I'm Tired

[BroadstreetBully]

@ BroadstreetBully

I appreciate your effort in trying to help but I did not start this thread because I was seeking guidance into what I may or may not be doing wrong in the relationship/dating department. As I've said previously, I've made an effort this year, more than I have in prior years. I've done my research, read self-help books, tried to maintain a positive outlook despite all of the ups and downs. It simply has not gotten me anywhere and I am tired. I haven't given up, just have gotten FED UP. This thread was made for the sole purpose of allowing me and whoever else may need to vent out our frustrations. It has helped me in realizing I'm not alone and confirms my belief that I need to direct my energy towards other things at this time. Thanks again.

Hey, no problem! I'm right with you on getting tired at times. Sometimes that means that right now is just NOT the time. The bolded is where I am and the reasoning for question #9. Once you find some other things to keep you busy and take your attention away from the stress of the dating scene, you'll feel better!

 

[Bunny77]

Hey Broadstreet... did you mean in your questions being alone for the time being? I actually didn't interpret your questioning as suggesting that one must accept being alone forever, but I do think that if some women try to force bad relationships to avoid being alone instead of chilling out just for a little while, it delays finding the right one.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I'm not sure exactly what that exercise was supposed to accomplish, because I don't really feel any better.

I guess I'm just sick and tired of the books, articles, friends, family members, etc. making it seem like it's always the "WOMAN's fault" if she doesn't have a man. Books claiming that if you don't have a man it's because: "You're too fat! You're too skinny! You're too nice! You're too B****Y! You're not attractive. You're TOO attractive! You don't have your life together. You have your life TOO much together! You're not into him enough. Oh wait a second.....you're TOO into him! You're too dependent and needy. You're not dependent on him at all! You're not independent. You're TOO independent!" Blah blah blah


I'm just so SICK and tired of it! "TRUE" love and relationships should NOT be this much hard work and analysis! I'm about to go throw all of those stupid relationship books that I have bought over the past few years into the trash!! Aside from maybe a COUPLE of books "enlightening" me to how guys think and how you should keep a level-head while dating, I would venture to say that most of those books have been a complete waste of my time. They haven't gotten me a lasting relationship yet! If anything, they have kept me anaylzing and over-evaluating every single little thing/detail so much that I have probably forgotten how to just be "myself" when meeting a new man that I'm interested in. Ugh...

I feel you on this! For the record, I'm also single...and I felt this way...still do sometimes, but for me I just had to sit back and realize that I've done all I could do--and maybe it's just not my time.

You're right about it not always being the woman's fault! MANY women out there who have found love are not perfect and balanced. Most just had the right guy fall into their lap.

I was just sharing the questions I asked myself before I decided to take a mini break from guys and sit back and let stuff just happen. When I was feeling down from being single and only meeting losers, I sat down and asked myself some hard questions. I realized that my journey might be harder than most because of what I'm looking for, and you know what? I'm fine with that. You gotta live and find some outlets to fill that void until someone comes along. I just said forget it, it'll come someday!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Hey Broadstreet... did you mean in your questions being alone for the time being? I actually didn't interpret your questioning as suggesting that one must accept being alone forever, but I do think that if some women try to force bad relationships to avoid being alone instead of chilling out just for a little while, it delays finding the right one.

I certainly didn't mean FOREVER! There's no way I'm going to be alone forever! I hope others didn't interpret it as that!

I was someone that would stick around too long or force bad relationships as you say because I feared that if I let a piece of man go, I wouldn't find a better one. I realized that it's okay to kick a loser to the curb and pick up the pieces before I set on another journey to find Mr. Right. That's what I meant by 'being alone'. Nobody wants to be single forever.

In the meantime I started getting a little more into sports, and I started attending some local sports games. I found that I discovered a hobby I LOVED! When I was wrapped up in the hype of sports and fan culture, all my other worries went out of the window. It became an outlet that would get my mind off of relationships because when you're REALLY lonely, sometimes it's all you can think about.

 

[JollyGal]

I'm subscribing glad but sad to know I'm not alone.

