VENT!! Sick and Tired of Guys Trying to Pressure Me Into Having Sex!!!

[Farida]

My college bio professor told me and I always remember:

Whenever you draw a line you've got to be ready to defend it.

Now, I'm not saying what these guys do is okay, in fact it is so wrong. However it has been my experience in the past with many men that they tend to behave better towards you in terms of not having sex if you are a virgin or are saving yourself for marriage. I guess because they see clear, defined terms in those two cases as opposed to "I am just not ready and don't ever know if I will be."
It is really sad that they see things this way but guys have told me that if a woman says she doesn't want to have sex until she's ready and doesn't really explain to their satisfaction what ready is, they see it as an arbitrary imposition and also an attempt to have an upperhand/control the relationship. It's sad but that's what I've heard.

I really hate that dating has lost the innocence and simplicity it used to have. Respect for women has dwindled and many men just countdown to the day they'll get into your panties without regard for you as a person.

OP just go on with your life and be glad you saw those men for the jerks they are. Good things come to those who wait, and in your case it weeded out some no-goods.

 

[gone_fishing]

I have to vent...I am so frustrated right now I don't even know where to begin...so if this sounds random and choppy I apologize b/c a lot is running through my mind right now. Breathe...okay, so I'm not saying I'm a goody goody by any means, I'm not necessarily waiting for my husband to come along before I have sex again (I am not a virgin)...but I just DO NOT care to have sex right now at this time in my life. I don't want to have a booty call or a random hook up and I def. don't want to be having sex with someone who I am not seriously involved with. But for some reason I keep meeting these guys who can't understand this and actually have had the nerve to 1.) Try to pressure me into sleeping with them and 2.) Have actually quit talking to me b/c I WON'T sleep with them!!

This has happened between me and 3 different guys since April. I am 24 years old, the first one was 37, the second was my age, and the 3rd (the one that just sent me over the top) is 30. I can't for the life of me understand why a grown man is playing these childish games..."If you don't sleep with me I won't talk to you anymore"...that sounds so high-school-ish. If anything, I would think an older, more mature man would be more understanding of the fact that in this day and age I don't want to just hop into the sack with anyone. And on top of it all, 2 of the 3 weren't even trying to put in any work...they literally thought I should just give it up b/c they wanted to.

I am not trying to play hard to get, I'm just choosing to be choosey with my body and my heart. Is there something that is so wrong with that? With the first 2 I just said whatever and cut them off, but this last one...I had to give him a piece of my mind...which on the one hand I feel I should've left alone, on the other hand I'm glad I told him to **** OFF!! Feedback please...

I know it's frustrating but they are doing you a favor hon.

God bless the man who reveals his true character before too much time has passed.

 

[Desert Skye]

Heh, I know exactly what your talking about. Back when I was single, I was talking to this guy in the hallways in my college. I am open to making new friends and it started all innocent but during the middle of our convo, he had the nerve to ask "So you wanna mess around?" I asked if he has lost his mind for asking me a question like that considering I have never met him and didnt know him from a hole in the wall. He started getting all defensive and I just walked away.

 

[Miss*Tress]

I thought I was the only one this happened too. I have to admit though, when a guy comes on that way, I think to myself, "Oh, it's like that now," and treat them in turn like a piece of a$$. Their feelings aren't necessarily hurt, but it has stunned and stupified more than one.

 

[Evolving78]

Generally speaking most men are sexually atracted to women. It is the first thing that is on their minds. Some men will come on very strong and will try to test you to see if you will take the bait, other men will try to play the mister nice guy role and have you thinkin he isn't into you like that, but jsut wants to be in your company. You just have to stay on your guard and don't put yourself in compromising situations. Don't go over this man's house right away or he come over yours to watch movies and hang out. Make him take you out. If he calls you too late don't answer the phone or tell him to call you at a more appropiate time. Don't allow him to show up late on dates. Tell him (no matter how bad you want to go out) that you will have to reschedule for another time. Stuff like this will let a guy know that you mean business and go try that with someone who doesn't know any better. I've had guys come at me like that in our first meeting and I never talked to them again.

