I'm sick and tired of being SINGLE!

[Serenity_Peace]

I am dating someone but he is so different. I'm reading this book that is much better than "He's Just Not That Into You." The book is called "Catch, Keep Him" by Christian Carter. I really enjoyed reading this book. Christian breaks down all the things women do wrong when trying to get a man to open up. I know that this guy I'm dating likes me somewhat and I like him somewhat, but I know damn well that he's not the one. So, I'm out there.

In addition to getting my body back together and putting more energy on self improvement, one thing that I have been doing is signing up for Meetup events. Just go to Meetup.com and search for activities and hobbies that you like, and sign up to join those groups.

Here are Meetup groups that I'm a member of:

Wine Lovers
Jazz Lovers
Hiking and Biking
Black Professional Singles
Law of Attraction/The Secret
Learn how to cook group
Runners group
Spades/Bid Whist group
Badgammon group
Music Lovers group
Real Estate and Finance group

These are just a few of the groups that I've signed up for and I'm having tons of fun just getting out and doing things that I like with people who are interested in the same. I'm hoping that this is a good way to meet people and possibly my soulmate...

 

[Bunny77]

Big hug to all the ladies out there! I can relate... I am dating right now... still early and I don't want to jinx anything... ... but the winter was ROUGH.

My busiest work season is from December-April and it SUCKED having no one to come home to. Heck, I would have just liked for someone to CALL me and be like, "Hey Bunny, are you hanging in there?" But nope... sucked sucked sucked!

So I understand your vents, definitely. I like Serenity's list and I'd just say that even if no dates happen, just get out of the house and be around people!

 

[Bunny77]

Here are Meetup groups that I'm a member of:

Wine Lovers
Jazz Lovers
Hiking and Biking
Black Professional Singles
Law of Attraction/The Secret
Learn how to cook group
Runners group
Spades/Bid Whist group
Badgammon group
Music Lovers group
Real Estate and Finance group

Good list!

I'd suggest golf groups too. There are even some black golf groups if you want to meet other black people.

There is a running group called the Black Marathoners Association or something. No you don't HAVE to do a marathon, although you certainly can if you'd like... there are links on the page to black running groups in local cities.

You can Google them.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

^^^^Oh, thanks for that, Bunny! I've done 2 marathons and want to do another one before my knees give out.

I will look up that group and join. It'll force me to stay on top of my running.

You're right about the golf groups as well. Black men are getting into golf AND tennis now.

Great advice!!

 

[Bunny77]

^^^^Oh, thanks for that, Bunny! I've done 2 marathons and want to do another one before my knees give out.

I will look up that group and join. It'll force me to stay on top of my running.

You're right about the golf groups as well. Black men are getting into golf AND tennis now.

Great advice!!

Ooh, you did marathons!

I've done one full and one half... I'm doing another half in two weeks.

I love the people I run with, but I really want to meet some other black long-distance runners, so I'm totally going to try and train with a black running group in my area. The Black Marathoners usually pick a race weekend each year as their big "meetup." I think next year is in Atlanta or something.

 

[Krymsonkween]

I feel u op. My dh is in afganistan as a civilan contractor and I get so tired of being by myself. I have older children and they keep my busy plus I have a new granddaughter but they donot take the place of companionship. I try to explain to my dh sometimes but right now he is focused on the money. I did have a friend that I have been friends with for 26 years but he moved away so I try to keep busy with other things but at night sometimes it kills me.

Married women do get the blues sometimes to. U R not alone.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Ooh, you did marathons!

I've done one full and one half... I'm doing another half in two weeks.

I love the people I run with, but I really want to meet some other black long-distance runners, so I'm totally going to try and train with a black running group in my area. The Black Marathoners usually pick a race weekend each year as their big "meetup." I think next year is in Atlanta or something.

IMPRESSIVE!!!!!

What a great idea, too!!

Good luck on the 1/2 marathon. My mother who is almost 63 does Half Marathons at least twice a year. She puts this 37 year old to shame.

 

[HairQueen]

Why don't you like the one who likes you? What's wrong with him?