Will add soon but you've all pretty much taken the words from my fingertips

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks Crystalicequeen123 for expressing what I did not have the energy to say. I totally agree with everything you said in response to the questions that were posted. In fact, its almost like I wrote them myself. I don't mind if this vent thread goes off topic, as long as its a healthy debate and NOT analyzing what what we are doing wrong because obviously that's not what we need!

You're welcome! No problem. I feel the same way too...I'm kind of getting tired of the "blame game". Problem in your relationship?? Just blame the woman! She's "too needy", "too independent", "too affectionate", "not affectionate enough", etc. It's just nonsense if you ask me.

Many times (unless a woman is completely clueless about men), I don't think the women are doing anything wrong! I've seen unattractive women who are toothless, have no hair on their heads, with HUSBANDS and boyfriends...so if THEY can get a man, so can I!

Idk...maybe my "standards" are too high?

I'm not even asking for a specific "type". I just want a guy who is reasonably attractive, serious about a relationship w/me, nice, HAS a life, financially stable, and treats me well. He doesn't have to be black, he doesn't have to be 6'4...heck he doesn't even have to have a 4-year degree from an accredited prestigious institution! Even a "trade school" will work! As long as he's smart, well-read, and has a good head on his shoulders, I'm fine with him!

AMEN AMEN!!! I'm tired of hearing preachers, married folk and ugly folk. Tell me that I SHOULD be comfortable being alone.

Instead of telling me; this is how you prepare yourself for marriage/family WHILE you're living your single life. Or tell me how to avoid unhealthy relationships or tell me how to keep my EMOTIONS in check while I date.

Or Tell me how a single person should date and live their single life until Mr. Right comes along.

Tell me stuff like that. Not be comfortable single and don't contribute anything else to that statement.

ROTFL! LOL @ "ugly folk".

I agree. We just need more advice on how to prepare ourselves for a relationship/marriage, how to keep your emotions in check while you're dating, how to attract the RIGHT man for you, or how to busy yourself UNTIL "Mr. Right" comes into your life. But don't just tell women: "Well...maybe you should get used to being single for the rest of your life!" Heck no!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

The reason why I think we are the least desired group is due to our black men. More often than not, black men will bash black women to each other and other races.

Black men made it quite clear, publicly, that black woman are not desireable for companionship (just for sex). Additionally, when you have a black man like Kobe or whomever is considered a role model, purposely (IMO) marrying outside of their race to a white trophy wife. Other black men see that and want the same thing.

Sad to say...but you're right. And of course...a lot of black men got that mentality sadly from slave days and the "white man".

You NEVER hear white men publicly declaring why they don't date "white women" anymore, or why white women are undesirable to them. Even if a white man were to feel this way, he surely wouldn't say it in public! He definitely wouldn't be stating that in quotes to magazines/tabloids/media (if he's a public figure).

It's just a shame how some black men were raised sometimes.

Although I'm still holding out for a black man, I keep an open-mind of ALL races.... There are beautiful decent men of ALL colors in God's beautiful creation. Sad to say...I have no idea how to attract one of the "others" . Oh wait...let me take that back. There was one white guy who was interested in me, and made it pretty clear too. But he just wasn't my type at all.

It can be done though. Sometimes men of other races need more "encouragement" than black men because they're not sure if you would date outside of your race, if you're just being nice, etc.

I feel you on this! For the record, I'm also single...and I felt this way...still do sometimes, but for me I just had to sit back and realize that I've done all I could do--and maybe it's just not my time.

You're right about it not always being the woman's fault! MANY women out there who have found love are not perfect and balanced. Most just had the right guy fall into their lap.

I was just sharing the questions I asked myself before I decided to take a mini break from guys and sit back and let stuff just happen. When I was feeling down from being single and only meeting losers, I sat down and asked myself some hard questions. I realized that my journey might be harder than most because of what I'm looking for, and you know what? I'm fine with that. You gotta live and find some outlets to fill that void until someone comes along. I just said forget it, it'll come someday!

