What's the REAL reason some women are perpetually single?

BostonMaria said:
Married woman chiming in! Most of my single friends are in their 30's and 40's, most don't have kids. Chatting with them every day I notice little things like they're always encouraging each other to date, but once one of them finds a good man, somehow they're "guilted" into dumping the guy. It's always the "we miss you, you don't hang with us anymore ever since you got with so and so" kinda like a crab in a barrel mentality. It's a cycle that recycles itself over and over again. Before you know it friend #1 dumps the guy and the single girls are like oh he was no good for you anyway... lets party! LOL

Again just an observation. Ladies if your girlfriends are doing this to you then you might want to reconsider the friendship or put up some barriers.

Sent from my iPhone 10 using LHCF
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I got this flack from one of my friends when I was dating dh. She shut all of that up when she got into a serious relationship herself. :lol:
 
Daeuiel said:
I'll probably be single for a long time considering my busy schedule and tons of travelling. Plus I only want to be with someone who is just as invested in the fandom as I am (tried dating non geeks and it did not work out). Add to that the fact that I am physically disabled and will only get worse--I will need a very specific type of man who would want to be a part of my life in spite of this.
I also have to admit that I am having entirely too much fun in my life right now and not really 'looking' hard enough, but then again are you really supposed to hunt, or are you supposed to just live your life to the fullest and see where it takes you & who you meet along the way?
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I think abiding by the bolded is the best and happiest way to go. He will definitely show up.
 
kweenameena said:
Lucie How did you work on that?
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kweenameena, I just decided to let it go. I know what I came from. I know how it affected me. And I know my family and parents did the best they knew how to do. It was not easy because I am very emotional and have a hard time letting even the worst people go. :sad:

But no one is holding the pen to my life story but me. When I found myself attracting men that were similar to my dad, I let them go. It took time to but I did. If a man is going to be MY man he has to be sweet and understanding. Not a yeller. Not one that is going to magnify my flaws and use them against me. A man that can love me at my worst. I learned not to over share as men can or will use it against you. I let a man show me who he is. And when he does, I believe him and cut ties.

Good luck to you lovie. I hope that helps.
 
BostonMaria said:
Married woman chiming in! Most of my single friends are in their 30's and 40's, most don't have kids. Chatting with them every day I notice little things like they're always encouraging each other to date, but once one of them finds a good man, somehow they're "guilted" into dumping the guy. It's always the "we miss you, you don't hang with us anymore ever since you got with so and so" kinda like a crab in a barrel mentality. It's a cycle that recycles itself over and over again. Before you know it friend #1 dumps the guy and the single girls are like oh he was no good for you anyway... lets party! LOL

Again just an observation. Ladies if your girlfriends are doing this to you then you might want to reconsider the friendship or put up some barriers.

Sent from my iPhone 10 using LHCF
Click to expand...

Thank you. Hate this crap and it is far too common.

A true friend will not pull this mess so I would reevaluate how much time I spend with people like this regardless of whether I was seeing someone.
 
DarkJoy said:
Ya'll laugh, but the woman is 4'9ish and 220lbs. And as for her intellience, she couldn't even graduate HS because it was too hard. Just the last two weeks she's had pneumonia. I've been trying to get her to spell it correctly, but she still spells and pronounces it 'PAMONEYA'.:spinning: :fistshake:
Argh!

However, this broad has always had a man. ALWAYS. Sometimes they seem so exasperated but they stay!
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DarkJoy, are they quality men? I can get a man with no problem, but a man with some subsistence is a bit harder.
 
I'm single so far because I'm not meeting enough men.

I've been on a few dates so I know I'm not a repellent, just yet.

But I do know that I'm too "nice" sometimes. I didn't think there was a such thing (because I'm not a door mat per se). But letting the man "lead" and step his game up...even if you don't need him to :) is making a world of difference.

And nowadays I think women, as a culture, are slacking. I used to be one of those ppl who swore that the times were changing and that we need to go dutch and/or pay our own way to be fair. No, I don't think so :look:. I'm 29 and I think what my elders have been saying about men "being men" have been right all along.

Even a lame, good for nothing dude, will come correct if he sees that you are the no nonsense type.
 
