I'm Tired

[Ms Red]

I am not yet married but I will be soon (might as well claim it!) And I have felt all of the sentiments expressed in this thread at one point or another. What helped me was having a close friend (or friends) to whom I could vent (and LHCF), praying and putting myself out there more.

Last year I remember driving to my mom's house on a Friday night. I was on Match.com, Eharmony.com, you name it I was on it. She looked over at me and was like 'Do you want to be on that couch sitting alone when you're 35?! Get out and go DO something.'

Y'all, I was livid. Between my job and LIFE, I wasn't putting myself out there at all. I was mad because I knew she was right. At the end of a long day, the LAST thing I wanted to do was go schmooze it up at a party or networking event. But I wanted to be in a meaningful relationship. The next week I worked in Boston and it was rainy, dreary and just plain depressing. The night I flew back in, my organization had a networking mixer. I went and met the guy I'm currently dating.

The point is, praying was good. Being on LHCF was good. Venting to friends and family was good. But what it took was me putting myself out there more and taking action. A few months before I went to that event I made it my business to live life and get out. I realized I wasn't going to meet 'him' on my couch. Don't know if 'this is it' or not, but I'm glad I got out of my comfort zone and I bet many of you will be 'in the right place at the right time' very very soon.

 

[Kerryann]

Im just tired of the stress of the Dating World period
I dont want to get to know anyone anymore
I dont want to be your baby mother
Im tired of feeling i will never get married it hurts dam i getting teary eyed at work dam it really does hurt

 

[bellatiamarie]

Oh boy....I know how you women feel.

I'm going through the same thing myself.

It's a week before "that time", so YES I'm PMSing!

I'm sick and tired of it all too. I'm starting to wonder..."is it ME??"

How come it is that my girlfriend who is moody as anything, NEVER wears makeup, has a CHILD already, and used to suffer from depression can find a NICE, handsome man who treats her right, AND is serious about her and their relationship and even wants to get married in the future, and yet here I am I can't even snag ONE guy that I'm attracted to that wants something serious with me.

It's getting to be pretty discouraging.

And don't get me started on the guy friend that I was "in love" with for 3 years. Even HE has a girlfriend now, and it's bugging the heck out of me. I mean, I'm happy if he's happy, but really...he went and wasted 2 good years of my life with his games/mixed signals/in-directness, and now he's skipping off into the sunset with his new girlfriend. And on top of that, I STILL have to see him at church every week!

It's just soooo not fair!

I'm sick and tired of people wondering why I'm not married or even DATING someone right now, and I'm 28 years old. I'm sure people are probably looking at me saying: "awww...poor thing".

I mean, I'm a nice person, I'm spiritual, I'm attractive, I have a job, I'm educated, and I pretty much have my act together, so what's up with the guys out here that I can't attract just ONE that I want?? I mean...really! I'm not asking for mounds of guys to be knocking down my door. I'm just asking for ONE guy that I'm interested in to be interested in me as well! Is that too much to ask?

BUT....I'm trying VERY very hard not to get bitter, think negatively all the time, or project a "woe is me" attitude. I'm trying VERY hard because sometimes I think that you can attract what you think about. And if you feel like you'll never meet someone, then guess what?? You probably won't!

So...I'm trying extra hard to stay positive...but honestly, some days it's just hard. The week right before my period is the hardest time, because that's when I feel the worst. I see all my friends dating someone, my younger sister is married before me, etc....It just gets to be too much sometimes.

OP....great thread. Sometimes you just need to vent.

at the bolded... ive been an emotional roller coaster all day today!
i hate my .

i'm tired of dating inconsistent guys... they're head over heels for you one day and the next day they don't call .

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oh wow....

It's been almost 2 years since I wrote on this thread, and sad to say....NOTHING has really changed for me in the "singleness" department. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry!

Oh well.... I have OTHER things on my plate right now that I'm focused on, so while I STILL would love to be in a relationship, I'm not making it a priority for me right now. I have other more important things to worry about. I'm sick and tired of the dating scene though, and I'm sick and tired of hopes and dreams dashed to pieces.

You know what I'm REALLY sick and tired of though?

