Unrequited Love: Who's Been There?

[envybeauty]

Thanks ladies..what u said makes sense. I will try hard..so mental I swear..
To the other ladies that went thru it or goin thru it how did u cope. Did u let them know? Did u listen to love songs to get u thru? is it the 'time heals all wounds? or u just couldn't cope...

WALK AWAY FROM HIM!!! WALK AWAY!!

Hurts like he!! but it will be easier in the long run (time heals yada yada). Give yourself credit. You pondered what if with him all these years. Now you get back in touch with him and nothing has changed. He still treats you like ish.

You deserve kudos. Most of us spend so many many wasted years pinning for someone only to get heartache about them when they turn around to us. You went on with your life. You got married, raised your daughter, etc. You moved on with your life and you did not wait for him. Life gave you another chance to see that he is not for you. Don't reminise about when he was chasing you 14 years ago. Chasing a girl in college then is different than courting a woman today. You are a woman and he needs to grow up. Cut him loose. Erase his number, email, address, etc. from everything you have. Cold turkey. Give him a taste of his own medicine, except this time it will be you who is keeping it moving and not looking back.

 

[mellowdome]

I also would like to know how to get through this. I have to see this man every day and he knows exactly how I feel. I was never good at "playing it cool"

 

[Aidenberry03]

Coping is/was very hard for me.

You talk about DEPRESSION...yes, I did not want to leave my house.

I could not work.

Gained about 10lbs.

But then finally the light bulb clicked on...I will be okay.

So what he did/does not/is not in love with me. I will be all right.

Gave myself until 8/19/07 and he still didnt get the picture, so in my mind I let him go.

We still talk and enjoy each other, that is fine by me. But I am crystal clear that we can/will never be anything more than what we are.

There are times now, when I think he is coming around...and I just tell him to be quiet!!!!

 

[envybeauty]

A friend of mine. She recently broke up with her boyfriend. Childhood friends. Dated for a few years. Now both in their 30s.

After breakup, she told ME that she felt like he didn't feel the same way for her as she did for him. Surprisingly, he told her the same thing one day postbreakup.

I say, SOMETIMES, the feeling is also felt by the guys as well.

 

[simplertimes]

I've been there.....
It was love at first sight when we met and we inseperable for months. Then one day, he says that we are growing apart(basically probably found someone else). I have never cried so much in my entire life, I cried every day/all day for months. I was a mess at work, and I work in the fashion industry so it REALLY showed. I was so depressed, and gained so much. To this day my heart melts at the thought of him..... I'm sure he'll get his though

 

[MzLady78]

I've been on both sides and neither was fun.

 

[Zakina]

A question:

Is it typically female? Do men move on quicker when faced with unrequited love?

 

[divya]

Wow, there's a term to describe it! My goodness, that's what I have been dealing with for months now. It's almost 2 yrs in this relationship and instead of our love for each other growing, it has come to this - unrequited love. After feeling so hurt and expressing my feeling over and over to him...I've decided to do me. And it feels good!

 

[Minx]

Wow, I thought it was just me!

I posted months ago on the Christian forum about my situation.
During that time, I thought I was going INSANE!( major depression)
All because this man was not loving me in return like I was loving him.
Talk about feeling used and emotionally abused!

And I must be totally honest, after trying for weeks to get over him,
I eventually gave in to my feelings and I let him back into my life.

I so feel you ,Sylver ,when talk about a guy making you feel like a young, naive school girl, taking you back to the person you were back then.
Also, thinking that he does not see and appreciate the woman you are now.

This too is how he has made me feel at times.
I think to myself, "Geez, am I still in high school, or what? "
Then I think, "No, I AM NOT that girl anymore, I've grown up!
I just have to remind myself from time to time of what all I've been through, what all I have survived and over come, and to not let those insecurities creep up in my mind.

But, I digress............

Even though I have been tolerating this stressful, messy, up and down relationship, I am pressing forward.
I'm getting my thoughts together, putting things into perspective.