BSB, I appreciate your inputs! Although I am feeling better, one day I hope to be at your level with your mindset. Right now, I think I just want it too much. lol*

Because after what I've been through for the past 3 years, I just KNOW God has someone SPECTACULAR for me! I have been up and down through the ringer! I've put up with stuff I'm almost ashamed to write. I've dealt with emotional pain so bad with this one particular guy that people wouldn't even believe!! You would think it was a fictional novel...but nope! It was real!

So...I know a GREAT guy must be around the corner for me, because the things I have had to endure and put up with for 3 years is just unbelievable.

 

[Kiadodie]

I feel you on this! For the record, I'm also single...and I felt this way...still do sometimes, but for me I just had to sit back and realize that I've done all I could do--and maybe it's just not my time.

You're right about it not always being the woman's fault! MANY women out there who have found love are not perfect and balanced. Most just had the right guy fall into their lap.

I was just sharing the questions I asked myself before I decided to take a mini break from guys and sit back and let stuff just happen. When I was feeling down from being single and only meeting losers, I sat down and asked myself some hard questions. I realized that my journey might be harder than most because of what I'm looking for, and you know what? I'm fine with that. You gotta live and find some outlets to fill that void until someone comes along. I just said forget it, it'll come someday!

And there you go...that's how it usually works. Most of the women I know either settled for these unhealthy relationships or luckily ran into the right guy. When it comes..it'll just come. I struggle with it, but in reality that's just how it is. For some it comes easily and for some it just doesn't. erplexed

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

And there you go...that's how it usually works. Most of the women I know either settled for these unhealthy relationships or luckily ran into the right guy. When it comes..it'll just come. I struggle with it, but in reality that's just how it is. For some it comes easily and for some it just doesn't. erplexed

Ugh... I hate to think that it's just "luck" that gets people together though!

That means that there is probably no hope for me. I don't usually have guys just "fall into my lap".

Maybe I need to go to more areas where there are more guys.

 

[Kiadodie]

Ugh... I hate to think that it's just "luck" that gets people together though!

That means that there is probably no hope for me. I don't usually have guys just "fall into my lap".

Maybe I need to go to more areas where there are more guys.

I don't think that's the only thing but I do think luck plays a role. Seriously, I know some people that have everything but that and there's really nothing wrong with them and they try at relationships..I mean try.

At the end of the day, I think it's important to be happy and grateful for whatever you have.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

\
BSB, I appreciate your inputs! Although I am feeling better, one day I hope to be at your level with your mindset. Right now, I think I just want it too much. lol*

Because after what I've been through for the past 3 years, I just KNOW God has someone SPECTACULAR for me! I have been up and down through the ringer! I've put up with stuff I'm almost ashamed to write. I've dealt with emotional pain so bad with this one particular guy that people wouldn't even believe!! You would think it was a fictional novel...but nope! It was real!

So...I know a GREAT guy must be around the corner for me, because the things I have had to endure and put up with for 3 years is just unbelievable.

I know the feeling! I'm not ashamed to admit that once it got so bad that I just broke down in tears out of frustration. Decent guys who I felt were right for me weren't into me, and just kept sending me mixed signals. Meanwhile, the straight up losers were all in my face. I went into a period of depression, then one day I got fed up and started asking myself some questions. I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me or my standards. The right man who accepts me for me will come along.

In the meantime I realized that I had to find something to do to occupy my time in a positive way. I had to be okay with being single for the moment. I got tired of hanging out with my girlfriends all of the time. Let me tell you, when you're really wanting some male attention, you can get tired of being around women, I don't feel bad for that--that's just how it is. I started to go to some sports game and fell in love with the culture. I got to be around a bunch of guys and really start enjoying the company of men, even if nothing came of it. It really helped change my outlook even though I get bouts of lonliness sometimes. Your guy is right around the corner, stay strong. I can't help but get excited at what's to come. I'm already looking forward to falling in love for hopefully the last time, roadtrips, meeting the parents, the wedding, sleepovers, etc... He's on his way.

