WHO should I you choose?

[Lucille]

So, I'm speaking to two different guys and need to drop one.

I'll keep this short...

Guy A (I met him first)

★ He is SO SEXY... Everytime I see him I just wanna

★ He's always checking up on me EVERYDAY to make sure I'm alright/fine.

★ He wants to introduce me to his family & has spoken about settling down with me.

★ We fight now and again but he's always the one who runs back for forgiveness, and I love that lol.

but......

★ He's SO BROKE.

I know life with him would be a struggle e.g I was speaking to him the other night and his electricity cut off. He's always behind paying bills and we don't see each other as often as we could because he can't afford to ''take me out.'' I do enjoy his company but I question our future....

Guy B (who I met recently when me & guy A were having problems)

★ Graduated from a prestigious university

★ Travels the world

★ Is kind, loving, and very respectful towards me

But I don't get that... umph with him, you know what I mean?

So I'd like ladies with a bit more experience to give me some advise.

Should I choose chemistry over security, or vice versa? Because they're both nice guys.

 

[meesch]

i would date them both. *shrug*

 

[Lucille]

i would date them both. *shrug*

Lol I wish I could But Guy A already thinks we're exclusive And Guy B is asking for the same thing. I don't want to hurt either of them so I neeeeeeeed to drop one erplexed

 

[pookaloo83]

Go with guy B and find that umph girl..

 

[MzLady78]

Run as far as you can from A. Trust me on this. You do NOT want a man who can't handle his financial responsibilities.

I feel you on the chemistry thing, been there too, but as long as the thought of being intimate with him doesn't make you throw up in your mouth a little bit, that can develop with time.

 

[faithVA]

You may want to keep dating until guy 3 shows up?

How long have you known each one?

Why do you need to choose now?

Why is guy 1 so broke? Is it temporary and he has potential or will he be terminally broke? Is it because he has bad habits or that he has had a recent turn of events that were unexpected?

I wouldn't dump guy A for guy B if you don't feel any chemistry. I would give it a little more time. If you don't feel chemistry after another month, its not likely to change.

 

[MzLady78]

i would date them both. *shrug*

This was actually my initial response, but I assumed that she's looking to get into a committed relationship.

 

[meesch]

You may want to keep dating until guy 3 shows up?

right. thats what i meant. i wouldnt settle for either one of them so i would just have fun with what both of them had to offer until a guy who met the standards i really wanted came along. i wouldn't consider getting exclusive with either of them if i knew from jump they didn't make the cut.

 

[MzLady78]

Lol I wish I could But Guy A already thinks we're exclusive And Guy B is asking for the same thing. I don't want to hurt either of them so I neeeeeeeed to drop one erplexed

Ok, I didn't see this before I posted.

If YOU are not ready to commit to just one, don't let either pressure you into doing so.

 

[MsDee14]

I say drop them both. The perfect guy for YOU will come around sooner or later.
Being with a broke man is stressful and honestly, he needs to get his life together before he even decides on bringing someone into it.
And being with someone who you really don't have much chemistry with isn't worth it..at all. You will end up leaving him sooner or later.
BUT if I had to choose between A or B...B it is!

 

[Lucille]

You may want to keep dating until guy 3 shows up?

How long have you known each one?

Why do you need to choose now?

Why is guy 1 so broke? Is it temporary and he has potential or will he be terminally broke? Is it because he has bad habits or that he has had a recent turn of events that were unexpected?

I wouldn't dump guy A for guy B if you don't feel any chemistry. I would give it a little more time. If you don't feel chemistry after another month, its not likely to change.

I've known Guy A for about 5 months and from the get-go he has tried everything to win me over. I find him very endearing but his financial situation scares me. He ALWAYS takes me to ''cheap'' places which I don't mind much because I know he's broke Recently he lost his car because he couldn't keep up with his payments.

Guy B - I met about a month ago and has his life together.

I need to choose now because Guy A thinks we're exclusive and has invited me over to meet his family. Similarly, Guy B thinks we're going to become exclusive too lol. These guys don't want an ''open'' relationship, and I'm finding it hard to keep talking to both... when both seem to want a comitted relationship. So, I need to choose one asap before I lose them both

 

[Lucille]

@meesch

I have a little bit of chemistry with Guy B but he's not my usual type.

