Trend Among Girlfriends

krissyhair

krissyhair

Well-Known Member
I'm in law school. The program is majority male but the entering class demographic shifts to be more equal every year.

I noticed that the male colleagues will have a girlfriend from their home town who is more than happy to pick up everything, move to this dinky college town for a few years and wait around for their man to finish his law degree.

Some of these guys, and their girlfriends are very good friends of mine. And I wouldn't call the ladies unambitious or any bad thing because their relationships are obviously healthy and happy.

But a man would not suspend his educational or career goal, move to a small town to take a job waiting tables, an unpaid internship of some sort, or even secretary work or paralegals. These are some women who have foregone med school, grad school, or could have stayed home or moved to the big city and found happiness elsewhere.

I told my guy friend around final exam time that he was looking rough. He said, "I know. My woman went home for the holidays so now I have to wash my own clothes and cook while studying for final exams. I'm eating terrible too."

I didn't tell him, but I thought you piece of ish I take care of myself and study the whole year and you're falling apart because your girl went home for a little while. What guy is going to move to a new state, wash his lady's laundry, cook for her and work part time while she goes to professional school?

What is your take on this? Any other explanations beside this is just tradition and they're standing by their men to start a good future for each other?
 
krissyhair said:
I'm in law school. The program is majority male but the entering class demographic shifts to be more equal every year.

I noticed that the male colleagues will have a girlfriend from their home town who is more than happy to pick up everything, move to this dinky college town for a few years and wait around for their man to finish his law degree.

Some of these guys, and their girlfriends are very good friends of mine. And I wouldn't call the ladies unambitious or any bad thing because their relationships are obviously healthy and happy.

But a man would not suspend his educational or career goal, move to a small town to take a job waiting tables, an unpaid internship of some sort, or even secretary work or paralegals. These are some women who have foregone med school, grad school, or could have stayed home or moved to the big city and found happiness elsewhere.

I told my guy friend around final exam time that he was looking rough. He said, "I know. My woman went home for the holidays so now I have to wash my own clothes and cook while studying for final exams. I'm eating terrible too."

I didn't tell him, but I thought you piece of ish I take care of myself and study the whole year and you're falling apart because your girl went home for a little while. What guy is going to move to a new state, wash his lady's laundry, cook for her and work part time while she goes to professional school?

What is your take on this? Any other explanations beside this is just tradition and they're standing by their men to start a good future for each other?
Click to expand...

Young men still need mothering but it isn't socially acceptable to get that mothering from mom so they get it from a girlfriend while they transition into adulthood. Once they hit "adulthood", they're out.
 
Bmack said:
I would never do it unless I was in school too or working a job on the path to where I wanted to be professionally.
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I spoke to one friend/gf. She wants to go to med school and our university has a great one. But she didn't want to go to this one because he would graduate first and probably get a job somewhere else so she's going to wait.
 
krissyhair said:
I spoke to one friend/gf. She wants to go to med school and our university has a great one. But she didn't want to go to this one because he would graduate first and probably get a job somewhere else so she's going to wait.
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Wow. I find this so surprising. I don't know. I feel like the roles kinda change when both parties are going to professional school. But I'm guessing the basis of the drive could have influence on her decision. Like med school might just be her hobby or something that she's really good at not necessarily what she plans on using ti provide for someone else. So just as long as she is able to find a good job she likes she wouldn't mind relocating for the other party.

On the other hand some people may think like oh I would never find another as awesome as this guy. So they put their own agendas to the way side and focus on their significant other's lives.
 
ditto ive never compromised my happy for a man....what im confused about is putting your life on hold for someone who does not have a ring on your finger....it's odd to me as there is no guarantee that once dude becomes a doc or lawyer you will be his #1 choice...ive seen the highschool or college gf ride or die....be dropped like a hotcake once dude is in that new career and has other "options" to choose from...yeah im rooting you on but im rooting you on from the sidelines...uprooting my life for you would be contingent on a ring...and a wedding 1 yr later...if that

i would be pursuing my own amazing career and the preferred suitors of my caliber would be in that dating pool....:)

Bmack said:
I would never do it unless I was in school too or working a job on the path to where I wanted to be professionally.
Click to expand...
 
The cycle of the rich white male continues. When I was in law school I saw this happening. And when you don't have to cook, clean, and your family and those around you support you financially it is very easy to do the studying necessary to make top grades, get on law review boards, network and gain great internships and scholarships. All these things add up to give you a slight advantage/ a slight privilege in the moment and then a huge privilege once you graduate and get that top job in your legal area. In my experience most of these men married these women right away, some right after the 1L year which can really set you up for success in law school. So if these women were protecting their investments that was very smart of them. Some of the wives of my classmates did go onto to dental school or medical school as they planned and had babies. Probably with little student loan debt as they had a partner in a high paying field. Even if the marriage and family doesn't last for an eternity, I cannot be mad at the way they are setting themselves and their offspring up for success.

This is one of those areas in my life where I don't have regrets. I just realize that I may not have approached this in the smartest way.
 
