Unrequited Love: Who's Been There?

[MissRissa]

Wow, in my free time I pretend I'm a DJ (in other words, I make CDs because I get sick of hearing the same 7 songs on the radio all day) and I made a CD called Unrequited Love a few months ago. Songs like "Can"t Take My Eyes Off You" by Lauryn Hill, "Kissing You" by Faith, "I Need Love" by LL. But the two songs that get me every time are "Almost" and "Smile" by Tamia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWBBbgcnodc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIVL0xBYuL4&feature=related

That CD is the cheapest therapy I could find.

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

yeah lauryn hill's cd was in constant play. now it makes me too upset to listen.

 

[MissRissa]

I know

It's brought back so many painful memories of my own broken heart I've had to endure in the past

Have any of you ever actually FELT your heart feel like it's breaking? I remember I used to cry so heavily over him that I felt this dull feeling in my heart. Like someone else said, it hurt like hell.

i honestly feel numb sometimes, like i am not capable of loving someone because my heart has been literally been destroyed. like it's futile to even attempt to. it's either that kinda numbness or some kinda excruciating pain. or hell, both.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Yep; I love hard. And I like that about me.
It does hurt like hell, but you put a time limit on your mourning and your move on.
Then you bounce back to love hard again only wiser

 

[hurricane]

I'm in a situation now. This guy I like persued me. My mind was totally not on men. We talked and had a decent conversation. I actually began tolike him. We went out a couple of times and when I wouldn't sleep with him no more phone calls. I'm too old for this crap. He's too old for this crap. He just turned 41. When do men grow up. He told me he wasn't ready for a commitment. I really don't look or act like a ho. So can someone answer this. Why do these me chase you if they don't want a relationship?

 

[MJ]

I've completely moved on now. It's a wonderful feeling, freeing.

 

[DaPPeR]

Hmm for 2 and a half years. Everything I said or did was negative, but he was so toxic for me. O so toxic. I got back with him a total of 4 times within those 2 years and each time it got worse. Its the worse feelin when u love someone so much and its not returned. Sad....

 

[aribell]

Lots of hurt in this thread, but at least no one is alone. I've realized that now that I've allowed myself to feel resentful, hurt, disappointed, etc...I don't feel as crazy. He's wanted to be friends, but...neh. I think that's just a way for him to keep the door open.

And I was trying to give in to what he wanted in the hopes that something might happen down the line, but that's a waste of time. It helps to think about all the things I wasn't happy about: a great man in many ways, but also flaky, selfish, young, ambivalent/indecisive...and principally, not in love with me.

I find it amazing that there's such a clear pattern to this--men initiate interest, lose interest after it's reciprocated, woman pines then moves on, then man sees the light and comes back looking for what he lost. I'm not a male basher, but that makes me think that the male gender is seriously wacky.

Funny thing is, I really don't think they get what they're doing. Somehow the concept of "stringing you along" just doesn't seem to register.

 

[kandake]

I'm in a situation now. This guy I like persued me. My mind was totally not on men. We talked and had a decent conversation. I actually began tolike him. We went out a couple of times and when I wouldn't sleep with him no more phone calls. I'm too old for this crap. He's too old for this crap. He just turned 41. When do men grow up. He told me he wasn't ready for a commitment. I really don't look or act like a ho. So can someone answer this. Why do these me chase you if they don't want a relationship?

I had very similar experience.

I know this is a few months old but to answer your question they chase you because they want sex. Thats why the calls stopped after you wouldn't give it up.

The whole thing is very perplexing. I've been out of the game for about 5 years so I didn't quite understand dating as an adult. I'm really starting to think that men pursue, chase and pine after you, talking about chemistry, strong connections and wanting a relationship all in the name of sex. After the sex or after you tell him you don't want to have sex they move on to the next person. Its disgusting actually.

 

[Ms Red]

I'm there now but unfortunately (or fortunately), my heart can get hardened rather quickly when I get hurt (tend to go back into my shell).