BUT.......

I never get the full package I want. Finding a black man who has great education, great job, and can take my breath away? Is a rarity, IMO

Personality is #1 on my list, and they both have a great personality. Second in line is either looks or security, I just don't know which one to choose

 

[faithVA]

I've known Guy A for about 5 months and from the get-go he has tried everything to win me over. I find him very endearing but his financial situation scares me. He ALWAYS takes me to ''cheap'' places which I don't mind much because I know he's broke Recently he lost his car because he couldn't keep up with his payments.

Guy B - I met about a month ago and has his life together.

I need to choose now because Guy A thinks we're exclusive and has invited me over to meet his family. Similarly, Guy B thinks we're going to become exclusive too lol. These guys don't want an ''open'' relationship, and I'm finding it hard to keep talking to both... when both seem to want a comitted relationship. So, I need to choose one asap before I lose them both

Unfortunately I'm too old to give you a youthful answer. No matter who you choose you will lose them both. You will probably break up with both of them soon enough because both of them have major flaws you can't overlook. I have never found it possible to gain chemistry with someone I don't have chemistry with. You didn't say why guy A is broke. But if it is terminal then that won't work either. It really doesn't matter which one you pick. If you want to be happy, wait for the one that is right. If you want to be in a relationship go with Guy B.

 

[meesch]

@meesch

I have a little bit of chemistry with Guy B but he's not my usual type.

BUT.......

I never get the full package I want. Finding a black man who has great education, great job, and can take my breath away? Is a rarity, IMO

Personality is #1 on my list, and they both have a great personality. Second in line is either looks or security, I just don't know which one to choose

well, in that case, it would depend on what i was looking for out of a relationship. if i was more concerned with just having a good time and having hot sex it would be the first guy. if i wanted to mellow out a little more and try something more serious, it would be the second guy. i am assuming all other things are equal apart from the money/oomph factor? then again, have you even slept with one or either of them yet? because, that might kind of make the choice a bit easier i don't think i'd be comfortable choosing one, if i really thought i would be okay with either, if i didn't already know for sure which was better in bed. (i mean, if anything should be a tiebreaker.... )

disclaimer: i don't think you should choose either of these guys at all. not only because you don't know which but because they are both pressuring you to. for the sake of argument, if it were me i would probably choose whichever guy i had the most fun with regardless of the oomph/money factor. but in reality, i would date them both until one canceled the other out. and i would also tell them that i was not ready to make a commitment and if they ran off, oh well. (i would not expect them to do that.)

 

[growth2come]

I say B. Guy is too broke to have much too do hence he has time to give you attention. Who knows he could see you as his meal ticket I like my men educated and even better if they are into travelling. But from some of your statements if appears you already know what decision your heart wants to go with.

 

[Theo]

why can't he pay the light bill? that's concerning. i mean, its up to you. are you okay living paycheck to paycheck for years on end? if you are, go with the one you love.

if not, go with Guy B.

 

[Lucille]

I say B. Guy is too broke to have much too do hence he has time to give you attention. Who knows he could see you as his meal ticket I like my men educated and even better if they are into travelling. But from some of your statements if appears you already know what decision your heart wants to go with.

ATM, I do earn more than him..(and I don't earn much ) and sometimes he says ish like ''I wouldn't mind looking after the kids while you go to work.'' He even went onto say ''you can work up until you're 7months pregnant, and then go back to work a few months after you give birth.'' I was in shock I want to be able to relax and not care about bills when I'm 7 months pregnant

I understand what you guys are saying BUT I don't think I'll meet a guy who drives me crazy, and ticks every other box. Sometimes, I think in life you need to compromise.

But some of you ladies are saying no? lol... Hmm well I've met guys who were very attractive & had good money but they were douche bags who were so arrogant.

 

[loolalooh]

Based on your OP and what you stated below, I'd say go with Guy B. You say there's a little bit of chemistry with Guy B, so give it a bit more time. If the chemistry doesn't increase, then drop him and make room for Guy C.