They follow too many "rules" and advice from other women, and they sleep with men way too fast without getting to know them and/or being in a monogamous relationship with them.
 
I think it's going to be different for every person. This is totally heteronormative (sorry), but I think most people are single by choice, I mean... Men are not that difficult, plus there are literally millions of them out there. Millions! Just pick one.

Picking the right one can be difficult though, and I think a lot of people do get caught up in that!
 
**SaSSy** said:
They follow too many "rules" and advice from other women, and they sleep with men way too fast without getting to know them and/or being in a monogamous relationship with them.
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This!

Middle said:
I think it's going to be different for every person. This is totally heteronormative (sorry), but I think most people are single by choice, I mean... Men are not that difficult, plus there are literally millions of them out there. Millions! Just pick one.

Picking the right one can be difficult though, and I think a lot of people do get caught up in that!
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This too! you just have to find one, make eye contact, and then it's basics from there on.
 
Middle said:
I think it's going to be different for every person. This is totally heteronormative (sorry), but I think most people are single by choice, I mean... Men are not that difficult, plus there are literally millions of them out there. Millions! Just pick one.

Picking the right one can be difficult though, and I think a lot of people do get caught up in that!
Click to expand...

This will be true if you just want a warm body next to you :lachen::lachen:

What Sommore said about men and their Motherf**g side effects
http://youtu.be/gR4cbqPr6MQ

:lachen::lachen:

So no thanks...I'll go for quality over quantity any time!
 
Dominican09 said:
This will be true if you just want a warm body next to you :lachen::lachen:

What Sommore said about men and their Motherf**g side effects
http://youtu.be/gR4cbqPr6MQ

:lachen::lachen:

So no thanks...I'll go for quality over quantity any time!
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That's what I said! Picking the right one can be difficult! But I don't think people are single because they have standards, it's when those standards are unreasonable, it's when they have problems! All men come with their own set of problems, you just need to figure out what set of problems you can deal with!

Its not rocket science: type of men you meet is a function of where you spend your time and what you choose to do with your time.
 
I think we:

overthink things
take flawed advice from other single women
hold ourselves to ridiculous standards
try to take the reigns from men as far as pacing the relationship
have lost touch with how to be a woman (that wants to have a man)
may be a little desperate
play games
don't listen to our men or even to ourselves

Just my observations and, yeah, I'm guilty of some of this. :ohwell:
 
With the women in the op, I'd bet dollars to donuts that really what those women have in common is they embrace the attention of those who are attracted to them and ignore the ones who aren't. If you notice, a lot of the energy of women's conversations about these things has an undercurrent of insecurity. The sub-text seems to be the belief that a woman should be able to snag any and every man out there, or every man she deems desirable. I think that in reality, different people are attracted to different people. And some people accept and embrace that, and others go pining after the ones who don't want them.

The women in the op can't snag any man, but they clearly revel in the affections of those who *are* drawn to them--even to the point of taking advantage--and that's probably a large part of what makes them appear to be so lucky in love. I believe that most women have the same capacity, but so many emotional and psychological hangups can cause women to unconsciously seek after that which will not be life-giving, either not knowing or not believing that they are worth love, or what true love is like.
 
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Lucie said:
@kweenameena, I just decided to let it go. I know what I came from. I know how it affected me. And I know my family and parents did the best they knew how to do. It was not easy because I am very emotional and have a hard time letting even the worst people go. :sad:

But no one is holding the pen to my life story but me. When I found myself attracting men that were similar to my dad, I let them go. It took time to but I did. If a man is going to be MY man he has to be sweet and understanding. Not a yeller. Not one that is going to magnify my flaws and use them against me. A man that can love me at my worst. I learned not to over share as men can or will use it against you. I let a man show me who he is. And when he does, I believe him and cut ties.

Good luck to you lovie. I hope that helps.
Click to expand...

Thanks babe!
I've been working on just recognizing the fact that I have daddy issues. And trying to figure out how they manifest themselves in my relationships.
 
