Trend Among Girlfriends

I guess it's easy to misread tone or context on the internet, but to clarify, it was a totally friendly exchange. So shade, or bad assumptions or defensiveness.
 
I never really thought about it before, but I know some guys who picked up and moved for their gf or wife's education. These are all women PHD candidates:
Couple one: married very young, husband never finished college but always made good money. She's black, he's Hispanic. He was able to transfer his bank job to her grad school city.
Couple 2: also married young, white couple. Husband really only worked odd jobs until her PhD program, then he enrolled at the same uni as an undergrad
Couple 3: black, married now but not when she first started. They were dating when she chose the program, she told him she was leaving their state and he could stay or go, so he came after a year. He didn't have his degree and was taking forever to finish when she said she was out, so he finished up in the year they were apart.

Common denominator among all these couples is that the wife was ambitious, husband was not. Never even thought about it until now. The rest of the married people in my program are from the area, or people became boo'd up once they enrolled...and by people, I mean white people. Every BW who came single still remains single, except one who became a lesbian. All the white girls who came single are married or in LT relationships with white, Asian, or black guys.

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but will later.
 
sgold04 said:
I never really thought about it before, but I know some guys who picked up and moved for their gf or wife's education. These are all women PHD candidates:
Couple one: married very young, husband never finished college but always made good money. She's black, he's Hispanic. He was able to transfer his bank job to her grad school city.
Couple 2: also married young, white couple. Husband really only worked odd jobs until her PhD program, then he enrolled at the same uni as an undergrad
Couple 3: black, married now but not when she first started. They were dating when she chose the program, she told him she was leaving their state and he could stay or go, so he came after a year. He didn't have his degree and was taking forever to finish when she said she was out, so he finished up in the year they were apart.

Common denominator among all these couples is that the wife was ambitious, husband was not. Never even thought about it until now. The rest of the married people in my program are from the area, or people became boo'd up once they enrolled...and by people, I mean white people. Every BW who came single still remains single, except one who became a lesbian. All the white girls who came single are married or in LT relationships with white, Asian, or black guys.

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but will later.
Click to expand...
Those were some good examples.
 
sgold04 said:
I never really thought about it before, but I know some guys who picked up and moved for their gf or wife's education. These are all women PHD candidates:
Couple one: married very young, husband never finished college but always made good money. She's black, he's Hispanic. He was able to transfer his bank job to her grad school city.
Couple 2: also married young, white couple. Husband really only worked odd jobs until her PhD program, then he enrolled at the same uni as an undergrad
Couple 3: black, married now but not when she first started. They were dating when she chose the program, she told him she was leaving their state and he could stay or go, so he came after a year. He didn't have his degree and was taking forever to finish when she said she was out, so he finished up in the year they were apart.

Common denominator among all these couples is that the wife was ambitious, husband was not. Never even thought about it until now. The rest of the married people in my program are from the area, or people became boo'd up once they enrolled...and by people, I mean white people. Every BW who came single still remains single, except one who became a lesbian. All the white girls who came single are married or in LT relationships with white, Asian, or black guys.

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but will later.
Click to expand...
They say every ambitious woman needs a wife...
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
They say every ambitious woman needs a wife...
Click to expand...
Ha! I wish I could post my gifs cuz I have the perfect one. This is sooo true. I honestly love each one of these couples. I went to grad school across the country and didn't know a soul, so they became my family, BUT I could not be with men like this. AT ALL. But I'm not ambitious. School comes easily, I love to learn, and I acquire new skills quickly, so to the outside world I appear ambitious, but I'm really just following the path of least resistance.... which would explain why these Mitch-made men keep coming at me, they think I'm the dominant type, when I'm actually better suited for a more masculine, dominant man.
 
sgold04 said:
Ha! I wish I could post my gifs cuz I have the perfect one. This is sooo true. I honestly love each one of these couples. I went to grad school across the country and didn't know a soul, so they became my family, BUT I could not be with men like this. AT ALL. But I'm not ambitious. School comes easily, I love to learn, and I acquire new skills quickly, so to the outside world I appear ambitious, but I'm really just following the path of least resistance.... which would explain why these Mitch-made men keep coming at me, they think I'm the dominant type, when I'm actually better suited for a more masculine, dominant man.
Click to expand...
All this...
 
krissyhair said:
I think it was reasonable to think they might have split them.
Click to expand...
No...not really. With what money? I cannot imagine a situation where it would be reasonable for a woman to put her career on hold to follow a guy to grad school...cook, clean, and emotionally support him so that he can have an advantage above his classmates and then turn around and put 1/2 on the bills. Nope...not even remotely reasonable and I would like to sell magic beans to any woman who signs up for such as gig. I'm married and I wouldn't pay 1/2 the bills in that situation.
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
No...not really. With what money? I cannot imagine a situation where it would be reasonable for a woman to put her career on hold to follow a guy to grad school...cook, clean, and emotionally support him so that he can have an advantage above his classmates and then turn around and put 1/2 on the bills. Nope...not even remotely reasonable and I would like to sell magic beans to any woman who signs up for such as gig. I'm married and I wouldn't pay 1/2 the bills in that situation.
Click to expand...

