He Said "Let Me Be"......

[Ipanema]

Umm, didn't HE pretty much cut HER off without giving her any facts, why does he deserve the same courtesy?

As boyfriend/girlfriend, if there was something going on with him, he should have been upfront about it and let her decide from there how/if she wanted to proceed.

Not saying she shouldn't hear him out if she wants to know, I just don't think she owes him the opportunity given his actions.

I think you misunderstood what I wrote. I'm not talking about her giving him any courtesy or owing him anything. I'm talking about her finding out exactly what happened (the facts). I just don't understand being in a serious relationship where you're friends and everything, and having the person suddenly end it. I'd think the person had some kind of breakdown, and I'd want to know about it. But maybe he's just a jacka** His behavior is wrong and he's already proven that he's not a rock that she can depend on in hard times.

 

[MzLady78]

^^^ Gotcha.

I just have SERIOUS dislike for men who pull disappearing acts like that. And to do it when the OP was already going through something was so low. I am curious as to what his explanation is, although there isn't much I think he'd be able to say to me that would make it ok.

 

[lux10023]

thanks is not enough

dude went from talking marriage to spending a lovely wknd together saying i will call you later to falling of the face of this planet and then sending a text to attempt to reconcile...

he would rot in the hell he created for doing that to me

if human A doesn't want to be with human B an in person conversation is all that is needed...be a man....if he had any at all respect and love or care for her--he would've been able to face her and say what he needed to say..who the hell disappears on someone who is grieving what kind of salt in an open wound ish is that---
that seems so heartless to me---shes already dealing with the loss of a loved one oh im gonna disappear too--you know how devastating that could be to someone--that could push certain ppl over the edge

the text/phone call he finally sent stating why he could no longer be in the rip is all i woulda needed to know....when ppl show you who they are--believe them...
hes a coward---selfish..coward


if OP wants to hear the whys ok cool
does he deserve a millisecond of her time no---

Umm, didn't HE pretty much cut HER off without giving her any facts, why does he deserve the same courtesy?

As boyfriend/girlfriend, if there was something going on with him, he should have been upfront about it and let her decide from there how/if she wanted to proceed.

Not saying she shouldn't hear him out if she wants to know, I just don't think she owes him the opportunity given his actions.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I don't think he would give her the accurate answers she needs. I think he would give her the "right" answers that he thinks she wants to hear. Men will die with a lie. They don't often admit to their b.s. even with evidence presented against them. In this case she has no knowledge of what truly happened that caused him to switch on her, so she has no real leverage to get any truths out of him. With this said, I doubt she will really get closure from him.

 

[1QTPie]

You're not the only one. I would want to know exactly what happened and why he did what he did. Just cutting him off without knowing the facts about anything when we were boyfriend/girlfriend... I just don't know about that.

Most of the time it's another woman or something just as lame.

I hope that's not what his issue is, but right now, she needs people she can depend upon and he's not one of them. He has the worst timing ever, plus he's insensitive.

 

[DarkJoy]

TBH, I'm notoriously NOT a forgiving person IRL (not a great trait, I admit). However, it can release such a burden to get your emotions off your chest and onto the party who wronged you.

Closure does not come from someone else. However, the opportunity to say what you need to say to give yourSELF closure is a good thing. That is, if your mind and heart are strong and you dont secretly intend on truly listening to pleas for reconciliation.

 

[Kindheart]

Don't mistake what I say for falling for the okie doke either.

I am the type that would listen to what he had to say for my own sense of closure. I would NOT be listening with an open mind to get back together as the trust would be destroyed beyond repair.

However I would NEED that moment to get what I have to say off my chest and have that release for my own emotional health. Then I would get off the phone, go no contact, cry for a few weeks and move on.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*

ITA ^^^

OP i think you guys should talk about what happened for your own peace of mind ,it would be pure torture for you to keep wondering why he wanted to call it quits.You re going through a very delicate stage of your life right now ,don't bottle up your feelings ,express your disappointment to him ,listen to what he has to say and move on . Delete his number ,FB .Delete any form of "temptation" . YOu ll be fine I promise

 

[biznesswmn]

I finally hear from him Wednesday late afternoon, and he tells me "Sorry for making you worry about me. I truly don't deserve your concern but, I've been busy and I have alot going on in my life. I'm not happy with my life right now and need to be by myself. I don't want to go into detail or explain any further."