ATM, I do earn more than him..(and I don't earn much ) and sometimes he says ish like ''I wouldn't mind looking after the kids while you go to work.'' He even went onto say ''you can work up until you're 7months pregnant, and then go back to work a few months after you give birth.'' I was in shock I want to be able to relax and not care about bills when I'm 7 months pregnant

 

[kweenameena]

ATM, I do earn more than him..(and I don't earn much ) and sometimes he says ish like ''I wouldn't mind looking after the kids while you go to work.'' He even went onto say ''you can work up until you're 7months pregnant, and then go back to work a few months after you give birth.'' I was in shock I want to be able to relax and not care about bills when I'm 7 months pregnant

I understand what you guys are saying BUT I don't think I'll meet a guy who drives me crazy, and ticks every other box. Sometimes, I think in life you need to compromise.

But some of you ladies are saying no? lol... Hmm well I've met guys who were very attractive & had good money but they were douche bags who were so arrogant.

I wonder if there's a Tasha Mack gif where she says "say what now?!"
Can somebody find it and post it for this ish right here.

Girl, run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a huge red flag boo boo.
And if you haven't already slept with them...good...don't. It won't do anything but make you develop feelings way earlier than you would've without sex.
I'd say hold out for man #3.

 

[lux10023]

broke and the word man in the same sentence...makes the va-jay-jay dry up...

tis all.

 

[Lucille]

I wonder if there's a Tasha Mack gif where she says "say what now?!"
Can somebody find it and post it for this ish right here.

Girl, run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a huge red flag boo boo.
And if you haven't already slept with them...good...don't. It won't do anything but make you develop feelings way earlier than you would've without sex.
I'd say hold out for man #3.

@kweenameena - lol, yh I thought that was a red-flag too, but he treats me like gold (most days) and he has always been honest with me about his financial status..

The thing is, I know people who have given a real chance to a broke guy who they loved, and are left heart broken with kids. If I'm going to take a risk on a guy who is poor, I want to at least be certain he'll always treat me good. I'm not sure of that... I feel he's still trying to put his ''best'' face on for me. IDK, I'm so confused/lost and you guys are telling me to forget them both

That'll be hard because I genuinely think they're both nice and would like to be in a committed relationship with one of them, I'm just trying to weigh up my options and take the better risk.

ETA Yes I've only been with Guy A.. and let me just say

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I've known Guy A for about 5 months and from the get-go he has tried everything to win me over. I find him very endearing but his financial situation scares me. He ALWAYS takes me to ''cheap'' places which I don't mind much because I know he's broke Recently he lost his car because he couldn't keep up with his payments.

]

★ He's SO BROKE.

I know life with him would be a struggle e.g I was speaking to him the other night and his electricity cut off. He's always behind paying bills and we don't see each other as often as we could because he can't afford to ''take me out.'' I do enjoy his company but I question our future....

I'm sorry, but this would be SUCH a turn-off to me.....

I'm not asking for a guy to be a millionaire or anything like that, but when you can't even take care of your BASIC necessities (ie. the electricity @ your place, your CAR, etc...) then that just makes me lose a lot of respect for the man.

Most men aren't comfortable living so "broke"......

Is there a reason why he's so broke? Did he lose his job? Is he paying off college tuition? Is he still in SCHOOL? Is he supporting his immediate family? What is it?? If a guy has a GOOD reason for being so broke, then I can probably have a little understanding.

But if he's broke "just because".....then no boo....we're not going to work out.

Like other ladies have mentioned, that is a RED flag. Not only that, but it gives me the impression that he doesn't have much ambition to better his situation in life, and THAT in itself is a turn OFF! I Dated someone like that before, and trust me....it was not a good look...

 

[Lissa0821]

I really don't get how there is a choice between the two.

I mean, Guy A is broke as hell, there really isn't any other option but to treat you well and blow your back out, that is all he is working with. To settle for him means you are perfectly fine with his brokeness and as his woman he will expect you to support him. Heck yeah he wants to lock you down and I don't necessary mean to mooch off of you but it will affirm to him that even though he is broke he can still get a woman. I have been there and the " "I am broke speech but I love you" gets old and I found myself losing respect for him as a man.

