Why does it seem to take a lot of American Black men longer to get married?

[BEAUTYU2U]

Most couples USED TO marry young. The average age that men and women are when they get married has been going up for the past 20 or so years. Getting married at 18, 19, 20 and boot-strapping your way through life to get a good job, work for the same company for 40 years and retire with a pension simply doesn't exist anymore. Nor does buying a home that could reasonably be paid off in 10-15 years. Times have a changed...(no kidding).

The black men that you speak of who are at the club with baby momma's at home aren't getting married because no one expects them to. And considering the behavior that you mention, isn't it obvious that their role models are a bit off to begin with?

I think it starts at the top and trickles down the same way fashion does (hello Ed Hardy). Oh, I see dude i want to be like rocking x shirt, x shoes and x car. I want to be like him so I emulate the behavior. Personally, I think marriage is no different. People are what they see. The problem is the people we see the most in the black community are NOT MARRIED.

White people have non-entertainment role models, or publicly visible figures, to offset the antics of the entertainment industry. And most of these people are married. The black community is struggling to define this group and maintain its consistency and I think thats hurting us in a lot of ways - one of which leading to the prolonged pursuit of marriage amongst "marriage-able" black men.

Let me explain - I'm saying "young" as >30 years. Of course, education is part of this change but I don't believe that black men have to choose between education and marriage. You can't have both? And let's remember that prior to the 70's, the majority of black households was headed by men, two-parent households, it wasn't until the recent generations that marriage wasn't visible. Why made the difference? Why did these men choose not to behave like older generations? They had plenty of people to emulate. I guess my point is - we have to have the society before we can emulate it. This was already going on. It didn't start with how the media portrayed black families.

 

[qchelle]

Let me explain - I'm saying "young" as >30 years. Of course, education is part of this change but I don't believe that black men have to choose between education and marriage. You can't have both? And let's remember that prior to the 70's, the majority of black households was headed by men, two-parent households, it wasn't until the recent generations that marriage wasn't visible. Why made the difference? Why did these men choose not to behave like older generations? They had plenty of people to emulate. I guess my point is - we have to have the society before we can emulate it. This was already going on. It didn't start with how the media portrayed black families.

The crack epidemic?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

The crack epidemic?

... I shouldn't laugh but honestly, that probably explains a lot. I don't think it's the only factor but it must be an important one.

 

[Syrah]

Let me explain - I'm saying "young" as >30 years. Of course, education is part of this change but I don't believe that black men have to choose between education and marriage. You can't have both? And let's remember that prior to the 70's, the majority of black households was headed by men, two-parent households, it wasn't until the recent generations that marriage wasn't visible. Why made the difference? Why did these men choose not to behave like older generations? They had plenty of people to emulate. I guess my point is - we have to have the society before we can emulate it. This was already going on. It didn't start with how the media portrayed black families.

What made the change you ask?

I think it was changing economics in black communities. Which communities were the most effected when American companies started shipping manufacturing jobs oversees and moving to a service-based economy? Which communities are most impacted by a college education becoming a basic requirement for most household sustaining positions? White people were already pursuing post-secondary education so this had less of an effect on them, but effected them nonetheless.

And when we stopped being able to afford households and families, we stopped creating them. Black men, unable to provide for their families, started running out on them (why? I dunno), leaving a whole generation of children to be born to single mothers, creating rappers and athletes who had to make choices between the streets and entertainment, wrote some songs about it or started hitting the basketball court, and voila. You've got your current generation of entertainment idols and a rags-to-riches story heard a million times over. Why does that story resonate? Because a lot of people can relate to it. Not many people want to hear a song from Joe-Rapper about how his black lawyer dad and doctor mom couldn't take vacations to Disneyworld anymore. Don't be fooled - the Cosby show disenfranchised a certain segment of the black community who simply couldn't relate to the lifestyle and circumstances being portrayed.

I'm not making excuses. What I'm trying to say is that all of this came from somewhere. Black men didn't just wake up one morning and say "to hell with marriage" - it was a slow process. And if we want to undo it, we need to stop saying "black men aren't sh!t", and "all black men want is to sleep and play around" and understand the dynamics of the scenario.