I would hear him out too. He apologized and said he is depressd and cant get into details, needs some time alone. Not what u wanna hear when u r newly in love but I cant tell that he doesnt want to be in the relationship w her. He sounds like he is havg a really hard time w whatevr drama he has going on.

She loves him and shes mad. i bet she is prob workg it all out right now. Cant even post bcuz she is all snuggld up w her boo

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I agree @MzLady78, she doesn't owe him a damn thing. If it's eating her up to know his reasons, I see no problem in listening--and giving that idiot a LOUD and SCATHING piece of her mind.

We're not always given the opportunity for closure. Sometimes it's good to take it, others not. In this case, I'd fake listening to his BS answers long enough to gather my words and let him have it. but that's just me and I'm known to be kind of mean and sharp-tongued.

There's no such thing as closure. She does NOT need to hear from him. No excuses, explanations etc. She has better things to do with her time and life. Right OP?!

 

[C@ssandr@]

There's no such thing as closure. She does NOT need to hear from him. No excuses, explanations etc. She has better things to do with her time and life. Right OP?!

This is not true
When you're in a relationship with someone it's not easy to just turn off your feelings. Let's be real, it's not like she just met this dude.

Besides, there's that itty bitty chance that he has a reasonable explanation for his disappearance.

 

[MissJ]

Why are people encouraging her to talk to the guy about what happened? He's going to lie. He's had all this time to think of the perfect excuse for "what really happened." He's already shown his dishonesty by leading her on and then cutting her off with no warning. What else does he need to show her?

 

[C@ssandr@]

Why are people encouraging her to talk to the guy about what happened? He's going to lie. He's had all this time to think of the perfect excuse for "what really happened." He's already shown his dishonesty by leading her on and then cutting her off with no warning. What else does he need to show her?

She knows him better than we do. She came here to vent and for a POV. I don't believe with 100% certainty that I know what he was doing while he disappeared, neither do you or any of the rest of us on here (unless we were laying up with him).

With respect for her feelings, because she does care about him, some of us suggest she speak to him. Not everyone can just go cold turkey.

 

[CityGirlLuv]

I've had this happen to me. Except, we didn't know each other for a long time like you both had. Nor were we officially bf/gf. Anyways, I left his place that morning to go home and change for work. He told me to call when I got home so that he'd know I made it okay. I did and he didn't pick up (just figured he was sleeping). Well I texted him the next day and pretty much 2 days afterwards without hearing a thing from him. So I was like whatever and just moved on. FIVE MONTHS LATER, he out of the blue, randomly texted me to say how sorry he was, blah blah. I told him he was five months too late and he admitted there being another girl, how she left him, etc. I just rolled my eyes and continued moving on.

A year later (March 2013), I caught up with him and to make a long story short, he hadn't changed. Actually, he had a gf and he's done some salty things to her too. She told me how he was a felon and could never score a good job (embezzlement from a gas station).

There's a lot more I could add, but my main point is - I would just drop him (even though it hurts). He may be going through a hard time, sure, but that gives no one the excuse to just randomly ignore someone b/c that's just toying with someone else's emotions. He wasn't even man enough to just open up to how he actually felt. Plus, who's to say he won't do this again? Just my two cents though.

 

[caribeandiva]

Sorry this happened to you. Let him be. If a man says he wants you to leave him alone, trust that be means it. You pursuing him is not going to make him want you back. Leave him alone.

Sorry about the loss of your mother. Take care of yourself.

I second that.

 

[kendraf]

Hi Monilove122

I'm really sorry this happened to you and I hope you are still feeling better every day.

I understand some folks really want to know the reason he acted the fool. At some point, the inner satisfaction may be best had from experiencing deep gratitude that you found out before you'd invested any more in him.

IMO, if you give him a chance to tell you his story, that is exactly what you'll get! He has shown that you cannot trust in him so I hope you stay strong or you risk being convinced by some romantic-sounding BS and having a relationship resume where you'll always have that niggling idea in the back of your mind about when the next shoe will fall.