You're assuming the woman doesn't work, but I don't remember reading that. You're also assuming she put her career on hold, but a lot of careers are not location-specific. A woman could have moved to a city where her man is going to grad school and taken a job. At least that's the only way I've ever heard it. The school application process gives both parties the time to do the planning necessary. So I imagine that if a woman plans to move with her man for 2-3 years, she would launch a job search in every city where he's applying to school. Or, once he gets accepted, which is like 6-9 months before classes start, then she'd start her job search then. At least that would be the smart thing to do in such a situation.

I should also add that having the flexibility to move cities for a man requires that a woman has transferable skills. It's just easier/she'll have more options. If a woman is following a man around doing entry level jobs the entire time, she'll never grow in her career. Still gotta watch out for yourself.

Anyway, I remember this anecdote a former law school student told me. She said that she was living with her fiance (I don't remember if he'd moved for her), but that it became clear pretty early on that she couldn't fall into the student lifestyle if she wanted to maintain the relationship: working all night, having all the study sessions, not devoting time to the relationship. She said she decided to treat law school like it's a job. She went on campus by 8, took all her classes and did her homework and everything by around 5pm. Then she'd go home and relax and spend time with her fiancé. Basically to not disrupt the routine they'd established pre- law school.

I was 21 when she told me that. The story stuck with me because I was so impressed with her efficiency. She was at Harvard Law, and when I met her she'd just graduated, and the law firm that hired her didn't have enough business for her to start right away, so the firm was paying her for 1 year, while she's not working, and then she would officially start later. Those last few details are not relevant to the story, but just wanted to add them because I was bloooown away by this unicorn situation lol.
 
I've seen this scenario countless times with women in my field. I've never seen the scenario where the man ups and leaves after he graduates though.... they usually work out and if they break up, it's due to incompatibility, not because they were used to get through school.

In the last 5 years or so, I've seen many female docs pair up with male nurses during residency (the ones that didn't land a man in med school usually) ...those men go into anesthesia and end up making comparable salaries so its not a bad move. Almost all of these couples were white or foreign though.
 
CarLiTa said:
You're assuming the woman doesn't work, but I don't remember reading that. You're also assuming she put her career on hold, but a lot of careers are not location-specific. A woman could have moved to a city where her man is going to grad school and taken a job. At least that's the only way I've ever heard it. The school application process gives both parties the time to do the planning necessary. So I imagine that if a woman plans to move with her man for 2-3 years, she would launch a job search in every city where he's applying to school. Or, once he gets accepted, which is like 6-9 months before classes start, then she'd start her job search then. At least that would be the smart thing to do in such a situation.

I should also add that having the flexibility to move cities for a man requires that a woman has transferable skills. It's just easier/she'll have more options. If a woman is following a man around doing entry level jobs the entire time, she'll never grow in her career. Still gotta watch out for yourself.

Anyway, I remember this anecdote a former law school student told me. She said that she was living with her fiance (I don't remember if he'd moved for her), but that it became clear pretty early on that she couldn't fall into the student lifestyle if she wanted to maintain the relationship: working all night, having all the study sessions, not devoting time to the relationship. She said she decided to treat law school like it's a job. She went on campus by 8, took all her classes and did her homework and everything by around 5pm. Then she'd go home and relax and spend time with her fiancé. Basically to not disrupt the routine they'd established pre- law school.

I was 21 when she told me that. The story stuck with me because I was so impressed with her efficiency. She was at Harvard Law, and when I met her she'd just graduated, and the law firm that hired her didn't have enough business for her to start right away, so the firm was paying her for 1 year, while she's not working, and then she would officially start later. Those last few details are not relevant to the story, but just wanted to add them because I was bloooown away by this unicorn situation lol.
Click to expand...
I wasnt assuming anything, I based it on what the op said in her first post.

krissyhair said:
But a man would not suspend his educational or career goal, move to a small town to take a job waiting tables, an unpaid internship of some sort, or even secretary work or paralegals. These are some women who have foregone med school, grad school, or could have stayed home or moved to the big city and found happiness elsewhere.
Click to expand...

Based on that *I* wouldnt be splitting the bills and I would tell any woman in that position to stack whatever she does earn in the event that the relationship doesn't work out.
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
I wasnt assuming anything, I based it on what the op said in her first post.



Based on that *I* wouldnt be splitting the bills and I would tell any woman in that position to stack whatever she does earn in the event that the relationship doesn't work out.
Click to expand...

Ah you're right. I missed that lol. I'd tell her the same. Or better yet "don't do it!!" unless that unpaid internship is going to open up doors for her in a few years.
 
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