And he knows I'm moving on.
He has told me that he can feel me pulling away.
So he's a mess right now about that.

He can see that I'm not all head over heals for him like I once was.
He keeps dropping by my house late at night, unannounced, while I'm in bed, just to make sure no other man is over here.
Dumb, I know, but that's just how scared he is.

See back when I was loving him like he was the only man on earth, he had this arrogant air about himself.
But now I'm putting my focus on other things besides him, and it's eating him up inside.
That's why he's snooping around here, trying to be all up under me.

It's just that I'm fed up.
So sometimes I deal with him, and sometimes I don't, but I make that decision, not him.

But my heart is done bleeding for him.
Like someone said in a movie I once saw:
It's not a good idea to keep dealing with these types of situations.
Unrequited love is "too much wear and tear on the soul."


dk

 

[TinyT]

Oh yeh I went through this. Most recently when my ex and I finally broke up, but like an idiot I was still seeing him as more than friends, but we called it friendship. Well I'm getting ready to leave his place in the morning, and we had been kinda fighting all night. And he was saying he was scared. And I said of what, and he said I don't want to hurt you, and I said it'll only hurt if you don't tell me the truth, and he said,"it's just I don't see a future with you" and I said next time just lie to me, packed up my stuff adn left.
I mean at the time eventhough we weren't together I was still holding on, and I loved him with my whole heart, and I thought he was it, adn we were just taking a break. After he said that I really had to let it go, but I was a mess. I cried everday for a month and a half, and wrote some of the worst poetry ever, but after I was done I was done and that was it. We still occassionally speak, but I'll never let myself go back to him. Unrequited love is THE absolute worse.

Uhm this is verbatim by story. I am in the pull away phase right now. It does hurt, but I am trying. I know it will work out, just takes time. I just try to find other activities and friends to be involved with and that helps. I do wish all people dealing with the same issues the best.

 

[STLCoverGirl]

Been there, I fell really hard for this guy, unfortunately the "relationship" started off as just a physical thing, and stayed that way. I wanted more of a commitment and he didn't. It hurt unbelievably bad to not have someone reciprocate the feelings that I had and showed him. I used to be in tears telling him how I felt.

A few years ago he emailed me(I was still married at the time), and he was apologizing for everything. He told me he wanted me back, and I know it sounds petty, but it made me feel soo good. Like all of my pain was not in vain...I don't know.

I still love him, but there is too much hurt there from the past. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the way he made me feel, and I don't think I have really forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Being with him would be a constant reminder of how he made me feel.

He has since married and I am dating someone else, I can't lie when he told me he is getting married I was sad for a while. The crazy thing is, is that his wife is in Korea for a year and he was trying to come visit me. After he tried that stunt I cut off all communication and thanked God for not having to deal with him as my husband. One thing I have learned is that SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.

 

[FeelinIt]

I thought this would be a good topic to discuss.

Unrequited Love is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. This can lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and mood swings such as swift changes between depression and euphoria. A notable form of unrequited love is self-inflicted masochistic infatuation.

ETA: Unrequited love feels like death. In fact, there are times when death would seem preferable to the unrelenting pain and frustration. There are those, even in the Church, who would seek to minimize or make light of this most unique agony: “Oh, don’t worry about it! Women (or men) are like street cars, there’s another one along any minute!” Like Hell. I don’t think there is any other pain quite like that of unrequited love, especially when rejection is involved, although that might even be preferable to being strung along with hopes raised and dashed with punishing regularity.

STORY OF MY LIFE!!!! At one point I thought about ending my life because of it. The pain was just too much to bear.

 

[FeelinIt]

I'm also going through this right now. It does hurt like hell and I feel used

I felt the same way.

I'm listening to Amy Winehouse right now and the song that discribes exactly how I felt when this man would come over night after night out enjoying himself and gleefully telling me about it is "I Wake Up Alone". Check it on youtube and listen to the lyrics.