 

[TexturedTresses]

I think its simply b/c they don't see it so it's not normal for them. I grew up in a 2 parent household so anything other is abnormal to me, however many bm come from broken homes nd so that's what they are used to so they continue the cycle. Many of the few BM who do marry have/had parents who were married and set the example for them. At least that's my opinion. I know quite a few women who say they will not date men from broken homes for that very reason and I can't say I don't agree. I know a guy who was with his gf for like 6 yrs so of course in her mind it was time but he wasn't having it. He told her he wanted her to have his kids first THEN they could get married ::side eye::. I also agree whit BW not demanding it! I have a friend who's been with her man 8-10 yrs now and he doesn't wana hear the marriage talk but last yr they were ttc... WHY?

what is ttc?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

What made the change you ask?

Changing economics in black communities. Which communities were the most effected when American companies started shipping manufacturing jobs oversees and moving to a service-based economy? Which communities are most impacted by a college education becoming a basic requirement for most household sustaining positions? White people were already pursuing post-secondary education so this had less of an effect on them, but effected them nonetheless.

And when we stopped being able to afford households and families, we stopped creating them. Black men, unable to provide for their families, started running out on them (why? I dunno), leaving a whole generation of children to be born to single mothers, creating rappers and athletes who had to make choices between the streets and entertainment, wrote some songs about it or started hitting the basketball court, and voila. You've got your current generation of entertainment idols and a rags-to-riches story heard a million times over. Why does that story resonate? Because a lot of people can relate to it. Not many people want to hear a song from Joe-Rapper about how his black lawyer dad and doctor mom couldn't take vacations to Disneyworld anymore. Don't be fooled - the Cosby show disenfranchised a certain segment of the black community who simply couldn't relate to the lifestyle and circumstances being portrayed.

I'm not making excuses. What I'm trying to say is that all of this came from somewhere. Black men didn't just wake up one morning and say "to hell with marriage" - it was a slow process. And if we want to undo it, we need to stop saying "black men aren't sh!t", and "all black men want is to sleep and play around" and understand the dynamics of the scenario.

First, I think we're on the same page or atleast have the same question. I wonder if other ethnic groups of men responded to financial instability in the same way. Second, I'm well aware of how the Cosby show disenfranchised a lot of people in the black community - my mother was one of them and both of her parents were non-college educated yet professionals just the same. Thirdly, I realize that my initial post gave the wrong impression. I didn't mean all black men, I was speaking about the black men who are educated, "marriage-able" that use financial instability for the reason that they do not marry. I was speaking about a particular group. I should of made that more clear. I'm not a black man "hater."

 

[MzLady78]

what is ttc?

Trying to conceive.

 

[pisceschica]

This touches on what I said upthread (woohoo someone reiterated my point lol). I think BM feel like they have more pressure to be in tip-top financial shape with no other debts at all before they get married. I think WM are more inclined to just go with the flow and marry while still in school. Like I think a WM would buy a fixer-upper home (and take the time to fix it up once he's there) before a BM would; the BM would need for the house to have all the fixings before he moved in.

Maybe this is because BM feel like they have more of a chance to mess it up (marriage) with less of a support system and very few examples of marriages to model. So therefore, they like to make sure ALL of their ducks are in a row before marriage. Wheareas with WM, it may be less of a big deal to them because they have a bigger support system, examples, etc.

Again, I'm really just thinking off the top of my head and throwing random stuff out there.

I don't know about that, I think men in general feel that way. Men are valued in their families by their ability to provide for their families, especially ones where they have a wife and children involved.

I find that whites in general tend to have a long term plan in place to fund their child's education. So when their child eventually goes to college they have all four years funded and in some special cases graduate school funded. And even if they didn't the parents would take out loans in their own name to either finance part or all of their child's education with NO expectation of their child paying it back.

I know plenty of white kids that have graduated with no UG debt but I know plenty of minorities that had to finance it themselves and in some instances had to compromise their education by working and going to school. So those WM may not have as much financial issues as others.

I don't know about the support systems but definitely agree about the dwindling examples in society and family with respect to black marriages.

I think its important to be financially secure before you get married or at the very least have an established career. I'm one of those people that doesn't want to get married until I have an solid career. I feel like when you are still building a career you have to make the most of every opportunity presented to you. I feel like there may be some instances where those opportunities would interfere with me being able to start and sustain a stable relationship. Some issues would include having to relocate or spending a lot of times at work and having to be so flexible that it causes rifts in a relationship.

 

[TexturedTresses]

I don't know about that, I think men in general feel that way. Men are valued in their families by their ability to provide for their families, especially ones where they have a wife and children involved.

I find that whites in general tend to have a long term plan in place to fund their child's education. So when their child eventually goes to college they have all four years funded and in some special cases graduate school funded. And even if they didn't the parents would take out loans in their own name to either finance part or all of their child's education with NO expectation of their child paying it back.