Nothing wrong with him, I just don't feel the same 'spark' I felt with the one I like..

 

[Bunny77]

Nothing wrong with him, I just don't feel the same 'spark' I felt with the one I like..

Sparks are overrated.

Do early sparks determine which man will be a good husband and father? Do sparks lead to better relationships?

Now sure, if you've given a dude a reasonable chance and there's NOTHING, then by all means, move on.

But sparks don't really say much about the strength of a relationship between two people. You see how well things worked out with Mr. Spark, right?

 

[SeatownSista]

Same thing happened to me 2 weeks ago! Still trying to figure out why....did you contact him in the end or just leave it? I tried to contact mine then gave up when I got wishy washy responses.

Been officialy single for a year now and hating it. Hate having to go on all these dates. The one I like hasn't called me back, the one I don't like (in a romantic way) called yesterday to tell me he really really likes me and wants to see me again *sigh*

I think about it every day and the clock is ticking...I am 33.

I did try contacting him because we had a date scheduled and we were supposed to be talking the day before to confirm. I never heard from him that day, and he didn't return my call. Almost a week went by before he finally sent me an email apologizing and said that he was having some issues with his job and housemates and that he had some "major decisions" to make regarding his job. He also said he shouldn't have disappeared like he did. It was nice to get an apology and explanation but it was so rude of him to just stand me up like that and ignore my calls. I haven't heard from him since.

 

[gabulldawg]

Sparks are overrated.

Do early sparks determine which man will be a good husband and father? Do sparks lead to better relationships?

Now sure, if you've given a dude a reasonable chance and there's NOTHING, then by all means, move on.

But sparks don't really say much about the strength of a relationship between two people. You see how well things worked out with Mr. Spark, right?

ITA. I didn't feel any sparks with the guy I'm dating now. In fact, I was a little erplexed about him at first. But he's turning out to be a great guy, and I am hoping that things progress. If I had discredited him because there were no initial "sparks," I would have missed out on getting to know a great guy!

 

[Serenity_Peace]

DARN!! I just wrote a long post and somehow lost it.

Here's my advice:

1. Go out. Get your hair and nails done. Do something nice for YOU for a change. People a mother doesn't mean that you can't put yourself first sometimes.

2. Go to Meetup.com. Do a search for "single mothers support groups". Perhaps there are other single mothers out there who may be able to provide that support you need.

3. There are also other Meetup groups for single parents who want to date. Do a search for that.

4. Try to find a job that pays a bit more.

Get yourself and your life in order first. Many women with children tend to put themselves on hold. There's nothing wrong with putting yourself first from time to time.

Good luck and hang in there!! :blowkiss:

 

[misspriss]

OP, I completely understand where you've coming from, I haven't had a real relationship in two years and any men I was recreationally dating in the meantime were not men I could take seriously. I honestly don't think I was ready then, even though my friends were all boo'ed up or married and I felt left-out or lonely, I don't think I was ready to actually commit to someone. Anyhow, recently, I honestly prayed and put in out in the universe that I was ready for love. I stopped recreationally dating and invested the time in myself (working out, evaluating my career, reading, diy projects around my apt.) and my friends. I kept going out and putting myself out there-just being open to meeting people and making friends, not prejudging what the relationship could be. And lo and behold, I started taking notice of someone who was right under my nose. I'm playing semi-by-the-rules and completely true to myself and so far so good...

All that to say, he's out there, don't get discouraged! In the meantime, do the things that make you happy and surround yourself with positive people.

 

[DragonPearl]

Is it just me?? Am I the only one??

UGh....The weather is getting nicer, the birds are chirping, and I'm seeing all of my friends dating their new boyfriends, and even the guy friend I had a mad crush on is now dating someone and to be honest it's killing me. Plus, I'm hearing about all these weddings (there have been 3 weddings I've known about w/in the last 3 months so far!) and "new couples" sprouting up and I'm thinking..."is there something in the water??" UGh! Sometimes I get sick of being single! Anybody else feel the same way sometimes? I know being positive is the best way to attract good things and good people into your life, but right now I just don't feel like being positive anymore.

