When Does It Turn Into You Pursuing Him?

[Browndilocks]

I've been really thinking about this lately. I have heard many women say that a woman should never pursue a man. I personally agree, but at what point does this hold true? Where exactly is the line drawn between being cool and being on the prowl?

Any thoughts?

 

[NYAmicas]

When he can smell you coming and runs in the opposite direction.

 

[Ramya]

When you are always the one calling him
When you are always having to ask him to go out/spend time with you
ect. ect.

 

[sky_blu]

When you are always the one calling him
When you are always having to ask him to go out/spend time with you
ect. ect.

Sounds about right. For some reason I always end up doing this. The guy pursues me relentlessly then after awhile I start to like him and start doing what he did to me.

 

[Ramya]

Sounds about right. For some reason I always end up doing this. The guy pursues me relentlessly then after awhile I start to like him and start doing what he did to me.

See a lot of women fall into that trap. Man pursues hard, female starts calling/texting asking him to come over ect., Man gets lazy as all get out and thinks that his job is done. Not over here buddy . I do not call men. I will only ask a man out if it's a special event that I want to go to. I believe that man should have to pursue me until we take the relationship to another level and even then the dates and phone calls better not stop.

 

[sky_blu]

So what if he calls and you missed it. You dont call back? or if he text you, you dont answer the text back? Thats how it starts. Now Im not the one to start setting the dates up. But once I start missing the calls or text and Im doing the callbacks, thats when it starts with me initiating the contact and then he gets laxed. But lesson learned when he starts getting laxed that means he's just not that into me and I throw in the towel and K.I.M.

 

[Ramya]

So what if he calls and you missed it. You dont call back? or if he text you, you dont answer the text back? Thats how it starts. Now Im not the one to start setting the dates up. But once I start missing the calls or text and Im doing the callbacks, thats when it starts with me initiating the contact and then he gets laxed. But lesson learned when he starts getting laxed that means he's just not that into me and I throw in the towel and K.I.M.

Oh I return phone calls and texts but I do not initiate them unless I need to change our plans or it's important. And yeah that has been my experience as well at bolded

 

[Vinyl]

This thread makes me wonder... When you say "pursue a man," does this include compliments? For example, if you found a man attractive, or you liked his personality, would you let him know or would you let him do all the complimenting?

 

[Browndilocks]

This thread makes me wonder... When you say "pursue a man," does this include compliments? For example, if you found a man attractive, or you liked his personality, would you let him know or would you let him do all the complimenting?

Hummm... interesting. I think compliments are nice but not when they're over-done. My friend just told me the other day that I should never spend on a man what he hasn't spent on me. This can apply to money as well as compliments, time, etc IMO.

 

[Browndilocks]

See a lot of women fall into that trap. Man pursues hard, female starts calling/texting asking him to come over ect., Man gets lazy as all get out and thinks that his job is done. Not over here buddy . I do not call men. I will only ask a man out if it's a special event that I want to go to. I believe that man should have to pursue me until we take the relationship to another level and even then the dates and phone calls better not stop.

So true... so right!

 

[gmw]

yeah... i don't believe in calling them.... and in truth so what if I missed his call... .he will call back if he wants to talk to me.....I mean dag! what did women do when there were no caller id's, answering machines or answering services? It worked itself out...

I feel that in this day and age, the stage is set to make a woman persue a man unless she checks herself!

I am still loving WMLB for stuff like this....

 

[blkbeauty]

Sounds about right. For some reason I always end up doing this. The guy pursues me relentlessly then after awhile I start to like him and start doing what he did to me.

I think this is classic. I had started to fall in that trap with my SO as of lately! Luckily, I was able to bump my head back into reality!

 

[Vinyl]

I wish I'd read this thread sooner! I made all those mistakes with my former SO.

 

[Syrah]

Why does "pursuing" a man = being on the prowl?

I thought pursuit was simply going after what you want. Shoot, I pursued the job I have, but that doesn't mean I was in there face every day with a voice mail/email/certified letter about why I would be the best fit for the job.

I know it's not your intention OP, but the way it's written it sounds almost as though men are jumping through hoops and women are sitting on a lawn chair being fed grapes and champagne.

But to answer what I think is the original intent of your question: it becomes "being on the prowl" when it goes from being about THAT man in particular to being about ANY men (dick and balls, so to speak).

I.E. When you're giving your number out to men you know you have no business with, but simply because it's a man, he's showing interest and for 2.5 seconds you feel "desirable" - problem.

 

[Vinyl]

I think that by pursuit, the OP meant letting it get to the point where you're the one initiating calls, dates, making plans etc.

 

[Ms.Honey]

When you call him, leave a message and call him back before he calls you.

 

[Ramya]

When you call him, leave a message and call him back before he calls you.

I hate when people do that!!!

 

[Syrah]

I hate when people do that!!!

...annoying!!

 

[Browndilocks]

Why does "pursuing" a man = being on the prowl?

I thought pursuit was simply going after what you want. Shoot, I pursued the job I have, but that doesn't mean I was in there face every day with a voice mail/email/certified letter about why I would be the best fit for the job.

I know it's not your intention OP, but the way it's written it sounds almost as though men are jumping through hoops and women are sitting on a lawn chair being fed grapes and champagne.

But to answer what I think is the original intent of your question: it becomes "being on the prowl" when it goes from being about THAT man in particular to being about ANY men (dick and balls, so to speak).

I.E. When you're giving your number out to men you know you have no business with, but simply because it's a man, he's showing interest and for 2.5 seconds you feel "desirable" - problem.

And what's wrong with that? j/k... kinda

 

[Browndilocks]

I think that by pursuit, the OP meant letting it get to the point where you're the one initiating calls, dates, making plans etc.

