How often do you say "no" to him?

Sistaslick said:
It sure isn't. I'm the "asker" and sexual aggressor in my marriage and it SUCKS! It makes me feel like something is wrong with me because this is supposed to be a man problem, then he ends up feeling "less of a man" because he can't keep up with me.:ohwell: It's a point of stress for us. So many ladies are able to turn down their mates, and that's a phenomenon I've never really had the pleasure of experiencing. I ain't gone lie, I'm jealous. :lol: I wanna be in the freakin' driver seat calling the shots sometime sheesh. It's like everything revolves around his schedule, I just have to be lucky enough to catch him at a "good" time.

So I guess, I can more relate to how the man must feel in this situation, because it sure isn't fun being told no. Honestly, I feel rejected and hurt a lot of the time. I'm facing the harsh reality of what happens when a married couples' libidos do not match. I know I can't expect my husband to swing from the chandeliers and go caveman on me every night, but I feel like he led me on while we were dating.:look: I was expecting marriage to be nights of endless passion with a constant supply of loving on tap. Yeah right. He lured me in and then started chilling. :lol: I'm learning the true meaning of quality over quantity, and not by choice.
Click to expand...

We're right >< here Sista.
You just described my situation to a t.
Dh usually knows better then to keep me hangin(cuz I can get mad as hell),if he's not down for it there are other ways to please me.:look:

Well if the thing about men slowing down with age is true and me getting a peak with 30 then I have a big problem:perplexed (we're both 24).

Maybe you ,Flowerhair and Bmoreflygrl should look into the toys thread... I'm just saying:cool:
 
ella said:
We're right >< here Sista.
You just described my situation to a t.
Dh usually knows better then to keep me hangin(cuz I can get mad as hell),if he's not down for it there are other ways to please me.:look:

Well if the thing about men slowing down with age is true and me getting a peak with 30 then I have a big problem:perplexed (we're both 24).

Maybe you ,Flowerhair and Bmoreflygrl should look into the toys thread... I'm just saying:cool:
Click to expand...

I don't like toys. :( It's just not the same. Maybe this new guy will be better with that. :look: But now I gotta wait to find out. Dammit!!! :mad:
 
ella said:
We're right >< here Sista.
You just described my situation to a t.
Dh usually knows better then to keep me hangin(cuz I can get mad as hell),if he's not down for it there are other ways to please me.:look:

Well if the thing about men slowing down with age is true and me getting a peak with 30 then I have a big problem:perplexed (we're both 24).

Maybe you ,Flowerhair and Bmoreflygrl should look into the toys thread... I'm just saying:cool:
Click to expand...


What toys thread?
 
bmoreflyygirl said:
I don't like toys. :( It's just not the same. Maybe this new guy will be better with that. :look: But now I gotta wait to find out. Dammit!!! :mad:
Click to expand...

I didn't either for the longest time but even once I got started I hardly ever used any.
BUT there is this new condom that comes with a surprise.... ah sweet heavens:eek:
 
Hey!!!!!!!!!! I am back from da "toys" thread. I gotta find out what dat "gun" is! Sounds like my kinda thang. I hope someone will PM me wit dat info.

I like a lil "me time" every now & then.
 
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ChocalateDiva said:
Hey!!!!!!!!!! I am back from da "toys" thread. I gotta find out what dat "gun" is! Sounds like my kind thang. I hope someone will PM me wit dat info.

I like a lil "me time" every now & then.
Click to expand...

Girl what do you put in guns... bullets! They are all that! You don't have to be in the mood or anything for them to make you shudder!
 
Mrs_No_More said:
Oh yeah, this sounds like me. I never turned my ex-husband down. He knew he could get it whenever, wherever and however he wanted, as much as he wanted it. He could wake me up in the middle of the night, I would do it if I was sick, it didn't matter how tired I was. If he wanted to try something adventurous, I was down. And I got a proposal in less than 2 months. When I had my hysterectomy, I couldn't do it, but I satisfied him in other ways. It's funny, he said those same things to me in the beginning. "P, you are so perfect for me. I never knew anybody else like you. I never experienced love making like this before. You're the only woman I have truly trusted."... LIES, LIES, LIES..... 1-2 hours of sex eventually turned into 1-2 minutes. Even though I did all of this, he still CHEATED!!!! He didn't cheat b/c he wasn't getting what he needed at home. He cheated because he was DOG.
Click to expand...

