He said he loves me

[Mai Tai]

To answer your question OP...HELL YES...your head is in the clouds!

1. You are not in love. He just laying the pipe right and you sprung.

2. Who cares if you filed for divorce on tuesday! You've been involved with this man for months which still makes you a cheater.

3. Your husband cheated on you, and you chose to stay married to him so boo-freaking-hoo if you feel some kind of way about being married to a cheater.


4. So what if you have 2 advanced degrees, stable finances, and smart kids...this is absolutely no indication as to whether your mind is "straight" or not. Your character, and actions determine if you got your ish together, and based on your post, I would conclude that your head is still very much crooked, cocked to the left, damn near bout to fall off, etc.

5. So we have low standards in men you say...yet you are (still) married to a cheater, about to be twice divorced, and sounds like you are working on a third with a man whose only real contribution to your life is the fact that he's sexing you out your mind...chile please...



Not trying to be mean, just keeping it real...carry on

 

[LBoogie]

Oh my Mai Tai

 

[ExoticCutie]

I just wanted a place to talk about my issues because I didn't want my family to know what was going on but I guess this was not the best place to do that. I am new to this site but you guys have made me feel really welcome. Thanks a lot.

 

[ThickHair]

She started practicing law AFTER she created her profile. Duh, she just hasn't updated it.

Daggone Super Sleuth

Shut yo mouf and get some sleep. lol

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

To answer your question OP...HELL YES...your head is in the clouds!

1. You are not in love. He just laying the pipe right and you sprung.

2. Who cares if you filed for divorce on tuesday! You've been involved with this man for months which still makes you a cheater.

3. Your husband cheated on you, and you chose to stay married to him so boo-freaking-hoo if you feel some kind of way about being married to a cheater.


4. So what if you have 2 advanced degrees, stable finances, and smart kids...this is absolutely no indication as to whether your mind is "straight" or not. Your character, and actions determine if you got your ish together, and based on your post, I would conclude that your head is still very much crooked, cocked to the left, damn near bout to fall off, etc.

5. So we have low standards in men you say...yet you are (still) married to a cheater, about to be twice divorced, and sounds like you are working on a third with a man whose only real contribution to your life is the fact that he's sexing you out your mind...chile please...



Not trying to be mean, just keeping it real...carry on

*Passes Mai Tai a newport one hunnit and pours her some co-vah-see-ay*

dayum.....

 

[Mai Tai]

I just wanted a place to talk about my issues because I didn't want my family to know what was going on but I guess this was not the best place to do that. I am new to this site but you guys have made me feel really welcome. Thanks a lot.

Girl stop...

Let me hip you to some LHCF 101

-When you ask for advice or come on here to vent...We are going to tell you the truth, not sugarcoat an already jacked up situation. You know what's worse then an enemy? A friend that just "nods yes" or agrees with you when they know you are dead A$$ wrong.

-There are some straight up detectives on this board, and they will find holes in your story that you didn't even know were there. So before you go on this voyage of e-disclosure, please realize that your story will be scrutinized, and fact checked.

Do not be discouraged...

 

[Mai Tai]

*Passes Mai Tai a newport one hunnit and pours her some co-vah-see-ay*

dayum.....

That is such an honor coming from you...

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights me a newport one hunnit*

imma just sit back n read.....

 

[tatiana]

So you got married while in college and have two kids then divorce before turning 23?

I find that strange people from your generation either went to school or got married and had kids. Not both.

Relationships centered on sex and secrets (keeping him away from kids) do not end well. Everytime you two have sex you are creating a bond with him which is getting stronger. It is going to get to the point where one person is going to want more.

Also as a child of divorce parents, I was p.o.ed when I realized my father was seeing his "lady" friend when he still legally married to my mother. My father thought he was keeping her away but I sense another woman and I went through his things when he was not looking but I digress. Do not think for one moment that you got your children fooled especially if you are happy and have a certain glow to you.

 

[ebonylocs]

No, there are a quite a few J.D.'s that also have a Master's. One of my good friends from college has a J.D. and a Masters in Divinity and she does mention both. It might just be me, but I didn't find anything fishy about that statement by itself. I'm not sure why everyone's jumping on OP so badly.

Because they are judgmental.

OP, none of us can know if he's in love with you. Only you can figure that out, and time will tell, either way.

From the outside it looks like a lot of drama, but people have made more dramatic situations than this work.

I don't agree with what you did, getting involved with him while you were still married, but then again, I don't know what it's like to be in a dead marriage with a chating husband.