 

[Maynard]

Generally speaking most men are sexually atracted to women. It is the first thing that is on their minds. Some men will come on very strong and will try to test you to see if you will take the bait, other men will try to play the mister nice guy role and have you thinkin he isn't into you like that, but jsut wants to be in your company. You just have to stay on your guard and don't put yourself in compromising situations. Don't go over this man's house right away or he come over yours to watch movies and hang out. Make him take you out. If he calls you too late don't answer the phone or tell him to call you at a more appropiate time. Don't allow him to show up late on dates. Tell him (no matter how bad you want to go out) that you will have to reschedule for another time. Stuff like this will let a guy know that you mean business and go try that with someone who doesn't know any better. I've had guys come at me like that in our first meeting and I never talked to them again.

That's good advice! When you start doing things like these, its super easy to weed out the losers!

 

[caligirl]

He comes back saying that maybe if I wasn't so difficult I'd have a man or woman since I wasn't sleeping with him (he basically insinuated that I was a lesbian).

That was so rude! I can't believe that came out of his mouth!

 

[caligirl]

Respect for women has dwindled and many men just countdown to the day they'll get into your panties without regard for you as a person.

wow, i wish i knew what sex felt like from a man's point of view for them to act so stupid trying to get some!

 

[janiebaby]

I'm so glad the OP did not fall for the BS. Sex will never keep a man and they would've hit it and split anyway. At least they showed you what they were about from jump street and the sad part is that they probably have wives or girlfriends at home. That's usually why guys move so fast without a care in the world as to if you'll stick around or not. This is probably the reason there was no date and the sex talk came up early. They could be you honey so I'm happy you're not in their situation.

 

[SouthernTease]

F* 'em girl, F* 'em.
I'm 24 too... and unfortunately...
it's a situation that sounds all too familiar to me...
It is good that they showed you their true
colors early on so you didn't have to waste
your precious time... so let them keep walking
so they can get out of your way and you can make
room for a real man that's more deserving.

 

[Cincysweetie]

That was so rude! I can't believe that came out of his mouth!

He's sent me several apology text messages but I've ignored them all. If the thought/words came into your mind in the first place, chances are you meant them.

To whoever said they probably have wives/gfs at home...I am really starting to think that at least 2 of them did...some things just did not add up. So you are probably right.

Thank you all so much for your advice, input, suggestions, and the encouragement to stick to my guns. I appreciate you all listening!

 

[Lucia]

ITA men have gotten rude, crude and lazy, they just don't bother to try. Unfortuantely if you want a real relationship and not just a booty call you're out of luck most guys are too used to delivery right at their door, you know what I mean they just have to call for a slice. The problem is not that some women give it up faster that a wink, it's that men are treating ALL women like they are or should be hookaz. Some women are all about the hook up and being playas-more power to them they're doing what they want nobodys forcing/pressuring them. Guys need to stop acting like pimps and playas and learn how to be gentlemen and man-up, if they're just out for the short-quick-and dirty then be upfront about it don't play me like I'm a playstation, and if a woman says she wants a realtionship, or commitment, that's the womans choice not the mans, stick to your choices, don't worry they're plenty of men out there and they're not all jerks.
Upps It got long but I'm tired of this crap myself.

Cincysweetie move on you can do MUCH better.

 

[Ms Red]

This is something I wholeheartedly agree with.

A few days after Date #1 with SO I told him the deal, no chaser. He has respected that ever since. But then again I keep praying that it remains this way.

My college bio professor told me and I always remember:

Whenever you draw a line you've got to be ready to defend it.

Now, I'm not saying what these guys do is okay, in fact it is so wrong. However it has been my experience in the past with many men that they tend to behave better towards you in terms of not having sex if you are a virgin or are saving yourself for marriage. I guess because they see clear, defined terms in those two cases as opposed to "I am just not ready and don't ever know if I will be."
It is really sad that they see things this way but guys have told me that if a woman says she doesn't want to have sex until she's ready and doesn't really explain to their satisfaction what ready is, they see it as an arbitrary imposition and also an attempt to have an upperhand/control the relationship. It's sad but that's what I've heard.

I really hate that dating has lost the innocence and simplicity it used to have. Respect for women has dwindled and many men just countdown to the day they'll get into your panties without regard for you as a person.

OP just go on with your life and be glad you saw those men for the jerks they are. Good things come to those who wait, and in your case it weeded out some no-goods.