After our night of passion, he never stayed. He always left. Never wanted to spend any time with me other than in the sheets and in the dark. I always felt alone when he was around and when he left, there was always a void there in my heart. The funny thing is I KNEW he wasn't right for me and would only hurt me three months in. I knew he didn't want anything serious. But foolishly I kept hoping and thinking that after my last bad breakup, this couldn't possibly happen again.

I could feel the pain physically like a stomach ache in my chest. It was powerful and overwhelming. That man had 4 years of ruling over my heart. I did some crazy arse sh!t over him. I'm over him now but the void remains and trusting someone else with my heart may never come to past. When I think back on it and when I hear that song, I always cry, always.

I fear that if someone were to come into my life and really truly love me, I'd mess it up. To me, someone actually loving ME and wanting to be with ME is unbelivable. It's like winning the 500 million dollar jackpot. Something like that would just never happen.

 

[FeelinIt]

Thanks ladies..what u said makes sense. I will try hard..so mental I swear..
To the other ladies that went thru it or goin thru it how did u cope. Did u let them know? Did u listen to love songs to get u thru? is it the 'time heals all wounds? or u just couldn't cope...

For me, after a while, I just got tired of him. He was a user and did too much double talking. He was too secretive and he was quite boring. BUt mostly, I always felt like I had to be someone else to please him. He didn't specifically request this, but I never felt good enough for him. My self esteem would be low and I felt used when he was around. I got tired of being that way. It took too much to be around him. It wasn't natural and it did not flow. Being with him caused too much inner turmoil. I couldn't take it anymore so I just stopped this year actually. Havent been with him in over 7 months and don't miss a thing.

I can't say I have fully recovered though. That experience has left me with scars I need to fix, but I feel so much better without him in my life. We are still cordial and talk but being close to him is something I can't do.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Been there, I fell really hard for this guy, unfortunately the "relationship" started off as just a physical thing, and stayed that way. I wanted more of a commitment and he didn't. It hurt unbelievably bad to not have someone reciprocate the feelings that I had and showed him. I used to be in tears telling him how I felt.

A few years ago he emailed me(I was still married at the time), and he was apologizing for everything. He told me he wanted me back, and I know it sounds petty, but it made me feel soo good. Like all of my pain was not in vain...I don't know.

I still love him, but there is too much hurt there from the past. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the way he made me feel, and I don't think I have really forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Being with him would be a constant reminder of how he made me feel.

He has since married and I am dating someone else, I can't lie when he told me he is getting married I was sad for a while. The crazy thing is, is that his wife is in Korea for a year and he was trying to come visit me. After he tried that stunt I cut off all communication and thanked God for not having to deal with him as my husband. One thing I have learned is that SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.

HA! I love your conclusion. Unfortunately for her, he is HER problem and not yours.

 

[Kenedie]

After he tried that stunt I cut off all communication and thanked God for not having to deal with him as my husband. One thing I have learned is that SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.[/quote]

You are so very right about that one!!!

 

[StLucianSweetie]

Been there, I fell really hard for this guy, unfortunately the "relationship" started off as just a physical thing, and stayed that way. I wanted more of a commitment and he didn't. It hurt unbelievably bad to not have someone reciprocate the feelings that I had and showed him. I used to be in tears telling him how I felt.

A few years ago he emailed me(I was still married at the time), and he was apologizing for everything. He told me he wanted me back, and I know it sounds petty, but it made me feel soo good. Like all of my pain was not in vain...I don't know.

I still love him, but there is too much hurt there from the past. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the way he made me feel, and I don't think I have really forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Being with him would be a constant reminder of how he made me feel.

He has since married and I am dating someone else, I can't lie when he told me he is getting married I was sad for a while. The crazy thing is, is that his wife is in Korea for a year and he was trying to come visit me. After he tried that stunt I cut off all communication and thanked God for not having to deal with him as my husband. One thing I have learned is that SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.

Amen to that! I like this quote, it speaks wonders.