Same story as so many of you here: He pursued me; I wasn't even looking for anything/any relationship/just taking care of me; Gave lots of attention for a few weeks, I got used to the constant calls, etc. Went on our first date and had chemistry.... Fast forward and now we're not speaking. Why? erplexed I am not the type to pursue... So in my mind I've already written him off. One misunderstanding and he wants to be 'friends.' Ok, whatever.

So now I'm back to SQUARE ONE. I keep saying I want God's will in my life. And I do. But I hate the game

 

[kandake]

I'm there now but unfortunately (or fortunately), my heart can get hardened rather quickly when I get hurt (tend to go back into my shell).

Same story as so many of you here: He pursued me; I wasn't even looking for anything/any relationship/just taking care of me; Gave lots of attention for a few weeks, I got used to the constant calls, etc. Went on our first date and had chemistry.... Fast forward and now we're not speaking. Why? erplexed I am not the type to pursue... So in my mind I've already written him off. One misunderstanding and he wants to be 'friends.' Ok, whatever.

So now I'm back to SQUARE ONE. I keep saying I want God's will in my life. And I do. But I hate the game

Wait, where do you live. I swear we're dealing with the same dude.

 

[Ms Red]

Girl, I live in Texas!

Must be a whole lot of losers spread across the US.

Wait, where do you live. I swear we're dealing with the same dude.

 

[kandake]

Girl, I live in Texas!

Must be a whole lot of losers spread across the US.

Sad part about is that I can't seem to shake this loser. I mean we only dated for a few weeks, a few months ago and I cannot get him off my mind.

I think thats why I'm so upset and that why I'm in the unrequited love thread.

 

[Ms Red]

Same here. Pisses me off to no end! I am trying to accept the fact that this is supposed to work out.

Sad part about is that I can't seem to shake this loser. I mean we only dated for a few weeks, a few months ago and I cannot get him off my mind.

I think thats why I'm so upset and that why I'm in the unrequited love thread.

 

[*5+5]

Been there it was baaaad. When I finally got up enough of strength to leave dude had the nerve to start stalking me

Funny thing is before I called it "quits" I would've died for all that attention. That was a BIG lesson learned for me that men adore what they can't have b/c when I was gone I never looked back and dude was sick and I thought he never wouldve cared

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Dang that is messed up that he turned into a stalker .

Some men don't miss a good thing until it's gone! Good for you!!!

Been there it was baaaad. When I finally got up enough of strength to leave dude had the nerve to start stalking me

Funny thing is before I called it "quits" I would've died for all that attention. That was a BIG lesson learned for me that men adore what they can't have b/c when I was gone I never looked back and dude was sick and I thought he never wouldve cared

 

[*5+5]

Dang that is messed up that he turned into a stalker .

Some men don't miss a good thing until it's gone! Good for you!!!

Girl yes whoever would've of thought? Not Mr Unattainable trying to be a stalker. I was like dude where was the love a month ago, be for real. He sent me a Plant one day w/a built in picture frame surrounded by miniature roses. (I was shock like whoa dude how long you been sweet) I was living in a dorm and he had his grown cousin who was about 35 come over and beg me to take him back. Girl I could go on for days on how he did a complete 180. When I would go to lunch he'll be in the Cafe (not a student) eating with people I knew. I would go to my car and he'll have cards on my car. One day I came back from class, I had grocery sitting in front of my room...I liked that ....still never called him back tho'

 

[NYAmicas]

Girl yes whoever would've of thought? Not Mr Unattainable trying to be a stalker. I was like dude where was the love a month ago, be for real. He sent me a Plant one day w/a built in picture frame surrounded by miniature roses. (I was shock like whoa dude how long you been sweet) I was living in a dorm and he had his grown cousin who was about 35 come over and beg me to take him back. Girl I could go on for days on how he did a complete 180. When I would go to lunch he'll be in the Cafe (not a student) eating with people I knew. I would go to my car and he'll have cards on my car. One day I came back from class, I had grocery sitting in front of my room...I liked that ....still never called him back tho'

Groceries!? Girl, call him!
I love when they reap what they sow.

