VENT!! Sick and Tired of Guys Trying to Pressure Me Into Having Sex!!!

[Cincysweetie]

I have to vent...I am so frustrated right now I don't even know where to begin...so if this sounds random and choppy I apologize b/c a lot is running through my mind right now. Breathe...okay, so I'm not saying I'm a goody goody by any means, I'm not necessarily waiting for my husband to come along before I have sex again (I am not a virgin)...but I just DO NOT care to have sex right now at this time in my life. I don't want to have a booty call or a random hook up and I def. don't want to be having sex with someone who I am not seriously involved with. But for some reason I keep meeting these guys who can't understand this and actually have had the nerve to 1.) Try to pressure me into sleeping with them and 2.) Have actually quit talking to me b/c I WON'T sleep with them!!

This has happened between me and 3 different guys since April. I am 24 years old, the first one was 37, the second was my age, and the 3rd (the one that just sent me over the top) is 30. I can't for the life of me understand why a grown man is playing these childish games..."If you don't sleep with me I won't talk to you anymore"...that sounds so high-school-ish. If anything, I would think an older, more mature man would be more understanding of the fact that in this day and age I don't want to just hop into the sack with anyone. And on top of it all, 2 of the 3 weren't even trying to put in any work...they literally thought I should just give it up b/c they wanted to.

I am not trying to play hard to get, I'm just choosing to be choosey with my body and my heart. Is there something that is so wrong with that? With the first 2 I just said whatever and cut them off, but this last one...I had to give him a piece of my mind...which on the one hand I feel I should've left alone, on the other hand I'm glad I told him to **** OFF!! Feedback please...

 

[SeatownSista]

This has been my experience lately and it's very frustrating. Especially the ones that don't even want to take you on a date before they're trying to get in your panties.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

This has happened with just about every man I've dated.

 

[Jessica Rabbit]

It's not you sweetie. There are females who are just giving it up all willy nilly and they are making it harder on the respectable women. Some men don't feel the need to put in effort any more.

 

[blasianbeauty]

I have to vent...I am so frustrated right now I don't even know where to begin...so if this sounds random and choppy I apologize b/c a lot is running through my mind right now. Breathe...okay, so I'm not saying I'm a goody goody by any means, I'm not necessarily waiting for my husband to come along before I have sex again (I am not a virgin)...but I just DO NOT care to have sex right now at this time in my life. I don't want to have a booty call or a random hook up and I def. don't want to be having sex with someone who I am not seriously involved with. But for some reason I keep meeting these guys who can't understand this and actually have had the nerve to 1.) Try to pressure me into sleeping with them and 2.) Have actually quit talking to me b/c I WON'T sleep with them!!

This has happened between me and 3 different guys since April. I am 24 years old, the first one was 37, the second was my age, and the 3rd (the one that just sent me over the top) is 30. I can't for the life of me understand why a grown man is playing these childish games..."If you don't sleep with me I won't talk to you anymore"...that sounds so high-school-ish. If anything, I would think an older, more mature man would be more understanding of the fact that in this day and age I don't want to just hop into the sack with anyone. And on top of it all, 2 of the 3 weren't even trying to put in any work...they literally thought I should just give it up b/c they wanted to.

I am not trying to play hard to get, I'm just choosing to be choosey with my body and my heart. Is there something that is so wrong with that? With the first 2 I just said whatever and cut them off, but this last one...I had to give him a piece of my mind...which on the one hand I feel I should've left alone, on the other hand I'm glad I told him to **** OFF!! Feedback please...

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but the bolded part is ALL that matters. It sounds like the one who made that comment about not dealing with you anymore is VERY arrogant and an ***. I'm sure there are other men out in Cincy who aren't that way - I hope I've heard that men in the ATL are like that too, I wonder if the city you live in has a lot to do with their mentalities, or if it's just a case by case basis.

 

[Honey6928215]

Honey, be thankful that you found out about them early on. I know it's hard but don't give in because they won't to have sex. And besides, that says alot about them wanting to pressure you. Stick to your guns! Cut them off! Don't let them take up your time and space with their BS. There is someone out there who feels the same way you do.

 

[gymfreak336]

This has been my experience lately and it's very frustrating. Especially the ones that don't even want to take you on a date before they're trying to get in your panties.

That is the worst. They think they can met you at noon on your lunch break and come to your house at 9 and just smash.

 

[Maynard]

They are all doing you a favor hon...

You dont want to be affiliated with those men anyway...

Have you considered telling the men upfront that you are not interested in sex? How long have these relationships elasped before the "demanded" sex?

