The Past Has Caught Up With Me

[ImSoLexy]

Ladies, I really, really, really, need some help. I have finally started dating the man of my dreams. He is kind, gentle, sweet, understanding and a great catch. I can tell that he really loves me a lot, he shows it and has no problem expressing it. We talk about the future cause both of us are about to graduate from college, and we have a lot of fun being together.

Well today he googled my username (not this one) but another one that I used to have on another site in 2009. So some posts that I made in June 2009 came up, unfortunately it was about sex. I posted a thread about having the worst sex ever in a forum that was...well an adult forum. I had about 8 posts total in the entire forum and have not posted there since 2009. I also posted about some stuff that I liked in other threads where that was the topic.

Prior to posting that stuff though, I was in a relationship for 5 years. I was beaten, and mentally abused for the last two (really three but I was stupid and did not see the warning signs) and I got the hell out of that and started to date someone about 5 months later just to kinda cut loose, date, have fun and yes..we had sex. I went thru counseling after that last person I dated cause I was really depressed and drinking a bit. I went back to school, got promoted at work, lost weight, started to feel better about myself and then I met him.

Well he text me today, after he read that and he called me a whore, told me I was filthy and that he did not want to sleep with me because I may post about on a message board. He text me everything that I have ever posted and then he dumped me and told me that I was fake. I apologized and explained everything to him, and he forgave me. But then he started to cry and tell me that I was a whore again. I tried to call him again and he said he was gonna go to bed and that it was too hard for him to talk to me.

I changed a lot since 2009. It may have not been forever ago, but I really made steps to get over that and move on and it kills me that he saw that, but I cannot take it back. As of the last time we talked, we are still together, but he kept reading my old posts and even took screenshots of them. He said that I crushed him and that he didn't know what to do with me.

I feel so bad, and I cannot stop crying. He really made me feel like dirt, and I feel low like I did back then. What can I do?

 

[BlairWaldorf]

i don't really know what to say and i know it isn't much in comparison to the advice some of the ladies here will give you but

 

[FlowerHair]

Do NOT apologize for things you have done before he even knew about you.

I think he just got scared that he won't be able to live up to your standards sexually...

Men have such fragile egos.

 

[GraceV]

Ladies, I really, really, really, need some help. I have finally started dating the man of my dreams. He is kind, gentle, sweet, understanding and a great catch. I can tell that he really loves me a lot, he shows it and has no problem expressing it. We talk about the future cause both of us are about to graduate from college, and we have a lot of fun being together.

Well today he googled my username (not this one) but another one that I used to have on another site in 2009. So some posts that I made in June 2009 came up, unfortunately it was about sex. I posted a thread about having the worst sex ever in a forum that was...well an adult forum. I had about 8 posts total in the entire forum and have not posted there since 2009. I also posted about some stuff that I liked in other threads where that was the topic.

Prior to posting that stuff though, I was in a relationship for 5 years. I was beaten, and mentally abused for the last two (really three but I was stupid and did not see the warning signs) and I got the hell out of that and started to date someone about 5 months later just to kinda cut loose, date, have fun and yes..we had sex. I went thru counseling after that last person I dated cause I was really depressed and drinking a bit. I went back to school, got promoted at work, lost weight, started to feel better about myself and then I met him.

Well he text me today, after he read that and he called me a whore, told me I was filthy and that he did not want to sleep with me because I may post about on a message board. He text me everything that I have ever posted and then he dumped me and told me that I was fake. I apologized and explained everything to him, and he forgave me. But then he started to cry and tell me that I was a whore again. I tried to call him again and he said he was gonna go to bed and that it was too hard for him to talk to me.

I changed a lot since 2009. It may have not been forever ago, but I really made steps to get over that and move on and it kills me that he saw that, but I cannot take it back. As of the last time we talked, we are still together, but he kept reading my old posts and even took screenshots of them. He said that I crushed him and that he didn't know what to do with me.

I feel so bad, and I cannot stop crying. He really made me feel like dirt, and I feel low like I did back then. What can I do?

Please re-read the bolded just so you better understand why I think this dude is a nut job.
He googled you (weird but acceptable), found stuff. TEXTED you to INSULT you, DUMPED you THEN FORGAVE, THEN INSULTED you AGAIN. Now he CAN'T bring himself to talk to you. You did something 2 years ago and this is his reaction?