 

[cocoberry10]

Been there, I fell really hard for this guy, unfortunately the "relationship" started off as just a physical thing, and stayed that way. I wanted more of a commitment and he didn't. It hurt unbelievably bad to not have someone reciprocate the feelings that I had and showed him. I used to be in tears telling him how I felt.

A few years ago he emailed me(I was still married at the time), and he was apologizing for everything. He told me he wanted me back, and I know it sounds petty, but it made me feel soo good. Like all of my pain was not in vain...I don't know.

I still love him, but there is too much hurt there from the past. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the way he made me feel, and I don't think I have really forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Being with him would be a constant reminder of how he made me feel.

He has since married and I am dating someone else, I can't lie when he told me he is getting married I was sad for a while. The crazy thing is, is that his wife is in Korea for a year and he was trying to come visit me. After he tried that stunt I cut off all communication and thanked God for not having to deal with him as my husband. One thing I have learned is that SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.

Thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry about your pain. To your bolded, whoo! Thank you for saying this. I really, really needed to hear that!

 

[Country gal]

STL- I love it. SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.

I really needed to hear this. I was just going through my woa is me pity party because my ex of 4 years had a baby with his wife.

 

[ekomba]

Thanks ladies..what u said makes sense. I will try hard..so mental I swear..
To the other ladies that went thru it or goin thru it how did u cope. Did u let them know? Did u listen to love songs to get u thru? is it the 'time heals all wounds? or u just couldn't cope...

wishing u the best Sylver!!! the best post break up song for me was "let me love you" by mario. I bought the cd and listened to it all the time until i was through. What i like about it it describes the situation and give you a glimpse of the future how u could be treated. My girlfriend jokes every man should go to the Mario school and learn that song. I bought the cd just for that song keep listening to it and i promise you everyday u will feel better, memorize the lyrics and remember your worth. No woman deserves to go through stuff it reminds me of a book i read the title was First you get a life...then a man and sometimes the right thing to do while it hurts is to focus on self, career travel, start over cherish ourselves give ourselves all the attention to our bruised egos and self esteem and time heals all wounds this too shall pass. but while going through we should learn to protect our hearts and value ourselves. I love you all

 

[Halana Malie]

Been there, I fell really hard for this guy, unfortunately the "relationship" started off as just a physical thing, and stayed that way. I wanted more of a commitment and he didn't. It hurt unbelievably bad to not have someone reciprocate the feelings that I had and showed him. I used to be in tears telling him how I felt.

A few years ago he emailed me(I was still married at the time), and he was apologizing for everything. He told me he wanted me back, and I know it sounds petty, but it made me feel soo good. Like all of my pain was not in vain...I don't know.

I still love him, but there is too much hurt there from the past. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the way he made me feel, and I don't think I have really forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Being with him would be a constant reminder of how he made me feel.

He has since married and I am dating someone else, I can't lie when he told me he is getting married I was sad for a while. The crazy thing is, is that his wife is in Korea for a year and he was trying to come visit me. After he tried that stunt I cut off all communication and thanked God for not having to deal with him as my husband. One thing I have learned is that SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.

Whoa, that right there is powerful. I have to thank you for this. I needed that.

 

[Ms Red]

Wow. This is real

Been there, I fell really hard for this guy, unfortunately the "relationship" started off as just a physical thing, and stayed that way. I wanted more of a commitment and he didn't. It hurt unbelievably bad to not have someone reciprocate the feelings that I had and showed him. I used to be in tears telling him how I felt.

A few years ago he emailed me(I was still married at the time), and he was apologizing for everything. He told me he wanted me back, and I know it sounds petty, but it made me feel soo good. Like all of my pain was not in vain...I don't know.

I still love him, but there is too much hurt there from the past. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the way he made me feel, and I don't think I have really forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Being with him would be a constant reminder of how he made me feel.

He has since married and I am dating someone else, I can't lie when he told me he is getting married I was sad for a while. The crazy thing is, is that his wife is in Korea for a year and he was trying to come visit me. After he tried that stunt I cut off all communication and thanked God for not having to deal with him as my husband. One thing I have learned is that SOMETIMES REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION.