 

[locabouthair]

I have to vent...I am so frustrated right now I don't even know where to begin...so if this sounds random and choppy I apologize b/c a lot is running through my mind right now. Breathe...okay, so I'm not saying I'm a goody goody by any means, I'm not necessarily waiting for my husband to come along before I have sex again (I am not a virgin)...but I just DO NOT care to have sex right now at this time in my life. I don't want to have a booty call or a random hook up and I def. don't want to be having sex with someone who I am not seriously involved with. But for some reason I keep meeting these guys who can't understand this and actually have had the nerve to 1.) Try to pressure me into sleeping with them and 2.) Have actually quit talking to me b/c I WON'T sleep with them!!

This has happened between me and 3 different guys since April. I am 24 years old, the first one was 37, the second was my age, and the 3rd (the one that just sent me over the top) is 30. I can't for the life of me understand why a grown man is playing these childish games..."If you don't sleep with me I won't talk to you anymore"...that sounds so high-school-ish. If anything, I would think an older, more mature man would be more understanding of the fact that in this day and age I don't want to just hop into the sack with anyone. And on top of it all, 2 of the 3 weren't even trying to put in any work...they literally thought I should just give it up b/c they wanted to.

I am not trying to play hard to get, I'm just choosing to be choosey with my body and my heart. Is there something that is so wrong with that? With the first 2 I just said whatever and cut them off, but this last one...I had to give him a piece of my mind...which on the one hand I feel I should've left alone, on the other hand I'm glad I told him to **** OFF!! Feedback please...

I go through the exact same thing and have been going through it for a while. I never wanted to vent about it because people make it seem like your nuts because you want to take your time sexually. When I talk to my friends about it they look at me like yeah whatever. I'm glad that there is someone who understands what I go through. Are we living in a world where it's so bad to want to get to know someone before you share your body with them?

 

[Cincysweetie]

I go through the exact same thing and have been going through it for a while. I never wanted to vent about it because people make it seem like your nuts because you want to take your time sexually. When I talk to my friends about it they look at me like yeah whatever. I'm glad that there is someone who understands what I go through. Are we living in a world where it's so bad to want to get to know someone before you share your body with them?

I completely understand. It's like it's expected of you to give it up...asap and without the guy putting anything into the relationship other than his d*ck. And like I said before, maybe eventually I would have wanted to sleep with one of them (or hell maybe all 3 of them at some point ), but not under pressure and not at that time. I guess I'll just have to come across a guy that doesn't mind a prude...lol lol lol. Except I so don't think of myself as being that, just someone that wants to take things slow... I'm sure someone out there will be understanding of my decision and respect my choice.

 

[Lucia]

I completely understand. It's like it's expected of you to give it up...asap and without the guy putting anything into the relationship other than his d*ck. And like I said before, maybe eventually I would have wanted to sleep with one of them (or hell maybe all 3 of them at some point ), but not under pressure and not at that time. I guess I'll just have to come across a guy that doesn't mind a prude...lol lol lol. Except I so don't think of myself as being that, just someone that wants to take things slow... I'm sure someone out there will be understanding of my decision and respect my choice.

Yeah some of these guys believe they're d**k almighty and all women must bow down.

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

First I applaud you for standing your ground. There are some women that would have caved after man #1 went packing. I understand where you are coming from and if you don't respect your temple then no man will. Since there are so many hoes out there that will sleep with just about any thing with a "cigar" (you got to use your imagination for that one), you are going to come across these men more than you think and the age don't have nothing to do with it. Men have a tendency to be more physical and believe that sex is just that, sex. I say continue to wait until you are ready and the right, respectable, deserving man is coming for you....

 

[Honey6928215]

Apparently, for these men to come across you like that, I wouldn't be surprised that there are women who will drop the drawers at a whim. And it wouldn't surprise me if they have wives and girlfriends back home. Especially, the one who is 37 years old.

 

[CoCoRica]

I have to vent...I am so frustrated right now I don't even know where to begin...so if this sounds random and choppy I apologize b/c a lot is running through my mind right now. Breathe...okay, so I'm not saying I'm a goody goody by any means, I'm not necessarily waiting for my husband to come along before I have sex again (I am not a virgin)...but I just DO NOT care to have sex right now at this time in my life. I don't want to have a booty call or a random hook up and I def. don't want to be having sex with someone who I am not seriously involved with. But for some reason I keep meeting these guys who can't understand this and actually have had the nerve to 1.) Try to pressure me into sleeping with them and 2.) Have actually quit talking to me b/c I WON'T sleep with them!!

