Unrequited Love: Who's Been There?
- Thread starter cocoberry10
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Minx
Well-Known Member
was there for 4 yrs with the same guy. Sucked big time and i too actually felt physical pain from it. He used to tell me he loved me. I though" finally he feels the same" The next day he would tell me "i shouldnt have said that to you that's not really how i feel." Another time before one of our many seperations...we had a long talk and again...he admitted he had deep feelings for me and that he was ready to commit to me. We made love..then i didn't hear from her for 3 weeks. When we finally spoke again and i brought up the talk and asked him why did he say it if it wasnt true his response was ...AND I SH** YOU NOT...
"I said that because it seemed right for the mood of the conversation. I knew that it was gonna be my last time with you because i've been seeing someone else and i wanna be with her"
and right there i wanted to die.
(turns out he was leaving me for someone who was married and having and affair)
but of course......he came right back to me months later and i took his ruthless behind back.
I learned alot though i'll tell you that much. You can't convince a man to love you...unfortunately.
But remember ....once you've hit rock bottom....the only place left to go is back up. When i finally got him outta my system my standards were higher, i learned how to spot someone like him a mile away, i learned how much i was worth, and i learned how i deserved and wanted to be treated, and the very MINUTE I feel something for someone and that feeling is not reciprocated...LEAVE. Had i realized this back then i would left after 3 months ...NOT 4 YEARS.
a**hole.(Please excuse my french....)
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Reading through this thread can be downing but insightful as well.Hugs to everyone.
Yeah...this thread brought back some sad memories for me too.
BUT! I will say that I am living proof that things DO get better as time goes by.
I no longer cry over him, and I'm not depressed anymore. I still may get kind of sad sometimes, and at times I may get some negative thoughts creep up (especially during that hormonal time of the month 
), but on a whole, I'm in a MUCH better place now, than I was even just 4 months ago. 
You know what eventually helped me?? Not harboring resentment for him. When I just "let it go", and tried to actually be civil towards him instead of acting bitter, resentful, and hurt, I eventually got over it! Now, we actually have somewhat of a nice relationship now.
We're actually closer NOW than we were when I was giving him the cold shoulder and acting like I didn't even want to say hello to him. I think he likes me a lot better now too. Shoot, I like myself better as a person as well. So, my advice? Act "as if" you're over it/over him, and pretty soon your mind will follow. You have to fake it until you make it. Because if deep down you're still harboring ill feelings and resentment for this guy, you'll never get over it. It will also be harder to let anyone else in that could be just perfect for you.
Just remember: It DOES get better ladies!
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brickhouse
Well-Known Member
I have been on both side of the coins. I have men now that have unrequited love for me but I never encouraged their behavior or lead them on by any stretch of the imagination.
I am also going to this myself. I divorced my abusive husband back in 2002 and ran into this guy I have been knowiwng for about 25 yrs. He was a family friend when I was growing up. He is 9 yrs older than me. This man pursued me like all get out but I resisted because he was with someone. They broke up and he continue to pursue for years. I thought he was everything my ex was not. I finally fell for him hard. I did things I am even ashamed of and through all this the man never really returned my feelings. I gave up everything to be with him. I would call him and he would not call me until a week later. If he called me and I did not call him back the same day he would have an attitude. This coming from a man I called for 2 weeks and he would not return my calls because he was mad at me. I don't even know what I saw him and I am finally ready to get him out of my life for good. Everytime I try to move on then he start back calling and coming over. Every time he would come to my house I would either cook or go get something for us to eat and he had the nerve to come to my house one day with a 99 cents double cheeseburger and nothing for me. That was it. I had already eaten but he did not know that. I went off the deep end and he tried to give me his sandwich then
. This is thread is so carthatic for me. I had no doubt in my mind he will be back but I am determine not to let him in. I am going to start loving myself more than I love him and give myself all the loving I was giving him. I was sick and the man even charged me for cleaing up my apt. I tell you I am not ever going back. I am working on myself spiritually,emotionally, fiancially, mentally and physically. Someone mention Emotional Rollercoaster by Vivien Green. I have the video on my ipod.