I hate to be putting my biz out there but my ex husband told me the same thing my SO did and also proposed in 3 months but with him I decided to wait until we were married now read these turn of events. My ex was a music producer here in the Atl. We didn't divorce because he cheated.We divorced because he only wanted me for sex. I never told him no either but he never took the time to please me. I was not allowed to leave the house w/out him if I did I had to talk to him on the phone from the time I left until I returned, I could not work outside of the home, I could not have any friends or contact w/ my family, if I worked outside the home we had to have lunch together and he would have to talk to me at least 4 times during the day. He even decided we would not leave the house under any circumstances unless we were together. I could not take it. It was too much for me. People thought he adored me. It wasn't about adoration. It was about control. My main purpose in his eyes was to make myself available to him sexually regardless of how I felt or what I wanted to do and when he wanted it I should be in his presence to give it to him and if I were outside of the house or doing other things in his eyes I couldn't give him what he wanted but with my SO its different its mutual and he takes him time everytime to make our intimacy the most pleasurable experience I've ever had.
 
LaRobinWolfe76 said:
I hate to be putting my biz out there but my ex husband told me the same thing my SO did and also proposed in 3 months but with him I decided to wait until we were married now read these turn of events. My ex was a music producer here in the Atl. We didn't divorce because he cheated.We divorced because he only wanted me for sex. I never told him no either but he never took the time to please me. I was not allowed to leave the house w/out him if I did I had to talk to him on the phone from the time I left until I returned, I could not work outside of the home, I could not have any friends or contact w/ my family, if I worked outside the home we had to have lunch together and he would have to talk to me at least 4 times during the day. He even decided we would not leave the house under any circumstances unless we were together. I could not take it. It was too much for me. People thought he adored me. It wasn't about adoration. It was about control. My main purpose in his eyes was to make myself available to him sexually regardless of how I felt or what I wanted to do and when he wanted it I should be in his presence to give it to him and if I were outside of the house or doing other things in his eyes I couldn't give him what he wanted but with my SO its different its mutual and he takes him time everytime to make our intimacy the most pleasurable experience I've ever had.
Click to expand...

Is it really pleasureable for you when you are sick (vomiting etc) and he is having sex with you?!
 
Integrity said:
Is it really pleasureable for you when you are sick (vomiting etc) and he is having sex with you?!
Click to expand...

I wasn't literally sick and vomitting during the love making experience. I was just getting over the stomach flu which prior to had me sick and vomitting for days and during the time I was sick and vomitting he did clean up the vomit when I had an accident in the bed while we were sleeping next to each other.
 
Ladies I told my BF about this topic a few nights ago and he said "it should be more like 'how often do I say no to you'."

Okay, I admit he hardly has any chance of staying clothed too long with me around, but I DO say no sometimes. LOL
 
HoneyDew said:
Ladies I told my BF about this topic a few nights ago and he said "it should be more like 'how often do I say no to you'."

Okay, I admit he hardly has any chance of staying clothed too long with me around, but I DO say no sometimes. LOL
Click to expand...




laughing at the white text.....:lol:
 
LaRobinWolfe76 said:
I wasn't literally sick and vomitting during the love making experience. I was just getting over the stomach flu which prior to had me sick and vomitting for days and during the time I was sick and vomitting he did clean up the vomit when I had an accident in the bed while we were sleeping next to each other.
Click to expand...
AAACK!!
OMG, lol!!
How awful for you both (but funny now, lol!!).
 
HoneyDew said:
Ladies I told my BF about this topic a few nights ago and he said "it should be more like 'how often do I say no to you'."

Okay, I admit he hardly has any chance of staying clothed too long with me around, but I DO say no sometimes. LOL
Click to expand...


:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
MissScarlett said:
ITA.

When you get married, each person is asking someone to committ to you and respect and love you and be with only you FOREVER, what's wrong with making sex an important part of a marriage as you would anything else?? I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

This just *me* but if my husband wants sex, whether I’m in the mood, I try to oblige, First of all, because once you’re doing it, who ever later said “I wish I didn’t do that, I would have rather slept or whatever”:lol: It’s the ‘gettting into the mood part that is often hard with having children, working a job, etc.