Sorry.... I don't mean to be a downer to anyone else who's living the "single life" and loving it, but I just had to get that out there. I guess I'm just feeling kind of bummed today. I just received an e-mail from one of my girlfriends (who was single right along with me for a long time until a few months ago) showing me pictures that she and her boyfriend took at some party last weekend. I'm happy for her and everything because he really is a great guy but....*sigh* When will it be MY turn??

I wish I had a magic wand so I could magically give all of you single ladies a wonderful partner.

 

[JFemme]

I wish I had a magic wand so I could magically give all of you single ladies a wonderful partner.

This is also a wish I harbor on the daily.....


rosebud:)

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

Haven't combed through the reponses, but sometimes, sweetheart, there's someone exclusively for you that'll come in your life at that time. Trust me, when I compare the difficult days of being single to the hell the wrong man can drag you through...I'LL TAKE SINGLE FOR 200 PLEASE!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Is it just me?? Am I the only one??

UGh....The weather is getting nicer, the birds are chirping, and I'm seeing all of my friends dating their new boyfriends, and even the guy friend I had a mad crush on is now dating someone and to be honest it's killing me. Plus, I'm hearing about all these weddings (there have been 3 weddings I've known about w/in the last 3 months so far!) and "new couples" sprouting up and I'm thinking..."is there something in the water??" UGh! Sometimes I get sick of being single! Anybody else feel the same way sometimes? I know being positive is the best way to attract good things and good people into your life, but right now I just don't feel like being positive anymore.

Sorry.... I don't mean to be a downer to anyone else who's living the "single life" and loving it, but I just had to get that out there. I guess I'm just feeling kind of bummed today. I just received an e-mail from one of my girlfriends (who was single right along with me for a long time until a few months ago) showing me pictures that she and her boyfriend took at some party last weekend. I'm happy for her and everything because he really is a great guy but....*sigh* When will it be MY turn??

I've been dateless and single for almost 7 years now. I just don't know anymore....

 

[CurliDiva]

I'm the Organizer for a Meet-Up singles group and I'm just getting home from an event tonight.

I'm always amazed when I meet accomplished, intelligent, and attractive women who tell me that they have not had a date in YEARS.

One woman confessed to me that she has not had a date (and I'm assuming sex) in 10 years!

I just don't get IT!

I starting to think that some women are freaking themselves (and maybe the men that approach them) out by having a huge checklist for Mr. Right.

Stick to your values, but lighten up and just have fun!

I wonder what the unattached, nice "straight" guys are doing if all of these women are alone or hanging out with girlfriends.

 

[hopeful]

I've been dateless and single for almost 7 years now. I just don't know anymore....

I really hope you find love (or it finds you) someday. I know it must be really hard sometimes.

 

[HairQueen]

Sparks are overrated.

Do early sparks determine which man will be a good husband and father? Do sparks lead to better relationships?

Now sure, if you've given a dude a reasonable chance and there's NOTHING, then by all means, move on.

But sparks don't really say much about the strength of a relationship between two people. You see how well things worked out with Mr. Spark, right?

I'm not dating somebody if I am not feeling it. Simple as that. Same way there are some colours I don't like and some food I don't like, there are some men I don't care for much either.

I can go for a different type to the usual 'hot men' I go for but he has to make feel excited to make me want to meet up with him again that excitement doesn't have to be based on looks it could be his attitude or outlook on life.

 

[Bunny77]

I'm not dating somebody if I am not feeling it. Simple as that. Same way there are some colours I don't like and some food I don't like, there are some men I don't care for much either.

I can go for a different type to the usual 'hot men' I go for but he has to make feel excited to make me want to meet up with him again that excitement doesn't have to be based on looks it could be his attitude or outlook on life.

Well good luck with that and I hope you find the husband you are looking for!

 

[HairQueen]

Well good luck with that and I hope you find the husband you are looking for!

Thanks, me too!

 

[blue_flower]

I know EXACTLY how you feel!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks so much ladies for the great advice and wonderful support! I really appreciate it.

