'm in a relationship with a guy who I have known for about 4 years. We have been together for 6 months and I am not sure if I am in love. I want to be in love with him but I just don't know and I don't think I will know until he tells me that he loves me.
I have asked him "do you love me?" twice and he has failed to give me an answer. I also asked him, what would you do if i said I loved you? He challenged me by asking what kind of question is that?
His actions would lead me to think that he does love me but then why won't he tell me?!

Ladies, what should I do? Should I take a risk and tell him I love him and hope for the best or just continue the agonising wait.
Knowing him, part of me thinks that he doesn't want to tell me until he's 100% sure and that he may not even say those words I so long to hear until he proposes. We are no where near marriage by the way.

Has anyone else felt that they can't know they are in love until he tells you first?
Click to expand...
 
Thank you HoneyDew...it's not enough time.....just because it's 4 yrs. doesn't mean he felt a certain way about you then!!!....GIVE IT TIME!!!!
And don't say ANTHING TO HIM!!!!...about it!!!,.....that scares guys away!!!
 
Hmmm, well you shouldn't tell him that you love him because imo you don't love him. It kinda sounds as though you're playing games with your heart, like you will only 'love' him if you KNOW he loves you back- that's not love.

I don't think he loves you either. If he did you would know...his actions would be speaking LOUD and CLEAR.
 
Sometimes guys equate saying that with being weak. Sometimes guys say it as "game" and don't mean it. My brother always told me growing up, that if a guy says "i love you" and doesn't follow up with a proposal (for marriage, engagement, etc) then run! Every guy that i was actually dating that told me that said it right before he got down on bended knee. I never heard it before that moment. I guess it's just the type of guys i've dated.


ETA: I've only dated 4 guys in my life, and i married one.
 
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