Update: He Stroked Her Hand.

G

GetHappy2014

Well-Known Member
I really didn't want to give this event any life.. But I can't stop thinking about it. So I am going to put it out there. My apologies if it's confusing...I am out with my SO (dating just a few months), his best friend of 20 years and his best friend's girlfriend (I was just meeting her for the first time). I've met his best friend previously. We three have hung out a few times. So, we all spend the day out and about: walking, talking, shopping, etc. I am finding that I really like best friend's girlfriend and I felt it was mutual. We were both surprised that we have so much in common. So we all go to dinner at the end of the day. On our way to dinner, we are all in agreement that we had a fun day, lots of laughs. The chemistry between the four of us is amazing. So while we are out to dinner, something happens..... We are seated at a half circle like booth/table in this particular order... My guy, me, my guy's best friend and her. There is a 'ledge' of some sort behind/attached to our seat with decorative ornaments of some kind on top. As we are finishing up our meal and talking, my guy extends his arm behind me on top of the seat's ledge. Her (best friend's girlfriend) arm was already extended on the ledge behind his (my guy's best friend's) back. When my guy extended his arm I briefly glanced behind me, just to see what the movement was. He rested his arm behind me. But then from the corner of my eye I can see still see movement, so I glance over (out of curiosity) just to see my guy stroking/rubbing/touching her finger/hand, I immediately turn my head away ...wondering what did I just witness :eek:. When she sees me 'look & turn away' she begins to pull her hand away while patting his (My guy's) hand. 'My' guy then immediately reacts and says, "Was that your finger ? I thought it was the ornament on the ledge. " Then my guy's best friend gets involved and asks "What happened?". My guy remarks while laughing, I thought her finger was the ornament. I said aloud, sarcastically "that was no damn ornament" :look:. As for her...she may have been laughing but I didn't really hear her say anything, in response. At first, I dismissed it because at the very least, my guy doesn't seem to be the type that would sacrifice a 20 yr brotherly relationship, for a woman. What do you all think? Am I over reacting? I can't stop wondering, why she didn't immediately move her hand or react once he began touching it. Please weigh in.
 
Def go with women's intuition. I don't know how long you've known your SO, but if it's only been for a few months then don't assume his character or personality. His actions combined with his words will show you all you need to know.

My Opinion:
1) a warm, soft hand/finger never feels like an ornament I don't curr what material it's made out of.

2) I'm not sure how long he was touching her hand, but the second he realized he was touching a human hand/finger (which takes .0000001 second IMO) he should have snatched that hand away with maybe a follow up, "Excuse me."
 
Last edited:
Oh yeah, that's suspicious as hell. I don't know how much you're invested, but if you care to stick around for a little while more, I'd be watching those two like a hawk.

On the other hand, if you're not too invested, I'd just move on. That's a situation you don't want to get involved in - a funky foursome. When the BF finds out what's up, well.................let's just say, people have died for less. You don't want to catch bullet for some trifling foolishness.
 
Holla said:
Go with your gut. Our senses pick up on things even before we can articulate or substantiate them. Go with your gut. A woman's intuition is powerful.
Click to expand...
I'm hoping that my 'gut' isn't biased... Because I believe that "my guy" mistook her hand for the ornament, and he was innocent in his actions. Am I being naive?
 
GetHappy2014 said:
I'm hoping that my 'gut' isn't biased... Because I believe that "my guy" mistook her hand for the ornament, and he was innocent in his actions. Am I being naive?
Click to expand...

Yes, you are being naive. You are an innocent person who would NEVER do such a thing and you don't want to believe the sneaky, underhanded, evil thing you just witnessed. The two of them are thrill seekers and enjoy the excitement of pulling the wool over their dates' eyes. No use in asking him about it. He already told you his lie and will stick with it. Either stay and let it go or move on and not discuss further. If you want to move on, just do so. Otherwise he will convince you that you are nuts, untrusting etc. All I can say is WOW what a gift. Up to you to accept it.
 
Also think about. you feel something stroking your finger or hand, your reaction is to snatch your hand away if you don't know what it is, right? Homegirl didn't even say anything or acknowledge past a snicker once caught? nah girl... they are no good.
 
GetHappy2014 said:
I'm hoping that my 'gut' isn't biased... Because I believe that "my guy" mistook her hand for the ornament, and he was innocent in his actions. Am I being naive?
Click to expand...


Our gut reaction is instinctive not biased. Your gut reaction could have been the complete opposite but it was not for a reason. A reason I would not question since it has only been a few months. As @hopeful stated, this is a gift for you to decide what to do with. Your choice.
 
GetHappy2014 said:
At first, I dismissed it because at the very least, my guy doesn't seem to be the type that would sacrifice a 20 yr brotherly relationship, for a woman.
Click to expand...

original


One thing I've learned in life thru personal and other peoples experiences is to never put anything past anyone...men and women have risked far greater.

The universe/God always sends us red flags to protect us from getting hurt....
 
Last edited:
Thank you ladies. Since we have only been dating for a few months, once I witnessed the touching... While turning back around I said to myself.. 'Yeah **** you are gone. ' But when he reacted the way he did (without any prompting)... It made me wonder whether it was truly a mistake on his part. It's unfortunate ... That I am placing a lot of the blame on 'ole girl. As @DarkJoy described she didn't physically react... like I would have. Yeah, I think I will be moving on to the next.
 
And it's funny as you described the long date I felt something in my gut that something was off about the whole day.

