Video About Black Single Women In America

movingforward13

movingforward13

I do what I want...
I am sure this video was posted before because it is pretty old, however- for those who haven't seen it or have new opinions- what are your thoughts?

 
These women need to be real with themselves. Good looks and flourishing careers do not identify good women. Character and values mean a lot more. This segment did not discuss in depth the character and values that make the difference in women who have relationships that flourish and those that don't. Example: the woman who said she hasn't been in a relationship for over a decade. Does that mean that she hasn't been having sex in over a decade? If she has been spending that much time having casual sex with men she was not building a genuine relationship with when she desires marriage, that demonstrates a pattern of bad decision making. Another woman talked about a man who has 4 women in rotation won't be interested in making you wife, did she choose to date a man she knew was dating multiple women? Does she choose to date more than one man at a time instead of fully investing into one relationship at a time and cultivate what she wants in marriage? Is she the type of person who uses the word date interchangeably with sex? This segment is full of red flags but ppl focus on the superficial stuff and find themselves confused. The answers are in there. Assuming these are good women because they are attractive and have good careers is flawed.

When you are a good woman and have at least decent looks. Good men hit on you frequently and consider your personality refreshing compared to the superficial stuff.
 
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@Lylddlebit - very good points. And I agree with that. It was mentioned in the video that the list some of the women had were very long so they probably kept themselves from finding someone since the men they met didn't meet every requirement. Now- as they are aging, the list is going down to widen the catch...

However- as discussed in another thread- women whom are successful and have great paying jobs, would be marrying "down" if they didn't meet a man as successful and ambitious. The number of black men that meet that criteria is pretty low compared to black women. So then what would be my question. Because this same video rhetoric is being played out from coast to coast.
 
Lylddlebit said:
These women need to be real with themselves. Good looks and flourishing careers do not identify good women. Character and values mean a lot more. This segment did not discuss in depth the character and values that make the difference in women who have relationships that flourish and those that don't. Example: the woman who said she hasn't been in a relationship for over a decade. Does that mean that she hasn't been having sex in over a decade? If she has been spending that much time having casual sex with men she was not building a genuine relationship with when she desires marriage, that demonstrates a pattern of bad decision making. Another woman talked about a man who has 4 women in rotation won't be interested in making you wife, did she choose to date a man she knew was dating multiple women? Does she choose to date more than one man at a time instead of fully investing into one relationship at a time and cultivate what she wants in marriage? Is she the type of person who uses the word date interchangeably with sex? This segment is full of red flags but ppl focus on the superficial stuff and find themselves confused. The answers are in there. Assuming these are good women because they are attractive and have good careers is flawed.

When you are a good woman and have at least decent looks. Good men hit on you frequently and consider your personality refreshing compared to the superficial stuff.
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Whoa, it feels like you went into my mind and pulled this out. I agree with this 1000%
 
This is what you mean, and it's so crazy that this was just uploaded today too.



A lot of people, men and women (but worse for women) care more for the optics that the relationship/marriage provides, the come up, braggadocio, the __ w/Bae update, just lot of the superficial stuff and I think part of it stems from this microwave, social media culture and the proverbial checklist (think Molly from Insecure). It's all very shallow and rooted in complete selfishness. Don't get me wrong there's elements of selfishness that I think is good and healthy but this isn't it.

Things like character, genuine bonding, the ability to be emotionally vulnerable and connecting, they all seem to be missing. I can go on but to a lot it'll probably sound corny anyway.
 
FemmeFatale said:
I can go on but to a lot it'll probably sound corny anyway.
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If you feel like going on- I will DEFINITELY be reading.
Awesome video and I do think it is right- I think MDLWLY discussed this as well- what separates on woman from all the others. We are all pretty, we all have degrees, we all have interests, etc. but what really separates me from her to show a man we are special. I do think that is one side of it.

The other side comes back to the quality of black men that are out here. They think they know everything regarding love and relationships (generally speaking) and won't read self help books, find mentors, improve themselves relationship wise to match what many of us women are doing. They expect love isn't suppose to be difficult, everything is suppose to be easy, etc. We are suppose to take them as they are and be faithful...
I am probably all over the place with this- it is just so interesting to me as many of our counterparts are married by 30 and etc. So are "we" doing something wrong, are the men, is it a combo?

