What you should never share with him...

[ladysaraii]

mental illness isnt a dealbreaker for me, and i feel people have the right to their privacy, so its just not something id trip over.

Just b/c you know doesn't mean you have to dump them, but I feel that I have the right to know medically about things that are going on with my spouse for a myriad of reasons. Just like, if they had cancer. it's not saying, oh you have cancer, you're not fit to marry, but that makes an impact on things like future medical bills, care they might need, life expectancy and quality, etc.

Privacy is fine up to a point. I respect that you're cool with it, for me, I'm not.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think especially if the relationship is expected to go to marriage, disclosure of mental illness, inclusive of family's mental illness is important. Knowledge of such could affect your decision to have children with him.

 

[Fine 4s]

number of partners - psych. im at three forever, bro


i aint NEEEEEBA telling you i want to bone your friend

.

I hear ya sistah!!!!

The question was not meant to be about telling your partner about HIS friends you want to bed. I meant telling your partner about male 'friends' that are around that still want to bed YOU. So for me, this 'friend' is a non-issue and not a thread. But some men want to know WHO these male friends are that want to get with their woman. OR, about exes that you still chat with that may or may not want to still get with you. Do you feel you have to disclose those people? CaraWalker.
I guess it's all about being left in the dark...

Hmm I didn't consider OCD and other "non aggressive" disorders. Now I have to rethink my answer!

I should also clarify, I do think Std status should be shared if its something you currently have like herpes or HIV/AIDS.

You know what I was thinking about asking this question...? Someone posted a comment and used a word that I can't remember. It included all drugs that impact the brain....was it psychotropic? I think that's the word she used...

 

[CaraWalker]

oh, i wouldnt feel like i had to discuss that either. but i probably might if i thought it was funny. or if i wanted him to intervene. generally though i dont think i would spend a lot of time with male friends that were sexually interested in me while im in a relationship. i dont have any of those right now though, and recently most of my male friends that fit that category were guys id actually slept with anyway so id most likely just give them the boot. they would understand.

one of my exes from college (whose number i recently blocked from my phone) has been around for like 7 years at this point. i think he probably still texted me from time to time when i was in my last relationship. i dont remember talking about it because i just ignored him. but i would have discussed it if it came up because i had no plans to sleep with him.

 

[MzLady78]

I ask a long list of questions, not all at once

Once a cheater is always a cheater in my book. I need a person who is committed to our relationship, not one who considers stepping out as an option when the going gets tough; and in many cases, past behaviour dictates future behaviour.

Cheating has so many implications: std's, outside children, broken trust, broken relationships/marriages etc.

Stealing gum at age 5 will not have those implications unless it parlayed into you becoming a career bandit.

You're entitled to your opinion of course, but I disagree with the "once a cheater..." thing. I cheated on my high school bf almost 20 years ago. I was a naive freshman who thought I was doing something cuz a "big man on campus" senior pursued me. Well, it turned out to be a disaster, I got my feelings REAL hurt and it was the first and last time I ever stepped out on someone. Hell, I've been faithful to dudes that I wasn't even in relationships with! . Now I'm like if I'm ever that miserable that I start thinking of cheating, I'll leave first.

I don't think cheating is always some kind of moral defect. Sometimes it's just a matter of where you are in your life at that time and an opportunity presenting itself. I'm sure that's an unpopular opinion, though.

 

[Mortons]

Just b/c you know doesn't mean you have to dump them, but I feel that I have the right to know medically about things that are going on with my spouse for a myriad of reasons. Just like, if they had cancer. it's not saying, oh you have cancer, you're not fit to marry, but that makes an impact on things like future medical bills, care they might need, life expectancy and quality, etc. Privacy is fine up to a point. I respect that you're cool with it, for me, I'm not.

My depression has never caused an so any drama or had an impact on them anyway. And people tend to like to blame things on your mental illness when they know about it. You can not want to go out and just stay home and rest and its "are you feeling depressed again?" So I don't disclose it to everyone nor do I feel the need to.

 

[Fine 4s]

Mortons This is why people don't want to disclose this type of information. Let's face it, there are stereotypes placed on folks who suffer from mental illness no matter how "small" the illness. I can't blame anyone for not wanting to be shamed.

 

[SmileyNY]

My opinions are below in pank.

What say you?

1. # of intimate partners? EVER? I think your partner should know this. Mine does.

2. Male 'friends' that you know are interested in you? Would you ID them or give names? EVER? There's no such things as straight male friends who aren't interested in you.

3. Salary EARLY STAGES? At first, no way. My SO and I have been together for nearly 2 years. He helped me decide when I was debating between job offers, so he knows now.