I know plenty of white kids that have graduated with no UG debt but I know plenty of minorities that had to finance it themselves and in some instances had to compromise their education by working and going to school. So those WM may not have as much financial issues as others.

I don't know about the support systems but definitely agree about the dwindling examples in society and family with respect to black marriages.

I think its important to be financially secure before you get married or at the very least have an established career. I'm one of those people that doesn't want to get married until I have an solid career. I feel like when you are still building a career you have to make the most of every opportunity presented to you. I feel like there may be some instances where those opportunities would interfere with me being able to start and sustain a stable relationship. Some issues would include having to relocate or spending a lot of times at work and having to be so flexible that it causes rifts in a relationship.[/QUOTE]

but wouldn't it be easier to work hard at your career if you already have a support system at home (ie husband/wife) and you are not actively dating. married people tend to stay home more, in my experience, because they are not searching for a mate. i feel like by getting married you have someone to rub your shoulders when you are stressed out from working hard and you don't have to bother with the dating scene because already have it at home.

 

[ava2]

MAXWELL DEMILLE'S CICADA CLUB

It's in downtown LA in the Oviatt Building. It is BEAUTIFUL!

As you can see, they do blues, jazz and swing. All Black American music but not a Black face in sight except me and my friend.

Jazz at the Oviatt? I'm there!

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

Because I'm tired of reading responses from all women about a subject that is questioning the motive of men, I've decided that I'm going to have a couple of men friends view this thread and ask them to type a respond so that I can post it. Matter of fact, I already asked my friend Mike (from that LHCF hook up thread, memba that?) and he said he would do it.

 

[pisceschica]

I don't know about that, I think men in general feel that way. Men are valued in their families by their ability to provide for their families, especially ones where they have a wife and children involved.

I find that whites in general tend to have a long term plan in place to fund their child's education. So when their child eventually goes to college they have all four years funded and in some special cases graduate school funded. And even if they didn't the parents would take out loans in their own name to either finance part or all of their child's education with NO expectation of their child paying it back.

I know plenty of white kids that have graduated with no UG debt but I know plenty of minorities that had to finance it themselves and in some instances had to compromise their education by working and going to school. So those WM may not have as much financial issues as others.

I don't know about the support systems but definitely agree about the dwindling examples in society and family with respect to black marriages.

I think its important to be financially secure before you get married or at the very least have an established career. I'm one of those people that doesn't want to get married until I have an solid career. I feel like when you are still building a career you have to make the most of every opportunity presented to you. I feel like there may be some instances where those opportunities would interfere with me being able to start and sustain a stable relationship. Some issues would include having to relocate or spending a lot of times at work and having to be so flexible that it causes rifts in a relationship.[/QUOTE]

but wouldn't it be easier to work hard at your career if you already have a support system at home (ie husband/wife) and you are not actively dating. married people tend to stay home more, in my experience, because they are not searching for a mate. i feel like by getting married you have someone to rub your shoulders when you are stressed out from working hard and you don't have to bother with the dating scene because already have it at home.

I don't see it that way. You don't need to be married to have a support system. Like I said when you are in the infancy of your career you may have to work those long hours or move around the country and possibly the world in order to move to the next level. I personally think having a relationship would be difficult in those more volatile early years of a career. You have to factor another person into critical career decisions and it may have a negative impact on your career later on. I don't want to miss the opportunity of a lifetime because my spouse doesn't want to relocate or whatever else related to the marriage.

In addition to that people change A LOT from 20-30 than most other life periods. Your career and where it takes you could make you and or your spouse different from the person you married in or right after UG.

 

[Lucie]

It's funny. I was speaking to a man about this yesterday. He is 34 and has made millions already. While he was saving, getting his education, and working double jobs, his friends were spending their money and time at Spring Bling, banging chicks left and right. Now that he's settled with his finances, he doesn't want to marry until 40 because he wants to sow his oats. He said he has been in a relationship for all of his 20's. He said he has 4-6 more years of sowin'. I smiled and listened to his bright idea and just thought to myself whatta douche!

I understand men and women are wired different but there are so many women just wanting a man they settle for all sorts of nonsense and blatant disrespect. Men, nowadays will tell you exactly who they are without you having to do any real digging. Before men were not so explicit but now they know they can say whatever old crap they want and women will still get involved with them. I don't even remember how the conversation came up but he sure was proud.