I really liked this video!
 
movingforward13 said:
If you feel like going on- I will DEFINITELY be reading.
Awesome video and I do think it is right- I think MDLWLY discussed this as well- what separates on woman from all the others. We are all pretty, we all have degrees, we all have interests, etc. but what really separates me from her to show a man we are special. I do think that is one side of it.

The other side comes back to the quality of black men that are out here. They think they know everything regarding love and relationships (generally speaking) and won't read self help books, find mentors, improve themselves relationship wise to match what many of us women are doing. They expect love isn't suppose to be difficult, everything is suppose to be easy, etc. We are suppose to take them as they are and be faithful...
I am probably all over the place with this- it is just so interesting to me as many of our counterparts are married by 30 and etc. So are "we" doing something wrong, are the men, is it a combo?

I really liked this video!
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Sure! I'll share more later. Heading to the gym to go work out this booty, lol.
 
This video is very old. But to answer your question.

One things I have noticed, is White Women date like Men. They move on quick, very quick from one relationship to the next. They know that dating is a numbers game. WW gets divorce and in 12 months she is engaged again. Or WW becomes a widow and is back in the dating scene in 12-18 months (Steve Jobs Widow & Sheryl Sandberg prime examples). They don't even have to be cute ww, but they all know the game.

Most black women i know have a long time between their relationships. Or if they get divorced they NEVER re-marry. I don't know why our dating, bouncing back habits are different.
 
Live.Laugh.Love said:
This video is very old. But to answer your question.

One things I have noticed, is White Women date like Men. They move on quick, very quick from one relationship to the next. They know that dating is a numbers game. WW gets divorce and in 12 months she is engaged again. Or WW becomes a widow and is back in the dating scene in 12-18 months (Steve Jobs Widow & Sheryl Sandberg prime examples). They don't even have to be cute ww, but they all know the game.

Most black women i know have a long time between their relationships. Or if they get divorced they NEVER re-marry. I don't know why our dating, bouncing back habits are different.
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But they have the numbers to play with...plenty of white men, black men, Asian men to choose from...
The numbers are forever in their favor...
However, I think it might be changing a bit...
 
Adel10 said:
But they have the numbers to play with...plenty of white men, black men, Asian men to choose from...
The numbers are forever in their favor...
However, I think it might be changing a bit...
Click to expand...

Most WW marry WM overwhelmingly. I think we get skewed sometimes by black male celebrities and their ww, and forget that.

I think that it is a Mindset difference and not a dating pool issue. Black women have a wider pool of dating partners but we don't tap into it. So it's easy to write off what I said above, instead of actively figuring out how to apply it.
 
Live.Laugh.Love said:
...
Most black women i know have a long time between their relationships. Or if they get divorced they NEVER re-marry. I don't know why our dating, bouncing back habits are different.
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I think we (black women) in general love too deeply and are far too loyal to others vs. loving ourselves more and being more loyal to ourselves, hence being so broken up about every break up. That said, I think it goes much deeper than just do this or that. It's a societal and psychological thing. But I am seeing black women waking up and changing and becoming happier with or without a romantic relationship.
 
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I'm starting to think that most of it boils down to things that are outside of our control. Perhaps black women face unique issues that make partnership a little more difficult but I know plenty of single white women dealing with the same stuff.

Relationships are just easier for some people. It isn't something they have to think about or work towards, it just happens for them. Just like some people have luck in career, money, health, friendships, etc... some people are just naturally lucky in love. There could be a genetic or metaphysical component where some people emit pheromones or have an energy vibration that is more desirable and attractive to the opposite (or same) sex. Who knows?

We could come up with a million different reasons why someone might still be single, but an observation of our surroundings reveal a majority who do no inner work and are no more confident, charming, socially competent, or compassionate than the perpetually single crowd yet they stumbled on relationship after relationship. I grew up around women who partied, cheated, flunked out, and coasted through life with no consideration for other people, yet they just happened to bump into their future husbands at the same grocery store many of us single ladies frequent weekly. Many of them have shaky self-esteem, are selfish, and lack intimacy and that didn't stop men from pursuing them. These aren't bottom of the barrel men either. There are also plenty of good women who easily find husbands as well.