I'm sick and tired of:
-Guys who seem interested in you (at FIRST), and then when you finally let your guard down and start to become a little interested in them back, they all of a sudden start acting WEIRD! All of a sudden they just start acting either strange, stand-offish, scared, hesitant, or whatever around you. Almost like you're now giving off the vibe that you like them a little TOO much. Ummm....no. Don't flatter yourself too much boo. I'm just a nice person.

Either way, I've come to learn that guys who do the "bait & switch" (interested in you one minute, then acting weird and cautious around you the next ) are a COMPLETE waste of my time. I don't even worry about them longer than 2 minutes. Why?? Because I know that it's them and not me. I know that any "normal" man who has a REAL genuine interest in me will show genuine and consistent interest in me and won't do a "bait and switch" on me all of a sudden. I didn't do anything other than be cordial, nice, engaging, and conversational. If you feel like you need to now "put on the brakes" around me, then that's YOUR problem, not mine. I wasn't even sweating you like that.

Ugh...why do guys DO this? Does anyone else know what I'm talking about???? OR, is it just me?

 

[Sapphire]

Wow, surprised to see this thread bumped up lol. Nothing has changed for me in the past two years either. Everything I posted in the original post still applies lol

 

[Sapphire]

Oh wow....

It's been almost 2 years since I wrote on this thread, and sad to say....NOTHING has really changed for me in the "singleness" department. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry!

Oh well.... I have OTHER things on my plate right now that I'm focused on, so while I STILL would love to be in a relationship, I'm not making it a priority for me right now. I have other more important things to worry about. I'm sick and tired of the dating scene though, and I'm sick and tired of hopes and dreams dashed to pieces.

You know what I'm REALLY sick and tired of though?

I'm sick and tired of:
-Guys who seem interested in you (at FIRST), and then when you finally let your guard down and start to become a little interested in them back, they all of a sudden start acting WEIRD! All of a sudden they just start acting either strange, stand-offish, scared, hesitant, or whatever around you. Almost like you're now giving off the vibe that you like them a little TOO much. Ummm....no. Don't flatter yourself too much boo. I'm just a nice person.

Either way, I've come to learn that guys who do the "bait & switch" (interested in you one minute, then acting weird and cautious around you the next ) are a COMPLETE waste of my time. I don't even worry about them longer than 2 minutes. Why?? Because I know that it's them and not me. I know that any "normal" man who has a REAL genuine interest in me will show genuine and consistent interest in me and won't do a "bait and switch" on me all of a sudden. I didn't do anything other than be cordial, nice, engaging, and conversational. If you feel like you need to now "put on the brakes" around me, then that's YOUR problem, not mine. I wasn't even sweating you like that.

Ugh...why do guys DO this? Does anyone else know what I'm talking about???? OR, is it just me?

Uggghhh, I can totally relate to the whole inconsistency thing with guys. This is the typical scenario I experience when "dating". I'm tired.....erplexed That's definitely a cue to end things immediately.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Uggghhh, I can't totally relate to the whole inconsistency thing with guys. This is the typical scenario I experience when "dating". I'm tired.....erplexed That's definitely a cue to end things immediately.

Hmmm...well, maybe it's just me and the men in my area then. Because I certainly see a LOT of inconsistency over here where I am.

It's almost like some men are looking for perfection or something! Like, just being a nice attractive women is NOT enough! What more do they want? Nice, attractive, has a decent job, isn't crazy , outgoing, has an active social life, has traveled and is well-rounded, etc. I mean seriously....what are the guys looking for over here?

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

Tired of people saying that my standards are too high (honesty, ambition, trustworthiness, secure, thoughtful???)
Tired of people (family) asking about my ex-finance and looking at me crazy as if I messed up! (We were together for 10 yrs (I'm only 30) and he is the only guy my family has met- Believe me I found out that he wasn't the person I thought he was! They should be happy that I didn't make a mistake, but they keep asking about him!)

Tired of people asking me if I want a child (yes, but clearly I can't (will not) have one without a husband)

Tired of men being so insecure (actually had a guy tell me that he was intimidated just because I told him my profession, crazy!!! He wasn't joking)

Tired of seeing all my friends getting married (I am happy for them but it's hard- 3 weddings this year alone)

Tired of my friends trying to pick men for me (I allowed you to set me up once, it was a total failure, you don't get the chance to pick again, stop trying)

Tired of my friends saying that it will happen when I have not mentioned one word of my feelings (They say it as if I am withering away, I'm like I know, I would much rather wait and be with the right person)

WOW!! Thanks OP.