I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

We sex these men up trying to get them and too often, we shut it down when we get married or we slack off. I feel like being intimate is just one extension of “being fruitful” and like I always say married sex is the best, you can do whatever and be as freaky as you want because they are YOURS.

Seriously, my husband will whitsle and jump when I say jump when he thnks he’s ‘getting enough”:grin:

I don't need to be flamed by the resident feminists about that either...I'm smart educated and I think for myself, I don't think trying to make your spouse happy (and vice versa) is a bad thing at all.
Click to expand...


I totally agree with you. Ladies please do not get angry when you read this: THIS IS NOT DIRECTED TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON OR PERSONS ON THIS THREAD! These are just my thoughts regarding the TITLE of this post AND THE REALITIES THAT ARE OUT THERE. sO THIS IS ADDRESSED APPROPRIATELY...
To the Future Ex House Wives:
So many women send double messages to their men: especially professing
"Christian" ones....: "Not until I get that ring on my finger...wait till we are married...I am going to make you so happy...you will be so glad you waited...I am going to shower you with love and I will always be there for you baby….ONCE THEY LEAVE THAT ALTAR, then they want to CONTROL HIM and his URGES… once they get that ring on their finger..they start .talking about being too tired, not in the mood.. been busy with the kids all day… angry...feelin' used cause I am not in the mood, so you are being selfish to want sex now...need to wash their hair....do their nails.....treating sex like a part time job and a chore"...but you better not be looking at anyone else!!!!!! Cause you owe me...you belong to me...I am your wife!!!! And waving that wedding band in his face. Am I missing something? So once they walked away from the altar making all these promises and now they want to "renegotiate? Did you not marry a man who just promised to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS for YOU? And now you figure you are in an "untouchable powerful position" and you can play with something as powerful as a man's sex drive by withholding? So why not just stay single? Why "seduce" ...(this does not have to be sexually... but emotionally, spiritually.... Although some church going women do this...!)a man into marrying you and then cop an attitude?: why be shocked when he decides "you ain't worth it!"and leaves you because he feels HE GOT PLAYED!! or he starts "PLAYING AROUND"....or his heart just grows cold and resentful and he turns his affection to the dog or cat who never fails to return his affection. I see some men petting and showering the family dog with affection but he and his wife NEVER hold hands cuddle and pet each other and she does the same thing....and he and his wife share the bed with the dog because there ain't nothing happening between the couple anymore....both the man and the dog are effectively neutered!!!!and could he care less anymore! because there is NO MARRIAGE left in reality. Just a shell.

2. A large number of "married men" are addicted to porn; to the nudie bars, on the downlow...unfulfilled in their marriage...the Devil has taken them over....and many times it is because "the wives" have left them and their marriage" wide open due to ABSTAINING, refusing and playing with fire, assuming that she is "indispensible".
3. In today's world, men do not really NEED A WIFE....he can get the same things in terms of "housekeeping, cooking, etc. etc. from paid people. He can hire a nanny or housekeeper to care for his kids or take them to his mama. He only needs to pay them or maybe there are ladies that would just be happy to be with him ring be damned. And many wives get REPLACED every day by someone who is willing to meet those needs… no matter how many kids they have for a man.(kids are not an insurance policy!) So if you think you are too "special", too pretty, too cute, too smart and INDISPENSIBLE....think again! A lot of women who thought that way are now ALONE, and waiting by the phone for that after midnight BOOTYCALL...from some STUD schmuck who has several others on the string...desperate EX.....housewives.....COUGARS!!! sometimes he don't even call....or else they are pining for that good looking divorced guy with kids the same age as yours down the street who has decided that …it is cheaper to pay a whore 50 bucks for the Saturday night special and save himself the grief of being tied to someone JUST LIKE HIS ex wife! Who by the way, was terrific till he married her! Or getting a mercy romp from their EX husbands "visiting the kids" cause he feels sorry for ya lonely desperate self...now.....NOW WHO GOT PLAYED? Not speaking from personal experience but from being the shoulder these sad ladies cry on when they have lost their man, often to someone way less attractive!
 
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MissScarlett said:
ITA.