And there you go...that's how it usually works. Most of the women I know either settled for these unhealthy relationships or luckily ran into the right guy. When it comes..it'll just come. I struggle with it, but in reality that's just how it is. For some it comes easily and for some it just doesn't. erplexed

I've come to accept that nothing comes easily for me. It seems like life's just like that sometimes. I welcome the challenge because when you work hard for something, you appreciate it more.

Ugh... I hate to think that it's just "luck" that gets people together though!

That means that there is probably no hope for me. I don't usually have guys just "fall into my lap".

Maybe I need to go to more areas where there are more guys.

Girl stop it! There is hope. The dating scene sucks right now. It's kinda like the job market. My friends are coming out of college with a 4.0 gpa, internship, and a whole list of extracurriculars and they are still struggling to find jobs, yet years ago I knew people snagging good jobs left and right with a 2.5 gpa and not so good interviewing skills. It's like that. If I was more into dating and relationships back in highschool and freshman year of college, I would have found him. There was more to choose from back then. It doesn't help that 99% of the men who live here are .

A former coworker of mine is involved with a great guy right now. She met him a few weeks after he relocated here from out of town. They would have never crossed paths months ago, so it's possible that Mr. Right is not among the pool of guys out there RIGHT NOW.

 

[gabulldawg]

And there you go...that's how it usually works. Most of the women I know either settled for these unhealthy relationships or luckily ran into the right guy. When it comes..it'll just come. I struggle with it, but in reality that's just how it is. For some it comes easily and for some it just doesn't. erplexed

ITA with the luck theory. Most (if not all) married women that I know, particularly in my age group, were just in the right place at the right time. There's nothing "special" about them. They don't have anything that I don't have. They just lucked up and happened to meet a marriage minded man when they were ready to get married. Not really fair, but I really think that's the way it is at least 95% of the time...

 

[brsugarbabe]

Do not come to New York, noone wants a relationship. Its sickening. I know that I have to eventually move because I will not find a commitment that Im looking for. I will be old and gray before the right person comes along in this city.

Im struggling at the moment of leaving my present relationship of four years,

 

[ThickHair]

This is so me right now. Last weekend was one of the most exciting weekends in my life, but yet I cried my eyes out late Friday night over being, just tired.

 

[Kiadodie]

ITA with the luck theory. Most (if not all) married women that I know, particularly in my age group, were just in the right place at the right time. There's nothing "special" about them. They don't have anything that I don't have. They just lucked up and happened to meet a marriage minded man when they were ready to get married. Not really fair, but I really think that's the way it is at least 95% of the time...

Yup, life is never fair...I think just trying to be happy WHATEVER your situation is, is the key.

 

[joib]

I am tired and DONE!

 

[HairQueen]

Do not come to New York, noone wants a relationship. Its sickening. I know that I have to eventually move because I will not find a commitment that Im looking for. I will be old and gray before the right person comes along in this city.

Im struggling at the moment of leaving my present relationship of four years,

Do not come to London either! Slim pickings here too..

 

[Sapphire]

I've considered relocating in the hopes of bettering my chances of finding a mate (I'm in Washington state) but it appears as though that may be a wasted effort as well.....

 

[Kiadodie]

Do not come to New York, noone wants a relationship. Its sickening. I know that I have to eventually move because I will not find a commitment that Im looking for. I will be old and gray before the right person comes along in this city.

Im struggling at the moment of leaving my present relationship of four years,

Girl, it's the same in DC..everyone wants to stay single here. erplexed

 

[chocolat79]

Do not come to London either! Slim pickings here too..

Really?? I was there about 8 months ago and I got into a few good convos with men. They didn't lead to anything for various reasons, BUT I met more guys there in 3 days than I have in ATL in 3 months...seriously.

I plan on going back possibly this year, perhaps it was just beginners' luck, LOL. But I liked the attention, I must admit.

 

[chocolat79]

I've considered relocating in the hopes of bettering my chances of finding a mate (I'm in Washington state) but it appears as though that may be a wasted effort as well.....