 

[qchelle]

Because I'm tired of reading responses from all women about a subject that is questioning the motive of men, I've decided that I'm going to have a couple of men friends view this thread and ask them to type a respond so that I can post it. Matter of fact, I already asked my friend Mike (from that LHCF hook up thread, memba that?) and he said he would do it.

I can't wait to hear their responses!

 

[Syrah]

First, I think we're on the same page or atleast have the same question. I wonder if other ethnic groups of men responded to financial instability in the same way. Second, I'm well aware of how the Cosby show disenfranchised a lot of people in the black community - my mother was one of them and both of her parents were non-college educated yet professionals just the same. Thirdly, I realize that my initial post gave the wrong impression. I didn't mean all black men, I was speaking about the black men who are educated, "marriage-able" that use financial instability for the reason that they do not marry. I was speaking about a particular group. I should of made that more clear. I'm not a black man "hater."

But that's just it - can you knock a man who saw financial instability break apart his family while growing up be hesitant or even a bit reticent about his abilities to provide for a family? For 50% of men, I think this is a valid concern. For the other 50%, I think its an excuse they use.

ETA: And my black man "hater" comments weren't directed at you specifically. Don't sweat it...I know we're all (myself included) tired of the roundabout bullsh!t we get from a lot of black men while dating.

 

[Britt]

That is why I don't have an issue with younger woman marrying older guys. I think a woman in her 30's would be perfect for a man in his early 50's. It works, she is ready and he is. Now the guys who are in their 30's when they reach their 50's there will be more 30 yo woman. Folks will cycle together. The only messed up thing is women 40-60 who find themselves single AGAIN?????? If they don't want anything serious then a man in his 30's would be perfect. If they want something serious then they would have to see men in their late 60's or order. I am not talking about broke down old men either, there are plenty of older men who really don't want to be bothered with super young woman and a women who has some experience would be perfect. Keep in mind, I am talking about sane people who are about something, not Uncle Ray Ray who is 63 1/2 and needs a place to stay.

I agree with this to some extent.. I want to have a child so someone in their 50s wouldn't cut it for me. Also, someone in their 40s would be too old for me- comfort wise. But I totally agree w/ your point overall.

Really? I would think that would pose a problem if you plan to have children. How men are trying to become first time fathers at 50? And the ones who already have them aren't trying to do the baby thing again at their age. One of the guys I was seeing had his first at 39- he was like I'm done.

Yepp, you could find someone older that already likely has kids and doesn't want to run around w/ a baby anymore. I'll be 29 in 2 wks, I think ideally for me mid-late 30s would be about right. I agree w/ Thickhair that it's sometimes better to look for someone older if you want to settle down. Most men don't mature the way we do and when we do. I consider myself to have an 'old soul' to some extent. I think i'd be equally yoked w/ someone older than myself. I find myself physically attracted to my age group, but not when it comes down to other things. Funny, my driving instructor who is in his mid 50s told me flat out verbatim I need to stop messing w/ dudes my age. He said I'm far too mature for my age and that's why I'm constantly frustrated w/ my love life. I told him I ain't checking for his old arse, he laughed and said "real talk, he don't have to be my age, but you are very very mature for your age and you're not going to find what you want from someone in your age group". he said I may look younger than my age but speaking to me he'd think I was older. For comfort reasons, I'd prefer someone like 5 yrs tops my senior. My gf lucked up on a dude her age 28/29 that she is smitten with. Educated, financially established, knows how to treat her, ambitious, childless, wants to settle down.

 

[chocolat79]

Because I'm tired of reading responses from all women about a subject that is questioning the motive of men, I've decided that I'm going to have a couple of men friends view this thread and ask them to type a respond so that I can post it. Matter of fact, I already asked my friend Mike (from that LHCF hook up thread, memba that?) and he said he would do it.

Please do. I'm anxious to hear what they have to say.

 

[ChanelNo5]

Because I'm tired of reading responses from all women about a subject that is questioning the motive of men, I've decided that I'm going to have a couple of men friends view this thread and ask them to type a respond so that I can post it. Matter of fact, I already asked my friend Mike (from that LHCF hook up thread, memba that?) and he said he would do it.

Now we're talkin!

 

[MzLady78]

It's funny. I was speaking to a man about this yesterday. He is 34 and has made millions already. While he was saving, getting his education, and working double jobs, his friends were spending their money and time at Spring Bling, banging chicks left and right. Now that he's settled with his finances, he doesn't want to marry until 40 because he wants to sow his oats. He said he has been in a relationship for all of his 20's. He said he has 4-6 more years of sowin'. I smiled and listened to his bright idea and just thought to myself whatta douche!