Thanks for your input ladies, but I think my OP was misinterpreted. :lol:

All of the reasons given in this thread are valid reasons, but I honestly know MANY women who have plenty of undesirable qualities who can snag decent men. My question is, "if they can do it, why can't others?" All other reasons aside, I've been wondering if some women have this IT factor that attracts people to them. Do other women lack the IT factor? One thing I can say about these women is that none of them are shy/meek. Are shyness/meekness undesirable qualities often overlooked by these relationship gurus as a reason some women don't draw enough quality men into their lives? Could it be that shy/meek women are more likely to attract users/abusers?
 
nicola.kirwan said:
With the women in the op, I'd bet dollars to donuts that really what those women have in common is they embrace the attention of those who are attracted to them and ignore the ones who aren't. If you notice, a lot of the energy of women's conversations about these things has an undercurrent of insecurity. The sub-text seems to be the belief that a woman should be able to snag any and every man out there, or every man she deems desirable. I think that in reality, different people are attracted to different people. And some people accept and embrace that, and others go pining after the ones who don't want them.

The women in the op can't snag any man, but they clearly revel in the affections of those who *are* drawn to them--even to the point of taking advantage--and that's probably a large part of what makes them appear to be so lucky in love. I believe that most women have the same capacity, but so many emotional and psychological hangups can cause women to unconsciously seek after that which will not be life-giving, either not knowing or not believing that they are worth love, or what true love is like.
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BINGO! I think you nailed it! What I have noticed about women in my OP (at least the ones I know personally) and similar women is that they ATTRACT men. The keyword is ATTRACT. They don't chase, they don't pine away, and they don't waste their time and energy on guys who aren't chasing them down. I still wonder how these women manage to attract decent guys while some very nice and established women I know aren't so lucky. Maybe men sense something we don't.
 
EdgyGirl said:
Thanks for your input ladies, but I think my OP was misinterpreted. :lol:

All of the reasons given in this thread are valid reasons, but I honestly know MANY women who have plenty of undesirable qualities who can snag decent men. My question is, "if they can do it, why can't others?" All other reasons aside, I've been wondering if some women have this IT factor that attracts people to them. Do other women lack the IT factor? One thing I can say about these women is that none of them are shy/meek. Are shyness/meekness undesirable qualities often overlooked by these relationship gurus as a reason some women don't draw enough quality men into their lives? Could it be that shy/meek women are more likely to attract users/abusers?
Click to expand...

If you go around thinking about yourself highly, then enough men you have personal contact with will follow on your lead. It's not something you verbalize, or a rule to follow, they just sense it IMO.

I believe in the energy explanation in terms of attraction in most cases.
 
nicola.kirwan said:
With the women in the op, I'd bet dollars to donuts that really what those women have in common is they embrace the attention of those who are attracted to them and ignore the ones who aren't. If you notice, a lot of the energy of women's conversations about these things has an undercurrent of insecurity. The sub-text seems to be the belief that a woman should be able to snag any and every man out there, or every man she deems desirable. I think that in reality, different people are attracted to different people. And some people accept and embrace that, and others go pining after the ones who don't want them.

The women in the op can't snag any man, but they clearly revel in the affections of those who *are* drawn to them--even to the point of taking advantage--and that's probably a large part of what makes them appear to be so lucky in love. I believe that most women have the same capacity, but so many emotional and psychological hangups can cause women to unconsciously seek after that which will not be life-giving, either not knowing or not believing that they are worth love, or what true love is like.
Click to expand...

I have lots of thoughts on this subject but I'm too lazy today to post very much. But regarding the above bolded, yes, I agree. I am attracted to those whom are attracted to me. I can't even quite comprehend how a grown woman allows herself to crush on or pine for a man without the feelings being reciprocated. For me it's kind of a foreign way of being, I just don't get it.
 
Didn't read the whole thread BUUUUTTTTTT....

My personal reason is that I'm becoming more and more selfish. After years of trying to help friends/family/BFs and getting the short end of the stick, I just don't have time for the BS anymore. I have a trust issue, and I am aware of that. Any guy I remotely considered being BF material had a flaw that I just don't have the time for. I think a lot of it has to do with my past abusive relationship, and also being rejected by a middle-school friend who practically had every quality I wanted in a man(only problem he was legally someone else's husband, I know WTF was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!). After all that, I devoted myself to my career and education, I just didn't give a crap anymore.