When you get married, each person is asking someone to committ to you and respect and love you and be with only you FOREVER, what's wrong with making sex an important part of a marriage as you would anything else?? I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

This just *me* but if my husband wants sex, whether I’m in the mood, I try to oblige, First of all, because once you’re doing it, who ever later said “I wish I didn’t do that, I would have rather slept or whatever” It’s the ‘gettting into the mood part that is often hard with having children, working a job, etc.

I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

We sex these men up trying to get them and too often, we shut it down when we get married or we slack off. I feel like being intimate is just one extension of “being fruitful” and like I always say married sex is the best, you can do whatever and be as freaky as you want because they are YOURS.

Seriously, my husband will whitsle and jump when I say jump when he thnks he’s ‘getting enough”

I don't need to be flamed by the resident feminists about that either...I'm smart educated and I think for myself, I don't think trying to make your spouse happy (and vice versa) is a bad thing at all.
Click to expand...

Wow.... you said everything I was thinking. :yep: Esp. the part about doing whatever you want. When I get married, I will be the biggest freak he has ever seen! (okay maybe not that bad...lol)

And I seriously will always try to put our love life first. I know it's easy to say it now (esp. considering my career choice), but that is on my top priority list in married life.

It's not about putting him above me, it's about putting US above each other. :)

ETA: And doggonit these threads are loooong these days. I only have a few min. to spend on here and I can't even catch up on 1 thread. :lol:
 
Last edited:
Mahalialee4 said:
I totally agree with you. Ladies please do not get angry when you read this: THIS IS NOT DIRECTED TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON OR PERSONS ON THIS THREAD! These are just my thoughts regarding the TITLE of this post AND THE REALITIES THAT ARE OUT THERE. sO THIS IS ADDRESSED APPROPRIATELY...
To the Future Ex House Wives:
So many women send double messages to their men: especially professing
"Christian" ones....: "Not until I get that ring on my finger...wait till we are married...I am going to make you so happy...you will be so glad you waited...I am going to shower you with love and I will always be there for you baby….ONCE THEY LEAVE THAT ALTAR, then they want to CONTROL HIM and his URGES… once they get that ring on their finger..they start .talking about being too tired, not in the mood.. been busy with the kids all day… angry...feelin' used cause I am not in the mood, so you are being selfish to want sex now...need to wash their hair....do their nails.....treating sex like a part time job and a chore"...but you better not be looking at anyone else!!!!!! Cause you owe me...you belong to me...I am your wife!!!! And waving that wedding band in his face. Am I missing something? So once they walked away from the altar making all these promises and now they want to "renegotiate? Did you not marry a man who just promised to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS for YOU? And now you figure you are in an "untouchable powerful position" and you can play with something as powerful as a man's sex drive by withholding? So why not just stay single? Why "seduce" ...(this does not have to be sexually... but emotionally, spiritually.... Although some church going women do this...!)a man into marrying you and then cop an attitude?: why be shocked when he decides "you ain't worth it!"and leaves you because he feels HE GOT PLAYED!! or he starts "PLAYING AROUND"....or his heart just grows cold and resentful and he turns his affection to the dog or cat who never fails to return his affection. I see some men petting and showering the family dog with affection but he and his wife NEVER hold hands cuddle and pet each other and she does the same thing....and he and his wife share the bed with the dog because there ain't nothing happening between the couple anymore....both the man and the dog are effectively neutered!!!!and could he care less anymore! because there is NO MARRIAGE left in reality. Just a shell.

2. A large number of "married men" are addicted to porn; to the nudie bars, on the downlow...unfulfilled in their marriage...the Devil has taken them over....and many times it is because "the wives" have left them and their marriage" wide open due to ABSTAINING, refusing and playing with fire, assuming that she is "indispensible".
3. In today's world, men do not really NEED A WIFE....he can get the same things in terms of "housekeeping, cooking, etc. etc. from paid people. He can hire a nanny or housekeeper to care for his kids or take them to his mama. He only needs to pay them or maybe there are ladies that would just be happy to be with him ring be damned. And many wives get REPLACED every day by someone who is willing to meet those needs… no matter how many kids they have for a man.(kids are not an insurance policy!) So if you think you are too "special", too pretty, too cute, too smart and INDISPENSIBLE....think again! A lot of women who thought that way are now ALONE, and waiting by the phone for that after midnight BOOTYCALL...from some STUD schmuck who has several others on the string...desperate EX.....housewives.....COUGARS!!! sometimes he don't even call....or else they are pining for that good looking divorced guy with kids the same age as yours down the street who has decided that …it is cheaper to pay a whore 50 bucks for the Saturday night special and save himself the grief of being tied to someone JUST LIKE HIS ex wife! Who by the way, was terrific till he married her! Or getting a mercy romp from their EX husbands "visiting the kids" cause he feels sorry for ya lonely desperate self...now.....NOW WHO GOT PLAYED? Not speaking from personal experience but from being the shoulder these sad ladies cry on when they have lost their man, often to someone way less attractive!
Click to expand...