4. Assets EARLY STAGES? Not any that he couldn't see with his own eyes lol. Not during the early stages, anyway.

5. Exes that you still keep in touch with? Would you ID them or give names? EVER? Yes. I did.

6. Pregnant before but no kids to show *gulp* EVER? This doesn't apply to me, but i feel this is a woman's own personal business. Unless she has health issues that prevent child birth, I don't think she has to share this information with a boyfriend. A husband, however, should know.

7. STDs/STIs EARLY STAGES? Again, doesn't apply to me. I feel women should disclose this information well before a relationship reaches the point where sex becomes involved.

8. Worked in the sex industry EVER? Doesn't apply, but I feel she should definitely disclose this.

9. Born with a different sex other than what you portray Hmmm...? Yes, a woman should ABSOLUTELY share this info lol

10. Mental illness (bipolar or anything else under control with meds) EARLY STAGES? During the early stages, it's no one's business... but it should definitely be disclosed before things get serious.

11. If you've ever cheated on anyone...even if it was 20 years ago. EVER? This doesn't apply to me. I don't think most people would admit to being a cheater. However, I think a person who is remorseful and has truly changed wouldn't mind disclosing mistakes that they made in the past.

12. Anything else? I feel a partner should know if you've every been arrested or in jail. They should know if you've been married. They should also know about any crimes that you've gotten away with

Does how much you share depend on the level of the relationship? dating, SO, DH? What information should a woman always keep close to her heart?

Spill it!

 

[Mai Tai]

My opinion in pink...

What say you?

1. # of intimate partners? never...Ever...EVER
2. Male 'friends' that you know are interested in you? Would you ID them or give names? Nope. If I was in a serious relationship I would just let those male friends fade to black.
3. Salary? Only if we are engaged
4. Assets? Only if we are engaged
5. Exes that you still keep in touch with? Again...If things got serious, I would let all exes fade to black but I will not go into great detail with my SO.
6. Pregnant before but no kids to show? NOPE. NEVER!
7. STDs/STIs?I would disclose this only to someone im interested in being sexualy active with.
8. Worked in the sex industry I do think this is important to disclose because it could affect the health/well being of the man.
9. Born with a different sex other than what you portray? Ummm...things like this should be put on the table almost immediately.
10. Mental illness (bipolar or anything else under control with meds)?EARLY STAGES
11. If you've ever cheated on anyone...even if it was 20 years ago. Never!!! The only thing he needs to worry about is whether or not I'm cheating on him!

12. Anything else?

Does how much you share depend on the level of the relationship? dating, SO, DH? What information should a woman always keep close to her heart?

Spill it!

 

[preciouslove0x]

I agree with CaraWalker about private information does not automatically equal a "secret". There is some stuff I will take with me to the grave. It is what it is.

 

[Ganjababy]

You need to say 9 and 10...



I know what it's like not to.



I did number 9 and ended up in ICU for 2 weeks




.







.







Jk

 

[Fine 4s]

lol a nut!

 

[NotMyMommasBiscuits]

One of my old friends told me a long time ago she was having a conversation with her husband about her past partners and how many. They were both "being honest" with each other lol. Anyway, she discloses the number of partners and he has held it against her to this day.

So, I believe that the notion that women have of honesty being the best policy with many things is a farce. We are taught that and it is a lie lol. Men will lie to your face even if you have the proof sitting there and will have you convinced you are a fool. Even the best ones do it. BUT he expects you to share because he knows thats the way to your heart even if he holds the end result against you. It takes a highly evolved men NOT to do so. And there are not many of them. Think about if your BFF admitted some of this stuff to you. How would you feel, even though you are not intimate? Sorry, but it is a double standard.

So maybe in a perfect world, divulging certain info will elevate your relationship but in most cases it will not. So keep what you share to a minimum of absolutely need to and some of this list does not have to be shared.

 

[julzinha]

One of my old friends told me a long time ago she was having a conversation with her husband about her past partners and how many. They were both "being honest" with each other lol. Anyway, she discloses the number of partners and he has held it against her to this day.

So, I believe that the notion that women have of honesty being the best policy with many things is a farce. We are taught that and it is a lie lol. Men will lie to your face even if you have the proof sitting there and will have you convinced you are a fool. Even the best ones do it. BUT he expects you to share because he knows thats the way to your heart even if he holds the end result against you. It takes a highly evolved men NOT to do so. And there are not many of them. Think about if your BFF admitted some of this stuff to you. How would you feel, even though you are not intimate? Sorry, but it is a double standard.