As far as the IT factor, I wonder if some women have it too. I see on FB or IG pictures of couples, and I wonder "what did she have that I didn't, that she was able to snag that type of guy? I see guys like him all the time, how come I couldn't get one?"
 
Well I wrote this very long post earlier today and thought oh what's the point? But here goes:

I think it's complicated. Why are some people always broke, always unhappy, always fussing and fighting, never get the promotion they want, etc., etc.? IMO every single person on this earth has a challenge that they have to work to overcome. I just hate that the "single" problem stands out like it's so different from all of the other problems people suffer from. Human beings suffer on this earth to some degree one way or the other, that is just life. I also find it terribly unfair that society treats single people, especially women, and black women in particular like something is wrong with them and like they are less than. Cannot tell you how many "points" I get for being married, how many extra points I get for being married to a successful man, it's crazy and unfair.

I have found that most difficult problems we face require multiple solutions and that we attract or don't attract certain things because of what is going on in our internal world, much of which is subconscious. Also, every human being is different so one woman's solution will often not be the same for another woman. Some married women are miserable within their marriages but happy in other areas, some are happy within their marriage but unfulfilled in other areas.

All that said, life in general is difficult for most of us, married or not, most people have to work really hard at getting what they want most be it a career, romance, a family, etc. My advice is not to "fix" anything, but to work on healing your internal wounds, be happy as you can be, ask for help in every direction, throw out bull, keep what makes sense, quit thinking married people are somehow better or luckier, quit trying to put down married women (I'm cuter, slimmer, smarter) because it's not helpful because despite your perception of her faults, someone loves and accepts her, we are all human and imperfect and everyone pretty much wants the same thing: to love, to be loved, to be successful, to be fulfilled, to have friends, to be accepted, to be healthy in every area of our lives, and every one of us struggles in one area or the other at some point.

I guess I'm saying you have to have a broader view of life in general, everybody hurts, have more compassion for others and yourself. Understand that men aren't perfect or saviors but people put on this earth with their own challenges and the one that wants you likely wants you because you both can help each other grow. He is not there to meet your paycheck and make you smile every day. Again life and relationships are complex.

Open your heart, be smart, take a chance, trust you will get hurt, trust God, time and friends will help you heal. Keep hoping and trying to be coupled or don't, but either way we only get one life to live, so just live your life the best you can and accept that every single one of us will leave this earth not getting something we wanted or thought we deserved.
 
nicola.kirwan said:
With the women in the op, I'd bet dollars to donuts that really what those women have in common is they embrace the attention of those who are attracted to them and ignore the ones who aren't. If you notice, a lot of the energy of women's conversations about these things has an undercurrent of insecurity. The sub-text seems to be the belief that a woman should be able to snag any and every man out there, or every man she deems desirable. I think that in reality, different people are attracted to different people. And some people accept and embrace that, and others go pining after the ones who don't want them.

The women in the op can't snag any man, but they clearly revel in the affections of those who *are* drawn to them--even to the point of taking advantage--and that's probably a large part of what makes them appear to be so lucky in love. I believe that most women have the same capacity, but so many emotional and psychological hangups can cause women to unconsciously seek after that which will not be life-giving, either not knowing or not believing that they are worth love, or what true love is like.
Click to expand...

....and there it is!
 
I think a lot of it has to do with your mind set.

I don't think its hard to get a man. Men are easy. I've always gotten attention from men effortlessly all my life. Now, if thats the man I want is another story. I've turned down a lot of successful men simply because I wasn't attracted to them or didn't feel a spark between us. People always tell me my problem is I'm too picky, which I am.

Most men I've dated still want me or would be with me if I wanted. I'm looking for a husband right now. Yet to find a man I can actually see myself marrying.

Anyways OP I think its a mind set/ like the law of attraction sort of thing. You attract what you believe if these women believe they can easily get a man then obviously they do.
 
I used to be the lone single woman by choice and boy you'd think I had three heads.
I simply did not want to settle just to be with somebody and focused instead on myself which I never regretted.
Still got married, so far the only one of my groups of friends and it's been years and nobody saw it coming thinking I'd be single forever,naw I just took my time finding the one and myself lol
Being a single woman does not have to be an issue if the woman is ok with it, I've seen far more women in bad relationships then miserable single woman.
 
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