I am also going to this myself. I divorced my abusive husband back in 2002 and ran into this guy I have been knowiwng for about 25 yrs. He was a family friend when I was growing up. He is 9 yrs older than me. This man pursued me like all get out but I resisted because he was with someone. They broke up and he continue to pursue for years. I thought he was everything my ex was not. I finally fell for him hard. I did things I am even ashamed of and through all this the man never really returned my feelings. I gave up everything to be with him. I would call him and he would not call me until a week later. If he called me and I did not call him back the same day he would have an attitude. This coming from a man I called for 2 weeks and he would not return my calls because he was mad at me. I don't even know what I saw him and I am finally ready to get him out of my life for good. Everytime I try to move on then he start back calling and coming over. Every time he would come to my house I would either cook or go get something for us to eat and he had the nerve to come to my house one day with a 99 cents double cheeseburger and nothing for me. That was it. I had already eaten but he did not know that. I went off the deep end and he tried to give me his sandwich then
. This is thread is so carthatic for me. I had no doubt in my mind he will be back but I am determine not to let him in. I am going to start loving myself more than I love him and give myself all the loving I was giving him. I was sick and the man even charged me for cleaing up my apt. I tell you I am not ever going back. I am working on myself spiritually,emotionally, fiancially, mentally and physically. Someone mention Emotional Rollercoaster by Vivien Green. I have the video on my ipod.
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chebaby
Well-Known Member
i always thought that was just a saying. a broken heart. but i swear one day i felt it slowly crack. i still believe in love but i haveent been the same since.Trust me, I definitely know the feeling
chebaby
Well-Known Member
can i ask yall something? what about two men?
i swear i was soooooooo in love with my first boy friend. i hung on his every word. he could tell me the sun and the moon was getting it on in my bath tub and i would have ran to look. its been seven years and he still comes back whenever he feels like it. i have since fallen in love with someone who persued me. i didnt want him but he kept comming along. when i finally fall for him he leaves for his baby mama. im still in love with him i feel like crying as i write this. i feel history is repeating itself because i find myself feeling the same way and doing the same things i did with the first love. i see him everyday and even when i think im strong all he has to do is smile.
yall seem like some strong women but i wont lie and say i am. i know im setting my self up for more heartbreak because i just cant leave him alone. not yet. i want to because i know how its going to end but i just keep hoping that it'll end in my favor.
im only 21 but the way things are going sometimes i think i'll be chasing love for the rest of my life and i know i dont want that.
i swear i was soooooooo in love with my first boy friend. i hung on his every word. he could tell me the sun and the moon was getting it on in my bath tub and i would have ran to look. its been seven years and he still comes back whenever he feels like it. i have since fallen in love with someone who persued me. i didnt want him but he kept comming along. when i finally fall for him he leaves for his baby mama. im still in love with him i feel like crying as i write this. i feel history is repeating itself because i find myself feeling the same way and doing the same things i did with the first love. i see him everyday and even when i think im strong all he has to do is smile.
yall seem like some strong women but i wont lie and say i am. i know im setting my self up for more heartbreak because i just cant leave him alone. not yet. i want to because i know how its going to end but i just keep hoping that it'll end in my favor.
im only 21 but the way things are going sometimes i think i'll be chasing love for the rest of my life and i know i dont want that.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
Unrequited love... it happened to me TWICE in one year, which happen to be this year 2008. One guy, I had been knowing since 2003. He pursued me off and on since then and decided to cut me off this year. The other guy, I met back in February of this year. He pursued me really hard, I was skeptical at first, and then fell for he's words like a dumb-@$$ and then he completely stopped contacting me a couple of months later. I'm still recovering and it's hard to get over because I liked them both and I didn't even chase these guys, and I've never chased after any guy in my life. I sometimes feel foolish for falling for the two guys, they deceived me and played with my mind and my heart, but I guess I have to go by that saying: "Things happen for a reason."
But I came across a quote that somewhat eased my mind: "God gives us tests because He knows we are strong enough to pass them."
I've been trying to deal with all these questions that boggle my mind. But reading the book of Job in the Bible has helped me with that.
