Was it inappropriate?

darlingdiva

darlingdiva

Well-Known Member
On Sunday, I ran into a friend of mine. We chatted for a few minutes, and then he reminded me that I owe him coffee. The next day, he left the following message on my Facebook wall: "Don't forget what we said on Sunday, (my name)."

Fast forward to yesterday: I checked my phone after I left work & I saw a text from my husband. He was telling me to tell my friend that he was going to bust his a$$. I asked him what was going on & he told me that he'd seen the message on my Facebook wall. He thinks that my friend was being disrespectful because, according to my husband, the message is cryptic and comes off like he and I have a secret romance, which we don't. Before Sunday, the last time that I saw him was a few days before Thanksgiving & we rarely talk on the phone. He also thinks that my friend left that message purposely for him to see.

Some backstory on my friend: We had the same major as undergraduates, so we were in a lot of the same classes. We were also very close (we talked on the phone a lot, we went to dinner and plays together, etc.). We were never in a relationship and we never slept together, though. My friend wasn't happy when my husband and I started dating b/c he thought that it would ruin our friendship.

My question is: was my friend wrong for posting that message on my wall? Is it inappropriate?
 
Did your husband know about how your friend felt about your relationship?

I don't think there was anything wrong with the message itself but I guess people interpret things differently. Man all this Facebook/Twitter/Myspace stuff can really bring the drama can't it? Hope you can get the whole thing straightened out.
 
Yes, he's always known that my friend wasn't too fond of our being together. That's one of the main reasons that he dislikes him.
 
I agree with your DH. :look: If your friend knows you are married he should be more careful and repsectful about what he writes on your FB wall. IMHO
 
That was inappropriate of your friend and I can almost bet that your friend knows that it was inappropriate and did it anyway.
 
Thank you so much for your responses, ladies. I just really needed clarity on this situation.

My husband keeps saying that if all my friend was talking about was coffee, why couldn't he have said something like "remember that you said that you owed me coffee on Sunday." I was telling my husband that since we only chatted for a few moments (literally less than five minutes), he knew that I'd know what he was talking about when he wrote that message on my wall. My husband doesn't see it that way, though.

I just feel bad that my husband is pissed.
 
Your friend needs to learn how to respect your husband or else I think you should get rid of him. I don't blame your husband for being pissed.
 
The fact that your friend was against/concerned about your marriage to your DH adds a whole lot of context so I view his actions as possibly suspicious. Not so much the words, but the intent. First you inject paranoia on the part of the person you want gone, but you do it in such a way that their SO/spouse doesn't see it as a big deal then you let them get angry thus making them appear unreasonable to the spouse. In the meantime you remain the supportive friend. You increase the frequency you reference events/meetings/stories unfamiliar to the spouse thereby making the spouse feel suspicious or like an outsider. They become increasingly agitated/paranoid and pushes their spouse away. I've seen this scenario play out before.

The big question is, did your DH know about the meeting with your guy friend that doesn't like your DH? Did you mention it before or after?
 
Last edited:
Those words were innocent. Your DH is overreacting.
Cute that he cares...but he is overreacting.
 
I honestly dont see what the fuss is about. How would your friend havd know that you hubby scrutunizes every lttle messge that is left on your page. Seriously if my bf saw some of the messages some of my friends leave on my facebook he would probably think I was sleeping with all my friends both m/f. When you leave messges on your friends pages you dont think so much about who they are with. I think if he wanted to get your hubbys attention he would gone something like "dont forget about our next meeting;)...."
 
I might be the only one...

I don't see how the content or even the fact that he posted on your wall is disrepectful. I had to read and re-read again to make sure I didn't miss something. He didn't even mention the coffe thing on the wall, just remidin you not to forget and your husband took offense to that to the point of wanting to kick his arse? Personally, I think it's a bit overboard
 
Even if his words were innocent, your hubby is right. It was cryptic and I have done the same thing to my married male friends and I had to check myself. I was the innocent party but what I said could be construed as malicious by their wives.
 
hrtbndr21 said:
Did your husband know about how your friend felt about your relationship?

I don't think there was anything wrong with the message itself but I guess people interpret things differently. Man all this Facebook/Twitter/Myspace stuff can really bring the drama can't it? Hope you can get the whole thing straightened out.
Click to expand...

That is why I am not on any of them...I'll leave that drama for someone else! :grin: DarlingDiva, not making light of your situation...so please don't take offense! Hope everything works out...
 
I wish my husband would tell me he is going to beat one of my friends arse over something innocent on my facebook.

a) What, you don't trust me to keep our relationship sancrosant?
b) Are you really that jealous to even suggest violence against someone I consider a friend?

:nono: I'm sorry, but I find the husbands reaction over the top and unacceptable - esp. for his first mention of the topic. :nono:
 
JustKiya said:
I wish my husband would tell me he is going to beat one of my friends arse over something innocent on my facebook.

a) What, you don't trust me to keep our relationship sancrosant?
b) Are you really that jealous to even suggest violence against someone I consider a friend?