What we have to remember is that everyone doesn't have the same morals that we have. Everyone isn't good deep inside. People do not deserve the benefit of the doubt. Trust must be earned over time and continuously. Also people show you what they want you to see. When they get caught we are thrown off by their eagerness to clean things up. We mistakenly think they are doing this for us, but the truth is they are protecting THEMSELVES and their secrets, that's it. Nice folks attribute nice qualities to bad people all of the time. It's easy to do but dangerous.
 
Last edited:
LovinLea said:
I wouldn't feel comfortable just dipping after that with no evidence, but look into it. I believe your intuition is picking up on something, and it's easier to leave now than a year from now.
Click to expand...

How can she look into it though? Outside of having him followed by a detective for weeks? He isn't going to own up to it. The girl isn't either. They will both be extra careful moving forward. So she could potentially waste 6 more months on this guy waiting and hoping to catch him.

And she does have evidence. She saw him stroking her hand with her own two eyes and watched them cover up and fumble with excuses.
 
LovinLea said:
I wouldn't feel comfortable just dipping after that with no evidence, but look into it. I believe your intuition is picking up on something, and it's easier to leave now than a year from now.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. Pay attention. Eyes and ears open. Heck, ask him and see what's up.... he might just give it up like it ain't no big thing, then you could make your decision from there. I'm not saying I would do this, but if his phone happens to be somewhere where he ain't and its unlocked.....:look:.
 
This is foul and this move is so old. I was at a mike epps show with one of my ex's and his cousin and cousin's wife. My ex and his cousin were seated together in the middle and the women were on the ends beside our respective man. This dude pulled the same move. Reached over my ex's chair to 'rest his arm'. Suddenly I feel this bottom feeder start to stroke my shoulder with his finger! His own cousin's gf. I was disgusted. I remember I just slid over in my seat so that he couldn't reach me anymore. Bleh.

You should leave him alone or at least open your options back up.
 
hopeful said:
How can she look into it though? Outside of having him followed by a detective for weeks? He isn't going to own up to it. The girl isn't either. They will both be extra careful moving forward. So she could potentially waste 6 more months on this guy waiting and hoping to catch him.

And she does have evidence. She saw him stringing her hand with her own two eyes and watched them cover up and fumble with excuses.
Click to expand...

I would say talk to him. If he gets defensive or angry or acts like she's crazy...women's intuition again. Women with experience with cheating might know better than me.
 
An ornament is ice cold. A hand is warm with blood running through veins. Big difference. Stroking any body part whether visible or not, is a very intimate gesture. There is more to their relationship than meets the eye. If she was his sister then I wouldn't be too worried as my family is very affectionate and I have to keep pushing my 200+ lb kid brother off using me as an armchair or head rest with his humongous self. With cousins you need to pay attention as cousins have been known to hookup with each other. This situation is way too suspect to ignore. Save yourself.
 
LovinLea said:
I would say talk to him. If he gets defensive or angry or acts like she's crazy...women's intuition again. Women with experience with cheating might know better than me.
Click to expand...

Ok I understand. From my experience people don't own up very easily. It has to be dragged out of them or you have to have pictures/videos/texts etc. before they admit to it. Even then they say it's not what it looks like. I think for a longer term relationship it might be worth discussing. But just a few months? For something this new if I decided to stay I would fall back a bit, date others, and be keenly observant. If she asks about it he will lie, hide better, and try to make her the bad guy for insinuating such a thing. I just think it's a lose lose situation for her. But I understand where you are coming from.
 
hopeful said:
And it's funny as you described the long date I felt something in my gut that something was off about the whole day.

What we have to remember is that everyone doesn't have the same morals that we have. Everyone isn't good deep inside. People do not deserve the benefit of the doubt. Trust must be earned over time and continuously. Also people show you what they want you to see. When they get caught we are thrown off by their eagerness to clean things up. We mistakenly think they are doing this for us, but the truth is they are protecting THEMSELVES and their secrets, that's it. Nice folks attribute nice qualities to bad people all of the time. It's easy to do but dangerous.
Click to expand...

This whole paragraph has been my downfall. Thank you for typing it out. Why is this common knowledge to some people and a foreign concept to others? How did you (or anyone else) learn this and learn to trust your intuition? Ie. did you have older brothers or family that taught you this?
 
ArrrBeee said:
This whole paragraph has been my downfall. Thank you for typing it out. Why is this common knowledge to some people and a foreign concept to others? How did you (or anyone else) learn this and learn to trust your intuition? Ie. did you have older brothers or family that taught you this?
Click to expand...

From experience. The hard way. Unfortunately. Also from reading more about people with darker natures, psycho/sociopaths, and narcissists. Most of us were raised to be trusting and believe the best in people. It's unsafe to assume people are good and kind. I learned the hard way. Our body/intuition knows way before hard evidence shows up. I don't assume everyone is bad either. I just know now that it takes time to get to know people. Darker natured people prey on innocent and naive people. And they are often quite charming and convincing.

I wish I had someone to tell me how the world really works. But I guess they didn't know either.
 
I thought I touched a guy friend's foot under the table yesterday and my immediate reaction was to pull my foot back and apologized. Then I realized it was the leg of the table....our reflex tells us to jump, if that reflex isn't activated on EITHER end??? I have questions.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

vivEz daNs lamouR
LMAO, if you could've seen the look on his face!
Replies
4
Views
132
vivEz daNs lamouR
vivEz daNs lamouR
yokoyokogirl
He doesn't like to meet other ppl?
2
Replies
46
Views
838
sky_blu
sky_blu
M
My Best Friends Brother???
Replies
14
Views
213
kweenameena
kweenameena
N
He Lied About His Job...
2 3 4
Replies
118
Views
3K
cocoberry10
cocoberry10
isawstars
Is it true...
Replies
16
Views
367
kjeneen
kjeneen
Back
Top