 

[ebonylocs]

One caveat, both of you have demonstrated that you are willing to step out of the bounds of your commitments and cheat. So the question is, was this behavior a one time thing or a reflection of how both of you think about commitment and fidelity?.

No, he was divorced already, i.e. single. She was the only one who was married. But I think it does say something about him that he was willing to get involved with a married woman.

 

[ambergirl]

dang....this thread just blew up overnight...Y'all ride hard

Look Exoticcutie, newbies are very welcome around here, but in all honesty your background story does sound a little shady. I didn't think it was intentional so I didn't raise it.

Another thing you should know about LHCF...cheating just does not go around here so about 100% of the time you will not get any sympathy for cheating while married.

Sounds like you used this new guy to ease your way out of a bad marriage. Why not just resolve the marriage issue before hooking up with someone else? Sexing someone while married just doesn't go down well...regardless of what your hubby is doing.

Anywho....what's done is done and you're now with your new guy. I wish you the best, but it might be worth your while to look into your relationship pattern cause from the outside it doesn't look too good.

 

[awhyley]

Oh my Mai Tai

Grrrrrrrrllllllllllllll, when I read that, this was me

I just wanted a place to talk about my issues because I didn't want my family to know what was going on but I guess this was not the best place to do that. I am new to this site but you guys have made me feel really welcome. Thanks a lot.

I was going to say that this crew doesn't really subscribe to 'hand-holding' if they feel that you're in the wrong, but Mai Tai already told you that. You have to have thick skin over here. *nods* Best of luck.

 

[ThickHair]

I just wanted a place to talk about my issues because I didn't want my family to know what was going on but I guess this was not the best place to do that. I am new to this site but you guys have made me feel really welcome. Thanks a lot.

ExoticCutie, you have posted in some very hot topics so I don't understand how you didn't know this could happen. After all you did ask, "Am I being realistic or is my head in the clouds? "

I take it that some in your family may have reacted the same way. In all seriousness it is very difficult to garner support with the type of set up you have going on. If one element was removed from your whole scenrio, I would be first in line to high five you about the young buck and we are all aware of that one element and it isn't your children. Your education and employment aspect isn't even relevant to your situation, but you put it out on the table, so we took it and ran with it.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Dayum. The LHCFBI strikes again!!

 

[FemmeFatale]

Because they are judgmental.

OP, none of us can know if he's in love with you. Only you can figure that out, and time will tell, either way.

From the outside it looks like a lot of drama, but people have made more dramatic situations than this work.

I don't agree with what you did, getting involved with him while you were still married, but then again, I don't know what it's like to be in a dead marriage with a chating husband.

I don't know about everyone else but the inconsistencies is something I picked up on while just plain ole reading. I'm sorta new here myself and the story just seemed off and a bit whimsical. . Reminds me of the journalist from The Wire that was making up stories.

 

[deltagyrl]

My goodness.

I don't know if she's a lawyer or not but y'all are ruthless.

OP, I say, do you. Enjoy!

 

[song_of_serenity]

Updates??

 

[Theo]

People do ride extra hard here... that's why most people aren't very honest.

I hope everything works out for the OP... it sounds like she's dealing with a lot.

 

[anon123]

Koodos on being honest. Wow. Never see that here lol

OP only has a few posts, so she must not spend too much time here. I like when newbies come and are honest about forum taboo topics.

OP, I don't have the life experience to advise you here. I just agree with whoever said stay on top of the birth control! Oh, nvrmnd I see you had your tubes tied.
.
.
.
I should have read the rest of the thread. LHCF goes hard!

 

[MissJ]

Hmm so you're a lawyer with a Master's degree?

That's what I was wondering. Unless she got a J.D. and an L.L.M. I have a J.D., and I couldn't fathom having a 5 kids and being a successful lawyer. Those kids must stay at the daycare all day and all night!

OP, you're just Fertile Myrtle, huh?

I'm sorry, but this thread doesn't make any d@mn sense!

 

[MissYocairis]

What a mess of a thread.

 

[MayaB12]

Hmm so you're a lawyer with a Master's degree?

Pulls out spreadsheet....

 

[MissJ]

I'm making a point that you have to be out of work to have children, right? So, she was allowed to be a practicing lawyer but take time off work to have not one or two but FIVE kids? She says she just recently had one, too! On top of that, I'm sure she would have to stay home sometimes if the kids are sick. What happens to her clients/cases during mommy time? Cases still go forward. The court system does not revolve around her. Talk about being on the mommy track. Wow!