So maybe in a perfect world, divulging certain info will elevate your relationship but in most cases it will not. So keep what you share to a minimum of absolutely need to and some of this list does not have to be shared.

I dealt with a man that did that all the time from small to big and it drove me CRAZY!! It was part of the reason I gave up and ended it because I couldn't take it anymore because it starts to impact my self-image.

 

[Mai Tai]

I'm super honest with my husband but just because I choose to still keep some things private, even from him, doesn't mean I'm lying to him or being deceitful. I've shared some dark secrets with him but some things are just too personal or painful to discuss with any human. He knows that I choose to keep some things personal and actually respects and appreciates that even though he tells me all of his dirt.

He knows that I was born a woman, have never been a sex worker, had some wild teenage and college years yet have always remained disease free, and that I am loyal and faithful to him and I love him to pieces. Book closed...

 

[CaraWalker]

One of my old friends told me a long time ago she was having a conversation with her husband about her past partners and how many. They were both "being honest" with each other lol. Anyway, she discloses the number of partners and he has held it against her to this day.

So, I believe that the notion that women have of honesty being the best policy with many things is a farce. We are taught that and it is a lie lol. Men will lie to your face even if you have the proof sitting there and will have you convinced you are a fool. Even the best ones do it. BUT he expects you to share because he knows thats the way to your heart even if he holds the end result against you. It takes a highly evolved men NOT to do so. And there are not many of them. Think about if your BFF admitted some of this stuff to you. How would you feel, even though you are not intimate? Sorry, but it is a double standard.

So maybe in a perfect world, divulging certain info will elevate your relationship but in most cases it will not. So keep what you share to a minimum of absolutely need to and some of this list does not have to be shared.

THIS! total honesty in relationships is for the birds and im suprirsed more of us havent realized its literally just another device of the patriarchy to keep men with the upper hand. even if you dont go that deep to bring in the "patriarchy" its definitely playing on the emotions of women who are as a group socialised to be more pliant and agreeable and "honorable", where we dont have a similar tactic to put men at the same kind of disadvantage.

i was thinking about this question in reverse and trying to decide what i would feel like my partner had an obligation to share with me, and mostly i could only come up with not lying about your life circumstances. things like "dont pretend you have more money than you do" "dont cover up unstable housing/possession situations" (bout to be kicked out your home? gonna lose everything to debt? etc). i would need to know the truth and not lies.

mostly though there are only two things i would NEED to know on a make or break status. the first is whether he had ever been with a man. that is dealbreaker status for me. the other is current status wrt contagious disease.

but like, if he had gotten a woman pregnant before and she had an abortion, i dont care or need to know that. im not going to police his relationships with his exes, the fact that they exist isnt the same thing as actively engaging an ex... stuff like that...

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

1-5 absolutely not. 6-10 important to share.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Are we assuming #6 means she had an abortion? What if she gave a kid up for adoption, ten years of marriage and three kids later, you find out your kids have a half-sibling?

 

[NotMyMommasBiscuits]

THIS! total honesty in relationships is for the birds and im suprirsed more of us havent realized its literally just another device of the patriarchy to keep men with the upper hand. even if you dont go that deep to bring in the "patriarchy" its definitely playing on the emotions of women who are as a group socialised to be more pliant and agreeable and "honorable", where we dont have a similar tactic to put men at the same kind of disadvantage.

i was thinking about this question in reverse and trying to decide what i would feel like my partner had an obligation to share with me, and mostly i could only come up with not lying about your life circumstances. things like "dont pretend you have more money than you do" "dont cover up unstable housing/possession situations" (bout to be kicked out your home? gonna lose everything to debt? etc). i would need to know the truth and not lies.

mostly though there are only two things i would NEED to know on a make or break status. the first is whether he had ever been with a man. that is dealbreaker status for me. the other is current status wrt contagious disease.

but like, if he had gotten a woman pregnant before and she had an abortion, i dont care or need to know that. im not going to police his relationships with his exes, the fact that they exist isnt the same thing as actively engaging an ex... stuff like that...

Exactly I know it is cute and everything to be close with your guy, but being 'honest' about some things just won't cut it. Women are the ones that thrive on "sharing"...not men. I personally have never asked DH some things and he hasn't asked me some things. I prefer to keep it that way. I have no desire to delve into certain aspects of his personal life to be honest with you because I am not very forgiving and it WILL come up if we were to argue and I felt the need to attack. As long as he has no secret families, isn't gay on the side and doesn't have some sort of addiction I don't know about, I am good. I don't feel guilty about NOT sharing some of my personal life either. As long as it is nothing someone can use to bribe me out of money, we straight on that.