 

[CarLiTa]

I still love him, but there is too much hurt there from the past. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the way he made me feel, and I don't think I have really forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Being with him would be a constant reminder of how he made me feel.

That is my story. I just can't do it. I have forgiven, but being with the person is just a constant reminder of everything that happened, and reliving the sadness and the pain all over again.

He has tried to come back twice after a year of no contact. Said a lot of things about missing me, wanting me back, being a better person, etc. There IS some change there, but he is still not the type of person that I want to be with today, nor can he give me the type of relationship that I want. I almost gave him a chance, and he disappointed me badly. He acted just like he used to for so many years. I cut off contact, then weirdly enough, I have a dream that he gives me a promise ring. How weird is that?
I contact him to say hi and he talks about how he misses me and will continue to try, blah blah. I tell him we should try to be friends and get to know each other. He sometimes says the same things, but I just DON'T see him putting in any effort at all! Yet he wants to talk like he is the one in love, begging me for a chance, and whenever I give the slightest idea that I might yield, he pulls back. And I feel stupid for having fallen for the okie doke again.

He was talking to a new person, and he told me he would end that in a heartbeat if he knew that he and I could start something together, but he realizes that we need time to get to know each other...so... WHY am I the one initiating the conversations?!

Seriously. It really is and has been a waste of my time. My gosh did I suffer, though! never want to experience that again.
I also realize that he doesn't even take the time to get to know the person I have grown into. He doesn't try to find out anything about me, at all. ALL he wants to talk about is where we stand. The simplest things about me, I don't think he knows. And there is so much about him that I don't think I know either, because he always shuts me out. This after... SEVEN years of knowing each other It is hard to carry on a conversation with someone when all he has to say is "Oh."

This post confirms a lot that I know already: a WASTE OF MY TIME! He acts like he is the one suffering from unrequited love now, and the second I give in, it's like the script is flipped. I'm the one who is feeling stuff, and he's the nonchalant one.
I don't need this kind of inconsistency in my life.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

ONly kind I have ever had. Even had one guy tell me 'I'm not sure what about my behavior convinced you that those feelings would be welcome, but they aren't.'

I kind of stopped caring right about then. Typically I don't like a man till he shows that he likes me.

 

[Ms Red]

Ouch!! That hurts to the core! Sorry you have to go through this. I think we all have at one time or another.

ONly kind I have ever had. Even had one guy tell me 'I'm not sure what about my behavior convinced you that those feelings would be welcome, but they aren't.'

I kind of stopped caring right about then. Typically I don't like a man till he shows that he likes me.

 

[cocoberry10]

That is my story. I just can't do it. I have forgiven, but being with the person is just a constant reminder of everything that happened, and reliving the sadness and the pain all over again.

He has tried to come back twice after a year of no contact. Said a lot of things about missing me, wanting me back, being a better person, etc. There IS some change there, but he is still not the type of person that I want to be with today, nor can he give me the type of relationship that I want. I almost gave him a chance, and he disappointed me badly. He acted just like he used to for so many years. I cut off contact, then weirdly enough, I have a dream that he gives me a promise ring. How weird is that?
I contact him to say hi and he talks about how he misses me and will continue to try, blah blah. I tell him we should try to be friends and get to know each other. He sometimes says the same things, but I just DON'T see him putting in any effort at all! Yet he wants to talk like he is the one in love, begging me for a chance, and whenever I give the slightest idea that I might yield, he pulls back. And I feel stupid for having fallen for the okie doke again.

He was talking to a new person, and he told me he would end that in a heartbeat if he knew that he and I could start something together, but he realizes that we need time to get to know each other...so... WHY am I the one initiating the conversations?!

Seriously. It really is and has been a waste of my time. My gosh did I suffer, though! never want to experience that again.
I also realize that he doesn't even take the time to get to know the person I have grown into. He doesn't try to find out anything about me, at all. ALL he wants to talk about is where we stand. The simplest things about me, I don't think he knows. And there is so much about him that I don't think I know either, because he always shuts me out. This after... SEVEN years of knowing each other It is hard to carry on a conversation with someone when all he has to say is "Oh."