 

[Honey6928215]

Cincysweetie,

You are not the only whose going through this. This lady is having the same problem as you are but the man is very active in the church. He's an usher, sang on the choir and goes to bible study every week. But he wants her to drop the draws. Can you believe that?!

You would think people who are involved in the church are celibate. Supposedly, anyway.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Cincysweetie,

You are not the only whose going through this. This lady is having the same problem as you are but the man is very active in the church. He's an usher, sang on the choir and goes to bible study every week. But he wants her to drop the draws. Can you believe that?!

You would think people who are involved in the church are celibate. Supposedly, anyway.

Sangs in the choir too! I'm not surprised at this stuff anymore...I'm really not.

 

[Creatividual]

You did the right thing cutting all those busters loose. They don't deserve you and if they genuinely liked you they would NOT pressure you to have sex with them. As a Aaliyah said, "Age aint nothin but a number". Just b/c they are in their 30's does not mean they are mature! LOL.

You did the right thing. It's good to have standards and if they don't respect them then you don't need them. You're meant for so much better!

 

[Cincysweetie]

Seatown--it is usually the case that they don't try to woo you first. And I'm not the type that will sit up there and say "Maybe if you take me out I'll sleep with you" b/c that would make me feel even more cheap. If a guy can't figure it out on his own then I'm not even gonna try to break it down to him. Plus I want him to take me out b/c he is interested in ME and getting to KNOW me, not sleeping with me.

Skinny-- This is the first time it's happened like THIS to me...I mean back to back! The first guy (37) got mad b/c I wouldn't get a hotel room with him, like I was a call girl! He expected me to be there when he got off work at 3 a.m. He abruptly got off the phone when I said no, I figured b/c he had to go back to work. I called him the next day to wish him Happy Father's Day, he has yet to return the call! I had just met him in April and he had never once asked me out on a date!

The 2nd guy (24) I met a month ago, got an attitude b/c I wouldn't sleep with him and he had the nerve to delete his number out of my phone!! Then he was blowing me up the next day trying to apologize saying he was just in a bad mood b/c he hadn't had any in awhile. I said **** it at the point and blew him off.

The 3rd guy (30) I met about 2 months ago. He has never asked me out on an actual date, has never made the attempt to spend for real time getting to know me. He TEXTED me today to ask if I was gonna sleep with him this week? I said doubtful, he said he couldn't wait on me anymore b/c he was tired. WTF?? So I responded that witholding sex in the beginning is a great way for me to weed out the guys that are about something and the ones who just want some ass, then thanked him for being honest...told him I was too old to be f*ckin just to keep a man and he was too old to be pressuring somone into sleeping with him. He comes back saying that maybe if I wasn't so difficult I'd have a man or woman since I wasn't sleeping with him (he basically insinuated that I was a lesbian). My response: If it makes you feel less inadequate as a man to assume that I don't wanna have sex with you b/c you think I am a lesbian then so be it. Now he wants to apologize. Puh-lease...in the famous words of MTV....NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blasian--I'm sure there are guys out there not like the above 3...I just haven't met them lately, lol lol lol.

Honey--I am glad they are showing their true colors early on. And I'm not going to change me just to fit them. They aren't worth it and probably trash anyway. At the same time, I do understand that sex is really important to some people...so I can't really dog them for expressing that sex is important to them, it's just the manner in which they have chosen to go about it.

 

[Honey6928215]

You did the right thing cutting all those busters loose. They don't deserve you and if they genuinely liked you they would NOT pressure you to have sex with them. As a Aaliyah said, "Age aint nothin but a number". Just b/c they are in their 30's does not mean they are mature! LOL.

You did the right thing. It's good to have standards and if they don't respect them then you don't need them. You're meant for so much better!

I agree. And besides you don't know what diseases they have.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

I believe it. People in the church are not as holy as they appear. They are just as ho-ish, they just want you to be quiet about it. And everyone is going to pretend Deacon Smith and Choir Director Jones had a whirlwind affair and got married quickly and just happened to get pregnant quick........and not that they were doing the grown up and got pregnant and got married to cover it up.

Or that the teenage girls stopped attending youth services because they got busy and just love big oversize sweatshirts.

Or that the cute couple that come to church together did not tear up the bedroom the night before, sleep and shower together, and then get in the car and traipse their way to services arm in arm and innocent smiles.

All true stories from various churches.

Just because people say they're church goers and even in service to the ministry does NOT mean that they are not having sex. Oh, to the contrary. Really, they just want you to be sneaky about it.