Well, whatever you do, ATL is not the place! I repeat, ATL is not the place! Do not believe the hype!

 

[Bunny77]

People seem to want to settle down in the Midwest.

 

[kayte]

... the ridiculous thing is that it's only black people (men and women) who talk about "learning" to be alone or "accepting" that you "might not get married."

wow..you sure? only blacks????
self help books are actually filled with that rhetoric from white authors
as well as non white

it's been the exact opposite for me
it's my white friends who feel it's spiritual and hip to be alone
they always talk about "convinced they are that they are happy alone"
whereas ...and my black female friends are fairly militant ..about buddying up
.girl we gotta...just get out there..more....
there's this party ..etc etc
or my relatives keep wanting to fix me up and stress how important it is
to have a family more than career

being lonely..{not solitude}..sucks... period
and both races will validate that..
and both will at times try to pretend it doesn't..to save face
it's not such a racial thing..I think
maybe more perception...

 

[kayte]

I have had a few white friends and they run through men/women like you wouldn't believe. Most are married with kids by 25, so I wonder why black women are encouraged to "be independent and alone" at ages much later than 25. Is it a coping mechanism because of the slim pickings and the fact that black women are not given their fair due and are seen as cariacatures in comparison to "other" women?

there are PLENTY of white women alone...
I wouldn't make it about them

who is encouraging black women to be... alone?
independent ..sure.. that's not a dirty word..
fair due? I think there's some reality in stressing education
first... but the compensation is sacrifice?
Sacrifice relationship/marriage.... for..what??
but ....Black women can and do BOTH...

so alone..???
Curious where this encouragement comes from?
do you see this as a trend? two of my dearest white friends are getting married
one is forty..... the other is over forty
male and female..not to each other ..they are ecstatic..lol..the guy is petrified
and the female had been kind of resigned
I think this issue cuts racial lines

 

[BroadstreetBully]

For the record, again...when I said 'be alone' I did not mean FOREVER. I meant for the time being. What is there to gain by being sad and lonely? Be okay and happy with yourself while being alone. That's how men operate. When they are without a partner, they find ways to enjoy their solitude while waiting for the right one.

 

[HairQueen]

Really?? I was there about 8 months ago and I got into a few good convos with men. They didn't lead to anything for various reasons, BUT I met more guys there in 3 days than I have in ATL in 3 months...seriously.

I plan on going back possibly this year, perhaps it was just beginners' luck, LOL. But I liked the attention, I must admit.

Where did you go? Its funny you say that cos when I was in ATL I had good convo's with men there were a lot chatting me up over there. Maybe its the whole foreigner appeal?

 

[misspriss]

I'm tired too...

Tired of giving my hopes up, only to be let down again...
Tired of my non-single friends feeling sorry for me because I'm single...
Tired of my non-single friends trying to live vicariously through my single life...
Tired of going out and meeting new people with an agenda...
Tired of asking for advice and then realizing most of it isn't helpful, even though it is meant to be...
Tired of it being a matter of "bad timing"...
Tired of always putting my best foot forward...
Tired of the dating games...
Tired of dating period...

Mmkay, vent over.

Thanks OP for the thread!

 

[missjones]

Tired of explaining why I don't have a man or when I'm going to get one.

I just got my first place, graduated from college in 2007, trying to finish up credit hours to sit for the CPA exam, working on paying off credit card debt and student loans...can I get myself together first? dang

I started finding it offensive when somebody tells me I need a man. Why and what is that supposed to mean?

 

[Maracujá]

"Tired of the getting to know you process"

Tired of being stuck in that process

 

[PaleoChick]

Tired of ppl asking me repeatedly why I have no husband and no kids
"You're how old?"
"What happened?"
"I know a decent guy...he would be perfect for you (turns out to be crazy/taken/annoying in a stalker kind of way)"
"Are you EVER going to get married?"
Just leave me alone. I am so tired. I am done. I am taking my flotation device and I am exiting out of the gene pool.
Had to vent. Back to Gangland on History Channel.