So you are saying that a man who sleeps with whores has it better than his ex-wife who is rid of him :confused:

Don't you think sex with a whore is a "mercy romp" too? As if she would do it without the money?

Why would anyone want to be married to someone just for the sex, that doesn't make sense. I always say, sex is easy to get - easy - a real relationship doesn't grow on trees!

A marriage that is wide open because there is no sex on demand is not really a marriage IMO.

Sure, sex should be a priority for both the woman and the man, but like Ella and several others have said before in this thread it's not always the woman who says "no thank you, not tonight". :lol:
 
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MissScarlett said:
ITA.

When you get married, each person is asking someone to committ to you and respect and love you and be with only you FOREVER, what's wrong with making sex an important part of a marriage as you would anything else?? I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

This just *me* but if my husband wants sex, whether I’m in the mood, I try to oblige, First of all, because once you’re doing it, who ever later said “I wish I didn’t do that, I would have rather slept or whatever”:lol: It’s the ‘gettting into the mood part that is often hard with having children, working a job, etc.

I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

We sex these men up trying to get them and too often, we shut it down when we get married or we slack off. I feel like being intimate is just one extension of “being fruitful” and like I always say married sex is the best, you can do whatever and be as freaky as you want because they are YOURS.

Seriously, my husband will whitsle and jump when I say jump when he thnks he’s ‘getting enough”:grin:

I don't need to be flamed by the resident feminists about that either...I'm smart educated and I think for myself, I don't think trying to make your spouse happy (and vice versa) is a bad thing at all.
Click to expand...

You took the words right out of my mouth!
 
If you don'tmind me asking whats the age difference?



Sistaslick said:
Never!!! I've never turned my husband down ever. Don't plan to either. My hubby has the tendency to wake up at times like 3:51 am and 4:26 am too. Wake me up, shooooo :lachen: :lachen: :lachen:


Now, on the other hand, I've been turned down more times than I can even count in this almost 5 years of marriage. I'm just easily excitable I guess. :look: Sometimes it just feels like he is just there to knock the chill out of my sheets :lol: He is so lazy. I'm always waiting on him. :mad: Maybe it's because of the age difference or something because he slowin' down... :ohwell:
Click to expand...
 
FlowerHair said:
So you are saying that a man who sleeps with whores has it better than his ex-wife who is rid of him :confused:

Don't you think sex with a whore is a "mercy romp" too? As if she would do it without the money?

Why would anyone want to be married to someone just for the sex, that doesn't make sense. I always say, sex is easy to get - easy - a real relationship doesn't grow on trees!

A marriage that is wide open because there is no sex on demand is not really a marriage IMO.

Sure, sex should be a priority for both the woman and the man, but like Ella and several others have said before in this thread it's not always the woman who says "no thank you, not tonight". :lol:
Click to expand...
Uh, I agree. If a woman doesn't want to have sex, she should be able to say NO without bringing religion into it. Turning down your husband doesn't make you a bad wife or a bad Christian-it makes you human.

I wonder about those who NEVER turn down thier husbands.

And say NO once is awhile is not going to drive him to porn. He was either always watching it and you just found out, or there's another problem. No man is going to develop a porn addiction because his wife turns him down for sex.

I mean damn, the last time I checked women weren't considered property. :confused: I can do any say and behave how I want. If I don't want sex when he does, IT'S ALL RIGHT. And for anyone who thinks that's going to lead to divorce, well I'll just sit and wait until I see the "I'm Getting a Divorce" thread from you. That's such an backwards way of thinking.

If a man married you JUST to have sex with you, thats a problem in itself.
 
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