Kimbosheart said:
The cycle of the rich white male continues. When I was in law school I saw this happening. And when you don't have to cook, clean, and your family and those around you support you financially it is very easy to do the studying necessary to make top grades, get on law review boards, network and gain great internships and scholarships. All these things add up to give you a slight advantage/ a slight privilege in the moment and then a huge privilege once you graduate and get that top job in your legal area. In my experience most of these men married these women right away, some right after the 1L year which can really set you up for success in law school. So if these women were protecting their investments that was very smart of them. Some of the wives of my classmates did go onto to dental school or medical school as they planned and had babies. Probably with little student loan debt as they had a partner in a high paying field. Even if the marriage and family doesn't last for an eternity, I cannot be mad at the way they are setting themselves and their offspring up for success.

This is one of those areas in my life where I don't have regrets. I just realize that I may not have approached this in the smartest way.
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I was thinking that the help from gf could translate into an extra 10+ hours a week in the library.

And a dazzling gf face looks really good at dinner with a potential employer.

These guys aren't just white tho. They're a little rainbow coalition of friends and girlfriends alike.
 
Are these "girlfriends" white?

I ask because I've only seen white women do this consistently and with success. The assumption is her "career" is being his "wife" and taking care of the household, so this phase is her "internship" of sort.

Yes, she is catering to him now but as his "wife" she will NOT be working a 9 to 5 for years to come.
 
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krissyhair said:
I was thinking that the help from gf could translate into an extra 10+ hours a week in the library.

And a dazzling gf face looks really good at dinner with a potential employer.

These guys aren't just white tho. They're a little rainbow coalition of friends and girlfriends alike.
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What is the SES of their originating families? I cant see women from struggle backgrounds having the abiliy to do this for any real length of time.
 
Myself and another female classmate are going to visit our male classmate and his girlfriend at home for some food, studying and MLK discussion.

I like his gf a lot. But she's reeaal comfortable with him having two female colleagues over. She must have a very strong bond and he knows the deal.
 
DarkJoy said:
What is the SES of their originating families? I cant see women from struggle backgrounds having the abiliy to do this for any real length of time.
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I don't know their economic backgrounds. College educated for sure. Classy looking in appearance.
 
CurliDiva said:
Are these "girlfriends" white?

I ask because I've only seen white women do this consistently and with success. The assumption is her "career" is going being his wife and taking care of the household, so this phase is her "internship" of sort.

Yes, she is catering to him now but as his "wife" she will not be working a 9 to 5 for years to come.
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Different colors. I have 3 couples in my mind. (Who I would consider my friends) But the school is mostly white so the majority will be white girls.
 
I know a few stories of this. A friend of mine had to do fellowship in another city like 4 - 5 hours away. His girlfriend asked for a company transfer so she chould go with him. Six months later they're still not engaged, but I think he will eventually propose. They're not a Black couple.

I know a Black couple where she moved cross country to live with the guy while he attended business school. I think he completed business school before he proposed. Meeting the girl though she's all about the "life" and she probably wanted to make sure that the guy's eyes didn't wander during business school, so that's why she moved. Risky in my opinion b/c of the no ring factor, but it paid off and they got married. She made herself a part of his little community.

My ex left for grad school and we broke up a few months into him being there, lol. He then found himself some other chick who doesn't really have a career, was willing to dote on him, and who is also about the "life." Several yearssss later, lol, they're still not engaged. I don't know if they're living together.

This is common. These women "support" these men and some end up married. Others end up lifelong girlfriends. And others are shown the door once he graduates. It's a gamble.
 
OP is your law school in the South/Midwest? or, are a lot of these couples from the South/Midwest? I'm guessing traditional values is probably the only thing that would compel a man/woman relationship to be this way. Of course there are other reasons, I'm just testing a theory.

I know some people in NY grad school from the South and this is their set-up. And I'm always endeared to them because they take really good care of each other and I wish I had that but...
 
tuffCOOKiE said:
OP is your law school in the South/Midwest? or, are a lot of these couples from the South/Midwest? I'm guessing traditional values is probably the only thing that would compel a man/woman relationship to be this way. Of course there are other reasons, I'm just testing a theory.

I know some people in NY grad school from the South and this is their set-up. And I'm always endeared to them because they take really good care of each other and I wish I had that but...
Click to expand...
It's the South and the Midwest at the same time.
 
I can't even hate on these women; they're looking out for their investment and for some, it pays off in the end.

I don't have that type of personality so I've done and am doing everything on my own regarding my professional and personal life. Maybe one day, I will meet a great man who can provide the type of lifestyle I want, in the meantime, I need to focus on myself.
 
In my school it was mixed bag as far as race. Mostly white of course because law school is mostly white. I will say that the single men were minorities. Mostly black men. The Hispanics and Asians had similar set-ups.

There were also more than a handful that had a reverse situation. Meaning the wife had completed her advanced degree and was then able to financially support him the ought law school as well as hold down the fort.
 
I just don't think it's smart to put off your own educational goals for a man you are not engaged to to support his aspirations. Now, if you're done with school and are working and are considering a move, then I guess if you are okay with this, but to not go to med school so he can do his law school first and you aren't even engaged??? Nope, nope, nope.
 
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