Why does it seem to take a lot of American Black men longer to get married?

MizAvalon said:
Oh, and I am tired of women being blamed for the behavior of these men. Black women were raised in the same dysfunctional black community as these men that we are talking about. They don't know what a healthy, functional relationship looks like any more than these men do yet they are always the ones blamed for men acting a fool. How is her fault when she's just as in the dark as the man is?

The ENTIRE community is broken.
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Yes, hence the women they don't marry but live with and make children with. The community has lost it's culture, pride, lacks decent education, we have no sense of competitiveness on a national scale let along a global one. There was a time when Black Americans OWNED more than half of America. We had so many inventions yet we make up only a fraction of the inventors today. Sad!

We have no pride in who we are as a people, we have given up our history and culture. There are Black people who don't like Jazz or the Blues because they think it's White. WTF, we created it, it's purely a Black American creation that derived from African rhythms.

We don't know who we are or where we come from. The marriage issue is an extension of a long list of issues that has been address and needs to be addressed. Here is an interesting watch:

YouTube - 1 - Dr. Barbara Sizemore - BLACK PEOPLE STILL DON'T GET IT
 
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MizAvalon said:
The answer is simple. Marriage is not valued in the black American community, period. Other race men are raised knowing that marriage and family are a part of the grown up package and they behave accordingly. Once they reach a certain age, they seek out a marriageable woman and marry her. Black men don't do that because they are not shamed or shunned for creating illegitimate families or still acting like a man-child at 44 years old.

Get married for what? They can still have a loyal woman, children, regular sex, etc. All of the things that married men get but with no moral or legal responsibilities. Oh, and this is nothing new. The black American family has been broken for at least 40 years.
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Make that 40 plus years. I had a diversity class on AA studies saying that slaves were not allowed to marry so the breakdown came in the form of slavery. Black people valued marriage more before this.
 
MizAvalon said:
When? She has been married a couple of times but I don't think she was ever married to him.
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I'm not sure when but I have read about him speaking of their divorce.

Choclatcotton said:
Make that 40 plus years. I had a diversity class on AA studies saying that slaves were not allowed to marry so the breakdown came in the form of slavery. Black people valued marriage more before this.
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Also, I want to add that mrriage rates after slavery were extremely high. It was a status symbol because legal marriages were not a right given to slaves. I think the de-valuation of marriage didn't come until the last 40 years.
 
CurlyMoo said:
Yes, hence the women they don't marry but live with and make children with. The community has lost it's culture, pride, lacks decent education, we have no sense of competitiveness on a national scale let along a global one. There was a time when Black Americans OWNED more than half of America. We had so many inventions yet we make up only a fraction of the inventors today. Sad!

We have no pride in who we are as a people, we have given up our history and culture. There are Black people who don't like Jazz or the Blues because they think it's White. WTF, we created it, it's purely a Black American creation that derived from African rhythms.

We don't know who we are or where we come from. The marriage issue is an extension of a long list of issues that has been address and needs to be addressed. Here is an interesting watch:

YouTube - 1 - Dr. Barbara Sizemore - BLACK PEOPLE STILL DON'T GET IT
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^^^5555 to everything. I can especially co-sign on the hatred of jazz/blues. I have a friend, who is also Black, and when I'm in LA, we go to a lounge that has certain nights where they play that old school Duke Ellington jazz, more often than not we are the only Black faces there.
 
Thanks ladies for all the wonderful responses! My ideas are parallel to what most of you all said and I wanted to get other opinions to see if it was just me. Also, I'm with NappyStorm actually, LOL, so I was wondering how everyone else felt about the subject too.
 
I don't know why this happens to a lot Black American men. Sometimes it seems the BM who want to be married get married lickety-split and those left are... lacking shall we say. But I've stopped wondering why because there are too many potentials among non-BM to be so limiting.:lick:
 
MzLady78 said:
Because most of them have no incentive to.

If you can live with a woman, have her cook, clean, bear your children and raise them for years on end without putting a ring on it, why would you feel the need to get married?
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When you give him the benefits of marriage without the ring it (especially when you bring children in) you are not going to break up the household because he won't marry you. He has no incentive to marry you if he gets the wedding bliss without the risk.
 
I'm co-signing what a lot of others said.

Black men (no all men really) don't have a reason to get married.

We are living in a corrupt society where marriage is de-valued. People call marriage "a piece of paper" . Unless a man is religious and is truly holding to his faith he has no need to be married.

A lof of women now do everything trying to get a man even if he is someone else's man or husband. We cook, clean, sew, have sex with them however they want it. Will shack with a man for years sometimes sacrificing our best years.

If I was a man and I was not religious, I wouldn't get married either.
 
Choclatcotton said:
Make that 40 plus years. I had a diversity class on AA studies saying that slaves were not allowed to marry so the breakdown came in the form of slavery. Black people valued marriage more before this.
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This is what I always tell people. Folks always talking about you gotta vote, you gotta vote cause Our people died and fought for you to have the right to vote.

Ok, that's true but our ancestors also fought for the right to be married legally. I don't see folks jumping on that bandwagon. It's popular for folks now to shun marriage or joke about it or pull that "it's just a piece of paper" card.

Empires have fallen because the family units broke down . Thus the state of my people today.
 