I'm feeling a little better. My friend and I (the one who just started dating) hung out this past weekend, and she was saying how she can't wait until it's "my turn" and when I find someone. She said that she "knows" it will happen for me one day, and to just be patient. I know she meant well, and I believe her words, but why did I feel like some kind of "special case" when she said that? Like...some anomaly or something. Idk...

Anyway...I'm on the road to thinking more positive thoughts. I have a lot going for me this year, so I'm anticipating the fun I'll be having this summer!

I know I won't be single forever, but in the meantime I'm going to live up my "singleness" to the full!

Haven't combed through the reponses, but sometimes, sweetheart, there's someone exclusively for you that'll come in your life at that time. Trust me, when I compare the difficult days of being single to the hell the wrong man can drag you through...I'LL TAKE SINGLE FOR 200 PLEASE!

haha! You're so right! I'd MUCH rather be single and happy than be in a bad relationship and UNhappy. So, maybe it's good that I'm not just settling for anything and anybody. I'm confident that I will find someone that I'm actually mutually into as well.

OP, I completely understand where you've coming from, I haven't had a real relationship in two years and any men I was recreationally dating in the meantime were not men I could take seriously. I honestly don't think I was ready then, even though my friends were all boo'ed up or married and I felt left-out or lonely, I don't think I was ready to actually commit to someone. Anyhow, recently, I honestly prayed and put in out in the universe that I was ready for love. I stopped recreationally dating and invested the time in myself (working out, evaluating my career, reading, diy projects around my apt.) and my friends. I kept going out and putting myself out there-just being open to meeting people and making friends, not prejudging what the relationship could be. And lo and behold, I started taking notice of someone who was right under my nose. I'm playing semi-by-the-rules and completely true to myself and so far so good...

All that to say, he's out there, don't get discouraged! In the meantime, do the things that make you happy and surround yourself with positive people.

This is excellent! Thanks for this! It just re-affirms in my mind the fact that sometimes you find what you're looking for when you're not even looking!
I whole-heartedly believe in just living my life and not worrying so much about it. It can be hard sometimes though. But all in all, when I do meet that special someone, I'm just going to take it easy, relax, have fun and enjoy life and not take everything he does/says so seriously.

I think also being genuinely HAPPY for your friends who are coupled up makes a big difference too. Because if you feel hurt, discouraged, or "less than" just because your friends have bf's and you don't, you could be blocking any type of relationship for yourself in the future! Sometimes negative vibes and feelings of inadequacy (ie. you feel like you "need" to have a man or else you're nothing or nobody ) can be sensed a mile away by guys.

 

[cltsassy]

Let me preface this post by saying that I have been married for 20 months now. Prior to dating my husband, I was very happily single. I wasn't trying to date or even thinking about marriage. I had gotten a dog the year before and was truly enjoying life. So much so that I told God, if He wanted me to get married, he was going to have to put the man right in front of me and say, "this is the man I want you to marry." All of that said, there are days when I wish I had stayed single. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and I like our life for the most part. But, I can honestly say that I enjoyed being single more. So, the grass ain't always greener on the other side and marriage is more than just a notion.

Get out there and enjoy being single. Cultivate friendships, workout, travel, buy a home (if you don't already have one) and take this time to strengthen your relationship with God. When you stop focusing on being single, become that person whom God wants you to be and look to Him for your happiness, that is when He will bring you the man that He has for you.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

Girl! I was twittering, fbing and Blackberry messaging this to people last night. what is going on???

it's like there's a drought of some sort. can't get a date...this is so terrible.

 

[metro_qt]

ITA. I didn't feel any sparks with the guy I'm dating now. In fact, I was a little erplexed about him at first. But he's turning out to be a great guy, and I am hoping that things progress. If I had discredited him because there were no initial "sparks," I would have missed out on getting to know a great guy!

ooooh.. this post makes me think about what's going on with me right now... lol.

I like sparks though.. i live for sparks...
but guess what? most people i have sparks for/with DON'T WORK OUT...