Honey it looks like you may have picked another psychologically unstable guy, who appears to be emotionally abusive already: won't verbally communicate to hear your side, feels okay with insulting you in the most derogatory manner (and isn't even man enough to do it in person or verbally), CRIES over something you did years ago (can somebody say PSYCHO) and already judged you without any concern for how you may have grown or changed. Did this guy ever really care about you? Really?

Wipe your tears, you just dodged a bullet.

 

[chelseatiara]

Ladies, I really, really, really, need some help. I have finally started dating the man of my dreams. He is kind, gentle, sweet, understanding and a great catch. I can tell that he really loves me a lot, he shows it and has no problem expressing it. We talk about the future cause both of us are about to graduate from college, and we have a lot of fun being together.

Well today he googled my username (not this one) but another one that I used to have on another site in 2009. So some posts that I made in June 2009 came up, unfortunately it was about sex. I posted a thread about having the worst sex ever in a forum that was...well an adult forum. I had about 8 posts total in the entire forum and have not posted there since 2009. I also posted about some stuff that I liked in other threads where that was the topic.

Prior to posting that stuff though, I was in a relationship for 5 years. I was beaten, and mentally abused for the last two (really three but I was stupid and did not see the warning signs) and I got the hell out of that and started to date someone about 5 months later just to kinda cut loose, date, have fun and yes..we had sex. I went thru counseling after that last person I dated cause I was really depressed and drinking a bit. I went back to school, got promoted at work, lost weight, started to feel better about myself and then I met him.

Well he text me today, after he read that and he called me a whore, told me I was filthy and that he did not want to sleep with me because I may post about on a message board. He text me everything that I have ever posted and then he dumped me and told me that I was fake. I apologized and explained everything to him, and he forgave me. But then he started to cry and tell me that I was a whore again. I tried to call him again and he said he was gonna go to bed and that it was too hard for him to talk to me.

I changed a lot since 2009. It may have not been forever ago, but I really made steps to get over that and move on and it kills me that he saw that, but I cannot take it back. As of the last time we talked, we are still together, but he kept reading my old posts and even took screenshots of them. He said that I crushed him and that he didn't know what to do with me.

I feel so bad, and I cannot stop crying. He really made me feel like dirt, and I feel low like I did back then. What can I do?

Do NOT go back with this man even if he does forgive you because he will not ever let you live it down! Trust me. Find someone who can except you for you in spite of your past because we all have pasts and secrets and as long as you didnt try to prostitute yourself or try to give him aids he needs to move on because it could be worse. He will not be able to get over it if this is how he reacted to something that didnt even involved him! I went through something "similar" went an ex and eventually he grew to be emotionally abusive and insecure because of it. I let him go because i deserved better and i found better and you will too! He has shown warning signs that he will continue to harp on this and not let it go so please let him go if only for your mental stability. And stop crying because you have already gotten past this and he can only make you feel bad if you let him! here's a e-hug from me to let you know you CAN get through this!!!

 

[GraceV]

^^^ How did I miss the highlighted???? Dude is definitely mentally unstable. Who does that?!!! Screen shots for what? To blackmail you later? To remind you of what you did? Even sicker: For voyeuristic purposes?

I.can't.

 

[GodivaChocolate]

If God can forgive and forget our sins, who is he to pass such hard judgement on you based on an offensive that does not remotely involve him?

It seems to me that you may be stuck in a pattern with dating abusive men and the best advice I can give is to be self reflective and do different things to get different results.

If he can fix his mouth to call you a whore you DONOT need to EVER be involved with that idiot again. Honey he is a wolf in sheep's clothing, manipulative and abusive. Why was he trying to find dirt on you? And could he not have been more mature and talked with you about his concerns? That is how someone who TRULY loves you would react. They would treat you with compassion, respect and understanding.

Dry your tears, you have lost nothing but gain a boatload of insight on an idiot who will forever berate and be abusive towards you. You dodged a HUGE BULLET. Pick your head up, honor the fact that you have overcome certain obstacles and keep it moving. You are better than this idiot and deserve better. He is not kind, gentle, sweet, understanding and a great catch and he DOES NOT love you a lot because if he did he would have NEVER, EVER treated you this way.