Girl we are <<<< so>>>> Here

 

[Sapphire]

Hmmm...well, maybe it's just me and the men in my area then. Because I certainly see a LOT of inconsistency over here where I am.

It's almost like some men are looking for perfection or something! Like, just being a nice attractive women is NOT enough! What more do they want? Nice, attractive, has a decent job, isn't crazy , outgoing, has an active social life, has traveled and is well-rounded, etc. I mean seriously....what are the guys looking for over here?

Whoops that was supposed to be CAN totally relate, not can't. LOL its not just you, I experience this a lot. I'm in Washington state btw.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Whoops that was supposed to be CAN totally relate, not can't. LOL its not just you, I experience this a lot. I'm in Washington state btw.

Ohhhh! Okay, NOW it makes more sense.

Yeah, I'm in the DMV area, and I used to scoff when a guy friend would always warn and tell me that the men in this area are a "certain way", but now a few years later...I TOTALLY see what he means. They have a certain air about them that gives women the impression that the woman should be competing for THEM, that they are giving women a favor just for showing them attention, and that the men here can "afford" to be "picky". There's such a sense of entitlement here. Don't get me wrong, lots of bw ladies get married here, so I know it CAN be done, but I think that there's too much of a "player"/"live it up while I still can" type of vibe here and it's getting old real fast.


I need to go down to the South or just to another state altogether and find some blk men who are REALLY about being serious w/a woman and settling down and getting married. Not just stringing along a whole bunch of women all the way up into their mid-late 30's.

 

[Syrah]

I am not yet married but I will be soon (might as well claim it!) And I have felt all of the sentiments expressed in this thread at one point or another. What helped me was having a close friend (or friends) to whom I could vent (and LHCF), praying and putting myself out there more.

Last year I remember driving to my mom's house on a Friday night. I was on Match.com, Eharmony.com, you name it I was on it. She looked over at me and was like 'Do you want to be on that couch sitting alone when you're 35?! Get out and go DO something.'

Y'all, I was livid. Between my job and LIFE, I wasn't putting myself out there at all. I was mad because I knew she was right. At the end of a long day, the LAST thing I wanted to do was go schmooze it up at a party or networking event. But I wanted to be in a meaningful relationship. The next week I worked in Boston and it was rainy, dreary and just plain depressing. The night I flew back in, my organization had a networking mixer. I went and met the guy I'm currently dating.

The point is, praying was good. Being on LHCF was good. Venting to friends and family was good. But what it took was me putting myself out there more and taking action. A few months before I went to that event I made it my business to live life and get out. I realized I wasn't going to meet 'him' on my couch. Don't know if 'this is it' or not, but I'm glad I got out of my comfort zone and I bet many of you will be 'in the right place at the right time' very very soon.

Same thing. Go out and do things alone. Do things with girlfriends. Do things with LHCF'ers. Just do things!

When I used to go out in search of a man, I could never meet one I liked.
When I started going out to do things that I liked, with or without a friend, I starting meeting men I liked.

Where do ya'll live? Maybe we should get a list going of things that we hear about that sound interesting (or that our male friends mention they might be attending )...

 

[SuchMagnificent]

This was a great thread...bumping for some that might need to vent

 

[meesch]

i feel like i never see women on this board talk about how they dont have any problems meeting men. (well other than the usual suspects who seem to exaggerate men falling all over them all the time.) whats up with that?

 

[meesch]

#shade

to be fair that could also apply to myself

 

[melophone13]

People usually only come online to say something when something really good happens or something really bad happens. Otherwise there's not much of a story, is there?

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Rae81]

Same thing. Go out and do things alone. Do things with girlfriends. Do things with LHCF'ers. Just do things!

When I used to go out in search of a man, I could never meet one I liked.
When I started going out to do things that I liked, with or without a friend, I starting meeting men I liked.

Where do ya'll live? Maybe we should get a list going of things that we hear about that sound interesting (or that our male friends mention they might be attending )...