 

[NYAmicas]

Yeah...this thread brought back some sad memories for me too.
BUT! I will say that I am living proof that things DO get better as time goes by. I no longer cry over him, and I'm not depressed anymore. I still may get kind of sad sometimes, and at times I may get some negative thoughts creep up (especially during that hormonal time of the month ), but on a whole, I'm in a MUCH better place now, than I was even just 4 months ago.

You know what eventually helped me?? Not harboring resentment for him. When I just "let it go", and tried to actually be civil towards him instead of acting bitter, resentful, and hurt, I eventually got over it! Now, we actually have somewhat of a nice relationship now. We're actually closer NOW than we were when I was giving him the cold shoulder and acting like I didn't even want to say hello to him. I think he likes me a lot better now too. Shoot, I like myself better as a person as well.

So, my advice? Act "as if" you're over it/over him, and pretty soon your mind will follow. You have to fake it until you make it. Because if deep down you're still harboring ill feelings and resentment for this guy, you'll never get over it. It will also be harder to let anyone else in that could be just perfect for you.

Just remember: It DOES get better ladies!

Haven't visited this thread in ages but that's great advice, Crystal.

 

[heyfranz]

Yep. There right now. I've broken hearts and had mine broken. It's life. I just wish i knew why he was so indecisive. One minute he wants me more than anything, and the next he doesn't. I'm getting so tired of this game. I've been contemplating breaking it off with him because i don't want to play anymore. I don't like being on an emotional roller coaster all the time.

 

[DaPPeR]

I've been going through this for 3 years now. Lord help me!!! I'm goin mad. There's soo many reasons why I should let go, but I don't want anyone but this man. Lord, let me let him go.

 

[bimbabe]

{{HUGS}} Dapper!
Time will heal these wounds.

 

[awhyley]

Been there? I live there.

There is this guy I just can't get off my mind, but we live in different cities, so doesn't make much sense, as I don't do the long distance relationship thing. Trust issues and all that. I compare everyone to him, well, every potential man to him. I think that's how I'll know I'm truely in love; when I can kick his memory to the curb.

 

[sky_blu]

I've been going through this for 3 years now. Lord help me!!! I'm goin mad. There's soo many reasons why I should let go, but I don't want anyone but this man. Lord, let me let him go.

I think we have the same prayer.

 

[Raspberry]

I thought unrequited love meant that you never have a relationship or returned feelings with someone even though you desire it greatly? Like being friends for years with a man.. you're in love but you never tell him your true feelings..

 

[metro_qt]

I thought unrequited love meant that you never have a relationship or returned feelings with someone even though you desire it greatly? Like being friends for years with a man.. you're in love but you never tell him your true feelings..

All it really means is that the Love is not returned in any fashion... So the person in love may have experienced the love they wanted and it suddenly stops,
OR
The person in love wants to love another who will never love them back, or love them in the same way.

: not requited : not reciprocated or returned in kind <unrequited love>

 

[cupcakes]

Yes, been there, hurt like hell, wished I was dead....then it was his turn..

yupppp

 

[sylver2]

As I look at what Ive done
The type of life that Ive lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I dont
I used to love him but now I dont

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasnt fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I dont
I used to love him but now I dont

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish mans wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than oceans
My soul was weary but now its replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man whos lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him but now I dont

I DON"T NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DarkHair]

Sylver, don't make me pull out that CD girl. That was the joint.

I've been there before. I learned my lesson(s) from it. I even developed a mind like a dude so it wouldn't happen to me, but them.

 

[DarkHair]

I've been going through this for 3 years now. Lord help me!!! I'm goin mad. There's soo many reasons why I should let go, but I don't want anyone but this man. Lord, let me let him go.

and it will happen. Trust me. I used to struggle with the same thing. I HAD TO let God have His way in my life.

 

[metro_qt]

Sylver, don't make me pull out that CD girl. That was the joint.

I've been there before. I learned my lesson(s) from it. I even developed a mind like a dude so it wouldn't happen to me, but them.

i need this mind like a dude thing...
how can we develop this?