This post confirms a lot that I know already: a WASTE OF MY TIME! He acts like he is the one suffering from unrequited love now, and the second I give in, it's like the script is flipped. I'm the one who is feeling stuff, and he's the nonchalant one.
I don't need this kind of inconsistency in my life.

These situations are so frustrating to me, b/c they keep you on an emotional rollercoater. In fact, just for the sake of it, I’m posting Vivian Green’s “Emotional Rollercoaster” video from youtube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kEJipfru5E

 

[prettypuff1]

These situations are so frustrating to me, b/c they keep you on an emotional rollercoater. In fact, just for the sake of it, I’m posting Vivian Green’s “Emotional Rollercoaster” video from youtube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kEJipfru5E

I cried my way through pregnancy dealing with unrequitted love... Man my sons father. I have to say that in a way i am glad that iwent through so much hurt with him so that i can know what every sign of a bad relationship looks like. i was soo deeply in love with him. I can now admit that and not feel soo bad about it. He truly only saw me as a booty call and made it quite apparent to everyone. I dealt with him parading other women around me so i did the same thing, only i did it with his friends. I spent a lot of time trying to prove to him what he was missing, when i should have spent that time looking at why he wasnt the one for me. I hurt like hell for years after him and added to the equation that he couldn't have cared less about our son. It took me to one day realize, I am too old for this. I started doing things for me and i felt a lot better and left him behind... I decieded he wouldnt change and that i could wait for forever or get myself together for the one i should have. I never looked back

 

[divya]

I just left the relationship, told him we need a break...that he needs to figure out if he wants to treat me with love and fairness, or if he want to live for himself alone. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's hard because I never imagined our relationship would come to this, but it was for the best. He has some great qualities, that coupled with a loving and giving spirit would make him such a wonderful person to be with. So I pray for not just myself, but for him...that he learns how to truly love someone else. Life is love, loving is life.

 

[ElizaBlue]

wishing u the best Sylver!!! the best post break up song for me was "let me love you" by mario. I bought the cd and listened to it all the time until i was through. What i like about it it describes the situation and give you a glimpse of the future how u could be treated. My girlfriend jokes every man should go to the Mario school and learn that song. I bought the cd just for that song keep listening to it and i promise you everyday u will feel better, memorize the lyrics and remember your worth. No woman deserves to go through stuff it reminds me of a book i read the title was First you get a life...then a man and sometimes the right thing to do while it hurts is to focus on self, career travel, start over cherish ourselves give ourselves all the attention to our bruised egos and self esteem and time heals all wounds this too shall pass. but while going through we should learn to protect our hearts and value ourselves. I love you all

Thanks Ekomba, I did go and listed to the song and your are right. While Mario is much to young to be singing about doing a woman right some of these old heads could certainly take lessons.

I broke up with my boyfriend today because of his "internet activities" (see my post) and he had the audacity to blame me for violating his privacy. What about the lying, and plotting and planning and who knows what else.

ARRRRGGGHHHHH....this ish hurts like a gunshot. I wish I could just fast forward to three months and while not growing any older just be already over this feeling. Damn this hurts lika a motha. And for him to be mad at me just makes it even worse.

 

[NYAmicas]

Reading all of your stories really has me heated! I couldnt help but notice a pattern in many of the stories. Female has her life on this path and encounters a man who she isnt initially interested in. Man pursues and the woman lets down her guard and catches genuine feelings exposing her body, mind, soul, etc. For some inexplicable reason Man becomes different and distant and now the woman becomes the pursuer. Man leaves......
And in some cases when the Woman got herself together and continued on, here comes the Man again wanting to rekindle some flames.
Thank you for sharing your personal stories. I didnt vote that I've been a victim of unrequited love but I've had a couple of terrible relationships that have left me devestated.
*Hugs to all*