In muy environment, it seems tht all the black men who WANT to get married, do so very young like 18-25 and I know alot of mairried blk men so there may be something to this
 
LovelyNaps26 said:
Why you ask? Partly, because women allow it! I see 50-11 threads on here about women complaining that live in boyfriend of 7+ years is acting shady and is non-committal it's like well, is this a surprise :look:. !
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doesnt help majority of the time, kids are already involved in the madness :perplexed
 
Kurlee said:
it doesn't matter how much you demand it, if they don't want to, they won't. And how tacky is it to demand marriage:look:? Women are not the problem. Something is going on with black men.
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You dont need to demand marriage by words. You demand it by not bragging about being in a bf/gf relationship for a decade. You demand it by leaving wen he doesnt wanna make you a respectable woman. You demand it by not having OOW kids and if that happens, at least get that arse married within a year later. You deman it by NOT being a ride or die chick. Demand it by not fighting with women for "looking at your man" when the real person you should be fighting with just left his laundry at your place.

I know people say that it's unfair to blame the woman, but let's look at it like this

who is raising these dysfunctional males? who are the people getting with these men that dont show the kids that marriage is a blessing? these boys are going by what they see and they grow up to the headaches that black women are dealing with now.

Take Teen Mom. Forgive me for forgetting their names but when that black girl from Rochester, when Isaac married her, didnt his family go crazy? Talking about 'whatchu need to marry her for" blah blah...yet when the trashy white couples decide to get married/shotgun wedding, the families are hardly ever against it. I just dont understand
 
Kurlee said:
it doesn't matter how much you demand it, if they don't want to, they won't. And how tacky is it to demand marriage:look:? Women are not the problem. Something is going on with black men.
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Both sides are to blame, but BW are the ones who really need to step up and stop allowing this, because ultimately they're the ones who end up getting the short end of the stick when ish hits the fan. They're the ones who end up bitter and heartbroken because they have nothing to show for the X amount of years they put into that relationship but some kids that they now to raise by themselves.
 
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NaijaTroll said:
Black women arent demanding it
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NaijaTroll said:
You dont need to demand marriage by words. You demand it by not bragging about being in a bf/gf relationship for a decade. You demand it by leaving wen he doesnt wanna make you a respectable woman. You demand it by not having OOW kids and if that happens, at least get that arse married within a year later. You deman it by NOT being a ride or die chick. Demand it by not fighting with women for "looking at your man" when the real person you should be fighting with just left his laundry at your place.

I know people say that it's unfair to blame the woman, but let's look at it like this

who is raising these dysfunctional males? who are the people getting with these men that dont show the kids that marriage is a blessing? these boys are going by what they see and they grow up to the headaches that black women are dealing with now.

Take Teen Mom. Forgive me for forgetting their names but when that black girl from Rochester, when Isaac married her, didnt his family go crazy? Talking about 'whatchu need to marry her for" blah blah...yet when the trashy white couples decide to get married/shotgun wedding, the families are hardly ever against it. I just dont understand
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ITA... With the bolded.
 
Kurlee said:
it doesn't matter how much you demand it, if they don't want to, they won't. And how tacky is it to demand marriage:look:? Women are not the problem. Something is going on with black men.
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Kurlee we as woman set the standards and the tone for our realtionships. IMHO it do not think it is demanding when a woman and man are dating very early in the realtionship for the woman to say what she is expecting out of the realtionship be it long term or just daiting.
 
An example is Monica

She was Rocko's "fiance" for 5 years (who the hell stays engaged for 5 years btw), when she finally had the guts to leave, her arse promptly got married.
 
Highly Favored8 said:
Kurlee we as woman set the standards and the tone for our realtionships. IMHO it do not think it is demanding when a woman and man are dating very early in the realtionship for the woman to say what she is expecting out of the realtionship be it long term or just daiting.
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Exactly. :yep:

One thing I'll say I wasn't always doing was making it clear what I wanted from the begining, and it definitely bit me in the a** a few times. It sucks to be involved with someone for months and develop feelings, only to find that you don't want the same things, whether it's kids or a commited relationship or whatever. Now I'm very clear that ultimately, I'm looking to get married and have children.
 
NaijaTroll said:
You dont need to demand marriage by words. You demand it by not bragging about being in a bf/gf relationship for a decade. You demand it by leaving wen he doesnt wanna make you a respectable woman. You demand it by not having OOW kids and if that happens, at least get that arse married within a year later. You deman it by NOT being a ride or die chick. Demand it by not fighting with women for "looking at your man" when the real person you should be fighting with just left his laundry at your place.

I know people say that it's unfair to blame the woman, but let's look at it like this

who is raising these dysfunctional males? who are the people getting with these men that dont show the kids that marriage is a blessing? these boys are going by what they see and they grow up to the headaches that black women are dealing with now.

Take Teen Mom. Forgive me for forgetting their names but when that black girl from Rochester, when Isaac married her, didnt his family go crazy? Talking about 'whatchu need to marry her for" blah blah...yet when the trashy white couples decide to get married/shotgun wedding, the families are hardly ever against it. I just dont understand
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Agreed. :yep: For me, it's not about making women feel like they're responsible for a man's messed up mentality as much as it making them realize they don't have to stick around and be subjected to it. So what if a man feels that marriage is just a "piece of paper" and wants a "wifey", if you don't want that for yourself, why are you there? IMO, women would be a lot happier in their relationships if they 1) became better acquainted with the word 'no' and 2) realized that there are worse things in life than not having a man's approval.
 
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