:nono: I'm sorry, but I find the husbands reaction over the top and unacceptable - esp. for his first mention of the topic. :nono:
Click to expand...

I agree.

I guess I'm missing something, but I don't think that message was inappropriate at all. I think your husband overreacted.
 
SleekandBouncy said:
The fact that your friend was against/concerned about your marriage to your DH adds a whole lot of context so I view his actions as possibly suspicious. Not so much the words, but the intent. First you inject paranoia on the part of the person you want gone, but you do it in such a way that their SO/spouse doesn't see it as a big deal then you let them get angry thus making them appear unreasonable to the spouse. In the meantime you remain the supportive friend. You increase the frequency you reference events/meetings/stories unfamiliar to the spouse thereby making the spouse feel suspicious or like an outsider. They become increasingly agitated/paranoid and pushes their spouse away. I've seen this scenario play out before.

The big question is, did your DH know about the meeting with your guy friend that doesn't like your DH? Did you mention it before or after?
Click to expand...

OMG, you know what, you are right! When I read the original post I was like :huh: WHY is her DH so mad? But after reading what you said I agree and think there possibly was a nefarious intent behind it.
 
This facebook thing is definately causing major relationship problems. It has been on the new numerous times where a status change caused abuse from husband to wife and what not.. my BF was on my facebook on my iphone and went through my friends list saw a guy that I havent talked to since HS but we went to elementary school together. never any romantic relationship EVER and he is engaged.. my BF accused me of being with him b/c he is on my friends list. he went on the view this guys photos and album and accusing me of having his pictures on my phone.. Lol he didnt understand that the facebook App is a webpage shortcut and that he was online.. sometimes he's a pure idiot.. but i love him..
 
Ok, I haven't read all thru this but I have a question.....

Why is your friend so "hard up" on you getting him coffee?

OK OT....Facebook = TMI imho....why couldn't he just send you a PM?
 
I see both sides of what posters are saying, your husband went a bit overboard at the same time the message is cryptic for you to be married. The only other aspect is that your friend doesn't approve of your husband and if your husband knows that he'd see anything done by your male friend as a slight against him.
 
hmm i dk if I found that my someone had wrote that on my bf's wall I woulda called and asked what was that about. So I know ur hubby mad cuz u a lil bit more than just a gf... getting coffee is innocent. that message is not... its just a lil suspect and thats coming from someone that is soo not the jealous type
 
darlingdiva said:
On Sunday, I ran into a friend of mine. We chatted for a few minutes, and then he reminded me that I owe him coffee. The next day, he left the following message on my Facebook wall: "Don't forget what we said on Sunday, (my name)."

Fast forward to yesterday: I checked my phone after I left work & I saw a text from my husband. He was telling me to tell my friend that he was going to bust his a$$. I asked him what was going on & he told me that he'd seen the message on my Facebook wall. He thinks that my friend was being disrespectful because, according to my husband, the message is cryptic and comes off like he and I have a secret romance, which we don't. Before Sunday, the last time that I saw him was a few days before Thanksgiving & we rarely talk on the phone. He also thinks that my friend left that message purposely for him to see.

Some backstory on my friend: We had the same major as undergraduates, so we were in a lot of the same classes. We were also very close (we talked on the phone a lot, we went to dinner and plays together, etc.). We were never in a relationship and we never slept together, though. My friend wasn't happy when my husband and I started dating b/c he thought that it would ruin our friendship.

My question is: was my friend wrong for posting that message on my wall? Is it inappropriate?
Click to expand...


No. Your husband wasn't born in 1755. Men and women have platonic relationships and he shouldn't ever expect you not to have had one, esp. since he knew the guy previously as such. His jealousy has gone overboard. If anything, he should have asked you about it before threatening the guy with violence. Discussion is better than fist blows when you don't even know the situation. You need to talk to hubby and tell him to back the hell off - he doesn't own your friendships. And why is he peeping your Facebook, let alone questioning you about it?
 
Just tell the dude don't leave cryptic messages and remember you have a husband that he needs to respect along with you. You don't owe him a damn thing! Tell him to put that in his coffee. Oh I forget yes he was disrespectful. lol
 
Well I don't know if he's trying to start trouble. He might have left it vague on purpose. Some husbands wouldn't like their wives going out for coffee with a guy. So he could have been vague to avoid an issue.
 
Ordinarily, I'd say your husband was overreacting, however given the circumstances, I can see why he was angered.

1) Your friend was never happy about your union

2) The scenario as described makes me suspect that your friend may have a thing for you. Why would he be so eager to go for a casual coffee with you?

just my 2 cents.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

misspriss
Opening Moves - What do I do from here?
Replies
17
Views
359
hopeful
hopeful
S
I Know I Am Not Tripping.
3 4 5
Replies
124
Views
4K
Damaris.Elle
Damaris.Elle
N
The Girlfriend title and Calling
Replies
11
Views
351
Sosoothing
Sosoothing
S
Was I in the Wrong?
2 3
Replies
74
Views
2K
MzLady78
MzLady78
Monilove122
He Said "Let Me Be"......
2 3
Replies
74
Views
4K
kendraf
kendraf
Back
Top