Be thankful that you see his true colors now

Ps. Remove that stuff from the other board, something's are better left unsaid(unwritten).

 

[Ivonnovi]

OP,

Beware of a man that will call you out of your name. (period!). As others have said "this relationship will remain rocky". and HOW DID HE GET YOUR OLD USER NAME?

There are a lot of lessons to be learned here, A LOT.

 

[LovinLea]

I remember a guy treated a girl he really loved like this but the story is a bit different. They were together, broke up, she got really upset over it and had sex with someone else, and than they got back together. He called her a whore and all that but still claimed to forgive her. Fast forward a few years and he wants to break up with her because she is a whore, despite the fact that they have been together faithfully all this time.

You weren't even with him at the time. He is acting like you were claiming to be a virgin when y'all met. I'm just worried that even if he tries to forgive and forget, no matter what, he'll still have that feeling deep down in there.

 

[Urban]

Do NOT go back with this man even if he does forgive you because he will not ever let you live it down! Trust me. Find someone who can except you for you in spite of your past

This!!! Never ever accept a man who calls you names. No matter what you've done. You're all adults, not 15. You must have that respect from people you let into your life. Do not allow people to put you down like that, no matter what you've done. You hear me OP? Do not allow people to put you down like that, no matter what you've done in the past.

Your past is your past. Like you said yourself, you can't take it back. But that doesn't mean you have to settle for less. You deserve someone who will accept YOU. That includes, your past, the bad, the good, the ugly ... And you probably will find someone who will, but staying with this guy will just slow down the process .

 

[anon123]

Well, he sounds crazy , All that name-calling and crying and theatrics and carrying on because you said you had bad sex before. And now he's scared that he sucks in bed and you might tell people on a message board. What a nut job. I've never been called out my name (at least to my face or that I know of) like that, and I don't want you to get in the mindset that that is a normal thing for someone to do.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Please re-read the bolded just so you better understand why I think this dude is a nut job.
He googled you (weird but acceptable), found stuff. TEXTED you to INSULT you, DUMPED you THEN FORGAVE, THEN INSULTED you AGAIN. Now he CAN'T bring himself to talk to you. You did something 2 years ago and this is his reaction?

Honey it looks like you may have picked another psychologically unstable guy, who appears to be emotionally abusive already: won't verbally communicate to hear your side, feels okay with insulting you in the most derogatory manner (and isn't even man enough to do it in person or verbally), CRIES over something you did years ago (can somebody say PSYCHO) and already judged you without any concern for how you may have grown or changed. Did this guy ever really care about you? Really?

Wipe your tears, you just dodged a bullet.

Do NOT go back with this man even if he does forgive you because he will not ever let you live it down! Trust me. Find someone who can except you for you in spite of your past because we all have pasts and secrets and as long as you didnt try to prostitute yourself or try to give him aids he needs to move on because it could be worse. He will not be able to get over it if this is how he reacted to something that didnt even involved him! I went through something "similar" went an ex and eventually he grew to be emotionally abusive and insecure because of it. I let him go because i deserved better and i found better and you will too! He has shown warning signs that he will continue to harp on this and not let it go so please let him go if only for your mental stability. And stop crying because you have already gotten past this and he can only make you feel bad if you let him! here's a e-hug from me to let you know you CAN get through this!!!

Did he really come out the face and call you a whore?

For something you did when you did not even know he existed? WOW, he has ballz.

IF this man wont forgive you for a past, if wont forgive you from anything present or future, TRUST ME.

Instead of being sad, get angry. You dont deserve to be talked to this way at all.

 

[lesedi]

He sounds immature. Stalkerish, insecure behaviour scares the bejeezus out of me.

 

[Maracujá]

I broke up my last (and only relationship I ever had) relationship because he called me out of my name ONCE! Be careful OP, the ladies here are right!

 

[chelseatiara]

As a matter of fact you dont need to ask this man's forgiveness for nothing!!!! he's the one snooping and being ignorant! :realitycheck:You did nothing to him and the things you did do wrong happened before you even met him so what's the problem?! He need to be the one forgiven for calling you a whore and acting like this! Dont apologize anymore!! He sittin there acting like he hurt when you did nothing to him! Girl you need to

 

[hothair]

I have to agree with all the previous posters. You're worth a lot more than he can obviously give so time to keep it moving. Chuck it up to experience. You don't need to hide your past but really it is none of he or anyone else' business. Flags should be flying when he feels the need to "google you" and then tell you off for what he found snooping before you even met him. Anything you wanted him to know you would have told him.