 

[jturner7156]

I am nervous to even go out on a date b/c in most cases I feel like I have to say...after we go out, there will not be any sex, do you still want to do this? I agree with the other poster, it's the easy women that's making it hard on us and some of these rap songs too...although I still listen to em' ! But anyways, I'm sticking to my guns, won't mess up my body for no horny dude, shoot! (((Rolls my eyes)))

 

[FunkyMunky]

I have experienced this the majority of my dating life. I don't get it as much anymore since I started saying the following.

One thing you can do is say to the guy....... Look I like you and I enjoy your company but I am not ready to rush into a full fledge sexual relationship yet (you have to give him the sign it is possible). I know that once we start I will be expected to keep it up and I don't want to reject you later because I am not ready. I understand that you are a man and that you have needs, therefore, until we decide to become more serious I don't expect for you to date just me. You have to accept it that too. However, when we do take it to that level I expect to be the only one. Most of the time, the guy doesn't date anyone else because of how I space him out.

If I do like the guy, sometimes I will engage in some level of physical intimacy to let him know I am feeling him but only if I want to do it not because he is begging. This can include a simple massage to.....a more involved massage . Whatever you are comfortable with. Also, don't let him do things to you that you can't stop. You may be the only one doing anything until you are ready to give it up so don't get pissed. He is holding out hoping to 1 day get more but because you are fooling around with him he waits and dreams about when he will get it. If you space it out you can definitely pull out a few months.

This strategy works for me everytime because I am still dictating when and if I will have sex, it builds his desire and he still sees me as powerful, confident and that I have choices too. Often times saying this makes him pursue me more because he wants to tame the lioness.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

It's not you sweetie. There are females who are just giving it up all willy nilly and they are making it harder on the respectable women. Some men don't feel the need to put in effort any more.

Basically.

Now I don't have anything against people who want to give it up early into a relationship AT ALL. But these women are spoiling men into thinking everyone is like that. So instead of being mad about it (because me being mad isn't going to make it stop) I just lay out my expectations early in the game.

 

[dlewis]

WOW! Has dating come to this. Sorry you are dealing with this hun. I've never had any problems like this.

 

[gymfreak336]

Seatown--it is usually the case that they don't try to woo you first. And I'm not the type that will sit up there and say "Maybe if you take me out I'll sleep with you" b/c that would make me feel even more cheap. If a guy can't figure it out on his own then I'm not even gonna try to break it down to him. Plus I want him to take me out b/c he is interested in ME and getting to KNOW me, not sleeping with me.

Skinny-- This is the first time it's happened like THIS to me...I mean back to back! The first guy (37) got mad b/c I wouldn't get a hotel room with him, like I was a call girl! He expected me to be there when he got off work at 3 a.m. He abruptly got off the phone when I said no, I figured b/c he had to go back to work. I called him the next day to wish him Happy Father's Day, he has yet to return the call! I had just met him in April and he had never once asked me out on a date!

The 2nd guy (24) I met a month ago, got an attitude b/c I wouldn't sleep with him and he had the nerve to delete his number out of my phone!! Then he was blowing me up the next day trying to apologize saying he was just in a bad mood b/c he hadn't had any in awhile. I said **** it at the point and blew him off.

The 3rd guy (30) I met about 2 months ago. He has never asked me out on an actual date, has never made the attempt to spend for real time getting to know me. He TEXTED me today to ask if I was gonna sleep with him this week? I said doubtful, he said he couldn't wait on me anymore b/c he was tired. WTF?? So I responded that witholding sex in the beginning is a great way for me to weed out the guys that are about something and the ones who just want some ass, then thanked him for being honest...told him I was too old to be f*ckin just to keep a man and he was too old to be pressuring somone into sleeping with him. He comes back saying that maybe if I wasn't so difficult I'd have a man or woman since I wasn't sleeping with him (he basically insinuated that I was a lesbian). My response: If it makes you feel less inadequate as a man to assume that I don't wanna have sex with you b/c you think I am a lesbian then so be it. Now he wants to apologize. Puh-lease...in the famous words of MTV....NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blasian--I'm sure there are guys out there not like the above 3...I just haven't met them lately, lol lol lol.

Honey--I am glad they are showing their true colors early on. And I'm not going to change me just to fit them. They aren't worth it and probably trash anyway. At the same time, I do understand that sex is really important to some people...so I can't really dog them for expressing that sex is important to them, it's just the manner in which they have chosen to go about it.