However, I will say this... I have been rejecting guys left and right since those two guys have cut me off, and it feels kinda' good. I know God has a plan for me, whether it's for me to be in a bf-gf relationship, a marriage, or single for life.
ETA: I do have to admit... my ex-bf of 4 years off and on has unrequited love for me... two years ago, I just up and told him I no longer liked him and was no longer interested in him and that I never wanted to talk to him again. And he would still try to get in contact with me over and over. However, I feel like he was infactuated with me more than he was in love with me.
But I came across a quote that somewhat eased my mind: "God gives us tests because He knows we are strong enough to pass them."
I've been trying to deal with all these questions that boggle my mind. But reading the book of Job in the Bible has helped me with that.
However, I will say this... I have been rejecting guys left and right since those two guys have cut me off, and it feels kinda' good.
I know God has a plan for me, whether it's for me to be in a bf-gf relationship, a marriage, or single for life.ETA: I do have to admit... my ex-bf of 4 years off and on has unrequited love for me... two years ago, I just up and told him I no longer liked him and was no longer interested in him and that I never wanted to talk to him again. And he would still try to get in contact with me over and over. However, I feel like he was infactuated with me more than he was in love with me.
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cocoaluv
Well-Known Member
was there for 4 yrs with the same guy. Sucked big time and i too actually felt physical pain from it. He used to tell me he loved me. I though" finally he feels the same" The next day he would tell me "i shouldnt have said that to you that's not really how i feel." Another time before one of our many seperations...we had a long talk and again...he admitted he had deep feelings for me and that he was ready to commit to me. We made love..then i didn't hear from her for 3 weeks. When we finally spoke again and i brought up the talk and asked him why did he say it if it wasnt true his response was ...AND I SH** YOU NOT...
"I said that because it seemed right for the mood of the conversation. I knew that it was gonna be my last time with you because i've been seeing someone else and i wanna be with her"
and right there i wanted to die.
(turns out he was leaving me for someone who was married and having and affair)
but of course......he came right back to me months later and i took his ruthless behind back.
I learned alot though i'll tell you that much. You can't convince a man to love you...unfortunately.
But remember ....once you've hit rock bottom....the only place left to go is back up. When i finally got him outta my system my standards were higher, i learned how to spot someone like him a mile away, i learned how much i was worth, and i learned how i deserved and wanted to be treated, and the very MINUTE I feel something for someone and that feeling is not reciprocated...LEAVE. Had i realized this back then i would left after 3 months ...NOT 4 YEARS.
OMG girl I am so very sorry to read this. I am very happy that you learned from this and know how to handle yourself next time. I have had the something similar happen to me in the past ( not for 4 years but for about 8 months or so) and it hurt like hell. But as always you learn and as long as you dont make the same mistake again with another guy you are good.
cocoaluv
Well-Known Member
I know
It's brought back so many painful memories of my own broken heart I've had to endure in the past
Have any of you ever actually FELT your heart feel like it's breaking? I remember I used to cry so heavily over him that I felt this dull feeling in my heart. Like someone else said, it hurt like hell.
The only good thing about this is that I lost maaaaaaaaaaaaad weight when it happend....then my mom damn near force fed me and I gained it back and then some
.But yes I felt so bad that I didnt even want to move, go to class, eat or even talk to friends/family. I felt like I wasnt even real because all I felt was pain. and of course its all you can even think about
cocoaluv
Well-Known Member
Dont you just hate that crap
. I mean why didnt he do that crap with me? Your sister should have lied to you and said he looked like ish...I know I woulda.
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
Yes, I have and it HURTS
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
The only good thing about this is that I lost maaaaaaaaaaaaad weight when it happend....then my mom damn near force fed me and I gained it back and then some
But yes I felt so bad that I didnt even want to move, go to class, eat or even talk to friends/family. I felt like I wasnt even real because all I felt was pain. and of course its all you can even think about
ME TOO!! Girrrrlll....I had dropped like 13 pounds unintentionally without even trying while I was going through that dark period, and I was LOVING my new figure! LOL*
I had a new wardrobe and everything! I didn't need to lose weight either, and my mom seemed concerned about me. Had me going to the doctor and everything trying to make sure I didn't have some kind of illness.