Guy B, he has a more going for him but if the chemistry is not there, you can give it shot just a little while longer or move on.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I say you need to leave guy A alone asap. Don't let the physical chemistry make you stupid, because I can assure you when you are 6 weeks post possum and he's rushing you to go back to work, you will not care how much chemistry you *used* to have. Guy B may be an option but I really would hold out. If you become exclusive with guy B you may miss out on guy C.

 

[UmSumayyah]

If you are older than 18 this is a no-brainer. Relationships are an investment, and you don't make an investment 100% based on emotion or fanciful notions.

eta: Rereading this now, my response sounds kind of "rhymes with itchy". I'm glad I didn't offend the OP but I apologize anyway.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

hold up. so what....yall was on da phone and his lectricity just went out in mid conversation? damn. where they do that at? man i tell ya...no respect....anywho

the dyck must be like dat cuz i'd be pissed if a broke man tried to holla with no car. so picture it. no car, no lights, and it's cold as shyt outside. what da phuck... don't tell nobody else u phuckin a broke man who has no lectricity and no car, but has some good dyck, ok pooka? cuz see, u'll be quang status then...bless yo heart chile...

 

[Charz]

Err...

Recently he lost his car because he couldn't keep up with his payments.

 

[Lucille]

THANK YOU Ladies

I was stuck on stuuuuuuuuupid and my girlfriends IRL were telling me I should be with the one I ''love'' more, and that's what matters more. Also Guy A is always telling me that girls don't give him a chance because he's so broke, and he's amazed that I've stuck beside him... lollll. I can tell he tries so hard to lock me down, and it's getting too mucn to be honest. Yeah he's sexy as hell to me, but sexy does not pay the bill, and looks don't last forever

So after reading all the responses, and giving it more thought I've decided to Give Guy B a chance because he's cute, imo but there's just no umph... I'll see how that goes.

 

[Lucille]

hold up. so what....yall was on da phone and his lectricity just went out in mid conversation? damn. where they do that at? man i tell ya...no respect....anywho

the dyck must be like dat cuz i'd be pissed if a broke man tried to holla with no car. so picture it. no car, no lights, and it's cold as shyt outside. what da phuck... don't tell nobody else u phuckin a broke man who has no lectricity and no car, but has some good dyck, ok pooka? cuz see, u'll be quang status then...bless yo heart chile...

hey hey when I met him he had a car and lights.

I'm young and he's sexy.

I didn't plan on things getting serious, but now they are... I wanted advise on whether I should let things develop or say bye bye

 

[tiffers]

I was rooting for Guy A, because I didn't want to assume that he was a bum. Maybe he just came upon hard times and can't get on his feet right now, right?

But then the fact that you feel he's putting on a show to fool you, AND the whole "I'll watch the kids while you're at work/you can work up until you're about to pop out a baby and THEN go right back to work after having it" was a huge red flag.

This tells me that he has NO intention of even trying to find a job. IDK, but something about what he said indicates that he has the potential to turn into a kang.

I can just imagine it now:

Him asking to move in with you, you agreeing because he's fine and can lay the pipe. Meanwhile (while you're at work) he's home, playing Gears of War, not even attempting to clean the house or look for a job. And when you confront him with the past due gas bill, he'll just turn on the charm, be extra nice, rub his peen all up on your thigh like "Girl, you know I take care of you in other ways. Let me take care of you, like you know I can..." *waggles eyebrows* and you'll giggle and cave once again.

Yeah, maybe my imagination is going crazy right now... but what if it isn't? Do you really wanna test my theory? I say go with Guy B. It feels like you're not giving him a fair chance because you're so emotionally invested in Guy A. B has all the qualities of A, with the added bonus of money, education and no suspicious behavior.

ETA: Just saw that you're going for Guy B!

- Yay for you seeing the light!

- Boo, cuz I just typed all of that ^^^ for nothing.