 

[MissJ]

To be clear, I was not making fun of the OP. I just don't believe she practices law and makes a lot of money doing it with 5 kids. Kids are an issue for female attorneys:

Excerpt from "The 'Mommy Track' Turns 21:"

My 10-year law school reunion fell when I was six months into my second pregnancy. I found myself rehearsing in front of a mirror a witty remark about being CEO of my household. I expected a bad-sit-com scene with the other women in my class as legal superstars and me as the lone stay-at-home mom. "They're all going to be saying I just made partner, I just got tenure," I lamented to my husband. But they didn't. At the end of the reunion evening, my classmates and I compared notes and discovered that only one woman (of the 30 or so in attendance) was still a full-time practicing attorney. "Is our whole class on the mommy track?" I wondered, a little relieved.

Last year, my child was pronounced completely healthy. We had another baby. Savoring the normalness, I embraced the title of "just a mom to three boys." I still wanted to go back to work, but this time, I was ready to seek out the classic flextime "mommy track" job I had once scoffed at.

Curious about how my classmates were managing this tricky business of work-life balance, I conducted a little homespun survey of the 226 women in my law-school class. More than 90 percent of them responded. The responses I got varied by employment status. The full-time lawyers typically e-mailed me back right away in 20 words or less. As in, "I'm a full-time lawyer, but I don't have any children. Good luck." My stay-at-home classmates took longer to respond and wrote longer e-mails. A condensed example: "I never imagined not having a career, and certainly never would have dreamed of 'sinking so low' as to be 'just a SAHM.' So my ego took a bit of a beating, but traps to happiness come in different disguises." The classmates with mommy-track jobs responded at around 50 words. What they described wasn't Friedan's feminist nightmare: "I work part-time mostly from home. But I wouldn't say I have a 'mommy track' job. I'd say I have an interesting, innovative, flexible work arrangement I've managed to negotiate based on my considerable client base."

According to my survey, the majority of the women of the class of 1993 of Harvard Law School have left the fast track. Thirty percent of the respondents have mommy track jobs, with 21 percent working part-time and 9 percent working full-time with special arrangements like job-sharing and working nonconventional hours. Another 30 percent of the respondents stay at home, most having "off-ramped" with the expectation of going back to work when their children are older.

 

[naijamerican]

To answer your question OP...HELL YES...your head is in the clouds!

1. You are not in love. He just laying the pipe right and you sprung.

2. Who cares if you filed for divorce on tuesday! You've been involved with this man for months which still makes you a cheater.

3. Your husband cheated on you, and you chose to stay married to him so boo-freaking-hoo if you feel some kind of way about being married to a cheater.


4. So what if you have 2 advanced degrees, stable finances, and smart kids...this is absolutely no indication as to whether your mind is "straight" or not. Your character, and actions determine if you got your ish together, and based on your post, I would conclude that your head is still very much crooked, cocked to the left, damn near bout to fall off, etc.

5. So we have low standards in men you say...yet you are (still) married to a cheater, about to be twice divorced, and sounds like you are working on a third with a man whose only real contribution to your life is the fact that he's sexing you out your mind...chile please...



Not trying to be mean, just keeping it real...carry on

Through this mess of a thread, this is the only post that makes any sense and gets to the heart of the matter.

How did it even get bumped to begin with? And why am I even contributing? erplexed

 

[R4L]

TIME OUT!!!!!

Isn't anyone else bothered by the fact that she's sexing a co-worker??????? Even if they were both single, that can end BADLYerplexed

 

[zenith]

TIME OUT!!!!!

Isn't anyone else bothered by the fact that she's sexing a co-worker??????? Even if they were both single, that can end BADLYerplexed

That's because 9/10 this story is MADE UP!!! A ruse to rile folk up.


How you gon' get time to sex a co-worker and not tend to your under 18 kids?

"twiced divorced" and WE are the ones dating men with low expectations??

 

[jamaicalovely]

Wow, this is some stuff. Usually I just read these type threads with my hot chocolate and K.I.M.

Welcome to LHCF, OP. But, like some ladies eluded to above, we are not here to tell you what you want to hear. With all that is going on, you really should take some time out to heal. Jumping into to another relationship (especially while legally married) is not a good move.

Good luck to you.

 

[FoxyMoxie]

OP you stated that you had evidence to prove he was cheating. Since you were also cheating while still married how sure are you that he doesn't have information on you cheating? This could end rather badly.