This is what I need to do start getting out by myself cuz a guy isn't going to magically appear at my house

Sent from my PG86100 using LHCF

 

[Sapphire]

Funny that this thread was bumped, I was just thinking about it yesterday. Well everything in my original post still applies and:

I'm tired of men making little to no effort and expecting you to do all the work.

I'm tired of getting the short end of the stick when it comes to men and relationships.

I'm tired of wondering when/if I'll ever experience being in a "real" relationship.

 

[ElizaBlue]

@ BroadstreetBully

I appreciate your effort in trying to help but I did not start this thread because I was seeking guidance into what I may or may not be doing wrong in the relationship/dating department. As I've said previously, I've made an effort this year, more than I have in prior years. I've done my research, read self-help books, tried to maintain a positive outlook despite all of the ups and downs. It simply has not gotten me anywhere and I am tired. I haven't given up, just have gotten FED UP. This thread was made for the sole purpose of allowing me and whoever else may need to vent out our frustrations. It has helped me in realizing I'm not alone and confirms my belief that I need to direct my energy towards other things at this time. Thanks again.

@Sapphire First of all I love your hair.

I understand your response and your reason for posting. I am sending hugs and love out to all of you because we are all on the same quest. I think broadstreetbully is just feeling the want to try to help. I feel that too.

One thing I will add is that when I don't have a man in my life (which ain't often...lol) I tend to be less desirable. But as soon as I get one, chile they are coming out of the woodwork.

The guy I'm dating now I met online a long time ago. And I...apparently...just couldn't be bothered. He wasn't my type . Five years later he's back in my life and everyday we ponder the what if's. Why didn't we make it back then and what if we had? He's everything I would have asked for...well at least that famous 80%...okay.

So I will say that while yes I know exactly where you all are in being tired. You might want to reassess someone you thought was not your type. You may just have met the one for you already. Just a thought. Please don't stone me...lol...I want every woman on the forum to find happiness and fulfilment that will lead to marriage...or at least big smiles in the morning...

ETA: That this thread is three years old and I didn't realize it...

That it's still revelant...

Oh well....hugs again ladies.

 

[Smiley79]

tired of being single....I can so use a change.

 

[Sapphire]

@Sapphire First of all I love your hair.

I understand your response and your reason for posting. I am sending hugs and love out to all of you because we are all on the same quest. I think broadstreetbully is just feeling the want to try to help. I feel that too.

One thing I will add is that when I don't have a man in my life (which ain't often...lol) I tend to be less desirable. But as soon as I get one, chile they are coming out of the woodwork.

The guy I'm dating now I met online a long time ago. And I...apparently...just couldn't be bothered. He wasn't my type . Five years later he's back in my life and everyday we ponder the what if's. Why didn't we make it back then and what if we had? He's everything I would have asked for...well at least that famous 80%...okay.

So I will say that while yes I know exactly where you all are in being tired. You might want to reassess someone you thought was not your type. You may just have met the one for you already. Just a thought. Please don't stone me...lol...I want every woman on the forum to find happiness and fulfilment that will lead to marriage...or at least big smiles in the morning...

ETA: That this thread is three years old and I didn't realize it...

That it's still revelant...

Oh well....hugs again ladies.

Thanks for the compliment. It's unfortunate that this thread is still relevant since I posted it 3 years ago, but it is what it is.

As far as your advice on reassessing guys from my past, this is actually something I've considered but none of the guys from my past are worth a second chance. Hell, they shouldn't have even had a first chance lol. Them not being my type wasn't really the issue. erplexed

 

[tinkat]

I feel this thread Sapphire...This is a good venting place but I realized that it is just more time for me to focus on what I need to do.

ElizaBlue your story is cute! Its funny how you both reconnected...Sometimes we are not ready for that person so they come back in our lives when we are ready .

 

[ambergirl]

Always love Elizablue's stories!

Just this summer I had a guy I was crushing on YEARS ago show back up. All this time I thought he might have been the one who got away....after a couple of months I couldn't wait to throw himi back into the sea.

Glad we reconnected though because now I will never, never, never wonder "what if?"