This is moreso what I mean. Pursue in the sense that you're putting in more effort than he is, or more effort than what's necessary to make the relationship work. How much "work" will you put in before you draw the line and say "it's on HIM now".

I personally think that your feelings can sometimes tell you when you need to chill. Like when you have to debate with yourself on wether you should call him today, since you haven't heard from him...

 

[Vinyl]

I think the underlying problem is that if you do this for a long time, you're going to start wondering if he really wants the relationship as much as you do, because you'll feel like you're the only one putting in work to keep it going. And by that time if you back off and he doesn't respond, you're the one who ends up hurt.

 

[Country gal]

This is moreso what I mean. Pursue in the sense that you're putting in more effort than he is, or more effort than what's necessary to make the relationship work. How much "work" will you put in before you draw the line and say "it's on HIM now".

I personally think that your feelings can sometimes tell you when you need to chill. Like when you have to debate with yourself on wether you should call him today, since you haven't heard from him...

I am not into playing game. If I want to call a guy up than I do it. I do wait before calling a second time to hear back from him. If I leave him a message than I will wait for him to contact me. I get what you mean. I agree. We tell men too much info. We need to leave them guessing.

 

[Syrah]

I am not into playing game. If I want to call a guy up than I do it. I do wait before calling a second time to hear back from him. If I leave him a message than I will wait for him to contact me. I get what you mean. I agree. We tell men too much info. We need to leave them guessing.

Exactly...this whole "I can't call him" stuff is silly to me.

If I know of something interesting going on, that I want to do, and we might have fun doing it together, I'm picking up the phone. Shoot, if I feel like a cocktail or want to meet at the beach, then I'm picking up the phone.

I'm going to assume that when people say they don't call men, they mean initially, like RIGHT after the exchange of numbers and maybe setting up the first few dates (FEW).

 

[Highly Favored8]

Hummm... interesting. I think compliments are nice but not when they're over-done. My friend just told me the other day that I should never spend on a man what he hasn't spent on me. This can apply to money as well as compliments, time, etc IMO.

Yes, a friend of mine told me this last night! So, true.

 

[DayStar]

i am dealing with this issue..but i think it has to do alot for me with emotional traumas i dealt with growing up. But i have been the aggressor, clingy, emotional...and i know it can scare men away...so 2008-2009....i just need to deal with my own issues...

great thread

 

[Ramya]

Exactly...this whole "I can't call him" stuff is silly to me.

If I know of something interesting going on, that I want to do, and we might have fun doing it together, I'm picking up the phone. Shoot, if I feel like a cocktail or want to meet at the beach, then I'm picking up the phone.

I'm going to assume that when people say they don't call men, they mean initially, like RIGHT after the exchange of numbers and maybe setting up the first few dates (FEW).

I don't call men meaning for the first month or so I will not call other than to return a call. After that I only call as necessary (something I want to do that I know he won't think of or something important). However I do not date traditionally, I court. It's not a game but in courtship contact is limited anyway.

 

[Syrah]

I don't call men meaning for the first month or so I will not call other than to return a call. After that I only call as necessary (something I want to do that I know he won't think of or something important). However I do not date traditionally, I court. It's not a game but in courtship contact is limited anyway.

Hmm...that's interesting and makes sense.

In your opinion...what's the major differences between dating and courting?!

 

[Ramya]

Hmm...that's interesting and makes sense.

In your opinion...what's the major differences between dating and courting?!

Dating is more one on one where courting involves both families and sets of friends as well as deciding how well your lives will fit together. It is not for the casual dater b/c alone time is highly frowned upon during courtships. There's no sex, spending the night or alone time behind closed doors. The ultimate goal is marriage and it usually only takes 1-3 years.

It usually goes like this:
Guy shows interest in you
You become friends
He/you express that you want to take the friendship further
Both pray about each other and decide if it's a good idea
Man speaks to your family about u (they know him casually)
Courtship begins (the actual dating)
Both pray about each other/as well as the families
Ends in marriage

Because time is limited emotions are more controlled and there is no wondering about how the other person feels. Usually the woman is pursued by the man. Which is why I feel so strongly about limiting my part in pursuing.

 

[Syrah]

Dating is more one on one where courting involves both families and sets of friends as well as deciding how well your lives will fit together. It is not for the casual dater b/c alone time is highly frowned upon during courtships. There's no sex, spending the night or alone time behind closed doors. The ultimate goal is marriage and it usually only takes 1-3 years.

It usually goes like this:
Guy shows interest in you
You become friends
He/you express that you want to take the friendship further
Both pray about each other and decide if it's a good idea
Man speaks to your family about u (they know him casually)
Courtship begins (the actual dating)
Both pray about each other/as well as the families
Ends in marriage

Because time is limited emotions are more controlled and there is no wondering about how the other person feels. Usually the woman is pursued by the man. Which is why I feel so strongly about limiting my part in pursuing.

Sounds like the midpoint between "arrangement" and Westernized "dating" in that the "dating" has a purpose for both folks involved.

...kinda dig the idea.

oke:

So, How's it working for ya??

 

[Ramya]

Sounds like the midpoint between "arrangement" and Westernized "dating" in that the "dating" has a purpose for both folks involved.

...kinda dig the idea.

oke:

So, How's it working for ya??

Well I just ended my first "official" courtship a few days ago. It lasted about 5 months (friendship & courting) but I'm totally at peace. We are still friends (cause that's what our foundation was) and our relationship didn't end badly but it was not what God wanted for either of us. You really get to see the person in their true light and as a man he has no choice but to step up and really pursue the woman. I felt cherished and respected like never before and he was my bestfriend. I really see myself only courting from now on.