This has happened between me and 3 different guys since April. I am 24 years old, the first one was 37, the second was my age, and the 3rd (the one that just sent me over the top) is 30. I can't for the life of me understand why a grown man is playing these childish games..."If you don't sleep with me I won't talk to you anymore"...that sounds so high-school-ish. If anything, I would think an older, more mature man would be more understanding of the fact that in this day and age I don't want to just hop into the sack with anyone. And on top of it all, 2 of the 3 weren't even trying to put in any work...they literally thought I should just give it up b/c they wanted to.

I am not trying to play hard to get, I'm just choosing to be choosey with my body and my heart. Is there something that is so wrong with that? With the first 2 I just said whatever and cut them off, but this last one...I had to give him a piece of my mind...which on the one hand I feel I should've left alone, on the other hand I'm glad I told him to **** OFF!! Feedback please...

I'm 26 and I am in the same place as you its been about 6 months and I not interested in sex or men at this point, just getting me right, loving myself cause can't nobody do that better than me.


Honestly they did you a big favor by falling back, silly ho-@ss men! That wasn't what you needed anyway and its doesn't seem to be what your looking for. Your time is valuable and they seemed to be the ones that as soon as they got it they wld eventually leave anyway.

Lately the men I meet all the want to talk about is what they want to do to me and it is such a turn-off. So are men who are hell bent on thinking they are going to handcuff me, the latest one is 37, always telling me he can get more drawers than a dresser, if he wanted to, by all means, make it happen captain and leave me alone!!!!!!!! Plus he is going thru a seperation and thru marriage has 9 kids. I'm 26 with no kids, I dont have the time, patience, or sanity to walk into a relationship, with that many children and try to get them to like me, or telling me what they aint gonna do, cause I'm not their mother.

No thanks!

 

[CurliDiva]

Cincysweetie,

You are not the only whose going through this. This lady is having the same problem as you are but the man is very active in the church. He's an usher, sang on the choir and goes to bible study every week. But he wants her to drop the draws. Can you believe that?!

You would think people who are involved in the church are celibate. Supposedly, anyway.[/quote]

Who told you people in church are celibate? My FREAKY friend is "active" at her church in more ways than one.

 

[Honey6928215]

Cincysweetie,

You are not the only whose going through this. This lady is having the same problem as you are but the man is very active in the church. He's an usher, sang on the choir and goes to bible study every week. But he wants her to drop the draws. Can you believe that?!

You would think people who are involved in the church are celibate. Supposedly, anyway.[/quote]

Who told you people in church are celibate? My FREAKY friend is "active" at her church in more ways than one.

OMG!! I can only imagine.

 

[Country gal]

It can be very frustrating. You think the guy is into you but only into your body. Sometimes hearing you will meet the right one doesn't really make you feel any better or less frustrating.

 

[Honey6928215]

I'm 26 and I am in the same place as you its been about 6 months and I not interested in sex or men at this point, just getting me right, loving myself cause can't nobody do that better than me.


Honestly they did you a big favor by falling back, silly ho-@ss men! That wasn't what you needed anyway and its doesn't seem to be what your looking for. Your time is valuable and they seemed to be the ones that as soon as they got it they wld eventually leave anyway.

Lately the men I meet all the want to talk about is what they want to do to me and it is such a turn-off. So are men who are hell bent on thinking they are going to handcuff me, the latest one is 37, always telling me he can get more drawers than a dresser, if he wanted to, by all means, make it happen captain and leave me alone!!!!!!!! Plus he is going thru a seperation and thru marriage has 9 kids. I'm 26 with no kids, I dont have the time, patience, or sanity to walk into a relationship, with that many children and try to get them to like me, or telling me what they aint gonna do, cause I'm not their mother.

No thanks!

GIRL YOU BETTER RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

 

[JazzyDez]

I FEEL YOU GIRL JOIN THE CLUB!

I been talking to this guy and we've only chilled about 3 or 4 times. He hasn't taken me out on a date but always asks for some nookie. I say no, but after repeated attemps from him on different occasions, or via phone conversations or text messages he must have got tired of hearing "no." Well the last time we chilled he had the nerve to say "I can't keep playing cat and mouse with you!" So I didn't speak to him for a couple of days after that until he called me at 3 am (He has a 2nd job as a bouncer). I didnt answer, he didn't leave a message, haven't talked to him since. It sucks because besides the wanting to hit it part, we have a LOT in common and I do like his personality & looks. I'm not a virgin and I don't necessarily plan on waiting until marrige either, but dang can't I get to know you better first?!?! Some females give it up so quick nowadays that men don't think they should have to wait. Whats up with that?