 

[mallysmommy]

i'm tired of caring. why can't i be emotionally detached like them? what i'd give for some thicker skin........i'm too young to be bitter

 

[kaynewme]

I'm tired of meeting men who aren't over their exes who say they are. I'm tired of exes not letting go. I'm tired of men with issues. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of people always saying that I don't know how to play the game right. I'm tired of assholes and bad boys....so overrated. Lol. I'm just tired at 26.

 

[tinkat]

I'm tired of meeting men who aren't over their exes who say they are. I'm tired of exes not letting go. I'm tired of men with issues. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of people always saying that I don't know how to play the game right. I'm tired of assholes and bad boys....so overrated. Lol. I'm just tired at 26.

I can so relate. I hate that people compare this to a game. I just want someone to be real with me.

 

[kaynewme]

I can so relate. I hate that people compare this to a game. I just want someone to be real with me.

Word! It's real life....not a video game.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Wow....this thread has been active since 2009!!




Well....after reading back on some of my old posts from 2009 in this thread, I can honestly say that I am in a MUCH better place these days. Things have not changed in the "single" dept. but I think I'm just coming to grips w/the fact that obviously I'm not meant to have someone at THIS particular point in time in my life.

And you know what? I'm okay with that. Would I still like some companionship? Of COURSE! Do I want to get married some day? Heck ya! Idk...I guess I'm just trying to remain more so focused on what I have to be THANKFUL for in my life these days and less focused on what I don't have ykwim? It has done wonders.

FULLY getting over that guy friend and heartbreak really did me a world of good. Not only that, but since I'm single....the world is my oyster! I can go anywhere, DO anything, pick up and move elsewhere if I want, and nobody really can hold me back! When I get married and start having kids, that won't be so easy to do. In fact, this year (2012) has been more about ME and just enjoying my life...whatever status I may find myself in these days. I've been able to enjoy the company of GREAT friends, traveling, socializing, having fun, and just overall ENJOYING my life while I can.

When I look back on my life, or end up eventually getting married...I don't want end up 65 years old looking back on my life when I was in my late 20's and 30's and find that I basically wasted my precious youth, singleness, and time feeling miserable and "less than" simply because I wasn't "paired up" in a relationship at the time. And I know one thing...based on some of the marriages I've seen of some of my friends, family members, and just other people I've observed, I'd rather stay single and HAPPY than married to the WRONG man, and feeling alone and unloved even though I'm married. It's one thing to feel lonely/alone because you're SINGLE, but a WORSE feeling altogether to be MARRIED and STILL feeling alone, unloved, or undesirable. Smh... So...no regrets!

I do think this thread is great to vent though, because every once in a while we DO need to let that negative energy out. We NEED to vent and feel angry sometimes. Get it all out of our system. It also reminds us that we're not alone in this journey. There are other women out here dealing w/the same thing also. So...keep your chins up ladies! It will happen for us one day! And even if it doesn't...we will be OKAY!

 

[firecracker]

Wow this thread started in 2009. I hope we can get some happy long term relationship or married update stories.

For some folks things have been the same and for others its been a series of start ups and fails but such is life. You can be tired but don't give up. Don't be in a rush everytime you meet someone either but don't give up. Good things happen organically.

 

[Theo]

Crystalicequeen123

Girl yes. Even though I'm getting kinda tired of being the single one, some of these relationships are not to be envied. I was the person who was always in a relationship or dating somebody, but after my last relationship I took some time to just experience really being alone and I realized its not so scary.... Once I started to get to know myself better, I found it to be quite fun.

I'm glad I had that experience b/c once i got back out there and started dating again, my approach was soooo different. I'm much better at asserting myself b/c I am not afraid of somehow offending someone or turning them off, I'd honestly rather be myself than give my time over to someone that does not value it.

I really think everything happens for a reason. I went out on a couple of weeks ago and this guy asked me why I was so confident, that that was the main reason he asked me out. He Said "I was wondering why is this girl so confident, there must be something special, And i wanted to find out", and I'm soooo glad I'm at that point now, you know? I look back at some of the guys who I was attracted to in the past and I'm like man... Even though I was really upset that it didn't work out with me and him, God must have been looking out for cuz I would have been so screwed up in the head right about now.