WOW. 30 years old and acts like he is a 2 year old. Gimme a break. Babys cry when they can't get the tit.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I believe it. People in the church are not as holy as they appear. They are just as ho-ish, they just want you to be quiet about it. And everyone is going to pretend Deacon Smith and Choir Director Jones had a whirlwind affair and got married quickly and just happened to get pregnant quick........and not that they were doing the grown up and got pregnant and got married to cover it up.

Or that the teenage girls stopped attending youth services because they got busy and just love big oversize sweatshirts.

Or that the cute couple that come to church together did not tear up the bedroom the night before, sleep and shower together, and then get in the car and traipse their way to services arm in arm and innocent smiles.

All true stories from various churches.

Just because people say they're church goers and even in service to the ministry does NOT mean that they are not having sex. Oh, to the contrary. Really, they just want you to be sneaky about it.

OMG!!

You is just wrong. And oh so true.

The bolded hit home...

 

[Cincysweetie]

They are all doing you a favor hon...

You dont want to be affiliated with those men anyway...

Have you considered telling the men upfront that you are not interested in sex? How long have these relationships elasped before the "demanded" sex?

Yes and no. I won't say it right off the bat simply b/c I don't want to introduce the topic of sex too early. Plus, I have found that some guys take this as a challenge for seduction, lol...they want to be the one to pull you out of your dry spell and put out all the stops in the attempt to "win". I don't want a guy to see me as a game to win. I want him to just respect the fact that I'm not wanting to have sex with him at this point, but maybe so in the future...at which time I will let him know. I don't want him to be doing things in an effort to get me to have sex with him. If he is going to woo me, I want it to be genuine. Maybe I am asking too much.

 

[jturner7156]

I have experienced this the majority of my dating life. I don't get it as much anymore since I started saying the following.

One thing you can do is say to the guy....... Look I like you and I enjoy your company but I am not ready to rush into a full fledge sexual relationship yet (you have to give him the sign it is possible). I know that once we start I will be expected to keep it up and I don't want to reject you later because I am not ready. I understand that you are a man and that you have needs, therefore, until we decide to become more serious I don't expect for you to date just me. You have to accept it that too. However, when we do take it to that level I expect to be the only one. Most of the time, the guy doesn't date anyone else because of how I space him out.

If I do like the guy, sometimes I will engage in some level of physical intimacy to let him know I am feeling him but only if I want to do it not because he is begging. This can include a simple massage to.....a more involved massage . Whatever you are comfortable with. Also, don't let him do things to you that you can't stop. You may be the only one doing anything until you are ready to give it up so don't get pissed. He is holding out hoping to 1 day get more but because you are fooling around with him he waits and dreams about when he will get it. If you space it out you can definitely pull out a few months.

This strategy works for me everytime because I am still dictating when and if I will have sex, it builds his desire and he still sees me as powerful, confident and that I have choices too. Often times saying this makes him pursue me more because he wants to tame the lioness.

Get it Girl! I will copy and paste this text and memorize it. Oh and your hair is really growing. I need to copy and paste your regimen as well!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Yes and no. I won't say it right off the bat simply b/c I don't want to introduce the topic of sex too early. Plus, I have found that some guys take this as a challenge for seduction, lol...they want to be the one to pull you out of your dry spell and put out all the stops in the attempt to "win". I don't want a guy to see me as a game to win. I want him to just respect the fact that I'm not wanting to have sex with him at this point, but maybe so in the future...at which time I will let him know. I don't want him to be doing things in an effort to get me to have sex with him. If he is going to woo me, I want it to be genuine. Maybe I am asking too much.

Wow. I don't have anything to say because I agree with every single thing you just said. Down to the T.

Where are you meeting these guys?

 

[Cincysweetie]

Wow. I don't have anything to say because I agree with every single thing you just said. Down to the T.

Where are you meeting these guys?

Girl, I meet guys at the most random places. I don't do the club thing (b/c I know 9/10 they are about sex) and I've kinda given up on meeting a guy at church b/c there aren't many my age at my church and they can be a little...WILD...as the stories above go to show. The first guy I met at Chipotle, a local Police Officer...seemed liked he had his stuff together. The 2nd guy I met outside of the store he works at. The 3rd guy I met driving down the street, lol lol.

And I agree with what you said earlier about not having a problem with people who introduce sex into a relationship early on, it's completely a personal decision. I am not trying to talk down about them either b/c I have done it before. It's just that at this point, a sexual partner is not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for dates, someone to go to church with, someone to spend non-sexual time with, someone to bring around my family. Maybe introduce sex later on in the relationship, maybe not.