I've since gained back some weight...and I'm almost up to the weight that I was. But I'm wondering...what causes this weight loss? Was it depreession? Loss of appetite? Stress? I dont' understand how going through something like this causes you to lose weight.
ME TOO!! Girrrrlll....I had dropped like 13 pounds unintentionally without even trying while I was going through that dark period, and I was LOVING my new figure! LOL*
I had a new wardrobe and everything! I didn't need to lose weight either, and my mom seemed concerned about me. Had me going to the doctor and everything trying to make sure I didn't have some kind of illness.
I've since gained back some weight...and I'm almost up to the weight that I was. But I'm wondering...what causes this weight loss? Was it depreession? Loss of appetite? Stress? I dont' understand how going through something like this causes you to lose weight.
I know for me it was like an ache. In my heart and in my stomach. The last thing I wanted to do was eat. stressed, depressed heartbroken..all that. I really hate that feeling.
misskris816
Well-Known Member
ME TOO!! Girrrrlll....I had dropped like 13 pounds unintentionally without even trying while I was going through that dark period, and I was LOVING my new figure! LOL*
I had a new wardrobe and everything! I didn't need to lose weight either, and my mom seemed concerned about me. Had me going to the doctor and everything trying to make sure I didn't have some kind of illness.
I've since gained back some weight...and I'm almost up to the weight that I was. But I'm wondering...what causes this weight loss? Was it depreession? Loss of appetite? Stress? I dont' understand how going through something like this causes you to lose weight.
In my experience, my mind was so consumed with the situation and the loss of love that my mind didn't even register that I was hungry. Literally, it was like I forgot to eat.
Kiki82
New Member
CookieLAD
Member
I haven't been here in many years, but I have paid dearly. Being involved without really feeling and walking away from things simply because you don't want to get hurt again really, really sucks!
I'm going thru some stuff right now (not unrequited love) and it hurts like hell, but it feels good to realize that my heart hasn't completely turned to stone
I'm going thru some stuff right now (not unrequited love) and it hurts like hell, but it feels good to realize that my heart hasn't completely turned to stone
prettypuff1
New Member
unrequited love.....the story of my life..........until I decided to only date people who like me...even if I have no feelings for them in return.....(i just started this maybe 3 days ago so I'll let ya'll know how it turns out
erplexed)
We have the same love life story....
erplexed
Cincysweetie
Well-Known Member
I am typically the heartbreaker but I truly got GOT twice. Terrible. No words to describe the feelings that come with unrequited love. I am STILL recovering from one situation.
vainღ♥♡jane
ღ♥♡honey chile♡♥ღ
i'm there now. its making me depressed.
doll-baby
Well-Known Member
I have experienced this before. I was 16 and was totally infatuated / in (puppy) love with this guy. He was so intellectual and witty . We had great conversations on any and everything from politics, religion, pop culture, whatever. Talking to him gave me a high... and he was cute. I wanted to make things more serious between us and I let him know this, however he turned away from our friendship and never looked back. Personally I think that his mother may have had something to do with his decision. I do not think that she approved of him dating black women even though he was half black (father black / mother Filipino). erplexed
erplexedRecovering Weave-aholic
New Member
Wow, in my free time I pretend I'm a DJ (in other words, I make CDs because I get sick of hearing the same 7 songs on the radio all day) and I made a CD called Unrequited Love a few months ago. Songs like "Can"t Take My Eyes Off You" by Lauryn Hill, "Kissing You" by Faith, "I Need Love" by LL. But the two songs that get me every time are "Almost" and "Smile" by Tamia.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWBBbgcnodc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIVL0xBYuL4&feature=related
That CD is the cheapest therapy I could find.
"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWBBbgcnodc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIVL0xBYuL4&feature=related
That CD is the cheapest therapy I could find.
"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."
misskris816
Well-Known Member
Wow, this sounds so similar to my situation (starting off physical, feelings develop and are not reciprocated). I allowed a man to play me small and take me for granted.
He hasn't come back yet, but I know he will. And when he does, I'll be looking towards the future; A future that doesn't include him.
The bolded is so true. Thanks for posting.