I'm starting to think there is no formula. It is easier for some and for those who struggle, you have to work harder and search farther to make it happen. Of course for all of us there are men who are crazy about us that we don't want, but you have to decide if partnership is enough of a priority to give those guys a chance or just wait it out for the right one to come along. As for me, I don't want those dudes and I'm tired. I've come to embrace the things in my life that come easily to me-- success, money, and exciting experiences. I'm pouring 100% of my effort into myself. I've fallen in love with myself, the sea, my spirituality, and travel. That's enough for me. No more wondering why it hasn't happened for me yet. I hope everyone finds happiness whether they end up with a mate or not.
 
movingforward13 said:
A friend of mine on Facebook posted this...
View media item 129089
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What is "eurpranization"? Is this some theory that black women are upholding eurocentric marriage standards by not getting married in their 20's?

SurferBabe said:
Relationships are just easier for some people. It isn't something they have to think about or work towards, it just happens for them. Just like some people have luck in career, money, health, friendships, etc... some people are just naturally lucky in love. There could be a genetic or metaphysical component where some people emit pheromones or have an energy vibration that is more desirable and attractive to the opposite (or same) sex. Who knows?
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I absolutely believe all of this especially the importance of pheremones.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
What is "eurpranization"? Is this some theory that black women are upholding eurocentric marriage standards by not getting married in their 20's?
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Girl I don't know- he is a conscious brother (no offense to anyone conscious) but when he starts getting on that stuff, people ignore him.

By the way- we (a few females and I) tore his post apart. I am TIRED of men blaming women when they aren't leading or promoting marriage themselves.
Men let good women go all.the.TIME because they are immature and selfish.
 
kinchen said:
I don't care how old I am I am not marrying a man with a bunch of kids by different women with no college education still renting or living in his Mama's basement.
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raw
 
Nothing to add, but I did watch the vids. Why did home girl in the first vid say her requirements initially included a height of 6'5"??! :rofl:

Seriously. How many men out of a given population are gonna be 6'5"?!?! She limited herself before she even started. Was there a nice 6'2" guy she over looked when she was 24? And she was talking about this like it was a deal breaker, all 'I don't see why I should have to lower my standards.' Girl, stop.
 
I've struggled with my response because there's so many directions one could go. I remember this video when it first came out. There's an individual and collective reason why a woman gets married or struggles to. But before I get to that I think we need to get ourselves out of the mindset that if you're married, you've done something right and if you're not married then something must be wrong with you. The dynamics of marriage in the 21st century have changed from what they used to be. Marriage is no longer a societal expectation in western culture and love is bigger consideration in deciding who to build a life with than it used to be.

Now, collectively black women aren't any different than any other race of women. But we do face hurdles. The big one is the lack of a market of similarly minded black male counterparts at a time when women are more likely to be highly educated. This is happening to women all over the world but is more pronounced with black women. No matter how you slice it, the reality is there are not enough high educated, successful black men for every similarly situated black woman. There's just not. For the record I see this happening with Latina women in almost the same numbers. My law school BFF who is Mexican-American just married her college sweetheart who is Persian and an engineer. I don't think my friend would've met a Mexican-American with the kind of financial stability her husband's given her. I was a bridesmaid and I got to know the groomsmen that I hadn't met already and the Mexican men there weren't college educated but the Indian and Persian men there were. :look: Which brings me to the second hurdle black women face which is negative stereotypes and a perception that we only want black men. I read a study saying that women are more hung up on race and culture in marriage than men are which I see in my own life. And men that outright refuse to date a particular group, especially their own usually have some unaddressed deeper issue.

On an individual level we know that not every relationship is a happy one. And like some women are perpetually single, some women are always in a relationship who should be single. MDLWLY talks about this. Once you address issues that BW collectively face, then you have to address the individual reasons a woman is be single. And there's an infinite number of possibilities for that. From family issues, to personality issues, location, the list goes on.
 
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