I understand men and women are wired different but there are so many women just wanting a man they settle for all sorts of nonsense and blatant disrespect. Men, nowadays will tell you exactly who they are without you having to do any real digging. Before men were not so explicit but now they know they can say whatever old crap they want and women will still get involved with them. I don't even remember how the conversation came up but he sure was proud.

Yep, you're absolutely right, I'm totally guilty of this. I've dealt with many guys who were very honest about what they did/didn't want from me, whether it was with actual words or through there actions- I haven't been subjected to a lot of the lying and deceit that some women have. But for whatever reason, my silly a** proceeded anyway and I lived to regret it.

 

[ThickHair]

Yep, you're absolutely right, I'm totally guilty of this. I've dealt with many guys who were very honest about what they did/didn't want from me, whether it was with actual words or through there actions- I haven't been subjected to a lot of the lying and deceit that some women have. But for whatever reason, my silly a** proceeded anyway and I lived to regret it.

We thought that we "loveded" them. I for one have fell in love with potential many times. Live and learn I guess, thank goodness I wasn't jaded or one to stay bitter.

 

[RossBoss]

Jazz at the Oviatt? I'm there!

Before you go, always check that site to see what's going on. The club is not open every night. The building is used for wedding receptions, movies, private parties and whatnot. Dress in period clothes or close to it if you can, preferably 20s-40s, the Golden Age. That music is in my blood, because I have a relative (Memphis Minnie in my siggy) who had a career in the Blues industry so I grew up around it.

 

[zzirvingj]

It's funny. I was speaking to a man about this yesterday. He is 34 and has made millions already. While he was saving, getting his education, and working double jobs, his friends were spending their money and time at Spring Bling, banging chicks left and right. Now that he's settled with his finances, he doesn't want to marry until 40 because he wants to sow his oats. He said he has been in a relationship for all of his 20's. He said he has 4-6 more years of sowin'. I smiled and listened to his bright idea and just thought to myself whatta douche!

I understand men and women are wired different but there are so many women just wanting a man they settle for all sorts of nonsense and blatant disrespect. Men, nowadays will tell you exactly who they are without you having to do any real digging. Before men were not so explicit but now they know they can say whatever old crap they want and women will still get involved with them. I don't even remember how the conversation came up but he sure was proud.

In regards to the first bolded comment: I had a guy friend tell me the other day that women in their late 20's are ready to settle down, and for many black men hitting 30, alot of them are JUST starting to have their fun...and it ain't about to end anytime soon LOL At least, it's definitely that way for him.

I do believe that, and I think another poster may have touched on this, many AA women are ready before men of the same age/around the same age are ready. I think we are established or closer to getting established before they are. When we're ready to get married and they are not, marriage gets delayed. When we want kids and they do not, many of us wait to get the ring before the kid, so marriage is delayed. When we want kids and they do not, many of us have the kids anyway, and then there is (IMO) less incentive to get married, and then marriage gets delayed. I do think that we are having too many children with men who aren't willing to commit/marry. Just look at the statistics. And I'm not judging; some of us will get to a certain age and make what might be a very rational decision to have a child while single rather than wait on a marriage that may not happen because you are 39 and the 39 year old black men are still playing the field while the 55 year old ones don't want/can't have kids with you because....well they're 55! (So then you have yet another single parent AA household with no example of marriage for the kid<s> to aspire to.) I think marriage used to be a way for men to get the children they wanted...and that may hold truer for other races than ours IMO.

I think society is set up to encourage the black unit to fail. There are way wayyyy too many black men in prison thus there aren't as many examples of well-functioning two parent households headed by black men for other black men to aspire to. When the number of black men in jail is close to or exceeds the # of black men getting their education, there will be a trickle down effect on the family unit (a good explanation for why, as I mentioned above, many black women are ready for marriage before black men are...we can get our education and become established by 30 when we haven't lost any time in prison). Which leads me to my next point:

When there are less available men who are willing to marry (because alot of our men ARE getting caught up in the prison system and black women are out pacing black men education-wise and reaching the point where they're established and ready to marry before men are), men have so many choices these days that it's hard to choose, which I think causes them to delay. Shoot, I'm slightly indecisive myself...don't let me go into the grocery store without a grocery list and walk down the cereal aisle...has anyone ever noticed how many cereals there are to choose from?? Corn Flakes, Frosted Flakes, Fruity Pebbles...my goodness....it's just too hard to PICK! LOL No, but seriously, I don't think I'm dreaming this up because I've had men tell me about the fun they're having and not wanting to let go of all that fun until they really just feel like they're too old to still be labeled the 'single' guy, or family/career pressures cause them to marry. Biologically, men can wait longer so with all these extra choices, I think the temptation is higher to postpone settling down. Plus:

We are constantly bombarded with images and messages in society that cause us to separate from each other. The lyrics in the songs on the radio and the imagery in the videos we watch are very negative; they glorify sex, infidelity & disrespect towards AA women; we are fed the message every day that this is how we ARE as a culture, therefore....we are. Kind of like the whole law of attraction; it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when we're already in a cycle of negativity to begin with. Black women are sick of black men being cheaters and disrespecting them and not taking care of family and not settling down and are always complaining about DL brothers and how there aren't enough good black men. Black men are tired of hearing their OWN women complaining about their shortcomings when <let alot of black men tell it, and they'll say:> "society already has it out for them to begin with". So, we have way more negative images and examples than positive ones in the media - it's more tempting to choose playing the field over marriage when it's what society expects you as a black man to be doing. And as a black woman, the media has it perfectly set up for you to feed into this too - because we are portrayed as objects that men use for sex and pass around.

I had no idea I was gonna write all of this. I am just trying to say that the reasons are multi-layered/multi-faceted. I don't know where it begins or where it ends, but the downward spiral is obvious.

I think the solutions lie in taking strides to reverse each of the items above.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

But that's just it - can you knock a man who saw financial instability break apart his family while growing up be hesitant or even a bit reticent about his abilities to provide for a family? For 50% of men, I think this is a valid concern. For the other 50%, I think its an excuse they use.

ETA: And my black man "hater" comments weren't directed at you specifically. Don't sweat it...I know we're all (myself included) tired of the roundabout bullsh!t we get from a lot of black men while dating.

I might be part of a younger generation because financial instability would have broken up their grandparents, not their parents. So I think it's a generation removed for me, which is why I don't understand the trauma (lol)

 

[Browndilocks]

Cause mama's raise a lot of SELFISH and CONCEITED black men. I see it all too much.

Ten Thousand thanks for this post!

 

[Imani]

That is why I don't have an issue with younger woman marrying older guys. I think a woman in her 30's would be perfect for a man in his early 50's. It works, she is ready and he is. Now the guys who are in their 30's when they reach their 50's there will be more 30 yo woman. Folks will cycle together. The only messed up thing is women 40-60 who find themselves single AGAIN?????? If they don't want anything serious then a man in his 30's would be perfect. If they want something serious then they would have to see men in their late 60's or order. I am not talking about broke down old men either, there are plenty of older men who really don't want to be bothered with super young woman and a women who has some experience would be perfect. Keep in mind, I am talking about sane people who are about something, not Uncle Ray Ray who is 63 1/2 and needs a place to stay.

I could definitely see myself with an older man. I'm 28, don't particularly like or want kids. I could do up to about early 40s. I'm the baby in my family, I grew up around older folks, I'm actually usually more comfortable around older folks than people my own age sometimes. Its some sexy older men out there

I have a homegirl same age as me dating a guy in his 40s. Has one older son who is about to graduate high school. As far as I know, they seem to be doing well so far. He fixes stuff around her house and does her lawn, I can't think of one guy my age who can fix anything or who doesn't think they are too pretty to do manual labor.

 

[MzLady78]

We thought that we "loveded" them. I for one have fell in love with potential many times. Live and learn I guess, thank goodness I wasn't jaded or one to stay bitter.

Oh yes, I know "Mr. Potential" very well.

I think what kept me from being bitter was that at the end of the day, I only had myself to blame because I knew the deal from the jump. But what did happen was I beat myself up A LOT for making such bad choices. I still have a really difficult time forgiving myself when I make mistakes.

 

[pisceschica]

YouTube - Dating The Modern Mid-Twenties Black Man

too funny

 

[MissJ]

They get all the benefits of marriage, and when the ____ hits the fan, they don't lose half their property. To them, it's not cheaper to keep her. It's cheaper to just not get married in the first place.

 

[MissJ]

A 30-year-old woman and a 50-something man? Wow. That's like dating your dad, seriously. If you are young, attractive and full of life, why would you settle for someone who's about to retire and has physical limitations? Who wants a broke down man?

 

[Kurlee]

^^^ maybe they have a lot in common