 

[cocoberry10]

Sangs in the choir too! I'm not surprised at this stuff anymore...I'm really not.

Girl, I know the feeling. This has happened to me too (and I am a church girl), but fret not, good ones are out there. So many women nowadays will just give it up, these guys don’t even try to court you anymore (even the church girls)! It’s crazy.

 

[Honey6928215]

I FEEL YOU GIRL JOIN THE CLUB!

I been talking to this guy and we've only chilled about 3 or 4 times. He hasn't taken me out on a date but always asks for some nookie. I say no, but after repeated attemps from him on different occasions, or via phone conversations or text messages he must have got tired of hearing "no." Well the last time we chilled he had the nerve to say "I can't keep playing cat and mouse with you!" So I didn't speak to him for a couple of days after that until he called me at 3 am (He has a 2nd job as a bouncer). I didnt answer, he didn't leave a message, haven't talked to him since. It sucks because besides the wanting to hit it part, we have a LOT in common and I do like his personality & looks. I'm not a virgin and I don't necessarily plan on waiting until marrige either, but dang can't I get to know you better first?!?! Some females give it up so quick nowadays that men don't think they should have to wait. Whats up with that?

Lord, I don't understand these men. Don't they know that there is this thing called HIV/AIDS!! Ladies, next time a man wants a booty call and try to hit you up, give them a lecture on the rising of HIV/AIDS in the black communities. That will scare them off!! Men don't like to hear lecture when they are trying to get their groove on.

 

[CurliDiva]

Too many women are more than willing to "play around", but then moan that a guy did them "wrong" by sleeping with another girl. Most guys will "test" your FREAK factor by bringing up sexual topics just to see if you will settle to be a "f**k" buddy. Repeat after me: sex does not egual a RELATIONSHIP!

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Hang in there cincy. i was the same way when i was single. I just couldnt get with some slimey guy all inside me and he dont even know my middle name. I was more into finding a real true boyfriend and then we can possibly take it there. It is so crazy how these guys look at you like you are lucky to sleep with them and they are giving you this 'awesome gift' and fulfilling your needs. child please, u can keep that. ...u just have to be prepared to let guys go, even if you thought u liked him. If he doesnt like you enough to be your boyfriend, then he doesnt deserve no nookie PERIOD. so stick to your guns. and i just want to say that you are on the right path to finding a worthy boyfriend/husband because you have set yourself on a pedestal and proclaimed that you are worthy! INDEED YOU ARE!!! (now if the rest of the female population can get it...)

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Not to pick specifically on you jazzy, but why the heck are you still entertaining this fool? is it because he is attractive, as you said? I been here before and now i realize that if i'm still entertaining a guy AFTER HE REVEALED TO ME THAT HE ONLY WANTED THE PANTIES... then I can only blame myself after i give them up and he ain't "acting right" anymore. If you are looking for something serious, then move on... what other signs do you need?

I FEEL YOU GIRL JOIN THE CLUB!

I been talking to this guy and we've only chilled about 3 or 4 times. He hasn't taken me out on a date but always asks for some nookie. I say no, but after repeated attemps from him on different occasions, or via phone conversations or text messages he must have got tired of hearing "no." Well the last time we chilled he had the nerve to say "I can't keep playing cat and mouse with you!" So I didn't speak to him for a couple of days after that until he called me at 3 am (He has a 2nd job as a bouncer). I didnt answer, he didn't leave a message, haven't talked to him since. It sucks because besides the wanting to hit it part, we have a LOT in common and I do like his personality & looks. I'm not a virgin and I don't necessarily plan on waiting until marrige either, but dang can't I get to know you better first?!?! Some females give it up so quick nowadays that men don't think they should have to wait. Whats up with that?

 

[CoCoRica]

And what's with these ****'s not wanting to take you out on a date, it's always why dont you come over and chill. NO THANKS, the same crap you do at your house, I do at mine. I dont need company to watch TV or a dvd. BOYYYYYYYYY BYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

And if you do meet someone that wants to take you out, they assume acceptance of the date means, you owe them or they try to find an excuse to stop by their house.

Thats the 1st thing I learned, so now if I were to go out (which I dont) I say where do you want to meet, or I'll meet you there and if I get suckered in to riding in his ride, I make sure my mase is full, my cellie is charged , and I have fair amount of cash for a cab ride.