 

[LilMissRed]

If God can forgive and forget our sins, who is he to pass such hard judgement on you based on an offensive that does not remotely involve him?


^^^^ THIS!!!

 

[MzLady78]

Throw up the deuces RIGHT NOW.

Unless you lied to him and told him you were a virgin, he is completely out of order and as has already been stated, possibly a little unstable.

Speaking from experiences, this will not be the last time he throws this stuff in your face and probably won't be the last time he calls you out your name.

 

[Kalia1]

You may not see it now but he has done you a favor by revealing his true self.

Think of it as a blessing or a gift. No need for tears just an inner smile.

Remember you are no longer that person right so don't cry.

Only God knows in the long term what type of abuse this man may have subjected you too.

Many people do to their own insecurities play on others past faults. I have been there I have the T-shirt.

This type of manipulation keeps you looking back.

You have been forgiven.

If anyone doesn't accept you and acknowledge you for who you are TODAY then they aren't worth being in your life.

By no means necessary allow this man back in your life!

He has shown you who he really is so BELIEVE IT!

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

@ImSoLexy - this sounds like one of dem Steve Harvey Strawberry letters chile...

He never loved you to begin with and I'm pissed that he called you all kinds of names and then dis bama starts cryin on da phone? GTFOH wif dat bull...in 2011, he was cryin ova sumfin he found on da internet? are u serious tho?

lemme tell u sumfin...neva apologize to NO MAN about what u did in da past. all u did was post something on a message board and he wants to use it against you? DROP DA BAMA.

don't feel bad or guilty for what you've done. that's why it's called the past. i'm sure he has skeletons in his closet too, it's just that you dont' know about any of them.

another thing, when you meet these men, don't tell them EVERYTHING about you. keep some of your bidness to yourself, cuz anything u say can and will be used against you cuz see men will throw stuff like that in ur face and it's leverage and control for them to use over you. and even if yall do make up, that's always gonna be in da back of his mind and he's not gonna let it go, so cut ur losses now before u go in too deep, cuz it's not worth it. u shouldn't have to explain ur actions to him or anybody cuz ur grown. he ain't payin ur bills, givin u money, takin care of you, none of that. he too busy on da c'puter tryna dig up some ole shyt on you and for what?

u ain't pressed...hell, yall ain't even have sex yet, so u can't miss sumfin u neva had. change da game chile and get ova it. next time, keep ur bidness to yourself cuz i can tell u now, no man will EVER tell u ALL of his. trust me on dat one.

u owe him no more explanations. da only explanations u should be givin him right now is ur azzz to kiss. ALLUVIT!

keep ya head up n stay strong n be true to you and tell his punk azzz to go kick rocks. stop being hard on urself. he just showed you his true identity.


*mumbles to self...dis bama got da nerve to be cryin tawkin bout some i can't talk right now..it's too hard for me... but yet, he blowin up ur phone wif screenshots* chile puleez....

 

[TrueToHair]

.................................

 

[ebonylocs]

So you're a whore because you had bad sex and wrote about it? I don't understand. Did you pretend to him that you were a virgin? Is he a virgin?

That was painful to read.

OP, all I can do is send you a hug and tell you to never ever stick around with someone who would call you such hurtful names.

 

[empressaja]

Run..... fast.

 

[Crystal]

This right here is what you call a red flag.

Have you googled his username? Or checked his emails? I'm sure he's got all kinds of little secrets hiding.

My advice, although I"m sure you won't take it, is to run as fast as your legs can carry you.

 

[Elnahna]

Of course I feel so sorry for your pain. But, I am so glad you found this out now. Sorry if that sounds mean but so many times we allow others to condemn us. You never need to apologize for you past. Thank God you made it through and you have grown. You are not the same person you were then. This guy seems to forget that everyone has a history. Everyone has done something that they are ashamed of and perfers to erase. Please pay attention to the RED FLAGS This guy will continue to degrade you and throw your past in your face. Embrace who you are now and don't give him your power. Kick him to the curb. You will find what you deserve, a man that will love you for who you are now and cherish you.