 

[Maynard]

Yes and no. I won't say it right off the bat simply b/c I don't want to introduce the topic of sex too early. Plus, I have found that some guys take this as a challenge for seduction, lol...they want to be the one to pull you out of your dry spell and put out all the stops in the attempt to "win". I don't want a guy to see me as a game to win. I want him to just respect the fact that I'm not wanting to have sex with him at this point, but maybe so in the future...at which time I will let him know. I don't want him to be doing things in an effort to get me to have sex with him. If he is going to woo me, I want it to be genuine. Maybe I am asking too much.

I understand...However as soon as the subject of sex comes up I think it would be wise to state your stance..firmly. No questions, no negotiation. Remember if they are trying to 'talk' you out of it, then they dont respect you and need to take a hike...it will help you weed them out faster IMO.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Girl, I meet guys at the most random places. I don't do the club thing (b/c I know 9/10 they are about sex) and I've kinda given up on meeting a guy at church b/c there aren't many my age at my church and they can be a little...WILD...as the stories above go to show. The first guy I met at Chipotle, a local Police Officer...seemed liked he had his stuff together. The 2nd guy I met outside of the store he works at. The 3rd guy I met driving down the street, lol lol.

And I agree with what you said earlier about not having a problem with people who introduce sex into a relationship early on, it's completely a personal decision. I am not trying to talk down about them either b/c I have done it before. It's just that at this point, a sexual partner is not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for dates, someone to go to church with, someone to spend non-sexual time with, someone to bring around my family. Maybe introduce sex later on in the relationship, maybe not.

I think your second paragraph would be a good thing to say when you are on those dates. When he tries to pop the question rolleyes "You comin' to my place tonight?" (or something of the like) you can always respond with a variation of what you said above.

Now do note, that you might not get a second phone call, but atleast this will save you from developing feelings and then getting hurt. Also note that doing this is not gonna make the men stay anymore than the ones who left. It's just the fact that you are telling them beforehand and asserting what you want out of a relationship.

I don't know what to tell you as far as finding guys who are willing to wait it out. I think that is the magic thing that all women want to know.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

I have experienced this the majority of my dating life. I don't get it as much anymore since I started saying the following.

*snip*

I've gone to something along these lines as well. Usually I stop seeing men for different reasons than sex. It seems like once I get comfortable he stops trying. He gets lazy and indifferent and I can't stand that. If I am not interested I tell him I'm a virgin and I don't plan to have sex before I marry. It's simply amazing how fast they run to get away from me!

If I am interested, I don't bring it up. When they start pressuring I bring out the 'I'm flattered that you find me sexy and attractive and sex with you would be fun. I'm just not ready for that right now so if you need to move on feel free. I promise to let you know when I am ready and when that time comes I expect to be the only woman you're having sex with' speech. I, too, will engage in some level of intimacy if I really like him.

It's kinda sorta working on a guy that has expressed interest but he has YET to ask me out. I'm not a booty call or a **** buddy so he needs to pee or get off the pot. Stop bugging me about everything you want from me and put some things on the table. There are things within a relationship that makes sex special between the two of you. I want that and if you can't deliver that as well as the soul pole, I don't want it. I'm not a receptacle.

 

[Honey6928215]

WOW. 30 years old and acts like he is a 2 year old. Gimme a break. Babys cry when they can't get the tit.

YOU WRONG FOR THAT!!!!!

 

[Honey6928215]

I believe it. People in the church are not as holy as they appear. They are just as ho-ish, they just want you to be quiet about it. And everyone is going to pretend Deacon Smith and Choir Director Jones had a whirlwind affair and got married quickly and just happened to get pregnant quick........and not that they were doing the grown up and got pregnant and got married to cover it up.

Or that the teenage girls stopped attending youth services because they got busy and just love big oversize sweatshirts.

Or that the cute couple that come to church together did not tear up the bedroom the night before, sleep and shower together, and then get in the car and traipse their way to services arm in arm and innocent smiles.

All true stories from various churches.

Just because people say they're church goers and even in service to the ministry does NOT mean that they are not having sex. Oh, to the contrary. Really, they just want you to be sneaky about it.

You forgot the ones who shouts in the church every Sunday without missing a beat after they got Ho'-lyish Friday and Saturday night. Honey, I can go on.....

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

It's not you sweetie. There are females who are just giving it up all willy nilly and they are making it harder on the respectable women. Some men don't feel the need to put in effort any more.

What she said. T
hey don't deserve to talk to you with that attitude or way of thinking. Look at it as, them doing you a favor because they aren't s*** anyway.