 

[LunadeMiel]

WTH, this man is all types of crazy :crazy: You don't need to be apologizing for anything you've done in the past. 1. it's none of his business 2. He needs to stop acting like a little ****** and stop all the darn theatrics. Seriously OP this man is unstable. I wish a ***** would call me a whore

ETA: FYI op, you're in another abusive relationship (in case you didn't know).

 

[DrC]

Run..... fast.

This right here is what you call a red flag.

Have you googled his username? Or checked his emails? I'm sure he's got all kinds of little secrets hiding.

My advice, although I"m sure you won't take it, is to run as fast as your legs can carry you.

Exactly....RUN!!

I think women as a whole need to learn how to RUN when necessary.
Some have a problem of running to the wrong reasons, and walking away from the right ones (sigh).

Anyway OP, you should run like Shug did in Color Purple.

 

[ladysaraii]

Ladies, I really, really, really, need some help. I have finally started dating the man of my dreams. He is kind, gentle, sweet, understanding and a great catch. I can tell that he really loves me a lot, he shows it and has no problem expressing it. We talk about the future cause both of us are about to graduate from college, and we have a lot of fun being together.

Well today he googled my username (not this one) but another one that I used to have on another site in 2009. So some posts that I made in June 2009 came up, unfortunately it was about sex. I posted a thread about having the worst sex ever in a forum that was...well an adult forum. I had about 8 posts total in the entire forum and have not posted there since 2009. I also posted about some stuff that I liked in other threads where that was the topic.

Prior to posting that stuff though, I was in a relationship for 5 years. I was beaten, and mentally abused for the last two (really three but I was stupid and did not see the warning signs) and I got the hell out of that and started to date someone about 5 months later just to kinda cut loose, date, have fun and yes..we had sex. I went thru counseling after that last person I dated cause I was really depressed and drinking a bit. I went back to school, got promoted at work, lost weight, started to feel better about myself and then I met him.

Well he text me today, after he read that and he called me a whore, told me I was filthy and that he did not want to sleep with me because I may post about on a message board. He text me everything that I have ever posted and then he dumped me and told me that I was fake. I apologized and explained everything to him, and he forgave me. But then he started to cry and tell me that I was a whore again. I tried to call him again and he said he was gonna go to bed and that it was too hard for him to talk to me.

I changed a lot since 2009. It may have not been forever ago, but I really made steps to get over that and move on and it kills me that he saw that, but I cannot take it back. As of the last time we talked, we are still together, but he kept reading my old posts and even took screenshots of them. He said that I crushed him and that he didn't know what to do with me.

I feel so bad, and I cannot stop crying. He really made me feel like dirt, and I feel low like I did back then. What can I do?

What you do is get up, stop crying, delete his number out your phone and keep on going with you life.

So you had sex in the past. So you discussed it on a message board (for future, don't go giving out anymore usernames). It doesn't matter.

Really, he sounds like a **** arse. Mentally thank him for showing his true colors before you get too invested.

 

[ThickHair]

My heart goes out to you OP. I had the script flipped on me recently and it came out of nowhere. It wasn't over some stuff from the past, but it was hurtful none the less. I agree with all the other poster's who mentioned it is better that you found out now and you are able to exit, before you were married.

Dude has issues, dude has some serious issues and it isn't up to you to fix them. So get your anger out as I have mentioned in plenty threads about heartbreak. Go to a place in your home, let out the horrible, snotty cry, beat your pillow, call him ever m'fer and bastid in the book then get up wash your beautiful face and keep on living. I have done it, it hurts so bad, but you have got to let it out. Blessings to you

ETA: There is nothing you can do and this willl be something he will forever hold over your head no matter what he says. I don't understand why men want purity in everyone except themselves.

 

[ThickRoot]

I'm trying to understand what you're apologizing for?? Screw him. Is he for real with that *ish? So much is wrong with this whole scenario -- I can't. But I will say we all have a past and all that googling I don't get it. Let me tell you something in my dating life I've NEVER had a man put his hands on me or call me anything but the name my parents gave me. This doesn't happen to everyone and it isn't just one of those "relationship" things we go through. Whore, how dare he! Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and tell him to go kick rocks!! Besides the obvious disrespect something is real wrong with him.

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